


I still reach for you

by momentsintimex



Series: all of my wrongs they led me right to you [1]
Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Future Fic, chris just wants lara jean to be happy, dad!peter kavinsky, gabe is a good friend, lara jean owns her own bakery, reconnecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-08-23 17:53:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 105,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16623671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momentsintimex/pseuds/momentsintimex
Summary: Lara Jean Song-Covey stands in front of her bakery the night before opening thinking about the past. It's supposed to be a happy time, she's supposed to be excited about opening her own bakery years before she ever thought she would. But all she can think about is how much she wishes Peter were right by her side just like she always thought he would be.Peter Kavinsky, racked with guilt about the long hours and missing the afternoon routine with his little girl the last few days, stops by a bakery to make it up to her. He's not expecting to come face to face with the girl he once thought was his person for the rest of his life.--Peter and Lara Jean reunite six years after breaking up. Peter's hiding a secret that could change everything between them.





	1. this ride is a wild one

**Author's Note:**

> title of the fic comes from Want You Back by 5 Seconds of Summer because i just think it fits really well with the two of them in this fic :)
> 
> hope you enjoy!

There are moments where Lara Jean finds herself missing Peter.

It’s not in the same way she misses her mom — that dull ache that’s constantly radiating through her when she thinks about how much she wishes she could be there to see everything she's accomplished — but it’s similar, like there’s this piece of her that’s missing all these milestones she thought they’d share together. Like it felt wrong to be doing these things without him there.

She found herself missing him around the holidays, when the two of them would curl up in front of the fireplace and watch the old claymation movies, hot chocolate sitting on the coffee table and blankets burrowed around them. She missed the way they would spend the first day of Winter break baking all the holiday cookies they could fathom, dishes piled high in the sink and plates stacked high with all kinds of cookies imaginable.

She misses him when the Summer rolls around and they would spend hours laying out in the warm sun, fantasizing about how they would manage the long distance once they were at college. Some mornings they would go to the gym or go on a run, but almost every afternoon ended with them at Gabe Rivera’s pool, lounging around and cooling off.

But most of all, she misses him in the moment she’s standing outside of the bakery she was opening the following day, her heart aching for his arms around her and reminding her that she _can_ do this, that she doesn’t need to second guess herself because she’s ready for this and she’s been wanting this to come true for so many years.

Instead she crosses her arms over her chest and stares up at the sign as Chris turns the light on for the first time, smiling when it’s staring at her back in lights.

“All ready for tomorrow!” Chris smiles, coming over to hug Lara Jean from the side. “I can’t believe this is coming true, LJ. So many years of waiting for this, and it’s here.”

Lara Jean knows she should say something about how excited she is for this. How she’s grateful that Chris is here by her side, that she’s not going through this alone and being 27 and owning her own bakery isn’t as scary when her best friend is there with her, ready to help her work on all the finances going into all of this.

But instead she just nods, leans her head against Chris’ shoulder, and sighs. “Just can’t believe it’s finally here.”

Chris stands next to her for a moment, holding her and staring up at the sign as if it was going to change. People walk by, enjoying the extended early Summer sun and a walk around town together, but Lara Jean can’t bring herself to move. She can’t bring herself to go in and help her staff with the last of the recipes or making sure that everything is clean.

She wants to take a picture to text to Peter. And she hates that that feeling just won’t go away.

She snaps a photo anyway, sending it to Margot and Kitty and her dad, forwarding it to Lucas and a few other friends from college that had been eagerly awaiting this opening.

And then she forces herself to go back inside, tying her hair up and digging into the last of the cookie doughs that needed to be baked before they could leave that night.

It’s been six years since she and Peter were last together, but sometimes when she closes her eyes she can still feel that conversation as if it had happened hours ago. Peter standing on her doorstep on the first day of Thanksgiving break, tears in his eyes while she explained that she didn’t know how they could keep the relationship going like this. The long distance, the barely seeing each other. She kept saying he deserved better, he deserved someone that could give him more than what she could being so far away. He shook his head, his bottom lip wobbling as he begged for this not to happen, begged for her to give him a chance to figure this out.

She kissed him on the cheek that night, his salty tears lingering on her lips for hours while she sat in her room refusing to talk to anyone. She tried to convince herself that she made the right decision, that Peter would be happier being able to find any girl he wanted at college, and that she’d find someone at school as well.

And she did find guys at school, going on dates and hanging out at their dorms rooms and apartments. But no one made her feel quite the way Peter made her feel. Like the world was okay and sunshine was always guaranteed, and maybe she’d never have to be sad again if he was there.

There were days where she wondered where he was. Had he moved back home, gotten a job in a city somewhere or maybe moved across the country? Was he seeing someone, did he and Gen find their way back to each other?

The answers to those questions weren’t all unobtainable. Kitty and Owen had stayed friends, hanging out on the weekends when they were home from college and spending their summers working at the craft store in town — Kitty’s idea, not Owen’s. Lara Jean’s thought about asking Kitty if she’s talked to Peter, if she knew where he was or what he was doing, but she always refrains.

After six years, she thinks she should definitely be over him by now. And Kitty would agree.

“I’m really proud of you, Lara Jean,” Chris says once everyone has left, the two of them staring down at chalkboards they were meant to hang up in the seating area. “You said you wanted to open your own bakery, and at 27 you’re doing it. It’s fun to see you achieve your dreams so soon.”

Lara Jean nods, following the YouTube tutorial religiously as she writes out the menu specials in her best fancy handwriting, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth. “Don’t think I’d be able to do this without you,” She mumbles after taking a step back, fixing a few smudges before capping off her marker. “Thanks for being so willing to help me out with this.”

Chris smiles, holding up her chalkboard for approval as they walked out to hang them up.

“This was the easiest yes I’ve ever said. And you know how I love to say yes to everything.”

Lara Jean rolls her eyes, nodding as she takes one last look around the bakery that’s finally ready to open the following morning. It’s painted a light green, one that she had always found calming and thought about painting her whole apartment when she moved in a few years back.

The chairs and tables are antiques, scattered through the store for people to stay and enjoy their food. Display cases are sparsely filled with treats for the following morning while the rest are waiting to be baked, and for the first time in weeks, Lara Jean feels like she’s prepared to welcome customers the following morning.

She goes home that night after getting dinner with Chris, turns on music in her small apartment, and showers until her skin turns red and her fingers are pruned. There’s a few texts coming in wishing her luck and promising that they’ll come the second they can, but Lara Jean doesn’t answer any of them.

She falls asleep wishing that one of those texts had come from Peter.

______________________________  


Peter Kavinsky is a single dad.

Sometimes he has to remind himself of that. Like when his friends will text asking if he wants to hit the bars for the weekend, or if he wants to go to a party a friend is having. Sometimes he says yes, and then the harsh reminder that there’s a five year old depending on him comes in the morning when she climbs into bed demanding to be given cereal despite his wicked hangover that he’d previously would spend nursing in bed.

When he was a teenager, kids hadn’t even been on his radar. If anyone even so much as mentioned him being a dad he would shake his head, always saying that those days were a long ways off and he had a lot he wanted to do before he even thought about marriage and being a dad.

But then Lara Jean broke up with him on the first day of Thanksgiving break their junior year of college, and Peter fell into a spiral.

He found his way back to Gen after a night out drinking, going back to her friends house and having sex with her. He hated himself for it, hated that he became one of those guys that ran back to his ex days after he had been broken up with the first girl he truly felt like he was in love with.

He managed to break it off after a few months, just after the new year when he sat Gen down and said they couldn’t do this anymore. He couldn’t deal with being the guy who was just there for her to come have sex with and then go back. He didn’t want to hook up with anyone — not after how Lara Jean made him feel — and so he deleted her number and ignored any attempt she made to get back in touch.

There was no one that made him feel quite the way Lara Jean did. No one made him feel like he was on top of the world, like holding her hand was enough to set off fireworks. She made him feel like he was living in a romance novel, one of those cheesy ones Lara Jean always thought the world looked like.

And then he met Juliet. And she was great and they fell in love hard and fast and there were moments where he felt the way he felt about Lara Jean when he was with Juliet. Like falling in love was this magical thing and looking at her made his heart beat a million times a minute.

They talked about where they wanted to get jobs, what kind of apartment they would live in together, getting married in the future. Sometimes Peter felt like it was moving too fast, that he wasn’t ready for all of this. But he realized he thought all of this because he always had this slight hope that he’d be able to win Lara Jean back.

Juliet told him she was pregnant three days before his birthday. The news made him feel exactly like he had when his dad said he was divorcing their mother. Like someone had punched him in the gut, forced the wind out of him, and left him breathless and dizzy on the floor with no one around. He asked her how many tests she took, if they were all positive, if the doctors had confirmed it.

The answers to all those questions were yes. That it had been confirmed, it absolutely wasn't what she had wanted, but she couldn’t bring herself to get rid of the baby. She blamed Peter for this, told him that this was going to change their lives and it was all his fault, and he didn’t have an argument.

Their lives were going to change, and there probably was something he could’ve done about it.

Mostly out of fear, he talked about proposing. He promised that he’d buy a ring the second he could afford it. That somehow they’d make this work, they’d find a way to be a family that got by. He took the first job he could find, a sales position that paid well and gave them enough money to get by so soon after graduation.

They did become this cohesive family unit. They had a small one bedroom apartment downtown, and Emmi was born at the end of the Summer in the early hours of the morning. The moment is a blur, but he can remember her cries filling the room and him cutting the cord and her being placed on Juliet’s chest, and for a while he thought life couldn’t get any better. She was here and she was perfect, and although this wasn’t what he had in mind, it was exactly what he needed.

Juliet left three days after Emmi’s second birthday. Peter didn’t see it coming, didn’t know what was happening. She left with no notice, just a letter left on her side of the bed for him to find when he woke up. And Peter was left scrambling. Hours from his hometown, hours from any help that he needed to make sure that Emmi was taken care of and he could still go to work and provide for the two of them.

He ended up taking a job closer to where he grew up, where his mom was 45 minutes away and more than willing to help with her granddaughter whenever Peter needed it. He enrolled Emmi in daycare, tearfully saying goodbye to her each morning and reminding himself that he was doing what he needed to do. He was mostly thankful that Emmi didn’t seem phased, making friends easily and enjoying going to see her friends as she got older.

And in the blink of an eye now she’s 5, full of life and sass and hilarity that Peter didn’t know little kids could have. She was into soccer, loved all Disney princesses (Peter was embarrassingly good at singing along to the soundtracks of every single movie) and was the biggest daddy’s girl he’s pretty sure anyone had ever seen.

Sometimes she asks about her mom, usually when she was half asleep and pressed into Peter’s side in his bed refusing to sleep alone. Her arms would wrap around his arm, her hair tickling his bicep when she would bring it up, asking if he remembered her or if she was pretty.

Peter always answered yes to both questions, that he remembered her more than he would care to admit and that she was one of the prettiest girls he had ever seen. Sometimes Emmi would ask if she was prettier, but most times she left it at that, her eyelashes ghosting against his skin as she drifted off to sleep.

Those were the nights he gave into her, letting her sleep pressed against him, her feet digging into his sides.

He even managed to love that.

While everything had changed in his life, there were nights when he would think back to how life was with Lara Jean. Things weren’t easy — he spent most of his time wondering how he could make her realize how much he loved her — but they were worth it. He loved doing little things for her, especially when they were long distance.

There were days when he felt like he’d never get over her. She was always there in the back of his mind, even though it had been six years since that fateful day where he stood on her doorstep begging for her to not go through with the breakup, to give him a chance to make this right, to figure out how to make this work.

He swears sometimes he can still feel her hand in his, squeezing gently as she kissed his cheek and walked back inside, shutting the door quietly behind her.

He still has her number in his phone, and there are days where the thinks about calling her. He wants to hear her voice again, wants to spend his nights staying up late until she falls asleep on the other line, talking about anything that comes to their minds.

He wants to tell her about Emmi. Wants to talk all about how she’s learning how to count by twos and fives and how she can write her name and she loves to make up stories when he’s putting her to bed.

He’s almost called her a few times, he’s hit her number more than a few times just to hang up right away. He has to think that she’s moved on by now. Someone as amazing as Lara Jean doesn’t just stay thinking about her ex-boyfriend, no matter how special the relationship they shared was.

Maybe on day they’d reconnect and Peter would be able to say that it was always her that he wanted, but for now he dedicates his life to Emmi, hoping that she realizes how much he loves her and how happy he is that she’s in his life, even when everything else seems to have fallen apart.

______________________________  


Opening day at the bakery passes. And then three months. And then six months.

Lara Jean is pretty sure she’s never been more exhausted. Long hours at the bakery cause her to really only spend a few hours at home each night. She has Skype dates with her sisters every Friday, recapping her week at the bakery and the interesting customers she could remember.

Chris had set her up with a few guys, but nothing ever went anywhere and Lara Jean almost always ended things after a few dates, saying that she just wasn’t in the right frame of mind for a relationship.

She felt like she was married to the bakery, and right now that was enough for her.

Getting closer to the holiday season meant more hours for Lara Jean, special orders flying in faster than she thought they would. In all honesty, the bakery took off faster than she thought it would. Customers would flutter in and out throughout the day, ordering cakes or buying other baked goods, and that’s what made her the happiest.

People were liking her bakery, she was happy, and despite the constant working and the not much time for anything else, she felt like her dreams were coming true.

Making special orders meant a lot of paperwork and taste testing and designs, something she had been agonizing over for weeks. Orders were stapled to a board or collected by the phone up front, and each time Lara Jean thought she had delegated the work appropriately there would be more orders flying in.

She was grateful, but also exhausted.

Nearing the end of the day, when things had slowed down and Chris left early to go to dinner with a friend from college who was in town, Lara Jean decides to sort through the orders they received that day. Jenna, her friend and coworker, was still manning the front of the store, the last of the few customers coming in to get things before they closed.

Lara Jean walks out to collect the slips Jenna got through the afternoon, pausing when she sees him standing in the middle of the store, hands shoved in his pockets as his eyes dart around the display case that’s sparse with it being so close to closing.

Standing in the middle of her bakery is none other than Peter Kavinsky.


	2. you look happier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Lara Jean reunite, Peter makes it up to his daughter, and things are feeling a little bit like high school.

Peter doesn’t notice Lara Jean at first. He’s staring into the display case without looking up, hands shoved into his pockets as he chews on the corner of his lip.

He looks the same, really. So similar to the same Peter that Lara Jean fell in love with all those years ago that she feels the same butterflies she felt when she was 17. He’s wearing a button down and tie with khakis, but his curls are still flying everywhere and she has this overwhelming urge to run her fingers through it like they hadn’t lost touch all these years.

And then he looks up, staring at her before his lips spread out into a smile.

“Lara Jean Song-Covey,” He says, his voice still cutting through her and sending goosebumps up and down her arms.

She smiles, taking a tentative step forward. “Peter Kavinsky,” She replies, feeling Jenna’s eyes on the two of them. She ignores her, walking around the counter to stand face to face with the first boy she ever fell in love with.

He pulls her in for a hug, his arms feeling strangely like home. He smells like a mixture of spices and lavender, and as she rests her head against his chest she feels like she’s 17 again and the only drama in her life was Gen trying to spread rumors about their relationship.

“You work here?” Peter asks, shoving his hands back into his pocket. It’s a dumb question, and judging by the look on his face he knows that.

“Own it, actually,” She replies quietly, a smile tugging on the corner of her lips. “We opened about six months ago.”

Peter’s eyebrows raise, but it doesn’t take long before he’s smiling, hugging her quickly again. “That’s amazing, Covey. I’ve heard nothing but good things from some people at work. If I knew it was you that owned this place I would’ve been here much sooner.”

Normally Lara Jean would have some sort of response to that. Thank him, turn red, fall into his chest while he kissed the top of her head.

Now he almost feels like a stranger, and she isn’t sure what to say.

“Well, you’re here now,” She finally says, but it sounds foreign and a lot like something she would say to a distant relative than an ex-boyfriend. She mentally kicks herself, then tries to think of a way to make this all a lot less tense between the two of them.

Peter doesn’t seem to mind, though, because he just flashes her one of those smiles that used to make her knees weak (and still kind of does), and turns his attention back to the display case. She wants to tell him that half the cookies in there are because he used to love them, but she keeps her mouth shut, walking back around the counter to stand on the other side.

He ends up ordering two tiramisus and a pink sprinkle cookie, pulling his wallet out while Lara Jean packages everything up.

“We should catch up sometime. If you want,” Peter says when he hands over a 20, his fingers grazing her palm. She suddenly feels self conscious, a lot like she did when they were fake dating and she couldn’t believe that the most popular kid in school was talking to her.

Like she was the luckiest girl in the world. Like each time he touched her lightning struck and made her feel this electricity she had never felt before.

“I’d love to,” She finds herself saying without even thinking about it, counting change quickly in her hands. “We can pick a time to meet up.”

He takes the bag in his hand, nodding. “Is your… do you still have the same number?” He asks, but for a moment he doesn’t seem like that cool, confident Peter Lara Jean knew all those years. He looks like he’s nervous, shifting as he waits for her to answer. He runs his free hand through his hair.

“Yeah, it’s the same. Yours still the same?” She asks, smiling when he nods quickly. “I’ll text you tonight? When I’m home from here.”

“Sounds great,” Peter nods, fishing his keys from his pocket. “It was really good to see you, Lara Jean.”

“You too, Peter.”

He smiles at her one more time before walking out the door, and Lara Jean subsequently lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

“Okay, I need all the details on all of that.” Jenna’s voice cuts through the otherwise quiet bakery, causing Lara Jean to laugh.

“We… we dated. In high school and a little bit through college,” Lara Jean says quietly, walking over to the phone to grab the order sheets from the afternoon. “I broke it off our junior year.”

“Wait, _you_ broke it off?”  
  
Lara Jean nods. “We went to different schools, he had a lacrosse scholarship and I was busy with internships and trying to finish my degree that we barely saw each other. I just thought it’d be better if we were separate, we had a chance to date other people.”

“Lara Jean,” Jenna begins, pausing to ring a customer up. “You are aware that he is one of the most gorgeous guys I’ve ever seen, right? And you just let that go because after two years of distance you decided it wasn’t worth it anymore?”

Lara Jean really didn’t want to hash all of this out again. She would have much preferred to bury it, never let Jenna hear anything about this or have to rehash their relationship for her, but there’s nothing she can do to stop it.

“There was a lot that went into it,” She concedes, although it’s not entirely true and Lara Jean remembers vividly that she  _did_  break it off because she was scared about being long distance for two more years and she felt like she was holding Peter back.

“Does Chris know him?”

“Yeah.”

“Would she think you did the right thing?”

Lara Jean rolls her eyes. “She hates what I did to Peter. So no.”

Jenna nods, turning back to help a customer again. “I’m just saying, I didn’t see a wedding ring. Maybe there’s still a chance. He looked at you so fondly.”

Lara Jean pauses, tries to think of an argument that she could use to say that there’s no way someone like Peter is single, but nothing comes to mind.

“A lot has changed between the two of us. I don’t… I’m sure there’s someone in his life.”

Jenna just raises her eyebrows, giving Lara Jean a small smile.

Lara Jean spends the rest of the evening getting started on some orders, her mind constantly swirling with the possibility of Peter Kavinsky being single after all these years, meaning there would be a chance for her to make it right.

_______________________________

The absolute best part of Peter’s day when he has to work late is walking into his apartment after work and having Emmi run straight into his legs.

Peter’s high school best friend Gabe had been more than helpful once Peter moved back into the area, always offering to pick Emmi up from the after school care on the rare occasion that Peter couldn’t. Emmi loved Gabe — mostly because he spoiled her — and so while guilt still racked Peter that he wasn’t doing good enough and he wasn’t doing enough as a father, Peter at least felt comforted that Gabe was there stepping in for a few hours when he couldn’t.

But work had picked up closer to the holidays, Peter had been working late more often than he would’ve liked, and Emmi didn’t run up to the door when he opened it that evening. He could hear her in her room when he hung his things up, walking to the kitchen to set his things down.

“She’s in her room playing with her toys. I’ve kept her off the iPad, but something seems off with her. She’s been quiet all afternoon. Only really asked me when you’d be home,” Gabe says, fishing through the bag Peter put down on the counter. “You stopped at that new bakery?”

Peter shrugs. “I feel awful. It’s been three straight days of staying late at work and having less time with Em, so I stopped and got her a treat and bought us something too.” He pauses, grabbing the pasta out of the cabinet to make for dinner. “You’ll never believe who owns the bakery though.”

Gabe turns to look over his shoulder, waiting for an answer as he goes to boil the water.

“Lara Jean.”

“Wait, so you saw Covey?”

Peter nods, moving to turn music on. “She opened it six months ago. I talked to her for a little bit, she said she was going to text me tonight when she’s done work.”

“How was she?”

“Good,” Peter nods, leaning back against the counter as he takes his tie off. “She looks exactly the same. She made me feel the exact same way I did when we were in high school.”

Peter’s half expecting some teasing from Gabe, some smart remark about how they could live out their high school fantasies now or they’d have some fairytale ending like all the movies Emmi’s been making him watch.

But he just nods, pops a grape from the container in his mouth, and shrugs. “Maybe it’d be good for you to reconnect with her. You’ve been a little lost the last few years. Having a girl that’s an adult back in your life could do you some good.”

For a moment, Peter doesn’t know what to say. He didn’t think he was doing _that_ bad when it came to talking to girls — there had been a few dates here and there — but admittedly his life had revolved around Emmi. What she needed, her activities, all her school functions came first, and so maybe Peter’s dating life suffered.

He really shouldn’t be surprised that Lara Jean seems to be the first girl to make him question all of that, even if they had a brief meeting.

“I’m going to go see Em. Make sure she’s okay.”

He doesn’t give Gabe a chance to say anything before he’s out of the kitchen and walking down the hallway, stopping just outside of her door.

One of his favorite things to do is watch Emmi when she’s not looking. Not in a creepy way, but more in an amazement kind of way. There are days where the shock that he’s a dad and he helped make this little human hits him all at once, and he suddenly gets overwhelmed by it all.

Like when she’s sitting in her room playing with her dolls while singing, or the way she brings Peter to sit on the sofa to watch one of her plays she’s made herself. She’s his, and he’s so in love his heart could burst.

He lets her go for a few minutes, watching the way she brushes her dolls hair while talking to her before he knocks on the doorframe with a smile. “Hey love bug,” He smiles, walking into the room and sitting down on her bed.

Emmi smiles, abandoning her toys and running over to jump into his arms. Her hair tickles his cheek as he breathes in her scent of strawberry and vanilla, squeezing her against him. He tries not to think about how he feels like it was yesterday she could fit in one arm, and pretty soon she probably won’t want to be held by him at all.

“Did you have a good day at school? Did you do your homework?” He asks, pulling her from his chest. He smooths his hand over her hair, letting his thumb brush across her cheek as she sighs.

“Lila was being mean today at recess. She didn’t let me play any of her games with her because she told me I’m not fun to be with.” Her bottom lip juts out, and for a split second Peter thinks about going to drastic measures and sending off an email to her teacher to straighten this all out. “And then I thought you were going to pick me up, but Gabe came. Not you.”

If Peter didn’t feel bad about being late before, he definitely does now. Emmi had always been a little dramatic — she was a Kavinsky after all — but this wasn’t acting, and Peter was pretty sure he just felt his heart shatter a little bit.

“I know, baby. I tried to get out of work early but I had to finish a few things,” He says, but there’s something about explaining this to a 5 year old that just falls flat. “Did you want me to talk to your teacher about Lila and what happened at recess? See if there’s something she can do?”

Emmi immediately shakes her head. “You’d make it worse, Daddy. I played with Brayden instead. He was nice to me,” She mumbles, her tiny hands resting against his chest.

Peter nods, trying not to go into super overprotective dad mode at the drop of a hat. “Well, I did stop and get you a little treat for after dinner,” He sings, smiling when Emmi seems to perk up a little bit. “When you’re done eating I got you a cookie on my way home to make up for the fact that I’ve missed the last few school pickups.”

“Really? For me?”

Peter nods. “It has pink sprinkles, and it’s probably going to be the best cookie you’ve ever eaten in your entire life.” Maybe lying to a 5 year old isn’t exactly the best way to go about things, but if Lara Jean’s cookies are as good as he remembers them, he doesn’t think that’ll qualify as lying to his daughter.

“I don’t know, Daddy. I’ve eaten a lot of cookies.”

Peter laughs. “You have, you’re right. But I think this one will be the best.”

“Can we go eat dinner now?”

Peter smiles, pulling Emmi against his chest as he kisses the top of her head. “It’s almost done, Gabe is just finishing it,” He promises. “Now, did you do your homework?”

Emmi rolls her eyes and ends up making herself look like a teenager and not his little girl, pressing her hands to his face. “Did it at after school club, Daddy,” She says obviously, as if it was common knowledge that had somehow slipped his mind.

He scoops her up in his arms, pressing messy kisses to her cheeks as she giggles and tries to squirm away. “Daddy!”

“Let’s go eat dinner so you can have your cookie,” He smiles, carrying her into the kitchen and trying to soak in every single moment.

_______________________________

Lara Jean couldn’t stop thinking about Peter. Which feels incredibly high school of her, if she’s being totally honest with herself.

She doesn’t even know where the confidence came from. Being confident around Peter Kavinsky was usually a foreign concept to her, but this afternoon she stood there and said confidently that she'd text him when she was done at the bakery. As if they hadn’t lost touch for six years and they were old friends that had been planning this all along.

She closes up the bakery after prepping everything and making sure everything was in order, shutting off the lights and locking the door before she begins her walk home. She drafts a few texts to Peter, but nothing feels right and she feels like she’s overthinking this far too much for someone who’s just getting back in touch with an ex.

Her fingers close her messages and call Chris before she even has time to second guess herself.

“I know you must miss me since I left work early tonight, but what do I owe the pleasure of having a phone call from none other than Miss Covey this evening?” Chris’ voice is cheery on the other line, but Lara Jean can’t bring herself to make small conversation.

“Peter came into the bakery today. After you left.” Her voice is rushed, like there’s some sort of time constraint on telling Chris this. She looks both ways before crossing the street, pressing the phone closer to her ear.

“Peter?” Chris questions, shuffling something in the background. “As in your Peter? Peter Kavinsky?”

Lara Jean fumbles with her keys, walking quicker down the road. “Yes, that Peter.”

“And? Did you talk to him? Was it love at first sight again? Did you pull him behind the counter and make out with him? I need explanation, LJ. You can’t just tell me the love of your life strolled into your bakery and then give me nothing else!”

Lara Jean rolls her eyes, unlocking the door to her apartment with one hand. “Yes I talked to him. I walked out and he was just standing there. He’s basically exactly the same,” She sets her bags down, flipping on the lights. “I may have accidentally said that I’d text him tonight when I got home from work.”

“What do you mean ‘accidentally’? LJ, this boy was your soulmate. You stole him out from underneath my cousin. You ended it because you were scared, and now you think that this is some sort of accident you found each other again?” Lara Jean rolls her eyes. “You didn’t answer my question. Was it love at first sight again?”

Lara Jean sighs. It wasn’t like she hadn’t heard the question — she avoided it on purpose — but it was mostly because she didn’t have an answer. Seeing him again _was_ nice, and she’d be lying if she said that her heart didn’t flutter and she didn’t feel a little bit like she was back in high school again when she looked at him, but Chris hardly feels like the person to admit this to.

“I… don’t know,” She finally decides. Mostly because it feels better than lying to her best friend. “It was nice to see him again. I’m not — I never really stopped thinking he was hot and a great person.”

Chris hums on the other line. “Okay, well what are you going to text him, then? You can’t just not text him. You know how Peter is.”

Lara Jean wants to say that she once knew who Peter was. That it’s been six years now, and they’re both different people. She doesn’t know that Peter is the same boy who would wait hours for her to follow through on her promise that she would talk to him before she went to sleep that night.

“I guess I’ll just say hi and that I hope he liked the stuff he bought. See where the conversation goes.”

“Lara Jean, it won’t kill you to be a little flirty for once in your life. Especially with a boy you loved more than anyone else in the world,” Chris sighs. Lara Jean bites her lip, digging through her cabinets to find something for dinner.

“Text him, be open about things, ask him if he wants to meet up sometime. It doesn’t even have to be a date. Just as friends. Let loose, LJ. You deserve this,” Chris says, but it falls flat and Lara Jean knows that she should’ve just texted Peter first and explained later.

She can’t admit that she’s afraid to find out if Peter is single or not. Or if he felt the same way when they reconnected.

_______________________________

Peter Kavinsky would never admit to being a pushover.

Which is why when Emmi falls asleep against his chest on his bed after bath time when she spent a majority of the night asking to sleep in his bed, he doesn’t make an immediate attempt to move her.

Gabe had left after they ate their dessert, telling him to let Lara Jean know he loved it as he grabbed his keys off the hook. Peter fell into the routine of getting Emmi to finish her dessert, get her in the bath, and then spend the rest of the night watching a little TV before they read and went to bed.

He was the last person who ever thought he would love moments like these. The simple routine of being with his daughter, laying with her, getting her ready for bed.

He begins to drift off himself, only woken up by his phone vibrating in his pocket.

He figured it’d be Gabe telling him something, but when he fishes her phone from underneath his daughter without waking her up, he takes a moment to celebrate before realizing the text was from Lara Jean.

Her name pops up the same way it did when they were in college. Her last name. A heart emoji. A smiley face emoji.

He couldn’t bring himself to change it when they ended things. Now he’s wishing that he had.

_Hey :) It’s Lara Jean, just in case you did delete my number. Hopefully this is still yours! I hope you liked your treats if you’ve eaten them already :)_

He begins typing without thinking, but pauses before he hits send. If he does send it, he’s casually going to admit that Emmi loved her cookie, which would mean he’d casually admit that he’s a father. Without an explanation.

He deletes the whole text. Lara Jean isn’t a girl who doesn’t deserve an explanation. Especially one that comes over text.

_It is still my number :) we loved the treats! I gave one of the tiramisus to Gabe. Remember him? He told me to tell you they’re just as good as he remembered them being._

_It was nice seeing you today!_

He’s not expecting a text back, mostly because he finds that what he sent was completely awkward and he doesn’t really know how to just like, get over that.

But his phone does vibrate again. Three times quickly, and he finds himself opening them before he can second guess himself.

_I do remember Gabe! Tell him I say thank you :) It was nice seeing you today, too. Maybe we could meet up some time? Catch up properly?_

_Actually, can I call you? I have to make myself dinner so my hands are going to be a mess._

_If you don’t want to talk on the phone it’s okay_

Fully aware that he’s in a little bit of a predicament with Emmi sleeping soundly on his chest, Peter sighs.

_Give me two minutes. I’ll call you?_

He doesn’t wait to see her reply, instead working on carefully shuffling out from underneath his daughter. She stirs when he finally does get free, Peter holding his breath until she curls up against her pillow, pulling her blanket closer when he tucks her in.

He leaves a kiss to her forehead, turning on her nightlight on his way by, and shuts the door partway in case she gets up in the middle of the night.

He gives himself a solid two minutes to compose himself because none of this feels normal, and then hits call before he talks himself out of it and ends up texting her to say that he really can’t talk right now.

“Hi.” Her voice feels like home. Like that candle that his mom was always burning when they would go over for the holidays. He’s immediately transported back to his dorm, where he’d lay on his bed talking to her for hours instead of studying for his exams.

“Hey,” He replies quietly, walking down the hall and back into the living room to sit on the sofa. “How was the rest of work?”

“Quiet.”

“Your baking is just as amazing as I remember it, by the way. Even better, if that’s possible.”

“Thanks, Peter,” She says, a smile hiding behind her words. “I’m assuming that super cute pink sprinkle cookie was your favorite?”

Peter laughs, thinks about telling her that he has a daughter then when he has the chance, and then decides that this is all too casual. “Saving that for later, actually. Thought it’d be a nice treat for myself. I’ve been working late.”

“Mm, well you’ve made a good choice then,” She laughs.

There’s a beat of silence, one that Peter knows he would’ve normally filled with some joke or a story about his roommates, but it’s been six years. He lives in this apartment with a 5 year old, really doesn’t have all that many friends — it has a lot to do with the fact that he _is_ a dad and his friends are not — and he almost feels like she’s a stranger to him.

“Did you want to get dinner sometime?” He asks, physically cringing at himself as he runs his fingers through his hair. “Sorry, that was really out of nowhere and I’m sure you’re busy with the bakery or whatever.”

“Is Peter Kavinsky nervous?” Lara Jean asks, teasing behind her words. “I didn’t pin you as the type to be nervous to ask me to dinner. You never were before.”

“It _has_ been six years, Covey.”

“I don’t think you lost your charm in those six years.”

He laughs. “Okay, well. Do you want to grab dinner sometime? Or lunch?”

“Dinner is perfect. I can definitely get off work early, but sometimes lunch plans are me taking five minutes to shove carrots into my mouth while I watch Chris agonizingly eat a wrap right in front of me.”

“Chris works for you?”

Peter can hear Lara Jean take him off speaker. “Yeah. She does my finances. Which sounds ridiculous, I know. But she’s actually grown up a lot.”

“Well I’m glad to hear that.” He laughs, pushing his fingers through his hair. “Maybe we could go next Saturday? Does that work for you?”

“I’ll make it work,” She promises, and for a moment Peter almost feels like this is all too good to be true. “I’m going to go eat dinner, but I’ll talk to you soon. Goodnight, Peter.”

“Night, Lara Jean.”

He thinks about texting Gabe and telling him all about their conversation, but instead opts to put on a movie and distract his mind a little bit before he went to bed himself.

He falls asleep that night wondering just how bad it was to get his hopes up about all of this working out by some miracle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title of the fic is from Happier by Ed Sheeran :)
> 
> thank you so much for the response on the first chapter! i was kind of blown away, honestly haha and not expecting that at all! 
> 
> hope you guys enjoy this chapter just as much!
> 
> you can follow me on tumblr [here](https://peter-covinskys.tumblr.com/)!


	3. don't say goodbye love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean keeps moving along with work at the bakery, Peter seeks out advice, and things unravel before he has a chance to stop them.

“So, Kavinsky asked you out on a date,” Chris smirks, putting her feet up on her desk while she and Lara Jean took a quick lunch break in between filling orders.

“I don’t know if I’d call it a date.”

“LJ. He asked you out to dinner. I’d say that pretty much qualifies as a date.”

“I don’t know anything about him anymore!” She argues, pulling a sandwich from her bag. “He could have a girlfriend. This could just be a dinner to meet up and get to know each other again. You don’t know, Chris.”

Chris rolls her eyes, dropping her feet back to the ground. “If you think for one second that a man with a girlfriend would ask another woman out to dinner, you’re far more naive than I thought you were.”

Lara Jean sighs, sinking back into her chair and taking a bite of her sandwich. She spent most of the morning wrestling with the idea of telling Chris everything or leaving it vague, but now she’s almost wishing she just left it vague.

But Chris is her best friend, and she’s not entirely sure she’s ready to tell her sisters everything that's happened in the last 24 hours. So explaining it to her seemed to be the best option.

“Even still, I’m not going into this expecting anything to happen. And besides, worrying about it will do nothing. It’s almost two weeks away.”

“Which means you have two weeks to make yourself look even more gorgeous than you did when you won him over in high school. Come on, Lara Jean. It’s been a long time since you’ve been on a date, much less had a boyfriend.”

Lara Jean sighs, following Chris back into the baking area. She thinks about arguing that Dave was her boyfriend and that wasn’t all that long ago, but the stark realization that it’s been well over a year since she broke things off with him hits her full force and so she just sighs.

“Look, if you go on this date and it’s the most awful thing you’ve ever been to then at least you can say you tried and that you and Peter weren’t destined to be together,” Chris argues, staring back at Lara Jean as she grabs her wallet to go grab something for lunch for herself. “But Lara Jean, you’re letting your fear take over. You’re so worried that something is going to go horribly wrong or you won’t feel the same way that you did when you were a teenager bury the fact that you have a chance to fix all of this.”

Chris shrugs on her jacket, looking back at her best friend. “Just please, go into this with an open mind. Stop overthinking it, stop thinking about how it’s been years and how maybe things won’t be exactly like they were. They probably won’t be, you know. And that’s okay. But I don’t want to watch you sit back and ruin this and then regret it later.”

She leaves before Lara Jean has a chance to say anything, announcing that she’s going to get the two of them something for lunch and she’d be back soon.

Lara Jean turns back to where a few of her bakers had been working on some of the holiday orders, forcing herself into her work so she doesn’t have to think about whether or not this is a date she’s going on with Peter. Or if she wants it to be one.

_______________________________

Peter’s favorite routine was on nights when he didn’t have to work late and he and Emmi could have the night to themselves. She would stay at after school club until he would come pick her up, then they’d walk home, work on the last of her homework, and eat dinner. Emmi spent most of the time talking about school, helping with dinner and asking a million questions, but there wasn’t anything he’d trade about this life for the world.

“Daddy, can we go back to the place where you got that cookie the other day?” Emmi’s voice cuts through the music he put on while he made dinner and she colored at the kitchen table. He turns around, smiling when he catches sight of her tongue poking out the side of her mouth, her brown curls falling around her face while she focuses on coloring.

“Did you like it that much?”

Emmi nods quickly. “It was the best cookie I ever had. Just like you said it would be!”

Peter carefully pours out the soup, setting it in front of her and moving the coloring book away. “We’ll go back soon, I promise. Maybe next time I’ll bring you with me.”

The first rule of parenting is probably to never promise something to your kids. Peter regrets it the minute it leaves his lips, because bringing Emmi to the bakery would mean showing Lara Jean just how much has changed in his life. That he’s a dad, and he’s not the same Peter she thinks he is.

He doesn’t know if he’s ready for that. He thinks he needs to tell her a different way. A better way.

“Do they have more than just cookies?”

Peter nods, pushing her bowl of soup a little closer to her so she’ll eat. “They have so many sweets you’d go crazy,” He says, laughing when her eyes light up. “We’ll go one day, I promise.”

“Okay,” Emmi nods, pushing her hair back from her face. “But can you pull my hair up so I can eat my dinner?”

Peter stands up and pulls Emmi’s hair into a bun on top of her head with ease, sitting back down to eat her dinner. He finds himself staring a little too long when Emmi would eat, smiling at the way she blows on each bite before eating. And then he hates himself for how emotional he gets when he realizes how fast she’s growing up.

He thinks about how he learned how to pull Emmi’s hair up and put it in braids because he used to do it to Lara Jean’s when they were younger and Kitty would spend her weekends teaching him everything he needed to know.

He wonders if she’d find that funny. That it stuck with him after all these years. He thinks about the way Lara Jean would curl up against him and tell him that she loves the way he still remembers those little things. How she’s happy that he can do his daughter’s hair with only a few YouTube tutorials because everything Kitty taught him came flooding back into his mind at a million miles an hour. How he’d play with Lara Jean's hair until she fell asleep against him like they were 17 again, and everything would finally feel like it was meant to be this way. Them together. Happy.

“Daddy, I’m all done my dinner,” Emmi’s voice cuts through his thoughts, her bowl sliding across the table. “Can I go watch TV now?”

Peter sighs, nodding. “Go, baby. Put your bowl in the sink please. I’ll be in here cleaning up if you need me.”

Emmi nods, sliding off her chair, tossing her bowl into the sink and walking into the other room. Peter hears the TV turn on, glances out to make sure that she’s okay, and then turns back to the pile of dishes left in his sink that he needs to clean.

Instead he pulls his phone from his pocket, dialing the one person he thinks can give him any sort of guidance about all of this.

“Hi, sweetheart.”

“Hi Mom,” Peter sighs, leaning back against the counter. “Is now a bad time?”

“Of course not. Is everything okay?”

Peter really wants to say no. He wants to say that his life feels so confusing for the first time in years, that he isn’t sure what he wants out of seeing Lara Jean again and he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to just tell her that he’s a dad. He wants to say that he’s afraid to get his hopes up because there’s a chance Lara Jean wouldn’t want to be with someone who has a kid or she ends up not feeling the same way he already does about her.

Instead he just sighs, chewing on the inside of his lip. “I saw Lara Jean the other night. We’re going out for dinner next week.”

There’s a short pause on the other line, but for Peter it feels as if it’s been hours since either of them had said anything. “Why did that sound so apprehensive? You saying that you’re going out with her.”

Peter can’t help but laugh. His mom had always been the one person that was able to read his moods, or be able to tell how he was feeling without him saying anything. He never had to say anything most of the time, she would just let him know that she was there for him if he needed something and leave it at that. He doesn’t know why he expected this time to be any different.

“She’s exactly the same as she used to be,” He begins, turning back around to begin loading the dishwasher in an attempt to not overthink this. “She opened this new bakery in town six months ago. I’ve been working late this week and stopped there on my way home to get Em a treat to make it up to her since it’s been Gabe picking her up.”

“You can’t spoil your child like this forever, Peter,” His mom reminds him, but there’s a smile behind her words and Peter can’t help but laugh.

“Anyway,” He exaggerates, shifting the phone against his shoulder, “she remembered me. Obviously. And we talked for a little before she said she’d text me later. We ended up talking for a little while on the phone that night. And then we decided we’d go to dinner to catch up more.”

“I’m guessing you haven’t told her about Emmi,” His mom decides after a moment.

“Not yet, no,” He confesses. “But how do I do that? How do I tell her that I have a daughter without freaking her out?”

His mom sighs, and Peter takes a moment to glance back out at Emmi, who’s half asleep on the sofa, her blanket pulled up again her face. “You just have to be honest, honey. If Lara Jean is anything like she was the last time I saw her, she’s incredibly understanding. Emmi didn’t come from you cheating on her. I’m sure it’ll come as a shock, but the longer you hide the fact that you have a daughter from her, the worse the outcome will be.”

Peter _knows_ that. Deep down he knows that he can’t hide this forever. He doesn’t want to hide it from her forever, he just… he doesn’t want this to be the end of something that hasn’t even started yet.

“Tell her before you take her out. And if you don’t want to tell her over the phone, then maybe go to her bakery again and ask if you can talk to her for a few minutes. Tell her you want to tell her something ahead of your date.”

“Should I bring Emmi with me?”

“If you want,” She says after a beat. “Tell me you promised her another treat.”

“She asked! She said it was the best she’s ever had.”

His mom laughs on the other line, shaking her head. “Peter. You need to learn to not give in. She’s 5, it’s only going to get worse the older she gets.”

“I know,” He groans, running his fingers through his hair. “Speaking of, I need to get her into bed. She’s falling asleep on the sofa. Thank you though, Mom. Seriously.”

“You know I’m always here if you need me, baby. Tell me how everything goes.”

He hangs up with his mom and spends the rest of the night getting Emmi to bed and planning out how exactly he’s going to tell Lara Jean that the most important girl in his life is his daughter, and nothing will change that.

_______________________________

Peter walks through the freshly shoveled sidewalks of the city en route to the bakery with a confidence that was managing to convince his own brain that he’s going to be able to come out with the truth.

Stopping by the bakery on his way to get Emmi from school seems like the perfect resolution, mostly because he won’t have to stay long and he’ll be able to answer a few questions without the lingering worry that Emmi is going to be there and say something that he really doesn’t want her to say.

But when he walks into the bakery and the only person standing out in the front is Jenna, he realizes he’s going to have to ask if Lara Jean is there.

He stands in line, eyeing the display case for something different that Emmi would like, his hands shoved into his coat pockets in a desperate attempt to get warm.

“Is that Peter Kavinsky I see standing there?” Looking up, he finds Chris on the other side of the display case. “Guess Lara Jean wasn’t lying to me when she said you came in the other day.”

He can’t help but smile, shaking his head as he pulls a hand from his pocket to run through his hair. “God, you look exactly the same,” He laughs, watching as she walks around the counter to hug him quickly.

“Could say the same for you,” She smirks, taking a step back. “Lara Jean isn’t here though.”

“How do you know I’m here to see her?”

Chris rolls her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. “Please, as if you would come here and not see her.”

Peter tries to think of an argument, but he only sighs and nods, figuring that Chris would be able to tell he was lying if he said anything else. “Do you know if she’ll be here tomorrow? Not that it isn’t great to see you, I just. I have something I need to tell Lara Jean.”

Chris raises her eyebrows. “She went home today because she had a headache. She tried to keep working, but when she put half of one cupcake order in the same box as half of another cupcake order we forced her to go home,” She explains, running her fingers through her hair. “If you have something to tell her, you could always call her.”

“Not if she’s not feeling well,” Peter argues, but it’s mostly because he doesn’t want to admit to Chris that this isn’t something he can say over the phone.

Chris shrugs. “Well, if you really want to tell her in person then she should be here tomorrow.”

Peter nods, smiling at the girl he now remembers is named Jenna as he orders himself a fruitcake cookie and Emmi a sprinkle cookie.

“I know it’s been a few years, but I didn’t pin you as the type to enjoy a purple sprinkle cookie,” Chris says, leaning back against the back counter.

Peter shrugs, fishing his wallet from his pocket as he hands over some money. “Maybe you don’t know me that well anymore, Chris,” He teases, thanking Jenna when she hands him the bag.

Chris smiles. “Well, what I do know is that she put those fruitcake cookies on the menu because of you.”

Peter stops, turning to look at Chris in disbelief. Chris isn’t above playing a prank on him — she’s done it before — but there’s something on her face that tells him she’s not joking, that this is actually something that Lara Jean had done despite the fact that it had been six years since he had those cookies.

“What?”

Chris laughs, leaning forward to rest her elbows on the counter. “She thought if you liked them maybe other people would. They’re a holiday special, they’re not going to be around forever. But when I said that no one in their right mind would ever eat a fruitcake cookie she looked at me and said that you did and if you did then other people would.”

Peter nods, struggling to think of something to say that wouldn’t sound completely awkward or out of line or too odd. But nothing comes into his brain fast enough, and so he swallows roughly and nods. “Well, I do like them.”

“I know you do,” Chris smiles, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’ll tell LJ you were here. See you later, Kavinsky.”

“Bye, Chris,” He nods, saying a quick goodbye to Jenna before walking out of the bakery en route to pick up his daughter.

He spends the remaining five blocks with thoughts about Lara Jean running through his mind, trying to come to terms with the fact that she argued a cookie to be on the menu just because of him.

_______________________________

The holiday orders cause Lara Jean to fall into a routine of coming to work, working on custom orders, and making sure the store is running. She’s rapidly running out of energy to do anything else, but she’s grateful for the extra hands she has running around the store to make sure things keep running smoothly.

Chris begins helping out with organizing the orders, double checking everything on the charts, and making sure everything is picked up in a timely fashion. It was one less thing on Lara Jean’s plate to have to worry about, alleviating what could’ve been even longer hours at the bakery than normal.

Peter isn’t expecting to see her when he comes in on the last day of Emmi’s school before Christmas break, a treat she had been begging for since Peter had brought home another cookie for her the day he saw Chris. He had been putting it off, making up excuses as to why he couldn’t take her because it risked Lara Jean finding out about Emmi before he told her.

But time had passed and now they’re a night before Lara Jean and Peter are going on a date, and time had slipped past him. He hadn’t been able to talk to Lara Jean in person — she was too busy and he didn’t see her again after he ran into Chris — but he was hoping that maybe he’d be able to slip in and out of the bakery with Gabe and Emmi before Lara Jean noticed them.

Emmi chooses a sprinkle cupcake and Peter grabs two cookies for he and Gabe, carrying it all over to the table. “Thanks for coming with us,” Peter smiles when he hands Gabe his cookie, setting the cupcake down in front of Emmi. “Try not to make the world’s biggest mess,” He says, but it’s a tall task for a 5 year old who’s eyes are wide staring at the cupcake in front of her.

Peter’s eyes shift uncomfortably around the shop, wanting to spot Lara Jean before she spotted them. He hadn’t really thought this through, didn’t really plan out how he was going to intercept her before she noticed Emmi’s little bun poking out from above the chair beside him, but it was obvious it was the only thing on his mind.

“You need to calm down,” Gabe says, tapping the table with his fingertips. “You literally look like you’re waiting for someone to come up and take E. It’s definitely making us look shady in front of everyone else.”

Peter frowns, his leg bouncing underneath the table as he turns back around. “I just… I want to see her before she sees us. I don’t want her to see Em before I have the chance to explain myself.”

“You will,” Gabe tries, laughing at Emmi when he notices the frosting all over her face. “Look, LJ is like, the most passionate person in the world. I’m positive you being a dad will be a shock, but you’re telling me she’s going to take one look at this kid and not fall in love?”

Peter sighs, glancing down at his daughter. He wants to believe that Gabe is right, that everything will work out perfect because that’s what he wants, but it’s not realistic. Because even though Lara Jean had always been the type of person to forgive and give him more chances than he really deserved, there’s a big difference between her forgiving him for forgetting to call because he was a little too drunk and her being forgiving because he forgot to mention he’s a single dad.

“Hey guys.” Her voice floats through the chatter among the other people at the bakery, and Peter knows he’s in trouble. He turns to face her, smiling and standing up to hug her. He doesn’t miss her eyes on Emmi, but before she says anything Gabe stands up and pulls her in for a hug, easing the obvious tension that Peter is feeling.

“It would’ve been nice to know that you opened a bakery, Covey! A message, a text. God, I would’ve even taken a DM at this point! You know your baking is my favorite,” Gabe smiles, making Lara Jean laugh as she shakes her head.

“That would’ve been a really awkward text, Gabe. I would’ve felt like I was fishing for customers from people I hadn’t talked to in a few years.”

“Well, I would’ve been first in line. And probably spent far too much money at this place. So maybe it’s good you didn’t tell me.”

Lara Jean laughs, shaking her head as she crosses her arms over her chest. Peter knows this is his chance to ask if they can talk, ask if she has a minute, but before he can say anything Emmi interjects.

“Daddy, can you help me clean my hands and face?”

It feels like one of those moments in the movies that Lara Jean always loved where everything freezes and it’s just the two main characters staring at each other. Peter glances to Emmi and then back to Lara Jean, who’s face is nearly unreadable as she looks between the two of them, trying to piece it all together without asking any questions.

“Hey, Ems, how about I help you clean off your hands so your dad can talk to his friend?” Gabe steps in, standing up from his side of the table and awkwardly reaching around Peter.

“Can we… do you have a minute?” Peter asks.

He really thinks he’d deserve it if Lara Jean said no, but she glances at her watch and nods quickly, leading him outside the bakery and by the back door.

“So she’s yours?” Is the first thing she asks, crossing her arms over her chest as she leans her shoulder against the brick wall.

Peter sucks in a breath, nodding. “I wanted to tell you, Lara Jean. I was planning on telling you, but every time I stopped by you were too busy working on orders or you weren’t here.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me over the phone?”

“This isn’t something you tell someone over the phone. You don’t… my daughter is not news that deserves to be said over the phone. _You_ don’t deserve to hear that kind of news over the phone.”

Lara Jean nods, shifting her weight from foot to foot. Peter remembers when he used to be able to read her expressions, to know what she was thinking when she bit her lip and stared at the ground. Now he just feels helpless, like he’s willing her to say something before he explodes or walks away in fear that he ruined all of this.

“If you’ve been a dad all these years and Kitty and Owen are still friends…” Her voice trails off for a moment, and Peter’s heart stops when he realizes what she’s about to say. “That means that Kitty’s known about her this whole time. Right?”

Kitty knowing about Emmi hadn’t once crossed his mind. She did know, she had known since Emmi was a newborn and Owen had said something by accident. But she always promised Peter that she wouldn’t tell Lara Jean, that she’d let him tell her if their paths ever crossed again. Kitty had never been one to break a promise, but just this once Peter wished she had.

“She has,” He replies quietly, his brain scrambling to think of something to say that will just fix all of this, give him a chance to explain herself.

Instead Lara Jean just nods, sucking her bottom lip between her teeth.

“I’m not with anyone, Lara Jean. She… her mom isn’t in our lives. Me asking you out tomorrow night wasn’t something I was doing to lead you on. And I was going to tell you about her before we went out, because you deserve to know. I didn’t intentionally hide her these last few weeks.”

“This is a lot, Peter.”

Peter nods. “I know,” He whispers. He thinks about reaching out for her hand as if that would somehow make this all better, but he refrains. “Trust me, I know. And I went about it all the wrong ways. I’m sorry for that.”

She nods, and for a moment Peter feels like she’s going to forgive him, going to give him a chance to really explain everything.

But she turns back to the store, sighing. “I really have to get back to work.”

She turns back and walks into the bakery, leaving Peter standing on the sidewalk wondering how he’s supposed to make all of this better now that it’s all gone horribly wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title of the chapter is from Say Goodnight Instead by Johnnyswim :)
> 
> hope you didn't think this was all going to be smooth sailing! ;) don't worry, you find out what happens next chapter! 
> 
> thank you so much to everyone who's reading this, leaving kudos and comments. i truthfully never thought people would like this story, but i'm so glad you guys seem to be enjoying it so far! i'll update soon! :)


	4. if you can find a reason to stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean talks things through with her sisters, and Peter gets another chance.

There’s no set protocol for what Peter should do after Lara Jean leaves him standing dumbfounded in front of the bakery, but right about now he’s wishing there was.

Or there was at least a site he could google that would give him some advice on how to get through this. Or how to fix things.

Gabe brings Emmi out with her backpack and her coat on tight, letting her go to take Peter’s hand once they’re moved away from the entrance. Peter can feel Gabe studying his face, trying to figure out how the conversation had gone, and Peter is silently hoping that he does see that it didn’t go well because he really doesn’t want to talk about it, at least not right now.

“Did you want me to come home with you guys?” Gabe offers after a moment, zipping up his own jacket.

Peter shakes his head. “I just… I need to be alone for a little bit. I’ll call you later,” He says weakly, bidding Gabe goodbye before he and Emmi take off down the street.

He puts on a Christmas movie for Emmi when they’re back home, walking back into the kitchen to start dinner for the two of them. He’s half tempted to call his mom again, tell her that the date is off because he ruined everything before he had a chance to explain, but something is telling him to wait it out, to not say anything quite yet.

He puts the chicken in the oven and walks back out to the living room, sitting next to Emmi and pulling the blanket over them. She curls against him instinctively, resting just underneath his arm while her head lays against his chest, her hand resting against him.

“Are you sad, Daddy?” She asks after a moment, her eyes transfixed on _Polar Express_ playing in front of them.

He isn’t sure he should tell his 5 year old that he’s sad.

She picks her head up from his chest, turning back to look at her. “Gabe told me I needed to be a really good kid for the rest of the night because you looked sad. Why are you sad, Daddy?”

Peter smiles, ruffling Emmi’s hair as he pulls her back down to rest against his chest, his lips pressing lightly into her hair. “How could I be sad when I have a kiddo like you?”

Emmi seems to buy it, curling into him further while he continued playing with her hair. Normally he savored these moments, fell in love with the way she curled against him and would stay like that for hours for once in her life, but now he can’t just sit there.

Because all he can think about is Lara Jean, and he’s itching to do something to fix things before they somehow manage to get even worse.

—

Emmi doesn’t go to bed easily that night, which is pretty on par for how most of his afternoon had gone. They read four books, he listened to her tell multiple stories about school and what everyone had planned for their breaks, and answered a million questions about when they’d go to Grandma’s and how long they were going to be there.

She passed out sprawled out on the floor over an hour after bedtime began (and 20 minutes after Peter gave up trying to get her to lay down in bed), and he carefully picks her up and puts her in bed, waiting a moment to make sure she stays asleep.

The worst part about Emmi going to bed was the fact that Peter was now left alone with his thoughts. He thought about calling Gabe, talking through what Lara Jean had said and let him give him advice on where to go next, but Gabe had texted him in the middle of bedtime saying that he was going out and if Peter needed him he’d come over.

He doesn’t want to bother someone with petty problems.

Calling his mom isn’t out of the question, but calling her twice about the same thing makes him feel a little bit like he’s back in college when he called home every day for two weeks because Lara Jean broke up with him and he was feeling more than a little lost about everything in the world.

So he settles for grabbing a beer from the fridge and turning on a basketball game he really had no interest in in hopes that it would at least make him forget about everything else in his life.

He’s half asleep when his phone vibrates next to him, a text from Lara Jean lighting up the screen.

_______________________________

Lara Jean walks back into the back of the bakery, grabs a container of dough from the fridge, and begins working it out to make cookies while trying not to cry.

It feels horribly dramatic, like she’s living in some nightmare. She had been denying the fact that this all felt too much like a movie where her high school boyfriend shows back up years later single and asks her on a date.

Now it’s a horror movie, where he has a kid, he’s been keeping it completely secret, and her sister knew the whole time.

“Woah, LJ, stop,” Chris walks out of her office when she hears the banging against the metal counters, reaching over to take the rolling pin from her hands before she could do anymore damage. “What the hell is going on?”

Lara Jean looks up from the table, noticing the eyes of all her workers on her. “Nothing, I’m fine.”

Chris glances between the rest of the workers, who scatter and move away to go back to working on special orders, giving them a little bit of breathing room. Chris reluctantly gives back the rolling pin, pulling up a chair to sit down across from her.

“Come on, tell me what’s going on.”

“Peter’s been lying the last few weeks.”

It rolls off her tongue so easily, but her eyes blur with tears and she uses the sleeve of her shirt to wipe them off, a shaky breath leaving her lips.

“What do you mean he’s been lying?”

“Those sprinkle cookies he’s been buying? Yeah, they’re not for him. They’re for his kid. His _daughter_.”

Chris stares at her for a moment, her eyebrows raising. “So Kavinsky is a dad?” She asks.

Lara Jean just nods, reaching over to grab a cutter out to make the cookies. “And the worst part is Kitty knew this whole time.”

“How do you know Kitty knew?”

“Peter mentioned it. She and Owen are still friends, they hang out all the time. There was no way she didn’t know. And she didn’t even bother to tell me!”

“Obviously Peter didn’t want you to know,” Chris counters.

“It’s not like that with sisters, Chris,” Lara Jean sighs, shaking her head. “We tell each other everything. But she never mentioned this."

Chris sighs, her nails tapping against the metal table while she struggles for words. Lara Jean would much prefer if she just went back to her office and got back to work, but she’s fairly sure Chris won’t leave until she’s said everything she needs to say.

“He fucked up big time by lying, but did you give him a chance to explain?”

“No,” Lara Jean mumbles. She left him on the sidewalk.

“Maybe he deserves a chance. Whatever the case is, Peter always has an explanation. And if he’s the same as he was in high school — which he seems like he is a little bit at least — then he wants to explain. You always meant too much to him to not deserve an explanation for this.”

Chris pats Lara Jean’s shoulder softly, turning back and walking into her office.

Lara Jean finishes making cookies before turning back to special orders, not talking to anyone for the rest of the afternoon unless they needed her.

—

There’s about three ways that Lara Jean could go about confronting Kitty. She knows none of them are going to end well, but the longer she’s had to let all of this sink in, the more she realizes that she’s angry everyone in her life had been lying to her — not just Peter.

So when she walks in the door after what feels like the world’s longest day, she immediately dials her sister’s number.

“What do I owe the pleasure of my sister calling me before we Skype with Margot?” Kitty’s vote sings through the line, which really only makes Lara Jean even more annoyed.

“So you just hid that Peter was a dad for five years? You broke the sister code just because he asked you to?”

The line is silent for a moment. “Lara Jean,” Kitty sighs. Lara Jean can hear her moving something. “I should’ve told you.”

“You should’ve! Because I found out tonight and I looked so ridiculous and now I don’t know how I’m ever going to go out with him!”

“He didn’t tell you?” Kitty asks.

Lara Jean moves to start dinner, sighing. “He said he was planning on it. But I saw them before he saw me, and I went over to the table. His daughter called him Daddy. There was really no denying it at that point.”

“He should’ve told you sooner.”

“You should’ve told me before all of this!”

“Lara Jean,” Kitty exaggerates, sounding exhausted. “I was stuck in the middle of you and Peter, and I didn’t tell you because it was a year after you two broke up and you were _still_ in that pity party stage. I didn’t want to make it worse by telling you that Peter knocked up some girl. He wasn’t even really dating her. It was like, a casual thing.”

That doesn’t really comfort Lara Jean.

“The mom left though. I don’t know anything else about that, but Peter has her all the time. She’s really cute, LJ. If you’d just forgive him — and me — you’d probably fall in love with her."

“So you’ve met his daughter?”

“A few times. When I’ve been over at their house and Peter’s leaving to go back to their apartment,” Kitty explains. Her words come off easily, like she’s not afraid to tell all of this now. Lara Jean flips back and forth between being furious with her sister and understanding why she hid it all. “Look, I know you’re mad at me, but we’re about to Skype with Margot. So can you just keep all of your questions until we’re on with her and I have to admit all of this again?”

“Fine,” Lara Jean concedes, hanging up the phone and finishing her dinner before her weekly Skype call with her sisters.

“Kitty filled me in,” Margot’s voice comes through the screen before her face pop up, and Lara Jean can’t help but sigh around her noodles. “Lara Jean, I’m sorry you’re caught up in this mess.”

“I don't know if I'd call it a mess.”

“Lara Jean, your ex-boyfriend has a kid and he didn’t tell you. And your sister knew this whole time. It does sound kind of messy,” Margot says quickly, but Lara Jean just sits there staring because she doesn’t have an argument for that.

“Just to save myself, Peter and Lara Jean had been broken up for over a year when she was born,” Kitty chimes in, but Margot just stares at her through the screen.

“That doesn’t make any of this better, Katherine. You lied to Lara Jean about Peter’s whole life. You could’ve mentioned that he had moved on.”

“He’s not with the mom anymore!” Kitty whines, sighing. “I really didn’t think this was something Lara Jean needed to know. As far as I know he’s still single, so it never crossed my mind to say anything about how he’s a dad.”

“So the mom isn’t in the picture?” Margot asks.

Lara Jean shakes her head. “He said that he didn’t lead me on. That there was nothing there to be worried about. I didn’t let him explain anything else.”

For the first time in a while the FaceTime goes quiet, and Lara Jean taps her thigh as Margot chews on her lip. “Well, maybe Peter deserves to give you an explanation.”

“He lied to me for the last few weeks, didn’t bother even mentioning anything about having a kid, and to make it worse he knew my sister knew about it this whole time.”

“There could be a million reasons why he didn’t say anything to you,” Margot counters. “Look, I know how heartbroken you were when you guys broke up in college, and I know that he and I didn’t always see eye to eye, but you guys were good together, LJ. And maybe letting him explain this will make things better. If you still feel uneasy about it then, then you can decide what you want to do next.”

Lara Jean nods, quickly changing the subject to Kitty and how school was going for her so they didn’t have to dwell on this anymore.

When she hangs up the call she mulls over her options for a little bit, turning on a movie and grabbing her phone from the kitchen table. Scrolling through she waits until she finds Peter’s number, typing and retyping a message a million times before forcing herself to hit send.

_Pick me up at the bakery tomorrow at 6._

_______________________________

Peter changes his outfit four times in 30 minutes, and if he doesn’t die from nervousness, Owen is going to kill him.

“I thought you said this wasn’t a date,” He challenges, rolling his eyes when Peter turns to glare at him.

“It’s not,” Peter counters, sighing. “But I want to look nice. We _are_ going to a nicer restaurant, and I’m pretty sure she’s already mad at me for not saying anything sooner and making Kitty swear to secrecy.”

Owen nods, falling back onto Peter’s bed while Emmi plays a game on the iPad. “I think you look fine in that,” He tries to be positive, laughing when Peter just stares at him.

“You look fine, Daddy,” Emmi mumbles, glancing up from her iPad.

“Yeah? You like the blue shirt better than the red?” Peter asks, gesturing to the red shirt he discarded on the chair by his bed.

Emmi looks between both of the shirts for a moment, finally nodding. “Blue is better.”

Peter nods, buttoning up the shirt and fixing his hair before walking back out of the bathroom. “Please don’t keep her up all night. Bedtime at 8. 9 at the very latest,” Peter calls, grabbing Emmi and the iPad from the bed as they walk back into the kitchen. “There’s some leftover Chinese takeout in the fridge or I can leave you money to order something else.”

“Peter,” Owen cuts him off, watching as Emmi runs past them and out to the living room, “you do realize I’ve been babysitting Emmi for you for years, right? This isn’t the first time I’ve been with her.”

Peter sighs. “Sorry, just nervous, I guess,” He says, grabbing his wallet off the counter. “You know what to do. Call me if you need me.”

Emmi’s laying across the sofa watching TV when Peter walks in, smiling when he goes to sit down. “You’re going to stay with Uncle Owen tonight while I go out to dinner,” He says, sitting down as she climbs into his lap. “Be good for him please?”

“I always am, Daddy,” She sighs, her hands landing on either side of his face as she squeezes his cheeks. “Will you be back before I go to bed?”

“Probably not,” He sighs, reaching up to run his hands through her hair. “But I’ll come in and kiss you goodnight like always.”

“Okay,” She nods, leaning forward to kiss him. “Love you.”

“Love you more,” He counters, kissing her forehead quickly before moving her back to the sofa, standing up.

“Go win your girl back,” Owen smirks, clapping Peter on the back as he leaves, while Peter reminds himself that he could be just a short time away from making all of this better.

—

Peter walks through the snow-lined streets of town armed with a carnations in his hand and nerves so bad that makes him feel like he could pass out, hoping that tonight was the night he could fix everything. He figured most of this was over the top, gestures that Lara Jean would love in any other circumstance, but he was willing to do anything.

The bakery was a few minutes from closing when he walked in, smiling as Chris looked at him. “She’s finishing getting ready,” She smiles, moving back to clean some things up.

Peter mulls around the shop for a few minutes, too nervous to sit down. He thinks about talking to Chris, but the overwhelming feeling that he could throw up fills his brain and he just decides to stand there and wait, glancing at his phone to pass the time.

He hears her heels before he sees her, looking up when a smile spreads across his face. “You look amazing,” He mumbles, running his fingers through his hair when she stands in front of him, a smile on her face.

He feels like he did the night of prom. When she walked down the steps in her gown and his heart felt like it was about to leap out of his chest. He remembers how stunning she looked then, and now, almost eight years later, he thinks she managed to look even more beautiful.

And that’s when Peter realizes he’s falling for Lara Jean Song-Covey all over again.

“I brought you these,” He smiles, handing over the carnations.

“Thanks,” She says quietly, taking the flowers from him before she takes a step forward, hugging him. “Ready to go? They’ve got the closing up under control,” She smiles.

Peter nods, reaching out his hand. It’s a bold move, if he’s honest, but she takes it anyway and they walk back out onto the cold streets of town, walking back to his car.

There’s a brief moment where all of this feels uncomfortable, like those first few days all those years ago when they would spend car rides saying nothing. There’s a million things running through Peter’s mind, a million things he wants to explain and say all at once so he can just make this all better, but Lara Jean sighs.

“Let’s just eat first,” She says quickly, her head turning to look at him. “I know you want to explain everything. Believe me, I need the explanation, but not right now. Not before we eat.”

“Okay,” Peter nods, his fingers drumming against the steering wheel. “Okay, yeah. After dinner. Maybe we could get coffee or something?”

“Always looking to do more, aren’t you Kavinsky?” She smirks, folding her hands in her lap. “We can do that, though. If that’s what you want.”

Peter nods, pulling into the parking lot of a restaurant he went to a few times with friends, walking around to help her out of the car.

Dinner was nice, the conversation flowed and for a moment Peter forgot what he has to tell her. Lara Jean talked a lot about the bakery, how she got started and what made her leave her old job that she seemed to love. Peter talked about his job, how he had been thinking about a career change but right now he was pretty happy, and his life back near UVA after he graduated.

He paid for the meal despite Lara Jean’s attempts to at least cover half, shoving his credit card into the check and handing it back to the waitress before she could grab it. “You should’ve at least let me pay for something,” Lara Jean counters, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms.

“I’m not letting you pay for anything tonight,” He smiles, signing off for the check before they grab their things and walk back onto the streets.

They walk around the block to a small coffee shop Peter hates to admit he was a regular at when they first moved back here, ordering quickly and sliding into a table in the back. “So, can I explain?”

Lara Jean reaches forward for her tea, wrapping her hands around the mug and sighing. “Yes,” She nods, but she’s more worried about how she’s going to take all of this when she’s still confused on how she’s supposed to feel.

“Her name is Emmi,” He begins, tapping his fingers against the wood table as he tries to think about the best way to go about this. “She’s 5, and I was with her mom for a few months when she got pregnant.”

Lara Jean nods, bringing the mug up to her lips and taking a sip. Peter takes a moment to compose himself, taking a sip of his own drink.

“When I saw you for the first time again that afternoon, I knew that this wasn’t going to be a one time thing. I knew that I wanted to see you more, and that meant telling you about Emmi.”

“Did you plan when you were going to tell me?”

Peter sighs. “I stopped by the bakery one afternoon. But Chris said that you went home early sick and that I could call you. Which I would’ve done, but. Emmi isn’t something I wanted to say over the phone. I wanted to tell you in person, the way you deserved to be told.” He pauses, taking a sip of his drink. “And I had stopped by a few times after that one afternoon, but the place was packed and it just didn’t feel right.”

The silence falls over them both for a moment, Lara Jean’s legs shaking under the table as she desperately tries to process it all. “Did you tell Kitty not to tell me?” She finally asks, smiling when Peter’s lips twitch into a half smile.

“I don’t think I said not to tell you _explicitly_ ,” He smirks, wringing his hands together. “She asked me if you knew, I said no and that I wasn’t sure how I’d tell you since we weren’t exactly talking when all this was happening.”

“How old was Emmi when Kitty met her?”

Peter bites his lip. He could lie to her, say that they just met a few months ago when they had been over there. But Lara Jean was smart, she’d know that he wasn’t being honest, and things could somehow get worse.

“Emmi just turned two the first time they met,” He says honestly, picking at a hangnail on his finger. “But she knew about her before then.”

Lara Jean nods, her brain scrambling as she tries to process it all. Peter meets her gaze, trying to give her a smile to ease the tension and make things feel slightly better, but even he can tell she’s trying to process it all. She has this blank look on her face, but she’s playing with the ends of her hair and Peter knows that was her telltale sign that she was thinking about things.

“Can I see a picture of her?”

Peter smiles, pulling his phone from his pocket and scolding through his pictures before he found a photo of Emmi to show. “There are a few others if you scroll right,” He says, handing his phone over as he watches her scroll through. There’s a hint of a smile on her face when she scrolls again.

“She looks just like you,” She mumbles, hearing Peter laugh.

“You know, you’re not the first to say that,” He teases, watching her continue to scroll through.

“And her mom…”

“Left,” Peter finishes before she has a chance to finish the question, letting a breath he didn’t know was holding escape. “Just after Emmi's second birthday. Which is why Kitty met Emmi then. I was at my mom’s a lot when we were getting ready to move here. Trying to figure things out.”

Lara Jean nods, sucking her bottom lip between her teeth. “So Emmi’s with you all the time?”

“24/7,” Peter smiles. “I know this is a lot to take in, LJ. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, or that I couldn’t think of a better way to tell you.”

“You told me now,” She says quietly, the silence falling between them for a moment.

Peter finishes the rest of his drink, getting ready to say that they’d leave or ask if she wants to know anything else.

“Can I meet Emmi? Properly?” Lara Jean asks, smiling. “I want to meet her.”

“Of course,” Peter nods quickly. “God, I can’t tell you how excited she’ll be when she finds out she’s going to meet _the_ bakery owner that makes her favorite sprinkle cookie.”

Lara Jean laughs, shaking her head. “I’ll bring her a cookie. Make her get on my good side before I really meet her.”

“She’s going to love you,” Peter smiles, standing up to get ready to leave. He helps Lara Jean shrug her jacket on, taking her hand when they walk back to the car. “She’s gong to love you the same way that I did all those years ago.”

It lingers on the tip of his tongue, saying that he’s falling for her again. But it almost feels too soon and so he swallows his pride and walks back to the car with her, squeezing her hand and interlacing their fingers and taking it as a victory between the two of them.

“If she’s half as great as her dad then I know I’m going to love her,” Lara Jean says when they’re on the way to her apartment, reaching over to take Peter’s hand while he drives.

“She’s a million times better,” He promises, squeezing her hand.

He glances over at a stoplight, taking in her features. For a moment it feels like the night he first fell in love with her, the way she’s sitting in the passenger seat looking as beautiful as he could ever remember. The way her hair falls over her face, or the lights from the Christmas decorations just outside seem to cast a glow that makes her look so beautiful he loses his breath.

It’s the exact feeling he thought he lost forever the day she left him on her doorstep. Only now they found each other again after years being apart, and although a lot had happened in between then, he finally feels like maybe things are getting back to where he thought they would be all those years ago.

For the first time in years, Peter doesn’t feel like there’s a giant sense of dread or worry when it comes to his life. And he’s never felt more settled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title of chapter is from Whatever It Takes by Lifehouse because obviously we all need a throwback in our lives :)
> 
> i told you you'd find out soon! :) Emmi and Lara Jean will meet soon, promise! (as in like next chapter, soon, which is getting to be super long so! you can look forward to that!)
> 
> thank you so much for all of the love on this story, seriously! i'm always so shocked people are liking this as much as you guys are haha.
> 
> i'll update soon! :)


	5. heaven only knows where you've been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Emmi decorate for Christmas, and Emmi and Lara Jean meet.

Emmi being on Christmas break meant bribing Owen to come spend the day at his house for the week before Christmas to babysit. Usually Peter paid in alcohol (and made Owen not spill to their mom that he was giving him drinks underage), but he figures this week would be a good week to treat him to Lara Jean’s sweets along with some alcohol.

Which is why he finds himself at the bakery for the third day in a row, laughing when Chris rolls her eyes as he walks in.

“Are you two going to make me live through your pathetic teenage romance all over again?” She asks, leaning into the back to tell Lara Jean he’s here.

“We’re not teens anymore, Chris,” Peter smirks, ordering what he wants before paying. “But an adult romance? I mean, maybe,” He shrugs.

Chris fake gags, Peter laughing as Lara Jean walks out to the front, a smile on her face when she comes around to hug him.

“I have a few minutes,” She smiles, leading him over to an empty table and sitting down with him. “How was your day?”

“Busy,” He sighs, leaning back in the chair. “I’m trying to get ahead a bunch of stuff so when I take off next week I don’t have to worry about anything.”

“You have off next week?” She asks, tapping the table with her fingers.

“I try to take off the week between Christmas and New Years to be with Emmi while she’s off school,” He smiles.

Lara Jean smiles back, but Peter immediately recognizes the look on her face as hopefulness. “So about meeting Emmi,” She begins, making Peter roll his eyes and laugh. “Can we do it soon? If you’re ready?”

“I mean, she’s off school this week, too. I could bring her by maybe? Or you could come over after work?” Peter doesn’t know why he’s rushing this, why he’s ready for this to happen when a few days ago he would’ve made sure to wait until he knew what he and Lara Jean were. But right now it just feels right. Like there couldn’t be a more perfect time than right now.

“If she likes baking so much, why don’t you bring her here? I could bring her in the back with me.”

“Lara Jean,” Peter begins, sighing, “I can’t ask you to do that. I’m sure you’re swamped with work and orders and things. You don’t have to give her special treatment just because she’s mine.”

“But you didn’t ask me to!” Lara Jean exclaims, a smile still evident on her face. “I want to, Peter. I want to win her over.”

“You don’t have to win her over,” He laughs, shaking his head. “She’s 5. You could give her a cookie and you’d be her best friend.”

“Okay, so let me do more than that,” She presses.

And so Peter gives in. “Want me to bring her by tomorrow?” He asks, smiling when Lara Jean’s face lights up.

“Tomorrow is perfect. Just text me when you’re on your way here.” She stands up from the table, waiting for Peter to stand up before she gives him a hug. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow!”

Peter doesn’t know why she’s so excited about this, but it’s something he’s not going to question.

Whatever makes this work.

_______________________________

Peter is embarrassed to admit that his apartment had barely been decorated for Christmas with a week to go before the day.

In his defense he had been working late the last few weeks and all he wanted to do was lay on the couch until he passed out, and Emmi’s needs had obviously always come before anything else he wanted to do.

But today, three days before they travel back to his mom’s for the holiday, he and Emmi have dragged the artificial Christmas tree that once stood in his dingy college apartment out to the living room, the ornaments laid out on the sofa ready to be hung.

“Daddy,” Emmi begins, grabbing another ornament of hers to hang on the bottom of the tree, “how does Santa know where we are if we’re go to Grandma’s house when our tree is here?”

Peter smiles, subtly moving some of the ornaments from the bottom of the tree up to the top so everything looks a little more even. “He’s watching you, remember? He sees that we go to Grandma’s, and so instead of dropping your presents off here he brings them to her house.”

Emmi nods, pushing her hair out of her face as she grabs another ornament. Peter turns around as well, grabbing the ornament he and Juliet got for Emmi’s first Christmas. Her baby picture in the frame, small ballet shoes painted on it.

That was the first Christmas he felt in over his head. Having a baby around the holiday season was undoubtedly the most exciting part. Emmi was a few months old at the time and he could remember her being so mesmerized by the lights and decorations they had in their small apartment they could barely afford. He remembers feeling like his life was changed forever, that now Christmases would be filled with little kid toys and the magic through the eyes of a child, and while that was supposed to be exciting, he mostly just felt overwhelmed about the rest of his life.

Now he looks up from the photo and so much has changed but Emmi is still right there, only now she’s big and independent and fierce and sassy all at the same time, and he really isn’t sure how so much time had passed in such a short amount of time.

“What ornament are you looking at?” Emmi asks, perching on her tiptoes in an attempt to see the ornament placed firmly in her father’s hands.

Peter coughs roughly, pushing back the emotions that evidently came with realizing your baby isn’t a baby anymore, leaning the ornament down so she could see it better. “This is your ornament from your first Christmas,” He says, but Emmi is already nodding, carefully taking the ornament from his hands. “That was you when you were about 4 months old. When you were my little baby who loved to sleep on my chest and fell asleep to my singing.”

Emmi pulls a disgusted face. “You’re not a very good singer, Daddy.”

“Maybe not, but you couldn’t tell me that then,” He laughs, lifting her up into his arms. “And now apparently you’re my big sassy girl who can tell me that I’m not a good singer,” He teases, kissing the side of her head before leaning her forward so she can hang the ornament on the tree.

Most of Peter and Lara Jean’s relationship felt like a movie scene. It was horribly cliche most of the time, but as the Christmas music plays quietly and he and Emmi hang the last of the ornaments he can’t help but feel like this also feels like like a movie scene.

“Hey baby, you know the bakery we went to the other day with Gabe?” He asks, fixing a few of the ornaments as Emmi nods. “Well, I’m friends with the girl who owns the place, and she wants to meet you. Would you want to meet her?”

“Is she nice?”

Peter can’t help but smile. “She’s the nicest person ever.”

“Can we go to the bakery and meet her right now?” There’s a hint of excitement behind Emmi’s words, one that Peter didn’t expect if he was being honest.

“How about we go tomorrow?”

“Really? Can we?”

“Sure,” He smiles, hanging the last of the ornaments before he begins to clean everything up. “But only if you’re good for Uncle Owen during the day. Otherwise I’ll just tell Lara Jean that you couldn’t come because you didn’t listen.”

“No! Don’t do that!” Emmi cries, following Peter around the living room to pick things up. “I’ll be so good tomorrow, I promise.”

Lifting Emmi up in his arms effortlessly, Peter plants a kiss to the top of her head. “I have no doubt that you’re going to be on your best behavior for Uncle Owen,” He smiles. “Now, how about we make some hot chocolate and watch a movie? I’ll even let you stay up a little later than normal,” He says, taking Emmi into the kitchen to get their drinks made.

When Emmi is resting firmly against his side and _The Grinch_ plays on TV in front of them, Peter digs his phone from his pocket and clicks on his and Lara Jean’s text.

_Emmi is really excited to come and meet you tomorrow :) but if you’re too busy tell me, you really don’t have to bring her in the back with you._

Lara Jean takes all of five minutes to text him back.

_I have one more big holiday order in the morning to fill and then a few small ones in the afternoon. She’ll be more than fine back there with me for a little bit, I promise neither of you will be imposing :) are you guys coming at your normal time?_

He glances down at Emmi to find her fighting sleep, quietly typing a reply back to Lara Jean.

_Around then, yeah :) Owen’s going to drop her off to me before he goes home. I’ll text you when I leave work?_

His phone buzzes a moment later.

_Perfect :) See you guys tomorrow!_

He doesn’t bother to text back, setting his phone on the couch beside him and pulling Emmi into his side further, soaking in those Christmas moments he had neglected the first few weeks of the season.

_______________________________

“I can't believe Kavinsky has a kid and you’re going to meet her,” Chris flops down onto Lara Jean’s sofa, organizing their Thai takeout on the coffee table while Lara Jean gets them both drinks.

“If I want to keep talking to him I should probably meet his daughter,” Lara Jean counters, handing Chris a soda as she sits down on the sofa next to her. “You should hear the way he talks about her.”

Chris rolls her eyes. “I'm sure he talks about her the same way he used to talk about you. Except now this person is his kid.”

Lara Jean laughs, dishing out some food for herself while Chris does the same. “I’m pretty sure he talks about her even better than he talked about me,” She counters.

Chris shrugs, turning on a romcom for the two of them to watch while they ate dinner, the silence falling between them both while they ate their dinners. Lara Jean had always loved these kinds of nights, nights where she didn’t have to think about work and she and Chris could hang out like they did when they were in high school.

“So, what’s going on with you and Kavinsky?” Chris asks, setting her plate down on the table. “I mean he’s come to visit almost every day since you guys went on your date, you’re meeting his daughter tomorrow. Is there something going on between the two of you that I need to know about?”

Lara Jean sighs, twirling her fork through the remaining noodles on her plate. “We haven’t talked about anything between us. I mean, I’m not sure if he even likes me like that anymore.”

“You have to be kidding me,” Chris deadpans, shifting her attention from the TV back to Lara Jean. “He’s stopped by the bakery on his way to get his daughter almost every day this week. He asked you to dinner. He wants you to meet his kid. He’s setting it all up to ask you out again,” She says, turning so she’s facing Lara Jean. “So, if he asked, would you say yes?”

Lara Jean stares at her plate until the noodles blur and she’s thought about the question at length, finally forcing herself to say something. “I don’t know,” She admits.

Because as nice at it has been for her to reconnect with her first love, as nice as it had been having Peter back in her life the last few weeks, he’s a dad. And she isn’t sure that they’re in the same place in life for that to even be a possibility right now.

“If you’re worried about everything he has going on in his life, you know Peter wouldn’t put any of that on you,” Chris says, sinking further back into the cushions. “If you’re wondering though, I still think you guys feel the same way about each other, just in a different stage of life.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Lara Jean shrugs, but she knows it’s at least true for her. The first time she saw him after years of being apart, she felt a little bit like she was in love with him all over again.

“Well, if you’re not sure how you want to feel about all of this, just don’t get too attached to them. I can’t watch you go through that heartbreak again, LJ.”

Lara Jean leans back against the cushions, closing her eyes and trying to envision what she wants from reconnecting with Peter.

She just has to hope she somehow finds the answers before she’s in too deep.

_______________________________

Getting things done at work was almost impossible for the entire day, Peter’s mind elsewhere. He couldn’t get his mind off of Emmi and Lara Jean meeting, how it would go, and what this all meant now that he wasn’t hiding anything anymore.

He texts Owen when he’s finishing up his last task for the day, getting things ready to go. Owen had assured him that Emmi was an angel all day — not that Peter totally believed that — and they would meet up just around the corner from the bakery.

He says his goodbyes to friends at work, digging his phone from his bag to text Lara Jean in the elevator.

_Going to meet up with Owen and get Emmi now. Still a good time for you to meet her?_

She texts back just as he walks out into the frigid air, his hand freezing as he reads the text quickly.

_Perfect time, actually. We just finished our last huge order, I just have a few small ones to fill. She can help count if she wants? Or she can help with some cookies :)_

Peter smiles, waiting to cross the street.

_She’s going to die just being in the back. Whatever you think she’s capable of :) but just be warned, her counting consists of solid one by one but a little dodgy when she tries to skip numbers. She gets a little too excited that she’s able to do it ;)_

Peter glances at his phone one more time, smiling at Lara Jean’s text back.

_We’ll stick to one by one then :) she sounds exactly like her dad, by the way. Getting too excited that they can do something that they forget how to do it ;)_

_Like father, like daughter :)_

He hits send on his last text, pocketing his phone and picking up the pace as he walks through the crowds shopping for Christmas in the frigid air of December. He can see Owen the next block over with his hand firmly grasped with Emmi’s, her hat with a giant ball on top poking out among the sea of shopping bags.

“Hey, kiddo,” He says when they’re closer, Emmi’s gaze shifting from the Christmas decorations in the window to her father, wriggling free of Owen’s grasp to run into his arms. “Did you have a good day?”

Emmi nods furiously, her mitten-covered hands reaching up to push her hat further up her head. “Uncle Owen and I made a really big fort and watched _The Santa Clause_ inside of it! And he even let me have a candy cane while we watched!”

Apparently Peter visibly cringes, because Owen laughs and holds his hands up. “The only thing sticky were her hands which I thoroughly cleaned before she was allowed to touch anything. And we cleaned the entire fort up. You wouldn’t have known we had the whole living room as a fort if she hadn’t said anything.”

Peter laughs, situating Emmi on his hip while he digs for his wallet, pulling out a 20. “I’ll get you beer tomorrow, but for now take this,” He says, Owen taking the money from his hand to pocket quickly. “You can keep the beer at my place until you go back to school.”

“Okay,” Owen nods, reaching over to tug on one of Emmi’s braids. “I’ll see you tomorrow, squirt. Have a good night with your dad.”

“Bye Uncle Owen!” Emmi smiles, sliding from Peter’s grasp to walk back over and hug Owen quickly before she takes Peter’s hand, the two of them walking in the opposite direction.

“You have to be on your best behavior at the bakery, okay? Lara Jean is really excited to meet you, but she’s also really busy,” Peter holds his daughter’s hand while she skips through the streets, nodding quickly.

He pauses just outside the bakery for a moment to compose himself, Emmi practically dragging him to the door as she pulls it open.

Jenna is working at the front again, smiling when she sees the two of them walk in. “I’ll let her know you guys are here,” She says, Peter thanking her quickly before leading her over to sit at a table.

“We’re not getting anything?” Emmi asks, her bottom lip jutting out as she turns in her chair to look longingly at the display case. “Can we get something later?”

“We will later, promise,” Peter says quickly, tapping his hands on the table while he waits for Lara Jean to walk out.

She appears from the back a moment later, her hair tied up in perfect braids the way he remembers her having when they were in high school. He hates that she manages to still look effortlessly gorgeous, exactly the way she always has, meanwhile he’s pretty sure he looks like he’s just been dragged through the street despite spending the entire day at work.

He stands up and hugs her quickly, leaving a quick kiss on her cheek. “Hey,” He smiles when he pulls away, turning their attention back to the table where Emmi is still staring at the display case as if it’s some forbidden area she’s not allowed to go to.

“Ems, can you pay attention to me for a second?” Peter asks, hearing Lara Jean laugh when Emmi sighs and turns to her father, her eyes widening when she notices Lara Jean standing there. “Emmi, this is my friend Lara Jean. Lara Jean, this is Emmi.”

“Hi, Emmi,” Lara Jean says, sliding into the seat once occupied by Peter, resting her hands on top of Emmi’s. “I’ve heard a lot about you. I love your braids.”

Emmi smiles shyly, reaching up to pull on her braid. “Daddy did them this morning,” She says quietly. “He’s not that good at it though. Lila’s mom can do them better.”

Lara Jean smiles, glancing up at Peter. “Really? He used to be really good at doing braids.” Emmi makes a face. “I guess I’ll just have to teach him again.”

“Can you please?!” Emmi asks excitedly, wiggling to sit up on her knees. “He needs a lot of help.”

Lara Jean laughs at that, nodding. “I will help him, I promise,” She says, sitting up a little straighter. “Speaking of help, I have some cookies I need to bake. Do you want to come help me?”

Emmi gasps, nodding quickly. “Yes!” She says, quickly turning to her dad. “Can we Daddy? Can we go help?”

“If you calm down,” He smiles, watching her slide off the chair and take his hand. His free hand takes Lara Jean’s and squeezes it gently.

“She’s adorable,” Lara Jean whispers, a smile on her face.

“You teach me how to braid better and she’s going to be your best friend like you want.”

Lara Jean smiles, leading them back into the back bakery where a few other people had been working. Lara Jean set everything out on a table in the back, Peter lifting Emmi up into a chair and taking her coat and mittens off so she could help.

“Oh my god, you didn’t tell me this kid was his clone,” Chris appears from her office, walking over to where the three of them were getting ready to make cookies.

“Emmi, this is my other friend Chris. Chris, this is my daughter, Emmi.”

Chris smiles, leaning against the table on the opposite side. “Nice to meet you, Emmi.”

“Hi,” Emmi smiles, her tiny hands pressing into the metal table.

“She is literally your clone. No way anyone could deny she’s yours.”

Peter rolls his eyes. “So I’ve been told. Good thing, cause she’s stuck with me.”

Chris smiles. “I’m sure you’re great at it. You always seemed to have the most dad potential to me.”

“What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know, I just always thought if you and Gen ever accidentally got pregnant in high school, you wouldn’t have been a totally horrible dad,” Chris shrugs, smiling when Peter laughs. “Clearly I wasn’t wrong. You’ve kept this kid alive for 5 years. And she is pretty cute.”

“I’m taking all of that as a compliment.”

“You should,” Chris counters, smirking. “I don’t give you compliments that easily. You’ll have to earn the rest.”

Chris retreats back to her office after a few minutes, and Peter finds a spare stool to sit down on and watch as Emmi and Lara Jean worked together to make some gingerbread cookies.

For a moment, Peter can remember all those days he spent sitting in Lara Jean’s kitchen watching her test recipes. He’d try them all, give honest feedback, and she’d go back to working on them and perfecting everything. She always thought he hated it, but in reality it was one of his favorite things to do. He could’ve sat at that kitchen island for hours watching his girlfriend as she focused intently on every measurement and mixing tool, carefully rolling out the cookie dough and cutting out shapes. He can remember how she’d blow her hair out of her face, her hands covered in flour and the concern and concentration knitted between her eyebrows so prominently.

He feels like he’s blinked and it’s been years since those moments, years since the two of them have done anything even close to hanging out, and now he finds himself sitting the back of a bakery his ex-girlfriend owns watching her and his daughter make cookies together as if Lara Jean had never left his life.

He never thought he’d have the chance to see Lara Jean again. His life after their breakup went from partying all the time to being a dad, and when Juliet left Peter resigned himself to the belief that he would never fall for someone as hard as he fell for Lara Jean.

And then she came back into his life in ways he couldn’t expect or prepare for, she listened to him as he explained everything that changed, and now he sits here wondering how he deserves to have someone like Lara Jean in his life. Someone who just understands exactly what he needs and is more than willing to get to know his new most important person just to see if they can make all of this work.

He snaps back into focus to see Lara Jean standing behind Emmi, Lara Jean’s hands resting on top of Emmi’s on the rolling pin. He can’t resist snapping a few photos with his phone, Lara Jean smiling at him as she continues to help Emmi roll out the dough.

“Okay, now we need to go get the cookie cutters! Want to come with me?” Lara Jean asks, holding her hand out for Emmi to jump off the stool and walk over to where Lara Jean keeps the cookie cutters.

Peter isn’t a perfect dad. He’s far from it, actually. There are mornings where the best he can do is throw Emmi’s hair up into a bun and feed her a granola bar while they walk so they’re not late for school. Sometimes he lets her sleep in his bed and stay up far too late because she’s a little more clingy than normal. He orders too much takeout and maybe he spoils her with treats when he can’t always be there because he feels bad.

But he’s trying. And there’s a million excuses that he could come up with — he didn’t have a dad for most of his teenage years, he didn’t think he’d be a parent alone, Emmi wasn’t planned, he didn’t think Juliet was really the one he wanted to have kids and spend the rest of his life with — but it’s not worth it. Because even if he used those excuses, even if he tells himself that this would be easier if he had been with Juliet long term and things would’ve worked out, he wouldn’t trade Emmi for the world.

If he didn’t have Emmi, he might not have ever reconnected with Lara Jean. And this moment that’s given him permanent butterflies in his stomach would’ve never happened.

Lara Jean lifts Emmi back up onto the stool, the two of them cutting out cookies and setting them out on a tray. Lara Jean lets Emmi decorate a few (Peter reminded Emmi not to pour too many sprinkles out onto the cookies), and then she put them in the oven, coming back to where they had been working.

“They have to cook for a few minutes, but do you want to come help me check some orders? It’s kind of boring,” Lara Jean smiles, laughing when Emmi nods as if she’d just been asked to go on a roller coaster.

Peter stays where he was sitting, watching from afar as Emmi climbs up onto another stool near Lara Jean’s coworkers, looking through the orders and pointing out the different cupcakes.

“Don’t get too cocky receiving all these compliments from me in such a short amount of time,” Chris’ voice cuts through his thoughts as she walks back out to sit next to him, “but you’ve done good raising that kid so far.”

“Thanks,” Peter says quietly, a smile on his face. “I’m just doing my best.”

“She must have the Kavinsky charm, because Lara Jean is obviously in love with her. And they just met.”

Peter laughs. “You should have known that Lara Jean cannot resist the Kavinsky charm.”

Chris rolls her eyes. “I’m going back to work. You keep making heart eyes at your high school sweetheart. Or like, do something about how it’s really obvious there’s something still there between the two of you.”

She leaves before Peter can reply, and he doesn’t have time to process things before Emmi and Lara Jean are on their way back over, pulling cookies from the oven.

“Don’t touch, baby, they’re super hot.”

Emmi rolls her eyes, leaning back and looking at the cookies from afar.

She hops down from the stool, walking around to Peter for him to lift her up into his lap. “Daddy, can Lara Jean come over to our house for dinner?”

Emmi’s attempts to whisper the question to her dad prove to be worthless as Peter sees Lara Jean smile from behind them. He can’t help but smile, smoothing Emmi’s hat back down over her head.

“I think you have to ask Lara Jean yourself.”

Emmi nods, turning around so she can see Lara Jean as she moves the cookies onto a tray to go into the display case, pulling aside Emmi’s cookies to give to her.

“Lara Jean, can you come eat dinner at our house with me and Daddy?” She asks, a smile on her face.

“How could I ever say no to that face,” She smiles. “I’ll come. Do you want me to come tonight?”

Emmi nods quickly. “Can you please? I really want you to come!”

“I can,” She nods, turning back to Peter. “You’re good with this?”

“If you don't mind a little messy apartment and being subjected to a viewing of _Polar Express_ , then I don’t mind.”

“Sounds romantic,” Lara Jean smirks, handing the tray over to her assistant. “We close in an hour. I can come over after I clean up here?”

Peter nods, pulling out his phone to text his address to Lara Jean before he forgets. “We should get home then, clean up a little bit. Owen assures me they cleaned up the fort they built in the living room while I was at work, but I’m not so sure I should believe them,” He smiles, Emmi throwing her head back.

“We did clean it!” She groans, Peter laughing as he sets her back down on the ground, standing up to retrieve her jacket. “What do you say to Lara Jean for letting you help bake today?”

“Thank you, Lara Jean!” Emmi smiles, pulling her jacket on and running over to hug Lara Jean.

“You’re welcome, Emmi. You were a really big help! Maybe you can come back and help me again sometime?”

“Okay!” Emmi nods, walking back over to Peter.

He walks over to hug Lara Jean. “Thank you for this. Seriously.”

“She’s great, Peter,” Lara Jean smiles, taking a step back when Peter stands up. “I’ll see you guys in a little bit.”

Peter nods, taking Emmi’s hand as they leave through the back door, making their way to the store to grab some things for dinner before they go home.

Any worries Peter had about Lara Jean and Emmi not getting along have melted away, but now all he can think about is what Chris said about the two of them still having feelings for each other.

He really doesn’t want to mess this up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was already 10 words from being 5,000 words total, so you're going to have to wait for the dinner with the three of them because that would've made this chapter INSANELY long haha
> 
> i know i say this all the time, but thank you guys so much for reading this story/leaving kudos/comments and just liking this story as much as you guys do! i literally never thought people would like this as much as you guys do haha.
> 
> more soon, i promise! :) <3
> 
> (the title of this chapter is from Lights Down Low by MAX which...is a very LJ/Peter song to me if we're going off the book or movieverse :) )


	6. I see that you've come so far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean comes over, and they all go home for Christmas

Peter’s apartment is not spectacular. It’s far cleaner than his dorm ever was, but there’s toys haphazardly put away in the corner, blankets and sweatshirts laying across the back of the couch, and dishes he didn’t get to the last few days still left over in the sink.

He tackles the sink first, hastily wiping down the counters while Emmi plays in her room before he gets dinner started. He settled on tacos, grabbing the ingredients on the way home with Emmi’s help. He almost texted Lara Jean to ask if she still enjoyed tacos, but decides against it and gets to cooking before he overthinks the fact that Emmi invited his ex-girlfriend (and girl he thought he’d be with forever) to dinner without him being able to say no.

Lara Jean sends a text that she’s on her way not long after 6, Peter finishing up dinner and setting the table for the three of them to keep his mind off of everything else.

When she arrives he stops in the bathroom to make sure he looks fine, opening the door to let her in as she smiles, holding a bag in her hand. “Emmi left her gingerbread cookies she made earlier today. I thought I’d bring them for her.”

Peter takes the bag, smiling as he leads her into the apartment. “She’s going to be so excited you’re here,” He says, walking into the kitchen to check on dinner. “I’m assuming you still like tacos?”

“Love them, actually,” She replies, setting her things down on the kitchen chair. “Haven’t had them in a while, though. They’re kind of a hassle to make for one person.”

“Lucky for you, Emmi’s favorite food is tacos. So if you play your cards right you should be having them more often.” Peter doesn’t know where the boldness came from, but Lara Jean laughs and walks over to help him cut the rest of the vegetables while he pokes his head around the corner to call for Emmi.

“Your place is really nice,” Lara Jean says when Peter walks back to stand next to her, grabbing another knife to help her finish. “Not at all like your dorm used to look.”

Peter laughs, shaking his head. “No, not really. The clothes and lacrosse equipment I had thrown everywhere have been replaced by obscene amounts of toys that she refuses to put away until I yell at her when I step on a Lego or a Barbie doll.”

Emmi’s quiet footsteps trail down the hallway, stopping just at the kitchen when she pokes her head around the wall. “Are you shy now? You just spent the entire afternoon with Lara Jean, and now you’re being quiet?” Peter asks, glancing at his daughter with a smile on his face while he brings things over to the table.

“Hi, Emmi,” Lara Jean smiles, “I brought the cookies you made at the bakery with me today.”

“You did?” Emmi asks quietly, walking around the corner and into the kitchen, pushing her hair out of her face. “Can we have them?”

“After dinner,” Peter says before Lara Jean can answer, carrying the taco meat over to the table. “You ready for some tacos?”

Emmi perks up at that, walking over to the table and pulling herself up into her seat, Lara Jean sitting on the other side of her. It doesn’t feel awkward, Lara Jean making herself a taco while Peter helps Emmi with hers. They make small conversation, Emmi warms up to Lara Jean again and tells her about school and all her friends, and Peter can’t help but wonder if this is a reality he could see himself in in the future, or if all of this is moving too fast and he didn’t go about it the right way.

“Em, why don’t you go pick a movie to put on and we’ll be out in a minute,” Peter says once they’ve finished, Lara Jean standing up to help him as Emmi runs off to pick out a movie.

“I thought you said she was going to pick _Polar Express_?” Lara Jean smiles, giving herself the task of drying the dishes as Peter washed them.

“Oh she probably will, but if you tell her to go find that movie she’ll have a fit that I picked the movie,” Peter explains, a smile on his face. “Did you know how exhausting 5 year olds are?”

“I remember Kitty being that young. Then again, Kitty has always had control over all of us. 5 year old Kitty was really no different to Kitty in high school.”

Peter nods, finishing up the last of the dishes as Lara Jean finishes drying everything. If this were any other moment in their lives he would’ve spent the time putting things away by kissing her every time they passed, but now they just work in harmony, quietly putting things away while Lara Jean grabs the bag of cookies from the counter, setting them out on three plates she found in one of the cabinets.

He tries not to think about how perfectly she seems to fit in.

“I want Daddy to sit on this side and Lara Jean to sit on the other,” Emmi says when they walk into the living room, _Polar Express_ sitting on the coffee table.

“Fine, but you have to sit up so you can eat this cookie,” Peter agrees, Emmi scrambling to sit up as she holds out her hand for a cookie, smiling when Lara Jean sits next to her as Peter gets the movie ready, turning it on.

In the history of dates — if that’s what they’re going to call this — Peter doesn’t think this is conventional in any way. He thought about telling Lara Jean she could leave if she wanted, but she seemed pretty excited about it and as the curl up against the sofa together he figures that maybe this isn’t the worst thing, having his daughter get along with the girl he once loved more than anything.

“You know, Emmi, I think you might be the best cookie maker in the world,” Lara Jean says quietly when they’re finished their cookies. “They were so good!”

Emmi smiles, resting her head against Lara Jean’s arm. “I’m really good? Like you?”

Lara Jean glances at Peter, smiling. “Definitely as good as me.”

Peter takes their plates to the kitchen, walking back out to find blankets spread out over Lara Jean and Emmi, room left for Peter to snuggle close.

And so he does, curling up on the other side of Emmi and watching the movie with the two of them, Emmi’s eyes growing heavy the longer the movie stayed on. He looks over a little while later to find Emmi half asleep against Lara Jean, Lara Jean’s fingers running through Emmi’s hair the same way she used to do to him when they were dating.

“I can take her to bed,” He whispers, Lara Jean carefully looking over.

“She’s okay. She’s in and out. It’s almost over, just leave her for a minute.”

Peter does, settling back against the cushions and reaching his arm around so he can play with Lara Jean’s hair.

The movie ends, Peter turns on HGTV quietly and looks down at his daughter, who’s body is pressed against Lara Jean’s side while she sleeps.

“I’m going to go put her in bed. Stay?” He asks quietly, Lara Jean nodding as Peter stands up to take Emmi from the sofa.

She stirs in his arms, whining a little bit as she settles against his shoulder. “Can you say bye to Lara Jean? It’s time for bed,” He says quietly, turning his shoulder so Emmi could see Lara Jean as she parted her eyes.

“Bye,” Emmi whispers, waving lazily before her eyes flutter shut again.

Peter disappears down the hall, changing Emmi into her pajamas and tucking her into bed, kissing her on the forehead. “Love you, baby.”  
“Love you, Daddy,” She whispers back, rolling over as Peter quietly walks out, flicking her nightlight on before he partly shuts the door.

He finds Lara Jean in the kitchen, cleaning up the last of their dishes when she smiles at him. “You’re a really good dad, Peter.”

Peter smiles, shaking his head. “It’s not… I’m doing the best that I can.”

Lara Jean shuts off the sink, walking over to wrap her arms around his middle. “She’s so happy. You’re doing amazing, even if you don’t think you are.”

Her head rests against his chest, his chin fitting squarely on the crown of her head. They just stand there for a moment, and for those moments it’s exactly what Peter needs. Just her there, back in his life, being understanding. He couldn’t ask for anything else.

When she pulls away, there’s this look on her face that Peter remembers. The look that she wants to say something more, that there’s something on her mind. But before he can ask, she begins to talk.

“By the way, I couldn’t help but notice your lovely Christmas tree decorating skills,” She giggles, following him back out and sitting on his couch with him.

Peter rolls his eyes, glancing at the tree. “Emmi is very insistent that she doesn’t need any help hanging them. I’ve been moving them to spread them around every once in a while, but we’re getting dangerously close to her noticing.”

Lara Jean laughs, moving closer to Peter and resting her head against his shoulder. “What are you two doing for Christmas?”

“Going back to my mom’s. On Sunday, actually. Christmas Eve, I know. But we had no other choice,” Peter mumbles, pulling her hand into his lap so he could play with her rings. “What about you?”

“Back to my dad’s. On Sunday, too. Margot and Ravi are coming this year, so the Song-Covey girls will be back together,” She smiles, pulling herself further against him. This all feels so different to how it should be.

Peter feels at home with Lara Jean. Like there’s no time lost between them, like they just picked up right where they left of and they can fix things between them with time. But then he remembers how careful he has to be, and the confusion he’d been racked with for the last few weeks come flying back in full force without him being able to stop it.

“Did you want to drive back home together?” He asks really out of nowhere, never having a second thought about it.

Lara Jean pulls away from his chest, a smile tugging at her lips. “Peter, I have to be back on Wednesday to open the bakery.”

“So I’ll drive you back.”

“Are you coming back to the city two days after Christmas?”

Peter hesitates. “No,” He admits, sitting up a little straighter. “But we don’t live that far from here. It’s not that big of a deal to get up and drive you.”

“I can’t ask you to drive me back here that early in the morning.”

“You didn’t ask me,” Peter quickly replies, a smile tugging at his lips.

Lara Jean sighs, chewing on the inside of her lip for a moment. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“Positive,” He nods, giving her his best puppy dog eyes that used to work all the time.

“Okay,” She concedes, nodding. “But I’m probably going to feel really bad about this for a while.”

“Don’t,” Peter smiles, pulling her back against his side. “You’re worth getting up at an ungodly hour in the morning for.”

“Don’t get sappy,” Lara Jean smirks, but she’s laughing and her head is falling against his chest, and for a moment Peter feels so overwhelmed with happiness that he finds it hard to breathe.

She leaves after another episode of _House Hunters_ , but Peter leaves a kiss on her cheek in the doorway and makes his way to bed after checking in on Emmi with a little more hope that he can somehow make all of this work.

_______________________________

Lara Jean spends the day before she closes the bakery for a few days finishing the last of the orders and making sure everything was clean while no one was there, helping out with the small amount of customers that came in for some last minute treats.

Her mind hadn’t strayed far from Peter, although with constant texts she found it hard for her to forget about how great things were going between them. Almost too great, she thought on more than one occasion, but it was the familiarity that had her coming back quicker than she could second guess anything. Because being with Peter felt like being home, like that missing piece in her life she didn’t know she needed in this moment.

Chris had been kept up to date on everything, including the fact that Lara Jean was driving home with Peter and Emmi for the holidays. Chris, who once really didn’t care for the details of she and Peter’s relationship, now finds herself sitting at the table while Lara Jean checks over orders wanting to know all the details.

“So, have you two kissed again?”

Lara Jean rolls her eyes. “No, we haven’t. I don’t really think we’re in that stage?”

“Are you ever going to be?” Chris challenges, pulling the order sheets over to her so she can label everything.

Lara Jean sighs, sucking her bottom lip between her teeth as she looks over another order put in front of her. “I don’t know,” She says honestly.

As much as she wants to be back with Peter, this isn’t high school or college. There’s more going into this. They’re both professionals now with busy jobs, Peter has a daughter who clearly needs to come first, and there’s different stages to life that they need to consider.

But for some reason, Lara Jean finds herself believing that they can get through all that. That somehow the two of them can figure it all out along the way.

“I know I’m usually the one that’s like love is dead, blah blah blah, leave Peter in the past where he belongs,” Chris begins, tearing off an order sheet to stick to the box. “But I really just want you two back together.”

Lara Jean laughs.

“I’m serious, LJ. You were always so settled with him. You were like, ridiculously happy. And I know things were kind of rocky towards the end, you both weren’t totally invested in the relationship, but that doesn’t mean it would still be like that now.”

“Yeah, well, there’s a lot of things different this time around. It’s not like when we broke up in high school.”

“If you’re saying all of this because Peter has a kid, then you’re right it’s not like how it was when we were in high school. But I also think the two of you are in a better place now than when you were in college. He lives around the corner, LJ. I know this could be scary for you, but I think you need to give this a chance. Whatever happens, just give it a chance. This kind of seems like fate.”

Lara Jean thinks about texting Peter and asking if they can meet up to talk about things to straighten it all out before Christmas, but the thought of the most awkward car ride happening if they decide to just be friends isn’t something she wants to deal with. And so instead she decides that maybe over the short trip home they can find some alone time to figure all of this out.

_______________________________

Packing for both himself and Emmi turns out to be a much bigger ordeal than Peter ever remembers it being, and by the end he just begins throwing things in the bag, hoping that he’ll be able to put some sort of an outfit together that makes sense for both of them.  
Gabe was planning to come over to give Emmi presents before they went back home for the weekend, which meant Peter had a limited amount of time before the rest of his night was tied up with celebrating an early Christmas.

Gabe offers to stay later mostly to keep Emmi out of the way while Peter is getting things together, the two of them laying in the living room eating Christmas cookies Peter bought the mix for at the store in a moment of weakness (Emmi had already told him three times they weren’t as good as Lara Jean’s. He wanted to agree, but was too prideful).

He sets their bags by his bedroom door and walks back into the living room, stifling his laughs when he finds Emmi hanging off the sofa upside down while Gabe flicks through the channels. It looks so casual, like this is a normal occurrence and Peter can’t help but laugh at the absurdity his life had been the last few years.

“Hey, kiddo, it’s bedtime,” He finally says, because it’s already way after her actual bedtime and he’s trying to keep some sort of normalcy in the chaos of Christmas holidays. Emmi looks over, whines, and then gives Gabe a huge hug goodbye when she climbs over him to walk down the hall to bed.

“So tomorrow we go to Grandma’s?” Emmi asks, jumping up onto her mattress when Peter pulls the covers back.

He nods, tucking her in once she’s laid down. “Tomorrow afternoon we go. We have to go get some last minute Christmas presents in the morning, and then we’re going to pick up Lara Jean at lunchtime and drive home with her.”

“And she’s coming in our car?” Emmi asks, pushing her hair back away from her face as she nods. “Like we’re taking her to her daddy’s?”

Peter smiles, settling against her headboard with a book in his hand. “Yes, we’re going to drop her off at her daddy’s on our way home. Her daddy lives near Grandma.”

Emmi nods, nestling herself up against Peter’s arm as he reads to her quietly. She makes it halfway through the book before her even breathing fills the room, and somehow Peter manages to untangle himself, leave a kiss on her forehead and leave the room without waking her up.

“You didn’t have to clean this up,” Peter says when he walks back out to find Gabe in the kitchen putting the last of the dishes in the dishwasher. “I was going to get it as soon as I got her in bed.”

“You’ve been nonstop the last few weeks. It’s really the least I could do,” Gabe argues. Peter thinks about saying that he’s done more than enough, helping with Emmi when he has to work late and coming over at the drop of a hat whenever Peter needs him. But instead he just nods, drying off the dishes that couldn’t go in the dishwasher and putting them away.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going to happen these next few days,” Gabe begins, drying off his hands and turning to lean against the counter. “But whatever happens, just be careful.”

Peter nods, mulling through the cabinets in a lame attempt to distract his mind. “I think I’m going to take a chance on this,” He admits. “Maybe ask her to go on a formal date with me. See if she feels the same way.”

“And you should,” Gabe quickly agrees. “But you have to think of Emmi. You have to think about what would happen if you and Lara Jean were to break up and Emmi would go from having LJ there to not having her at all. This isn’t… you can’t just go into a relationship thinking about what you want now. And I know you know that, I know that me telling you this is as useless as most anything else I could say, but I love Em almost as much as you do, and I don’t want to see both of you be hurt by whatever would happen.”

Peter nods, shoving his hands into the pocket of his sweatshirt. “I can’t never date again just because Emmi is in my life now,” He says quietly, but he’s mostly thinking out loud and he isn’t really expecting Gabe to even reply. “I think if I’m going to bring someone into Emmi’s life who I could really see myself with, Lara Jean would be that person.”

“I’m not disagreeing with you, by the way,” Gabe smiles, shifting his weight against the counter. “I think you and Lara Jean have something special between the two of you. I think you always have. But I just don’t want something like what happened in college to happen to you and have Emmi be heartbroken. She loves Lara Jean. Just… you have to remember that. You have to take Emmi’s feelings into consideration. And if you don’t know that you and Lara Jean are ready to date again, involve Em less.”

Gabe speaks like a parent, but in many ways it’s exactly what Peter needs. The blunt, honest truth. The reality that he can’t think the way that he did when he was in college.

He and Gabe watch a basketball game well into the night, nursing beers between the two of them. There’s a lot left unsaid, but after everything Peter had thought about that night, he decides he knows exactly what he needs — and wants — to do.

_______________________________

Peter shows up to Lara Jean’s apartment five minutes before he said he’d pick her up, letting her know that he’s there whenever she’s ready.

He and Emmi spent most of the morning buying some last minute gifts and packing up the car, making sure they had everything that they would need for a week at his mom’s house. He left enough room for Lara Jean’s things in the back, hopping out of the car when she emerges from the front doors of her apartment building with a suitcase and a bag full of presents.

“Is there anything else you need?” He asks as he lifts the suitcase into the trunk of his car, Lara Jean shaking her head when she hands him the gift bag.

“I’ve got everything right here. You ready to go?” She smiles, thanking Peter quietly when he nods and opens the passenger door for her to climb in.

By the time he’s back around to the driver’s side, Emmi is already deep in conversation with Lara Jean as if the ride had already been hours long.

“Daddy says that Santa will know I’m at Grandma’s tonight and he’s going to bring all my presents there. Do you think that’s true, Lara Jean?” Emmi asks, Peter quietly merging back onto the busy city streets en route to the highway.

“I know that’s true, Emmi,” Lara Jean confirms, twisting in her seat so she can look at Emmi. “One time I spent Christmas at my grandmother’s and Santa knew I was there. He put all my presents under her tree.”

Emmi perks up at that, smiling. “I just don’t want him to leave the presents underneath our tree at our house. Then I won’t get them until we go back home.”

“He’s not going to leave them there, baby,” Peter assures her, glancing back in the rearview mirror. “He’s watching you, remember? So he knows we’re going to Grandma’s.”

Emmi nods, leaning back against her booster seat. “When we stay at Grandma’s I have to sleep in Daddy’s old room,” Emmi says, her nose wrinkling in disgust at the thought.

Lara Jean laughs, sharing a glance with Peter. There was a time where she would spend the night in Peter’s bedroom when they were home visiting from college. She can remember curling up against him, her cold toes pressed against his warm legs as her head rested in the crook of his neck. She always felt so safe sleeping with him, warm and comforted and like there was never anything that could get better than this.

She misses it sometimes. When it’s a long Winter and she aches for that feeling of Peter’s arms reaching out and pulling her close. It’s been six years, yet if she closes her eyes long enough she can still smell the faint mint scent of his body wash and his breathing slow and even against the back of her neck.

“Isn’t it fun sleeping in your dad’s old room though?” She asks, leaning against the center console in an attempt to make looking back at Emmi more comfortable. “He used to sleep in there when he was your age.”

“It’s too boy,” Emmi counters, crossing her arms over her chest. “He has a lot of lacrosse stuff.”

“Well, your dad was really good at lacrosse.”

“He always says that,” Emmi rolls her eyes. Lara Jean laughs, glancing at Peter to see that his cheeks had turned a light shade of pink.

“He brags about how good at lacrosse he was?” She asks, smiling when Emmi nods. “I really shouldn’t be surprised,” She murmurs, her eyes on Peter as he changes lanes on the highway.

“I wanted her to play like I did!” Peter argues.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to. I like baseball. Or soccer,” Emmi says thoughtfully. “Daddy says when I’m a little older I can be on swim team!”

Lara Jean smiles at Peter as he shrugs. “You trying to make your kid into a star athlete?”

“If she’s not going to play lacrosse I at least want her to do some sort of sport.”

Lara Jean nods, glancing back at Emmi. “I’m sure you’re really good at all of those sports.”

Emmi’s smile broadens, her hair falling in her face as she nods. “I am! You should come one time with Daddy! Sometimes Gabe comes too.”

“I’ll try to come one day,” Lara Jean says, but it doesn’t sound like a total promise and Peter just smiles, reaching for Lara Jean’s hand as he continues their drive towards home.

He doesn’t let go, and she savors this moment where everything feels exactly like she wants without the heavy conversation between them.

—

Emmi spends most of the car ride singing along to the Christmas music while she stares out the window. If she notices Peter and Lara Jean holding hands she doesn’t say anything, but as Peter pulls off the highway and navigates his way through the back roads of their hometown, she senses they’re close, perking up.

“This isn’t Grandma’s,” She mumbles when he shifts the car into park in front of the Covey’s.

“It’s Lara Jean’s dad’s house. We’re dropping her off first,” He explains quickly, unbuckling his seatbelt while Lara Jean does the same.

“Wait, I want to say goodbye to her!” Emmi whines, undoing her own seatbelt and hopping out of the car before Peter has a chance to stop her.

Emmi runs around the car, meeting Lara Jean at the back as she hugs her around her middle.

“I had a really fun car ride with you, Emmi. I hope Santa brings you everything you want,” Lara Jean smiles, picking Emmi up to hug her properly.

“I hope Santa brings you a lot of presents!” Emmi smiles, pulling back to look at Lara Jean in the face. “Merry Christmas!”

Peter can’t help but feel at ease at the whole conversation, the way his daughter had just taken to Lara Jean in a way she hadn’t taken to anyone else before. He opens the back and gets Lara Jean’s things out, bringing them up to the front door while Lara Jean carries Emmi, the two of them deep in conversation that he’s now tuned out.

Kitty opens the front door before Peter knocks, and Emmi’s head whips around as she gasps in surprise. “Kitty is at your house!” She smiles, wriggling from Lara Jean’s grasp to run over to Kitty, giving her a hug.

Peter gives Lara Jean a sheepish smile, shrugging.

“Kitty is my sister, Emmi,” Lara Jean says, and she doesn’t sound annoyed or put off that Kitty seems to already have this relationship with Emmi that Lara Jean hasn’t had the chance to have.

“She is?” Emmi asks, looking between the two of them. “That’s so cool! I want a sister, but Daddy says I have to wait.”

Lara Jean can’t help but laugh, smiling at Peter as he stands on the Covey’s front porch blushing furiously. “You keep spilling my secrets and you’ll wait even longer, kid,” He laughs, holding out his hand for Emmi to take.

He hugs Lara Jean quickly, stealing a moment with her when Kitty offers to take Emmi to see the lights their dad had hung up on the front of the house.

“Thank you for driving,” Lara Jean says quietly, taking a step towards Peter. It feels odd being here on her front step with Peter again, but these circumstances are much better than the last time.

“You’re welcome. I’ll see you at some point while we’re here?” He asks, smiling as Lara Jean nods, reaching out to take his hand so he can squeeze it.

“Of course. I want to hear all about what Santa brings Emmi,” She smiles. “Maybe a little sister like she wants.”

Peter rolls his eyes. “Not right now. Not for a little while. She is more than enough,” He laughs. “Besides, that really isn’t all down to me.”

Lara Jean smiles, falling against his chest as she hugs him. “Merry Christmas, Peter Kavinsky.”

“Merry Christmas, Lara Jean Covey,” He whispers in reply, kissing the top of her head lightly before pulling away, wrangling Emmi back into the car so they could get to his mom’s.

Emmi is swiftly taken off his hands by his mom the second they walk through the door, and for the first time since December rolled around, Peter truly feels the magic of Christmas that he had been longing for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title of the chapter from I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz :)
> 
> thank you so much for reading/commenting/leaving kudos! i know i say it every time, but i'm still blown away that people are actually loving this as much as you guys do? i love writing it, so i'm so glad that it's going over as well as it is :)
> 
> more soon, i promise! :)


	7. can't forget where I came from

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's Christmas! Peter and Emmi return to his parents, Lara Jean goes to her dad's with her sisters, and Peter decides to take a leap of faith

Lara Jean was never quite able to understand why Christmas didn’t feel like Christmas until she was back in her childhood home.

She came home later this year on the afternoon of Christmas Eve, but the tree had been left sparse for she, Margot and Kitty to decorate. Trina had offered to make cookies so they didn’t have to do it (she figured Lara Jean wouldn’t want to come home and bake more), and as Christmas music flowed through the house it finally began to feel like her favorite time of year.

Kitty spent most of the time decorating the tree reminiscing on the homemade ornaments her dad still kept in the main ornament box, hanging them up meticulously and making sure that hers were always the most prominent. Ravi mostly hangs out on the sofa watching, not wanting to intrude on the sister moment that the girls had clearly been waiting for after months of being apart.

Being at home was comforting to Lara Jean. She didn’t necessarily consider herself a homebody — she moved to UNC for college and fell in love with being away — but with the stress of the bakery opening and doing much better much quicker than anyone expected, being out of the store and smelling the warmth of Trina’s baking and her father cooking dinner in the crockpot is exactly what she needed for a few days.

They finish the last of the ornaments and spend the next 40 minutes carefully placing all the presents under the tree, classic Christmas music echoing through the speakers of their home. It’s cozy, those twinkling lights warming the space and the hot chocolate set out on the island for the three of them bringing the warmth and joy that Lara Jean had missed. She didn’t set up a Christmas tree in her apartment this year, but her dad’s more than made up for it, and so she settles in beside it with her sisters while they turn on _It’s A Wonderful Life_ to all watch together as a family.

“Emmi seemed to really like you,” Kitty says, her warm mug pressed to her lips as she eyes her older sister.

Lara Jean nods, pulling her sweatshirt sleeves over her hands. “She’s great. We got along right away.”

“How old is she again?” Margot asks, looking over from where she had been laying with Ravi.

“She’s 5.”

“And she likes you that much? I didn’t think kids liked strangers that much. Especially when the adult is hanging out with their parents.”

“Yeah,” Lara Jean shrugs. “I mean, she thinks I’m the greatest thing because I own the bakery, but we’ve hung out at Peter’s house and she seems to really like me.”

Margot nods, but Lara Jean can tell that there’s words left unsaid and if she was a more confrontational she would’ve asked her what she’s thinking and if she can just be honest about this whole thing.

Margot doesn’t press the conversation and Kitty just looks at Lara Jean with raised eyebrows, and Lara Jean decides it isn’t worth it to ruin this little Christmas moment she had been waiting months to have.

—

Ravi retires to bed earlier than the girls, stating that the long hours he’d been working and excitement for Christmas had exhausted him. Their dad and Trina go to bed not long after, leaving the three Covey girls to retire to Lara Jean’s room, sprawling out on the bed like they did all those years ago when Margot had just left for Scotland and would come home once every few months.

“So, you and Peter,” Kitty teases, nudging Lara Jean’s leg with her foot. “You seemed pretty lovey when I opened the door this afternoon.”

“We weren’t being lovey,” Lara Jean protests, sinking further back into her pillows. “We’re just. Friends. Reconnecting friends.”

It’s clearly not convincing, because Margot leans up on her elbows and raises her eyebrows. “Did he kiss you goodbye?”

“On the top of the head,” Lara Jean says quickly, shaking her head. “It didn’t mean anything. I’m not — we haven’t talked about anything like that. We’ve just been catching up. Hanging out together again.”

Margot nods, sitting up and crossing her legs in front of her. “Do you think you’re going to get back together again? Now that you’ve had a few weeks to get to know him as an adult.”

Lara Jean opens her mouth to reply, then shuts it quickly. It’s not something she’s thought about — mostly because she hasn’t had time — but now that she’s faced with the question she knows she needs to truly think about what she would want.

“Maybe,” She shrugs, pulling her knees up to her chest. “But it’s not something we’ve talked about. I’ve been really busy with the bakery and all the holiday orders we had, and he has Emmi and she takes a lot of his time. We don’t talk about what’s going to happen between us. Maybe he’s cool with just being friends.”

“I saw the way he was looking at you, Lara Jean,” Kitty cuts in, a permanent smile on her face. “He’s totally in love with you. He looks at you the same way he did when you guys were in high school. I think he wants to get back together.”

“Well,” Lara Jean begins, “If he wants to get back together than he needs to bring it up. I’ve made myself look like an idiot once before between the two of us, I’m not doing it again.”

“That was years ago,” Kitty rolls her eyes. “But you’d go on a date with him?”

Lara Jean feels a smile tugging at her lips. “Sure, if he wanted to.”

Kitty nods, and before long Margot is diving into a story about her life and how she and Ravi are adjusting to the new condo they just bought, and in all the things Lara Jean had missed about living at home with her sisters under one roof, she thinks this is the thing she misses the most.

_______________________________

“So the faster I fall asleep, the faster Santa comes?” Emmi asks when Peter is tucking her into bed, her doll placed beside her. She spent the night with Owen tracking Santa on some website Owen found when he was googling things to do with Emmi for Christmas Eve, the two of them spending the night running to the computer every few minutes to see where Santa was in the world.

“Yes, but you can’t get out of bed and you can’t stay here awake the whole night waiting to see if you can hear him,” He smiles, pulling the blankets up to her chin and sitting down on the edge of the bed. “I’m going to come to bed in a little bit, and you better be asleep when I get here.”

“I will be,” Emmi nods quickly, her eyes wide. “I promise, Daddy. I won’t even wake up when you get into bed.”

Peter smiles at that, leaning down to kiss Emmi’s forehead. “I love you, Emmi bear.”

“Love you more, Daddy,” Emmi replies quietly, yawning widely as she burrows down underneath the blankets.

Peter leaves the room quietly, leaving the door partly open before he walks back down to the living room, beginning to set out presents.

He tried not to go overboard most years. He had enough money to spoil her, but this year he and Emmi bought presents for kids who couldn’t afford them, donating them before they left town so Emmi could learn to give back to others. But when he steps back and sees the pile of presents that they had laid out for everyone, he can’t help but feel like they went a little further than they maybe should have.

“Isn’t this so much more fun now that she understands Santa and Christmas?” His mom smiles, walking back in from the kitchen with three mugs of tea balanced between her hands.

“It is,” Peter confirms, settling in on the sofa in between his mom and brother, a Christmas movie playing on TV. “She’s been asking me nonstop about Santa and making sure that he knows she’s here.”

“She’s going to ask that every year,” His mom smiles, patting Peter’s leg lightly. “But you’ll miss these little moments when she’s older and doesn’t believe in Santa anymore. And it goes far too quickly. I know I miss those little moments with the two of you.”

“I have to say, it is really fun to have a little kid here. Somehow it makes this all magical again,” Owen interjects, looking between Peter and his mom.

A silence falls over the three of them, but it isn’t uncomfortable and it gives Peter time to think about how time is fleeting and pretty soon his little girl who’s asked him nonstop about Santa and talked about the magic of Christmas and the elves won’t be a little kid anymore and she’ll be a teenager and she won’t believe in the magic of Christmas or Santa.

And then he thinks about where he wants to be when Emmi is a teenager. If he'll have more kids, if he’ll ever find someone he truly feels like he could settle down with and expand his little family that for so long had always been he and Emmi.

He knows in his heart that the only person he could see himself with is Lara Jean. It’s always been her, he knows this no matter how much he tries to push it away. He never stopped thinking that, even when he met Juliet and he tried to move on by being with her. And when they tried to make things work just after Emmi was born, there were nights where he wished he could just call Lara Jean and ask her if she ever really fell out of love with him. If he would be crazy to leave Juliet and work it out with her.

There were plenty of times where he thought about calling her, but now, sitting here on Christmas Eve a few months after he and Lara Jean had reconnected and it’s never been more apparent what he wants for the rest of his life.

He needs to ask Lara Jean on a date, and he wants to make this a thing again. He wants to be with her more than anything.

—

Sharing a bed with Emmi means waking up at the crack of dawn to a 5 year old sitting on his chest, her cold hands pressed against his cheeks.

“Daddy! Wake up! It’s Christmas!” She says excitedly, and so Peter forces his eyes open, coming face to face with a 5 year old who is far too awake for the sun not even being up yet.

“Baby,” Peter sighs, reaching for his phone to check the time. “It’s only 6:15. We can't go downstairs yet.”

Emmi pouts, removing her hands from his face to rest against his chest. “But why not?”

“Grandma and Uncle Owen are still sleeping,” Peter sighs, setting his phone back down. “Why don’t you lay with me for a little bit. We can cuddle together and try to go back to sleep.”

“‘m not gonna go back to sleep, Daddy. I’m too excited.”

“Okay, then at least cuddle with me,” Peter bargains, sighing in relief when Emmi slides off his chest and back under the blankets, her warm body pressed up against his.

He does fall back to sleep, and when he wakes up again a few hours later to his mom opening his door, he finds that Emmi fell back asleep as well, her light snoring audible against his chest.

“I thought she’d at least be awake,” His mom whispers, and carefully Peter maneuvers to look down at her, his lips pressing to her forehead.

“She already was awake. At 6,” He rolls his eyes as his mom laughs. “I told her it was too early to get up.”

“Well, I’m going to go downstairs and turn the lights on and things. Why don’t you come down in a few minutes?” She offers, smiling when Peter nods.

He waits until she shuts the door before shifting his attention back to his daughter, gently nudging her. “Emmi, love, it’s time to wake up,” He whispers, brushing his fingers through her hair while she stirs underneath his touch.

“It’s Christmas now?” She asks, her fists rubbing at her eyes when she pulls away from his side. He laughs, kissing her forehead.

“It’s Christmas now,” He confirms, smiling when she sits up. “Want to go see what Santa left you?”

Emmi nods quickly, sliding off the bed and running over to her bag to grab her slippers to slide on. Peter grabs his sweatshirt, pulling it over his head just in time to follow Emmi out the door and down the hall, taking the steps as quick as she could.

There’s nothing quite like the magic of Christmas with a child, and as Emmi jumps off the bottom step and runs around the corner to the living room she gasps, standing in the doorway looking at the presents left for her.

“Daddy, look at what Santa brought me!” She gasps, running over to the toys that were too big to be wrapped.

They spend the morning sitting in the living room opening presents, Peter puts together far too many toys that he isn’t totally sure how they’re going to get home, and then get ready to go to church after they eat breakfast.

His phone vibrates just as he manages to wrestle Emmi into her dress for church, grabbing it from the nightstand before picking out a tie.

_Merry Christmas, Peter. Hope you and Emmi got everything you wanted :)_

He smiles, tying his tie quickly before typing out a reply.

_Merry Christmas, Lara Jean. We were definitely spoiled by Santa. So many toys she forgot all about the little sister she apparently wants so bad ;)_

Emmi appears in the doorway, tapping her new shoes against the hardwood. “Grandma says if you and Uncle Owen don’t come down right now we’re going to be late,” She states, disappearing down the hall towards Owen’s room before he has a chance to reply.

_Well that’s a good thing then :) I’m sure I’ll hear all about the toys when I see her :)_

_You definitely will :)_

He shoves his phone back into his back pocket, offering to drive when he goes downstairs so they don’t have to move Emmi’s car seat.

If spending the entire Christmas church service thinking about Lara Jean and her Christmas morning is wrong, Peter doesn’t want anyone telling him that.

He’s pretty sure it’s a problem at this point.

—

Peter’s mom wanted to keep Christmas small this year, only inviting over her sister and her family and their parents instead of the whole extended family. It was nice, quiet, exactly what Peter always remembered about Christmases when he was a teenager just after his dad had left.

Emmi is spoiled by her great-grandparents and Peter’s aunt and uncle, more toys that left Peter wondering how they were going to get it all home and where it was all going to go in their apartment that wasn’t overly huge. They eat Christmas dinner that his mom made when they returned home from church, and before dessert Peter offers to help his mom, following her back into the kitchen with her good dishes piled high in his arms.

“You can leave some of her toys here. So she can play with them when she comes to stay with me,” His mom says quietly, handing him a dish towel so he can dry the dishes. Sometimes Peter wondered if she could read his mind, if she knew exactly what he was thinking at all moments.

They wash and dry mostly in silence, the conversation from the dining room flowing through the house serving as more than enough noise between the two of them. In a lull of drying dishes Peter checks his phone, smiling as he quickly texts Lara Jean back from the text she sent before church that morning.

“You need to ask her on a date,” His mom says, cutting through the silence as she sets the serving dish down for him to dry.

“What?”

“Lara Jean," She smiles, nodding towards his phone. “Just ask her out on a real date. One where you two go to dinner and it’s not just about catching up or telling her that you’re a dad.”

“How did you know?” Peter asks, shoving his phone in his pocket as he begins to drive again.

His mom just smiles. “You have that look on your face. The one you always had when you talked about her when you were younger,” She says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Owen told me the two of you hang out a lot, so I think maybe it’s time that you ask her on a date.”

Peter sighs, piling the dishes on the island to be put away later. “It’s hard finding a sitter for Emmi, though. I can’t ask Gabe all the time, he has his own life and I’m sure that doesn’t always involve sitting at my place on a Friday night with a 5 year old.”

“So ask her out for tomorrow. She’s still home then, right?”

Peter nods. “I’m taking her back the day after.”

“I’m here, you know I’m more than willing to watch Emmi for the night. Go out, have fun. See if you can work things out the way it seems you want to work them out. You won’t have to worry about a thing.”

Peter doesn’t say anything while he finishes drying the dishes, but his mind is racing and suddenly he’s given this opportunity to do the one thing he wanted to do, only now he’s worried that it’s going to go horribly wrong.

“I’m going to get dessert out, why don’t you go take a minute and call her,” His mom says gently, her hand rubbing his shoulder.

And so he nods, walking to the front door to slide his shoes on, making his way out to the front porch where he can have a quiet moment alone.

He dials her number before he has a chance to think about what he’s doing, and on the third ring her voice rings through the phone, suddenly wiping away all his fears.

“Peter Kavinsky is calling me on Christmas? What do I owe the pleasure?”

“Is it a bad time?” He asks quickly, the sudden realization that it’s Christmas and she’s probably with her family is running through his brain. “I can call back later, when Emmi’s in bed or something.”

“Peter, right now is fine,” She laughs, and she sounds so relaxed and it feels so much like those nights in college when he’d call late worrying about a test or a big lacrosse game and she’d spend the rest of the night calming him down until he felt like he could fall asleep. “How has your Christmas been?”

“It’s been really good,” He smiles, sitting down on the chair on the porch that isn’t covered in snow. “It’s a lot more magical with Emmi. She’s so excited about everything, but somehow it’s so much nicer. A little more… kid-like?”

“I get that,” She says, and for some reason Peter can feel her nodding. “She was so excited. It almost made me believe in Santa again.”

“You and me both,” He laughs. “How was your Christmas?”

“Quiet,” She answers without hesitation. “It has been the last few years. We’re having dinner with Trina’s family, but this morning was just us and Ravi, and it hasn’t been horrible. Just a lot like every other year.”

“So, Margot and Ravi?”

“Married,” Lara Jean laughs. “They got married a few years back. No kids yet, but they moved to Raleigh and both have jobs there. He loves the states, but I wouldn’t put it past them to move to London or something in a few years.”

“That’s nice. That she — that she and Ravi worked out,” Peter swallows. He wants to say he wishes that could’ve been them. Wonders if they would’ve been married by now (he thinks they would’ve). But he keeps his mouth shut.

Lara Jean hums in agreement, and for a moment the line is silent.

“So, I know tomorrow is really your only day at home with your family,” He begins, his leg bouncing against the icy concrete, “But I was wondering if — would you want to go on a date?”

It’s horribly clumsy and not at all cool like Peter remembers he was like in high school, which makes Lara Jean laugh.

“I never thought I’d live to see the day where Peter Kavinsky was nervous about asking a girl out,” She says, the smile evident on her face despite talking through the phone.

“Turns out when you don’t date for a few years you become incredibly nervous,” He smiles, trying to make his heart stop beating out of his chest at such a rapid rate. He doesn’t say that it’s her that makes him nervous, it’s her that makes him feel like he needs to be absolutely perfect with all of this.

“Of course I’ll go on a date with you,” She says quietly after the smallest of hesitations. “You can text me what time?”

“Of course, yeah,” He says quickly, standing up to go back to pacing. “This is an official date, by the way. Not like last time.”

“Good,” She replies confidently. “I’m really excited, Peter. You don’t have to be so nervous.”

“I know,” He nods, but he doesn’t really know that. He just — he doesn’t think he’s ever going to stop being nervous when it comes to doing all of this right with Lara Jean. To make up for everything in the past.

“I should really get back to my family,” She says, and it’s only then that Peter can hear the chatter in the background. “But I’ll see you tomorrow, Peter. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Lara Jean.”

He hangs up the phone, sitting on the porch for a few minutes as he watches the cars drive down the street and the snow fall gently, looking over to the door when it opens and Emmi comes running out, jumping into his arms.

“Grandma said I should come see if you want pie,” She says quietly, clambering up into his lap. “She also said you’re going to get sick if you sit out in the snow with no jacket.”

Peter laughs, kissing Emmi’s head as he situates her on his hip, the two of them walking back inside to join the rest of the family.

When the extended family leaves and Peter settles in to watch a movie with Emmi, his mom and Owen, he finally feels like he’s able to relax.

Emmi falls asleep in his arms, her head resting in the crook of his neck and her breathing heavy against his bare skin, and for a moment the Christmas Peter had always envisioned had all come true.

He falls asleep with Emmi pressed against him, the glow of the Christmas tree and the warmth of the blanket his mom lays across them making this all feel far too perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title of the chapter is from Lost My Way by MAX
> 
> i mean i'm not saying i intentionally left out the date because it's a long section and a lot happens in it, but... ;) also i just think Christmas needed to be it's own standalone chapter haha
> 
> i do promise the date is next chapter, and it takes over most of it! :)
> 
> thank you so much as always for reading this and leaving kudos/comments :) i know i say it all the time but i genuinely never thought i'd get this reaction and i think the thanking everyone is the least i can do ?
> 
> more soon!


	8. and all those goodbyes we never meant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Lara Jean go on a date, and things change.
> 
> (aka the chapter you've all been waiting for)

The last time Peter felt this nervous about a date was the first time he took Lara Jean out after they declared themselves officially together.

He spent hours on his hair that night, meticulously planned an evening of things that he knew Lara Jean would love because after months of fake dating he felt like he knew every little thing about her and wanted to prove how much he cared. They laughed, had a great time, and Peter went home that night thinking that maybe they could make this work after all.

Now Emmi had enlisted herself as his helper, sitting on the bed while he stares at the three dress shirts he packed to bring home with him.

“You wore that one last night,” Emmi points to the blue one he wore to Christmas dinner.

“We’re not working with many options here, kiddo,” He laughs, running his fingers through his hair. “So is that one out of the running?”

Emmi nods, moving to sit on her knees as she stares at the two remaining dress shirts, sucking her bottom lip between her teeth. “The red one. It’s like Christmas.”

Peter nods, pulling his t-shirt off to put on the red dress shirt, grabbing his shoes and sitting down on the edge of the bed with Emmi. “You’re going to have the best night with Grandma.”

“I know,” Emmi nods. “She said we could paint my nails and read my new books together. And that I’d probably be asleep when you get home.”

“You better be asleep when I get home,” He smiles, leaning over to tickle her when he’s done tying his shoes. “You know you’re my favorite, right?”

And maybe it’s a reassurance thing for Peter more than anything, making sure that Emmi knows he loves her more than anything. It isn’t the first date he’s been on since Juliet left, but it’s the first one that feels like it means something, the first one where he feels optimistic that this could actually turn into a relationship he had been longing for.

“I know, Daddy,” Emmi says softly, leaning over to rest against his side. “You tell me all the time.”

“Good. Then you’ll know I’m not lying,” He smiles, pulling her in for a hug before he stands up, double checking he has everything so they can go downstairs.

He suddenly feels 17 again when his mom smiles at him as they walk into the kitchen, drying her hands off. “Don’t worry about staying out too late. I’ll make sure she’s in bed at a decent hour. You just go win Lara Jean back.”

It’s not that easy, Peter understands that, but the overwhelming optimism his mother seems to have for this whole situation is comforting for Peter in some odd way. Like she has this feeling that he’s going to be able to erase everything that happened to them in the past and just let this relationship happen the way he wants it to happen. Like him being a dad and Lara Jean also having to deal with the fact that it’s not just him she has to fall in love with is so easy, so normal that it’s just going to work out perfectly like every movie seems to.

He nods anyway, pressing a kiss to his mom’s cheek and then to the top of Emmi’s head while she eats a leftover Christmas cookie. “Be good for Grandma.”

“I will,” Emmi nods, wiping her mouth with her sleeve after she swallows. “Have fun with Lara Jean!”

Peter laughs, grabbing his keys and leaving through the front door, driving the familiar roads to Dr. Covey’s house while desperately trying to tell himself to not make a big deal out of this.

He takes a minute to compose himself, finally plucking up the courage to walk up to the front door and ring the doorbell. Dr. Covey answers first, smiling as he ushers Peter in and shakes his hand.

“It’s been years since you’ve been around,” He smiles, although Peter figures he must know that Lara Jean was the one to break things off. “I trust you’ve been doing well?”

“I have,” Peter nods, smiling. “Been keeping busy with my job.” He isn’t sure when it’s appropriate to tell him about Emmi or if Lara Jean already has, but he decides against saying anything when he’s technically picking her up for a first date.

Lara Jean appears on the steps, smiling when she walks over to grab her jacket just behind Peter, her heels clicking along the hardwood. Peter can’t help but smile at how gorgeous she looks, her long dress hugging her body as if it was made especially for her.

“I trust you two don’t need a curfew anymore.”

“We’re 27, Daddy. We’ll be fine,” Lara Jean says softly, but she does give him a kiss on the cheek before reaching out for Peter’s hand, the two of them walking out to the car.

“Are you feeling exactly the same way we did when we were 17, or is that more of a me thing?” Peter asks once he’s back in the drivers seat with the heat on, turning the radio on just for some noise.

Lara Jean laughs, looking over at Peter. “It definitely feels like that, doesn’t it? I mean, besides the fact that this isn’t the Jeep you used to drive and there’s a booster seat in the back. And your radio definitely has the kids channel set as a favorite.”

“I’ll have you know that 5 year olds are very demanding, Covey,” He smiles, feeling himself relax as he drives towards town, their reservations made at their favorite Italian restaurant they used to come to whenever they could on college breaks.

Peter parks a little ways away, taking Lara Jean’s hand when they leave the car, letting her interlace their fingers. Her hand laced with his feels like home, like that familiar feeling he gets when he’s laying on his mom’s sofa with the fire on. It’s so familiar, so easy and loving and for a moment Peter can’t help but think about where they would be if he fought a little more, if he would’ve figured out a way to make it all work when they first broke up.

They’re seated at a small table in the back corner where Peter promptly orders them a glass of wine each, laughing when Lara Jean is staring at him over her menu. “Do you not remember what wine does to me?”

“So I’ll have a slightly wine drunk Lara Jean on my hands," He shrugs, remembering back to the first night the two of them shared a bottle of wine when she came to visit on her fall break in between studying for his tests. She managed to drink a little bit too much, spent the evening laughing over everything, and then then next morning buried under his blankets in his bed in his dorm room buried under his blankets while she dealt with a hangover that Peter spent the day making fun of because they only had wine.

“You have to at least be able to tolerate more than when we were 18.”

“You’d be surprised at how little I can tolerate, Peter.”

He laughs, thanking the waiter when he brings back their wine. Lara Jean takes a sip, mumbles about how good it is, and the two of them order dinner.

Peter has definitely become that parent who could spend the whole date discussing his daughter, but he refrains and takes a sip of his own wine, resting his hands on the table. “So, tell me about how you started the bakery. It’s kind of ambitious to open your own bakery when we’re so young.”

Lara Jean takes another sip of wine, sighing. “I had a really good job at a restaurant downtown,” She begins, tapping her fingers against the table. “I liked it, it was great. I was working under a really amazing pastry chef and I was learning a lot, but it just felt repetitive. Like I knew I’d be going in there, working long hours making the same things and there was nothing really exciting about it.”

“You know I always wanted to open my own bakery. My dad was the one who noticed the space up for rent, and I looked into it and realized it wasn’t that much of a stretch to make it a reality. I had some money saved up from my internships and my job and my dad had put money aside for all three of us that my mom left, so I decided to just go for it. I told myself that if in three months it wasn’t going well I’d take a step back and reevaluate. I asked Chris to help me with finances, and then Jenna and my other friend Nick immediately came on board to help me as well. I hired a few other people, and just went for it.”

“It seems like it’s going really well.”

A smile spreads across Lara Jean’s face. “It’s going way better than I expected. I had people telling me they’d been waiting for a bakery in town for a while, and they were so happy that I was there. I have a lot of repeat customers, but we’re about 7 months in and things are going even better than I ever thought they would.”

Peter nods, thanking the waiter when their food is set in front of them. “I’m glad I stumbled upon your bakery,” He says around a mouthful of pasta, swallowing before he continues to speak. “Your baked goods were always my favorite. I missed them after we…”

He doesn’t think he can finish the sentence, but luckily he doesn’t have to as Lara Jean nods, sliding a piece of chicken between her teeth. “I know,” She says quietly. “I thought about sending you them even after, but I thought it would be weird and we weren’t exactly on the best of terms, so I didn’t.”

“We were never on bad terms,” Peter argues, but then he thinks back to junior year and wonders if maybe he thought things were never as bad as she remembers. He remembers the breakup, remembers that he blamed himself for a while, but he never thought that it was a bad breakup or that they would stop talking.

“No,” Lara Jean agrees after a moment, reaching for her wine. “But I do think it would’ve been a little odd if I broke up with you and then continued to send you care packages when I was thinking about you.”

Peter smiles, reaching for his own wine. “I guess it would’ve sent mixed signals,” He agrees, but he secretly wishes that she would’ve kept sending them, that she would’ve given him a reason to keep talking to her so he could figure out how to fix it all.

They finish up dinner and Peter pays with no argument from Lara Jean this time, and as they walk back to his car Peter takes her hand again, squeezing. “I was thinking maybe we should go to the Christmas lights?” He offers, smiling when Lara Jean immediately agrees.

The drive is quiet, Christmas music playing through the car as she holds his hand, taking in the moment. Her mind is filled with thoughts about her mom and how she would say that it’s not worth it to get back with someone if it didn’t work the first time, but Lara Jean doesn’t feel like that.

When she looks over at Peter driving, she feels the same way she did all those years ago. She feels feels those butterflies, like when they would drive to school together and walk in hand in hand. When she felt like she could tell him anything, when they were glued at the hip and everything was Peter and Lara Jean and nothing else. The warmth that spreads through her chest holding his hand is a feeling she never thought she’d feel again, a feeling she never thought she’d see after years of wondering if breaking up was the right thing to do.

Years had passed, things had changed for both of them, but Peter was still the same Peter and evidently Lara Jean was still in love with the boy who first stole her heart in seventh grade.  
  
The Christmas lights display is crowded, filled with families and couples looking to extend the Christmas season just a little bit longer. Peter takes Lara Jean’s hand when she walks around the front of the car, the two of them slowly walking through the display, taking in all of the sights. The first time they came here together was the first year they were dating, when Lara Jean decided to share it with him. It meant a lot to her, being where she came with her mom and sisters during the holidays, but Peter fell in love with it as well.

They make their way to a bench with cups of hot chocolate in their hands, and Peter has never felt such an overwhelming urge to kiss Lara Jean or freak out about all of this all at the same time. He knows this is the perfect time to ask her to be his girlfriend — terribly cliche as well — but the thought of her saying no or this going horribly wrong is enough to make him feel terrified about it all.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Lara Jean mumbles, her hand reaching up to brush under his eyes. “Do you feel okay? We can go home if you’re not feeling well.”

“I want you to be my girlfriend,” Peter replies, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head. “That was not at all the way I planned to ask you out.”

He opens his eyes to find Lara Jean staring at him, a smile tugging at her lips. “You what?”

Peter sighs. “I want to date you. I want you to be my girlfriend, I want to be able to call you mine again and take you on dates and make you feel the way we felt when we were younger,” His leg is shaking, he’s fully aware he’s rambling, and he stares at his cup when it all gets too intense. “I know things are different, I know you’d have to consider Emmi and not just me, but Lara Jean, I have never been so sure of something in my life.”

“We need to take this slow,” She says quietly, but her hand reaches out to rest against Peter’s, and suddenly he doesn’t feel as nervous. “We can’t rush into things, we can’t just think about ourselves.”

“I agree,” Peter nods quickly.

She inches closer to him, reaching her hand up to rest against his cheek. “I would love to be your girlfriend.”

He doesn’t have a chance to reply before her lips press lightly against his, his free hand moving to rest against her hip.

Her lips taste like vanilla and chocolate and peppermint all at once, and for a moment Peter is overwhelmed, his heart beating a thousand miles an hour in his chest. He relaxes against her, pulling away and resting his forehead against hers.

“I’ve missed this,” He whispers, the blush creeping up on his face when she laughs. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too,” She admits, her hand resting against his jawline.

Peter ducks in to kiss her again, pulling back with a smile on his face. “You know, you did always say that 27 was a really good time to meet someone to settle down with.”

Lara Jean tips her head back and laughs, shaking her head. “I can’t believe you remember that.”

“I remember a lot, Covey,” He smiles, standing up and reaching out for her hand.

They take the long way back to the car — Peter insists they should look at the decorations one more time — but they walk hand in hand and it somehow feels different than even a half hour before. Happier, maybe, but Peter can’t quite put a label on it and right now he isn’t really sure he wants to. He likes this, likes the way things just feel without needing a label.

The drive back to the Covey’s feels all too short and Peter pulls out front, shifting the car into park. Lara Jean is sitting there, hands folded in her lap, and when Peter turns to look at her his stomach does back flips in a way it hadn’t done in years.

They walk up to the front door, standing on the front porch hand in hand as if they’re waiting until the last possible moment until curfew. “I’m really glad we did this tonight,” He says quietly, his fingers twisting the ring around her finger.

“Me too,” She smiles, pulling herself closer and kissing him again. It’s like she can’t resist now that they’re able to kiss again, that this doesn’t feel like some sort of act of betrayal. “I’ll see you bright and early? You’re sure you’re okay with driving me back tomorrow? Kitty or Margot could probably do it if you can’t or if you don’t want to.”

And, oh, right. She’s going back to the city tomorrow, and he offered to take her. The blissful moment almost seems a little bit ruined knowing that immediately they’re going into being apart, even if it’s only for a few days.

“No, I’ll drive you. A promise is a promise, isn’t it?” He smiles, squeezing her hand. “Be here at 4:30?”

Her smile widens when she nods. “Perfect,” She says quietly, perching up on her tiptoes to kiss him again as if she can’t resist. “I had a really good time tonight,” She whispers against his cheek, her breath warming his skin.

He squeezes her hip, letting his chin fall against her shoulder. “So did I,” He agrees.

It’s very middle school, kissing her every single chance he has as if they’d never kissed before. But he can’t resist and her lips feel smooth against his, and he doesn’t think he’ll ever tire of this feeling, of this overwhelming love for finally asking her out after weeks of worrying.

He manages to leave after one more quick kiss goodbye, walking back to his car with this permanent grin on his face that’s cheesy and awful and definitely not going anywhere for a while, driving back to his mom’s place in silence.

Everyone is in bed when he comes in, quietly maneuvering through the house, double checking that everything is locked and off before he makes his way upstairs. Emmi barely stirs when he changes for bed and climbs in beside her, pressing a kiss to the back of her head.

He can’t explain why it feels like the most perfect night, but the warmth that spreads through him and leaves pinpricking and his heart feeling like it’s going to swell out of his chest is a feeling he never wants to leave.

_______________________________

Peter texts his mom as a reminder that he’s taking Lara Jean back to the city, leaving a note on the island just in case she doesn’t see the text. It’s a frigid morning, one he hopes can be made better by the donuts and coffee he stopped for on the way to Lara Jean’s like he did when they were in high school.

He doesn’t have a chance to go up to the front door when he pulls up out front, Lara Jean carrying her bags outside and letting him help her put them in the back.

“I brought you coffee and a donut,” He says once they’re back in the front seats, giving them a minute to warm up. “You don’t have to have them, obviously.”

“Are you kidding? I have a full day at work and I’m exhausted. The coffee is going to be the first of many today,” She smiles, pulling it from the cupholder and taking a sip. “Two creams, one spoonful of sugar?”

He smiles, nodding as he begins driving. “Still the way you like it?”

“God, you remember everything,” She whispers in amazement, digging through the bag for her donut.

“So about this relationship,” Peter begins, glancing at Lara Jean after he merges onto the highway, “Are we going with a contract for this, or?”

Lara Jean laughs loudly at that, her cheeks flushing a light pink as she finishes off her donut. “I was always such a dramatic person, wasn’t I?”

“I liked the contracts, personally,” Peter argues, but they were kind of cheesy and very high school. “I will agree to calling you at night. But maybe the others we just go with the flow instead.”

Lara Jean nods, wiping her fingers off with a napkin. “You can call me at night. The rest of the agreements we had in the contract will be eliminated, and we’ll be spontaneous.”

“But we’ll make a contract if needed.”

“No more contracts,” Lara Jean smiles, handing Peter a napkin for his fingers after his donut.

“Why not?” Peter asks, glancing over at her. “They work great for Emmi. You do this, you get this.”

“She’s 5!” Lara Jean cries out, Peter laughing as he reaches over to squeeze her thigh. “It’s settled then, if your 5 year old needs contracts to do things, then we are _not_ making one.”

And so Peter agrees, laughing as Lara Jean takes his hand, running her fingers along his cold skin.

The car ride is mostly silent the rest of the way, not that Peter was expecting otherwise at nearly five in the morning. The highways are virtually empty, and by the time Peter pulls out onto the main street of the city that Lara Jean’s bakery is located on the sun is rising in his rearview mirror, bright gold flecks dancing along the snow lingering on the sidewalks.

He’s able to pull in just in front, a few lights on in the bakery. “Jenna and Nick and a few others are here opening for me. Getting some things together. I really should’ve come back last night to help.”

“You deserved the break,” Peter reasons, but he mostly is just being selfish because last night was really good for both of them.

She smiles, pulling his now empty coffee cup into her hands to throw out when she gets inside. “I guess so,” She says quietly. “I guess not coming back last night worked out for me.”

He helps her bring her things into Chris’ office to leave there until she goes home that night, despite Peter’s offers to bring it back later that afternoon or drop it off at her apartment now while she gets to work.

“You’ve done enough, Peter,” She insists. “Chris is bringing her car back, she can just drive me home. I promise.”

Peter is weary about it but nods anyway, following Lara Jean back out to his car. “I’ll see you in a few days. It’ll go quickly,” He says softly, reaching out for her hand. “I’ll call you tonight.”

“I can’t wait,” Lara Jean smiles, ducking her head when Peter reaches forward to brush her hair behind her ear. “Tell Emmi I say hi.”

“I will,” He promises, glancing towards the bakery when more lights begin to turn on. “I guess I should let you get to work.”

She nods, standing on her tiptoes and meeting him halfway, pressing her lips to his. It’s easy, familiar, and when she pulls apart she tries to resist the urge to say she’s not coming into work and bringing him to her apartment to make out for the afternoon.

She squeezes his hand and walks into the bakery without another word, leaving Peter on the sidewalk left to compose himself before he walks to his car, getting ready to drive back to his mom’s.

He plays his music a little louder than normal, singing along and taking in the light fog, the rising sun and the light dusting of snow that came the night before, wondering how it could feel so good to be alive after something so simple.

_______________________________

Lara Jean’s heart is hammering in her chest still when she walks back through the doors of the bakery, tying her hair up into a bun and pulling her apron on. She doesn’t notice everyone staring until Jenna walks over to the workstation, setting out a pile of gingerbread dough for Lara Jean to work on.

“I want to hear everything that happened this Christmas holiday,” Jenna says, and when Lara Jean does look up Jenna is staring at her with a smile on her face. “Because what I just saw happen on that street is not something that has ever happened before, and I need to know every single detail.”

Lara Jean feels her face flush the darkest red it’s probably ever been, but she smiles and shakes her head, grabbing a rolling pin to work the dough. “So is dating your ex-boyfriend you were once positive you were going to marry a bad thing?” She says as if she just said what she’s having for dinner or her plans for the upcoming weekend.

Jenna just squeals, grabbing the cupcakes out of the fridge so she can decorate them.

“We went on a date last night. A real one. Dinner, went to look at the Christmas lights in our town,” She begins explaining, the words falling out of her mouth with such ease that she almost feels like she’s in a dream. “He was so nervous. And I know you don’t know Peter, not well a least, but he _never_ got nervous. He was the jock in our grade. Super popular, could basically have any girl he wanted.“

“That much was obvious,” Jenna cuts in, smiling. “He’s gorgeous, LJ.”

“And he’s like, perfect. The perfect gentleman. Romantic, thoughtful, caring. I could go on for years,” She says, and she’s not lying. She thinks she could talk about all of Peter’s positive attributes for days, even without talking about how great of a boyfriend he once was. “But last night he was just sitting there and it looked like he was going to pass out or he was sick or something, and then he just asked me to be his girlfriend.”

“Does Chris know?”

Lara Jean shakes her head. “We stayed out late, and when I got home I showered and went to bed. I figured I’d tell her today? I think she’s coming in after lunch.”

Jenna nods, carefully icing the last of the cupcakes. “She’s going to freak out,” She says. “But honestly? You look so happy. You’re practically glowing right now, and it hasn’t even been 24 hours. Maybe Chris was right, maybe you two are meant to be together.” She finishes off the cupcakes, transferring them to the display tray. “Maybe it just took a few years for you to figure it all out.”

She walks out to the front of the store to finish putting out the rest of the sweets and to officially open, leaving Lara Jean with this stupid grin on her face and this warm feeling inside her that all of this was finally seeming to work out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title of the chapter is from Over by Johnnyswim :)
> 
> hopefully this was worth the wait! i've been so eager to post this chapter, and now we're getting into lara jean/peter dating moments and emmi being intertwined and i'm very excited to write all of this haha.
> 
> thank you so much for reading/commenting/enjoying this story as much as you do! more soon! :)


	9. nothing feels better than this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter talks to Emmi, Lara Jean tells Chris, and things start to fall together.

Peter arrives back at his mom’s house just before 9 with a box of donuts and coffee for the three adults, quietly walking inside. Only his mom is awake, cleaning up the kitchen from the night before when she notices him walk in.

“I brought donuts,” He smiles, setting them out on the island and glancing towards the living room.

“She’s still in bed,” His mom answers before he has a chance to ask. “I checked in on her and she was still sleeping. But she did stay up a little late last night, so she’s probably exhausted.”

Peter nods, pulling out a coffee cup for his mom before grabbing his own, sliding into a seat at the island.

“Lara Jean and I are back together.”

There’s no real good way to say it, he decides, but the jumpiness in his mind and the worry that he couldn’t hold this secret much longer makes it slip out quicker than he had intended.

His mom smiles, leaning against the counter with her hands wrapped around her coffee cup. “I knew you would be,” She says in a way only she can, which makes Peter laugh. “So last night was good then I take it? And you got her back to the city okay today?”

Peter nods at both of the questions, taking a long sip of his coffee. “We maybe stayed out a little bit too late last night, but it was a good night and I got her back to the bakery right on time,” He promises, leaning forward to peer into the donut box. “How mad do you think Em would be if I took a donut out of the box before she got to look at all her options?”

“Pretty mad,” His mom laughs, turning back to grab four plates. “But I’m sure she’ll be up soon. In the meantime, I want to know about you and Lara Jean. Have you talked more in depth about the relationship at all?”

“You and Lara Jean are dating again?” Owen’s voice cuts through the otherwise quiet kitchen, eyebrows raising in a thank you when Peter slides a coffee cup over to him. “Did this happen last night?”

Peter nods, moving his legs off the free chair beside him for Owen to sit down. “After we went to dinner we went to that place with the Christmas lights display. I asked her to be my girlfriend there.”

“So you went for the incredibly cliche option.”

“Owen,” Their mom warns, but there’s a smile spreading on her face that she poorly tries to hide behind her cup when Peter looks back at her.

“I mean, it could’ve been more cliche,” Peter argues, shrugging. “I could’ve asked her while it was snowing.”

Owen shoves Peter’s shoulder with a smile, leaning forward to look into the donut box.

“No choosing until Emmi is awake,” Their mom warns, which Peter finds funny considering she’s always on him about spoiling his daughter far too much.

“Awake for what?” A little voice says from behind them, Peter smiling when he turns to find Emmi walking into the kitchen holding her stuffed bear and rubbing at her eyes.

“I brought home donuts this morning,” Peter smiles, holding his arms out to lift Emmi up into his lap. “Want to choose one so the rest of us can have one?”

Emmi nods, leaning forward and looking over her options before choosing a chocolate sprinkled one. Owen leans over to move Emmi to her own chair on the other side of him, Peter standing up to pull her hair up away from her face in hopes that he doesn’t have to spend the rest of the morning cleaning chocolate icing out of her freshly washed hair.

“Emmi, want to go play with your new toys for a little bit?” Owen asks as Peter cleans off his daughter’s hands, smiling when Emmi nods vigorously, hopping off the chair and out to the living room with her uncle.

“We haven’t talked about the relationship,” Peter says quietly, answering his mom’s question from before. “I mean obviously we’ve talked about things and we think it’s a good time to just go for it, but she knows that Emmi comes first. She knows that I can’t just go into this relationship only thinking about the two of us.”

His mom nods, shuffling around the kitchen as she cleans up from breakfast. “Have you thought about how to tell Emmi? She’s 5, love, she’s going to figure it out before too long.”

In everything else that Peter had thought about when it came to getting back into a relationship — how it would effect Emmi, if he was even ready for a relationship — telling Emmi about it had never crossed his mind. The last girl he casually dated came when Emmi was far too young to understand what was going on, and Peter didn’t even have a chance to properly introduce the two before they broke it off, the girl stating that Peter didn’t seem ready for a relationship.

Lara Jean isn’t like that. Lara Jean is so different that most of the time it’s him that needs to catch up to how ready she is for all of this. Like jumping back into a relationship that didn’t always make sense is the most obvious choice in the world. He wants to be like that, he wants to fall in love so hard that it makes it hard to sleep at night because he’s longing for her right there beside him, but none of that can come until Emmi is happy with the whole arrangement.

“You said Emmi loves Lara Jean?” His mom asks when she realizes Peter isn’t going to answer her question.

Peter nods, chewing on a hangnail.

“Then I think she’ll really like that you two are spending more time together. Just explain it to her in a way that she understands that you’re still going to be there for her, there’s just also someone else in your life.”

And for the first time Peter thinks he can do that. He’s more excited to see Emmi’s reaction than nervous, which is a feeling he didn’t think he’d ever have when it came to dating again.

_______________________________

Lara Jean fumbles with the door to the back of the bakery with lunch in hand for she and Jenna, not expecting to be met with Chris standing at a workstation, fingernails tapping against the stainless steel.

“Jenna here tells me that she saw you and none other than Peter Kavinsky doing a little more than just saying goodbye to each other this morning,” She says, no trace of a hello in sight. “Care to explain now, or are you going to let it get to me through the rumor mill like the first time you two got together in high school?

Lara Jean rolls her eyes, setting their lunches down on the counter. “That rumor was real, but the dating part was not. It seemed destructive to tell you about something that was going to be over before it really began,” Lara Jean argues, but Chris just narrows her eyes.

“We went on a date last night, he asked me to be his girlfriend, I said yes. And then he drove me back to the city early this morning and he helped me bring my things in — which are in your office by the way and I need you to help me get them home — and then he kissed me goodbye.”

“Lara Jean,” Chris begins, taking a deep breath as she slides onto a stool, “I have known you since second grade. I was there when you fake dated Peter, when you for real dated Peter, and when you broke up with him. And now you’re back together and I’m getting the Spark Notes version of this love story that we’ve all been waiting for?”

Lara Jean sighs, handing Jenna her lunch with a smile before pulling out her own, breaking off a piece of bread for Chris. “I don’t know how to explain it,” She says, taking a forkful of salad into her mouth. “We went to dinner at that Italian place back home, and then after he took me to the Christmas decorations.”

“The ones you used to go to when you were little?”

Lara Jean nods. “He looked like he was going to throw up or pass out or something, and so I asked him if he was okay or if he wanted to go home or something. And then he asked me to be his girlfriend. He said he knows that I wouldn’t only be dating him, but he wants to be together again. And so we’re agreeing to take it slow, to figure this out. But we’re back together.”

Chris is silent for a moment, reaching over to break off another piece of bread before she smiles. “I think _I_ could kiss him for finally having the courage to ask you out,” She teases, which earns half a laugh from Lara Jean.

“It’s nothing yet. It’s been like, a day. I’m sure he hasn’t even told anyone yet, and I certainly haven’t told my family yet. My dad was barely awake when I said goodbye this morning, and last night I was too excited to talk about it with my sisters, so I just said I had a really good night and that we could talk all about it when they come up here for a few days.”

“Margot is going to freak,” Chris points, her eyebrows raising. “Kitty will probably be excited. She kept in touch with Peter, didn’t she?”

Lara Jean nods, taking another bite of her salad. “Kitty will be really excited when she finds out. Margot… doesn’t hate Peter.”

Chris narrows her eyes.

“She doesn’t!” Lara jean protests. “She just… has different opinions about him.” Lara Jean waves her hand in Chris’ direction. “I think she’d really like him now. She was afraid he was too much of a jock before.”

“Well, she certainly can’t say that now,” Chris mumbles.

“Just because he’s a dad doesn’t mean he’s not still a jock,” Lara Jean argues. “Look, he clearly still works out. And Emmi is his little sports protege so,” She shrugs, finishing off her salad. “It doesn’t matter. She’s just going to have to learn to like him.”

Lara Jean stands up from the table to throw out her things and wash her hands, pulling things out to work on more baked goods for the supply that afternoon. Chris looks like she’s going to say something but instead she just smile and walks back into her office, quietly shutting the door so she can work on things she had left.

Lara Jean works in virtual silence alongside the rest of the workers, but when Peter texts her to say that he can’t wait to see her again (and then sends another quick text saying that he was fully aware how cheesy that was) she takes a break to text him back with a smile permanently fixed on her face, fully welcoming those butterflies she hadn’t felt in years.

_______________________________

Peter is full of horrible ideas. He always has been, really, like that time that he said he’d fake date Lara Jean just to make Gen jealous when he knew that he was going to fall in love with her.

Or when he thought moving three hours back closer to his hometown with barely any money and a job that wouldn’t give him instant gratification with a 2 year old in tow who didn’t understand.

Or when he told himself that throwing a fourth birthday party solo was a smart idea and he wouldn’t at all be stressed out over the fact that his daughter was worried no one would show up because someone else in her class had a party one the same day.

But maybe his most ridiculous idea was taking his now 5 year old to the mall two days after Christmas to return something he bought for Owen that didn’t fit, Emmi’s hand firmly clutched in his while she looked longingly in all the windows of the shops as if she hadn’t just been spoiled on Christmas day.

As a treat for not being the worst kid in the world in the middle of the crowded mall Peter ushers her into Starbucks, buying her a cake pop and a hot chocolate as they slide into a small table in the back.

Peter had spent most of the morning on Google reading how to tell your child that you’re dating someone and when the best time to do it was. Everything gave him mixed answers, most of them he already broke when they say not to introduce them until they’re further into the relationship, and so Peter decides that if he’s really going to go all in with this (which he obviously is), then Emmi needs to know.

“So, Em,” Peter begins, smiling when Emmi’s eyes glance up towards him while she’s taking a sip of hot chocolate. “Do you remember when Uncle Owen had a girlfriend? Violet?” He begins, not really sure where any of this is going.

Emmi nods. “But Uncle Owen said they broke up so she wouldn’t be around anymore.”

“Right,” Peter nods. “Well, how would you feel about Daddy having a girlfriend?”

Emmi carefully sets her hot chocolate down on the table, reaching to take a bite of her cake pop. Peter _knows_ she’s thinking over what she’s going to say, thinking over the question, which for a 5 year old is so wildly out of character he would probably laugh if he wasn’t so stressed out about all of this. About Emmi somehow being so against the thought of him dating that he’d have to end all of this and go back to wondering what could’ve happened before he even had a chance to find out.

“I think I’d like it,” Emmi’s voice cuts through his mind spiraling, her elbows resting on the table as she leans forward. “You need someone to love, Daddy. You can’t be sad and alone for the rest of your life.”

Peter’s jaw drops, but it doesn’t take long before Emmi erupts into a fit of giggles, her hands covering her mouth as her hair falls into her face, and Peter can’t help but smile.

“For the record, I am not sad and alone now, and I won’t be forever either,” He says, as if arguing with a 5 year old is completely appropriate or normal in any sense. “But you wouldn’t mind if there was someone else? Like if I had a girlfriend?”

Emmi calms down, leaning back in her chair and shaking her head, her curls flying every which way.

“What if that person was Lara Jean?”

Peter braces himself now, but for what he doesn’t know. Lara Jean and Emmi got along from the very first time they met, which really should just show that it’s going to be the same now that it always had been.

Emmi looks back up at him, pushing her hair away from her face and smiling. “I really want you to date Lara Jean,” She nods, taking another bite of cake pop. “But you can’t kiss her too much because that’s gross.”

Peter laughs, shaking his head as he reaches over to rest his hand on top of hers. “You know you’ll always be my favorite girl though, right?” He asks. It’s cheesy, way over the top and ridiculous because _of course_ Emmi knows that Peter will always love her the most. But for so many years it’s been just the two of them, figuring out this world and wondering how they were going to get by with just each other and now so much is changing and he just… he doesn’t want her to ever feel like she's pushed aside.

“I know,” Emmi nods, the corners of her lips turning up into a smile. “You’re my favorite daddy, too.”

It’s the highest of compliments coming from a 5 year old, and as Emmi goes back to eating her cake pop, Peter slides his phone out of his pocket and scrolls to his and Lara Jean’s text messages.

_I told Emmi about us, which I probably should’ve told you that I was doing but I wanted to be completely up front with her to make sure she was cool with it._

_She is, by the way. She said she really wants us to date but we’re not allowed to kiss too much because it’s gross ;) so guess we’ll just have to keep our kisses super secret._

He sets his phone down on the table, steals off a piece of Emmi’s cake pop and pops it into his mouth, immediately thinking about how Lara Jean makes them better than Starbucks does.

_I feel like it’s going to be pretty hard for me not to want to kiss you all the time :) but if that’s what Emmi wants, I’ll do my best to agree to it!_

_I’m not mad you told her, by the way. She needed to know, right? I’m just glad she seems to be very on board with all of this._

Peter smiles, taking another sip of his coffee.

_I’m just as happy as you are, I promise :)_

He helps Emmi clean off her hands, throwing out their things and taking her hand as they walk back out to the car.

He lets her climb in herself, standing beside her to make sure she was buckled right. He’s not expecting her tiny hands to cup his face, eyes serious as if what she’s about to say is the most important thing in the world.

“You’re my best friend, Daddy. Forever.”

Peter bites the corner of his lip, smiling. “Forever?” He asks.

“Forever,” Emmi nods.

Peter plants a kiss to the top of her head, shutting the door and walking back to the drivers seat, beginning to drive home.

He glances in the back to see Emmi in her seat singing along to the radio, and for a moment he wonders how on Earth he was chosen as the luckiest man alive by getting to be her dad.

_______________________________

Being home meant having a built-in babysitter, not having to worry about work the next morning, and time at the bar with friends from high school as if they were all 21 again and able to handle more than a few drinks each night out.

Peter doesn’t know how much he’s supposed to say about he and Lara Jean. Gabe knew, obviously, but other than that he doesn’t know if Lara Jean wants to keep this mum or if he can say that they’re back together and this time has this sense of hope that maybe they’re in the right place for this to work out, for them to be together forever.

“Here he is now, the man who won back his girls heart!” Jake says when he walks into the bar, his cheeks flushing as he orders a beer and slides into a seat surrounding his friends.

Gabe smiles sheepishly. “I couldn’t not tell them?”

Peter thinks he should probably be annoyed, that this was his story to tell and his place to tell it, but he can’t be annoyed. Because instead he just smiles and thinks about how _yes_ , he and Lara Jean are back together and he kind of wants everyone to know.

“It’s only been like, a day,” Peter shrugs, taking a sip of his beer. “There really isn’t all that much that I can say besides the fact that we reconnected and we’re back together and things feel really good.”

“Of course they do,” Ricky smiles. “You just won back the girl you fell the hardest for. Forget Gen, Lara Jean was your one true love and now you’re going to be able to fix everything that got ruined.”

Peter nods, blushing when Jake suggests the they toast to the fact that Peter is finally getting back out into the dating world. “Do we really have to make this such a big deal?” He argues, but his glass clinks with everyone else and he does take a drink of his beer.

“Of course we do,” Tim smiles, finishing off his beer and setting it on the table. “Peter Kavinsky has finally gotten back out into the dating world after years of leading a very single life, and it’s back with the girl we all thought he was going to marry! So we’re celebrating the fact that you’re not being a loner.”

Peter rolls his eyes, refrains from saying that Emmi said the same thing to him that afternoon, and lets his friends tease him for a few minutes about anything and everything that comes with being back in the dating world.

He welcomes the conversation change, a chance to slip into the background a little bit and not have to say as much, trying to enjoy his night out without worrying about anything else.

No one is surprised when he says he has to go just after midnight, more than a few beers in and the alcohol spreading warmth through his body and leaving him with a hazy mind.

He’s quiet in the Uber, but without thinking about it he gets out at his mom’s house, standing on the front porch and dialing Lara Jean’s number without any sort of thought as to what time it was or if she’d even answer.

“Peter?” Lara Jean answers on the third ring, her voice thick with sleep. “Is everything okay?”

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for anything that I did that made you want to break up with me that night,” Peter begins, pulling his free hand into his sleeve as he paces the front porch. “I wasn’t a good boyfriend those last few months and I could’ve done better and I’m so sorry that I didn’t try harder or fight to make this better for the two of us, and I’m sorry that you didn’t get exactly the boyfriend you deserved.”

“Peter,” Lara Jean sighs, her voice slightly more awake. Peter can hear her shift in bed. “You’re drunk, aren’t you?”

“Went out with the boys. Had some beers,” Peter admits, leaning against the wall.

There’s rustling on Lara Jean’s end. “A lot happened between us. And it was years ago, okay? You don’t need to worry about that now. We found our way back to each other, and I think that’s enough to know that maybe we can give this a second chance.”

“It doesn’t make how much of a dick I was okay.”

“No,” Lara Jean agrees. “But it doesn’t mean that you need to beat yourself up about it now.” There’s more shifting, a sigh, and a comfortable silence that Peter’s drunk thoughts don’t feel the need to fill. “Look, you’ve obviously had a little bit too much to drink. Why don’t you go get some sleep. We can talk about all of this when you’re a little more sober.”

“Okay,” He agrees, fumbling with his keys in his pocket and unlocking the front door, hovering in the doorway. “But thank you, Covey. For giving me another chance.”

He swears he can hear Lara Jean smile. “Everyone deserves a second chance. Especially you,” She says quietly. “Text me so I know you made it in your mom’s place okay. Goodnight, Peter.”

“Night, Lara Jean.”

He hangs up, stumbling inside and making a home on the sofa for the night, his hazy brain having half a mind not to stumble into his bedroom and wake his daughter up.

He pulls out his phone, takes out a half-blurry selfie that really is the best he can do, sending it to Lara Jean.

_On the couch. At my moms. Still alive :)_

He sets his phone down on his chest, peering at it when Lara Jean texts him back.

_Good. We’ll talk in the morning. Goodnight Peter :)_

He falls asleep on the sofa with a knit blanket pulled haphazardly around him, and as Lara Jean goes back to sleep in her own apartment, she can’t help but smile at her boyfriend’s drunken phone call — even if it did wake her up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title of the chapter is from Better by Khalid :)
> 
> sorry about that chapter summary, btw. this one was... not easy for me haha
> 
> i know i just updated a few days ago, but i realized i wouldn't have time to update again before Christmas and the thought of not updating in a week and a half didn't feel right? so happy holidays you get two close together updates!
> 
> thank you so so so much for all of the love on this story!
> 
> i'll post again some time next week! merry Christmas if you celebrate! :) <3


	10. it finally feels like I'm coming home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a Covey sister sleepover, Emmi and Lara Jean bond, and they celebrate New Years

Lara Jean takes the weekend off of work and welcomes her sisters into her apartment with open arms, eager to spend a few nights with them before they go back to their separate lives living apart again for most of the year. She stopped by the grocery store and bought snacks, stocked up on their favorite movies and made sure that everything was laid out for them to have the most perfect sleepover.

Margot and Kitty arrive in the early afternoon with pizza for lunch and wine for later, and as the sun begins to set and their favorite romcoms have been playing on the TV all afternoon, Lara Jean swears she’s never felt more at home or happy than she does in that moment. Since Margot had moved out when Lara Jean was still in high school she savored these moments with just the three of them, the laughs and stories and sleeping in close quarters filling her heart for all those long distance months they spent apart.

They order Chinese for dinner and sprawl out on the living room floor of Lara Jean’s apartment, _Sixteen Candles_ serving as background noise while they talked about their lives and everything that was going on for them.

“So, when Ravi and I went to dinner last night we talked about how we think maybe it’s a good time to try for kids,” Margot smiles, shoving a forkful of rice in her mouth to hide the even larger smile she had wanted to give her sisters.

Kitty squeals, Lara Jean feels this overwhelming sense of excitement fill her entire body, and for a moment it feels like the night Margot FaceTimed them holding her hand up to show off the ring Ravi had chosen for her.

“Oh my god, Margot! That’s so exciting!” Lara Jean beams, leaning over to hug her sister the best that she can sitting around a coffee table. “Are you both ready for that?”

“We’ve been married a few years now. It just seems natural, and I’m really not getting any younger,” Margot shrugs, reaching for her wine glass. “Trust me, you two will be the first to know when we do get pregnant.”

Both girls nod, there’s a slight lull in the conversation while they eat more of their dinner, and then Kitty decides it’s her turn to speak up.

“I’ve decided that I’m going to apply to law school,” She announces, a proud smile on her face as she sits up a little straighter. “I want to be a lawyer and I know it’s going to be a lot of work, but I’m ready for it.”

“Well,” Margot begins, sharing a look with Lara Jean, “I think it’s pretty safe to say you are going to be an excellent lawyer, Katherine.”

Kitty makes a face, shaking her head. “Please not Katherine. I’d prefer to be called Kitty anywhere that’s not professional.”

Both girls laugh at that, agreeing to call her Kitty for the rest of her days — even when she ultimately decides that she hates it.

Lara Jean’s phone vibrates on the floor beside her, a text from Peter lighting up the screen.

_Emmi and I are heading back to the city tomorrow. Come over for New Years? Some of my friends will be there, but it’ll be a good time. Obviously very low-key considering Em will also be home :)_

“Look at the look on her face,” Kitty sighs, rolling her eyes when Lara Jean looks up. “You look exactly like you did when you dated Peter in high school. All googly-eyed and hopelessly in love. It’s sickening.”

“Oh please, like you weren’t exactly the same way with that guy you dated,” Margot retorts.

“I don’t think I’ve ever fallen head over heels for someone as quickly as Lara Jean has.”

“I’ve known Peter since we were in middle school,” Lara Jean argues, glancing up from her phone while she sends a quick text back to Peter.

_Of course :) let me know if you need me to bring anything!_

“And you wouldn’t have even gotten together with him had I not sent out those letters,” Kitty smiles smugly, looking back over towards her sister. “Does that mean I really get to take credit for this whole relationship happening again?”

“Kitty,” Margot warns, but there’s a smile on her face that she lamely tries to hide behind her wine glass.

“I don’t think you get to take credit for this go around, no,” Lara Jean smirks, reaching for her own wine. “You didn’t reconnect Peter and I this time around, the bakery did.”

Kitty’s shoulders fall as she sulks for a moment, but she does eventually lift her head and smile.

“So, what was your lover texting you about?” Margot asks, Lara Jean’s cheeks flushing as she shakes her head.

“He just invited me over for New Years. A low-key thing, I don’t know. I said I’d go, obviously.”

“Ringing in the new year with your boy,” Kitty smiles. “You’re in so deep. But I’m happy for you, Lara Jean. This happiness looks good on you.”

“I haven’t not been happy since he and I broke up,” Lara Jean argues. “It’s been six years, obviously I’ve been happy since then.”

“Kitty’s right though,” Margot interjects, standing up and bring their things into the kitchen. “You’re a different kind of happy when Peter is in your life.”

Lara Jean leans back against the sofa, running her fingers through her hair as she braids it lazily. She wants to argue with her sisters, say that she’s been extremely happy when she graduated college and got a job in her dream bakery. Or when she opened her own bakery and despite the long hours and agonizing worry those first few months, she was blissfully happy then.

But she can’t argue that the happiness Peter gives her is a different kind of happiness. She’s never been that kind of girl who hung her emotions on a boy in her life, but there was something about being with Peter that just set her off, made her feel safe and at home and so blissfully in love that she _had_ become a different person.

She found her way back after the breakup. There was a long stretch of time where she hadn’t even thought about Peter, but just like a bad habit he creeped back into her mind, forcing herself to wonder where he was in that moment. If he was happy, if he had moved on like she wishes he could’ve.

Now she knows he hadn’t either. Even when so much in his life had changed.

She never does reply to her sisters accusations, which seem to have been tossed aside as they scroll through Netflix looking for another movie to watch. But her mind stays fixed on Kitty’s comment and Margot agreeing, wondering how much her life could change just by having Peter there again.

_______________________________

Peter’s mom places a bag full of leftovers and treats for he and Emmi that are frankly enough to last them for a few weeks in Peter’s car, patting Peter’s shoulder when he tries to protest that he can make them their own food without her having to worry.

“I’m your mother and I’m her grandmother,” She argues, rubbing small circles on his shoulder blade. “It’s my job to do things like this. And besides, Owen is going back to school soon and there’s no way I’m going to be able to eat all of this food.”

Peter smiles, ducking down to kiss her cheek before loading the rest of their things in the car, letting Emmi say goodbye to both her grandmother and Owen. “You be good for your daddy,” His mom says, lifting Emmi up into her arms. “Don’t give him too much trouble, okay?”

Emmi nods, her arms wrapping around her grandmother’s neck as she gives her a kiss. “You’re going to come visit soon, right?”

His mom smiles, nodding. “I will, I promise.”

She walks over to the car and lets Emmi climb up into her seat, leaving one final kiss on Emmi’s head before she shuts the door to turn back to her son.

“You call me if you need anything at all, okay? It’s not a long drive, I can be there as soon as you need me,” She says, her hands resting firmly on Peter’s biceps.

He nods, ducking his head to stare at the ground beneath them. “I know, Mom. I promise you’ll be my first call if I need anything.”

She gives him this speech every time they leave, but any time Peter has questioned her on it she just says that she worries about him being a single dad and working himself too hard or spreading himself too thin. This time feels different, however, like maybe she’s worried about Peter getting his heart broken or something happening where he would need more help. Or maybe she just wants to babysit so that Peter can go out more, but he knows better than to ask, and instead just lets her press a kiss to his hair like she did the first time Lara Jean broke up with him back in high school when they were confused and hadn’t talked about things.

“I love you, baby.”

“Love you too, Mom,” He replies, hugging her quickly. “Thank you for everything.”

“You’re always welcome,” She smiles, standing in the driveway as Peter backs out, the two of them setting off for home.

It takes two trips and Emmi’s minimal but important help to get everything back up to their apartment, where Peter then spent the rest of the afternoon rebuilding toys and cleaning up the apartment from the mess they brought home with them. Emmi cleaned her room to make room for her new toys, helping Peter with bringing things in and setting everything up.

“Can we leave the tree up for a little while longer?” Emmi asks, brushing her hands against the branches before she follows Peter and walks back into the kitchen to rummage through the cabinets and hopefully find something for dinner that isn’t leftovers.

He ends up giving up and decides they’ll just go out to dinner, walking back to the front door to grab their jackets. “Yes, we can,” He nods, handing her her jacket and grabbing her hat off the hook. “But for now we’re going out to dinner. And tomorrow we’re going food shopping.”

“Can Lara Jean come to dinner?” Emmi asks, pulling her arms through her coat and zipping it up.

“Her sisters are at her apartment this weekend,” He replies coolly, which isn’t a lie. He vaguely remembers her saying that they were coming for the weekend before they go their separate ways for a little while again.

“Kitty?”

Peter nods, handing Emmi her hat to pull on her head.

“She can come to dinner too!”

Peter smiles at that, zipping up his own coat and grabbing his keys. “She can’t tonight, baby. They have another sister too, and the three of them really don’t see each other that much. They just want to have a girls night,” He explains, locking their front door behind them. “Another time we can hang out with Kitty, okay?”

Emmi nods, pressing the button for the elevator and dancing around, forgetting all about the conversation.

They end up going to Olive Garden for dinner, mostly because it’s easy and because Peter knows that he’ll at least be able to get Emmi to eat some of her salad. They talk about how she wants to invite her friends over before they go back to school and about how she’s excited to stay up late on New Years, and Peter really thinks he could live in this stage forever where Emmi is excited about everything in her life and he can fix all her problems by just holding her and promising her that things were going to be okay even if they felt like they wouldn’t be.

“I’m going to have some friends over on New Years,” Peter says when Emmi finally stops to take a breath, reaching forward for her chocolate milk.

“Lara Jean?” Emmi asks, and Peter can’t help but smile.

“Yes, Lara Jean. And Gabe and a few other friends,” He explains, but Emmi doesn’t seem to care about anyone else but Lara Jean, picking up her fork to take another bite of her salad.

“I’ll hang out with Lara Jean,” She says, taking a bite. “I’m going to stay up until midnight with all of you.”

“We’ll see about that,” He smiles, making room for their dinners as he cuts hers up for her, sliding it over to her side of the table.

“I can do it, Daddy! I’m 5 now, I can stay up all night with all of you,” She argues, taking a bite of her pasta.

“Okay, you can try,” He nods, mostly because he doesn’t really want to fight in the middle of the restaurant with his daughter over something this silly.

Emmi eats more of her dinner than Peter expected, and by the time they’re home Emmi is asleep in her seat, leaving Peter to juggle their bag of leftovers and Emmi in his arms while they make their way back up to the apartment.

After getting Emmi changed and in bed he’s suddenly left alone for the first time in weeks, and while he really wants to just text Lara Jean or call her and talk to her until she falls asleep like she did when they were in college, he knows she’s spending time with her sisters.

So he types out a text goodnight instead, hitting send and getting himself ready for bed without overthinking all of this.

His phone vibrates just as he settles underneath his blankets.

_Goodnight, Peter :) See you soon <3_

_______________________________

On the afternoon of New Years Eve while Peter is navigating the grocery store with Emmi hanging onto the edge of the cart in search of some last minute stuff for the part he wonders if even doing all of this is the right thing.

He knows he’d be perfectly content just having Lara Jean over. But his friends had already said they were coming and so he’s stuck looking through what’s left of the chip aisle, desperately hoping his daughter doesn’t wander away or freak out that it’s taking twice as long as it normally does to do this simplest of tasks.

His phone vibrates in his back pocket, and while he’s waiting for someone to move he grabs it, smiling when it’s a text from Lara Jean.

_We closed the bakery early today, did you need any help with anything before the party?_

He thinks about keeping his pride, saying that he doesn’t need any help and she can just come over later. But he sees the jam at the grocery store and how Emmi seems to be getting restless by the second, and he knows he needs to give in.

_We’re at the grocery store now, but it’s a mess and Emmi is probably going to have a meltdown in the chip aisle if we don’t get out of here soon. Come to my place in like half an hour? I’m praying we’ll be out of here by then._

Lara Jean texts back a moment later.

_Closing up the bakery now, meet you at your place :)_

Somehow Peter does make it out of the grocery store a half hour later, Emmi restless but still standing and not having a meltdown in the chip aisle when they walk the short few blocks back to their apartment with bags in their hands ready for the party.

They round the corner to their street to find Lara Jean standing outside of their building, scrolling through her phone.

“Lara Jean!” Emmi gasps, wriggling from Peter’s grasped hand and running down the street, hugging her just as she looked up to see them coming. She smiles, wrapping her arms around Emmi, fixing her hat when she pulls away. “Daddy didn’t tell me you were coming early!”

“He didn’t?” Lara Jean smiles, looking back to Peter as he ducks down to kiss her quickly, still juggling the bags in his hands. “How could he not tell you that I was coming now?”

“Sorry, I was too busy trying to get you out of the grocery store before you had a meltdown,” Peter laughs, pulling open the door to their building and fumbling with his keys.

“It was hot in there!” Emmi argues, tilting her head back purely for dramatics as Lara Jean takes Peter’s keys and a few bags from his hands, doing her best to help out.

They walk into the apartment and Emmi immediately runs down the hallway, mumbling something about how she’s going to get one of her new toys that she got for Christmas to show Lara Jean. Lara Jean follows Peter into the kitchen, setting the bags on the counter before Peter spins around, pulling Lara Jean closer to him by the hips.

“I missed you,” He mumbles, pressing his lips to hers lightly again as if they’re 19 and standing in his mom’s kitchen. It feels so familiar, like muscle memory or something he had been doing all these years, being back with Lara Jean.

“It’s been two days,” Lara Jean laughs, but she pulls herself closer and rests her hands on his middle as she stands on her tiptoes to kiss him again. “But I missed you too.”

Peter smiles, stealing one last kiss before Emmi’s tiny feet patter down the hallway, reappearing in the kitchen just as the two of them pull apart.

“Look, Lara Jean!” She says, pushing her toy out in front of her. “Santa brought me this cool doll!”

“That’s so cool, Em! Is that your favorite toy that Santa brought you?” Lara Jean asks, bending down to Emmi’s height so she can see the doll.

Emmi nods, taking a step forward to show Lara Jean the doll better. “I got other stuff too, but this one is my favorite,” Emmi says quickly, looking up at Lara Jean and smiling. “Did Santa bring you cool stuff?”

Lara Jean hears Peter laugh behind them, his feet turning to begin getting things out for the party. “Santa brought me lots of cool things, Emmi,” She smiles, running her fingers through Emmi’s hair.

She doesn’t say that this Christmas brought her dad back into her life as her boyfriend again. And that that’s more than she could’ve ever hoped for.

“Hey, how about I braid your hair for the party? We can make it look super cool,” Lara Jean says, laughing when Emmi takes off down the hall, yelling that she’d get her hair stuff.

“Be careful, she’s going to fall in love with the way you do her hair and then any time I do it it won’t be good enough,” Peter smiles, reaching his hand out to take Lara Jean’s and pull her close.

“Maybe I should just give her dad a refresher on how to do the perfect braids and I won’t have to worry about all of that,” She teases, stealing a kiss before Emmi returns armed with hair ties lined along her wrists.

Lara Jean follows her out to the living room, giving Peter space to set up the alcohol and snacks in the kitchen while the girls sat together doing Emmi’s hair. He snuck a few photos, sending them to Lara Jean for her to see later while Emmi sat in between her legs sitting as still as a 5 year old could for a braid hairstyle that Lara Jean used to love doing to Kitty.

Emmi was always an outgoing kid. Peter felt an odd sense of pride at how Emmi was always able to make friends with anyone at the park, spending hours with these kids who otherwise might have just played by themselves. It’s not that he thought she’d be shy with Lara Jean, but he wasn’t sure how she would react with another adult hanging out with them more often than anyone else has.

Emmi took to Lara Jean like a fish takes to water. There was an ease about it, like Emmi had maybe been craving another person in her life besides her father, and Peter really couldn’t be more grateful. He watches from afar at their relationship blossoming, Lara Jean tying off the end of the braid before tickling Emmi’s neck, Emmi erupting into a fit of giggles.

Lara Jean notices him staring, giving him a soft smile. One that makes him fall in love all over again the same way he did all those years ago.

—

Everyone arrives around 8, and Emmi — who had been half asleep on the sofa — seems to perk up, hanging out with everyone while still sticking fairly close to Peter and Lara Jean. They’d been answering questions all night about being back together, she got to meet some of his work friends who didn’t know anything about her, and overall things were going much better than Peter could’ve ever anticipated.

Emmi demands to be held as they inch closer to midnight, resting her head on her father’s shoulder as he talks to some of his friends from work, Lara Jean lingering nearby with Chris and her boyfriend and their friend Lucas from high school, catching up with them after months of not being able to see each other all together. It’s comfortable, Peter decides, to have Lara Jean there but not at all feeling like she’s out of place or doesn’t belong, and as Gabe takes Emmi from him when they’re minutes from the new year, he slots himself into the conversation with Lara Jean and Chris and Lucas as if he had been there all along.

His apartment is filled with chatter and excitement as the countdown begins, and Lara Jean takes a step back to turn and face Peter, her arms wrapping around his middle. The smile on her face spreads, and her counting which was once so audible cutting through the room is now stuck in her throat, muffled with everyone else as she pulls herself closer.

And then the clock strikes midnight and Lara Jean is standing on her tip toes, her hands pulling Peter closer as she rests them in her hair. Their lips meet briefly at first, and then Peter kisses her harder and Lara Jean has to stop herself from making out with Peter in a room full of people she barely knows.

She pulls back, pressing her forehead to his and running her finger along his jaw. “Happy New Year, Peter,” She mumbles, pecking his lips quickly one more time. “I’m glad this year brought you back to me.”

Peter smiles at that, his fingers tangling in her hair. “You took the words out of my mouth,” He whispers, the beer subtle on his breath and his lips when he kisses her again. “What do you want for this year?”

She pulls away only slightly, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth while she fixes his unruly curls. “I want us both to be happier than ever before,” She says, but it’s cliche and she’s going to blame the alcohol that she had consumed at Peter’s insistence earlier that evening.

His smile grows wider, shaking his head. “I think we can do that,” He nods, stealing one more kiss before Chris is pulling Lara Jean away, mumbling something about how they have to take a picture together.

Gabe is holding a half asleep Emmi when Peter goes back to take her, taking her down the hall to her bedroom while everyone quieted down and hung out for a little while longer before they planned to leave.

“Happy New Year, my baby,” Peter smiles once Emmi is ready for bed and tucked in, leaving a kiss on her head.

Emmi wiggles further down underneath the blankets, smiling up at her dad through half-open eyes. “Happy New Year, Daddy. I love you.”

“Love you more,” He whispers, kissing her once more before leaving the room in search of Lara Jean.

—

People left just after 1, calling Ubers or walking back to their places a few blocks away. Lara Jean offers to stay and help clean up, the alcohol from the drinks Peter made her wearing off after hours of feeling a little drunk. Peter apparently also wasn’t drunk anymore either, carefully washing and drying the dishes they all used that night.

“Is this weird?” Lara Jean asks, drying the rest of the dishes without being asked after getting all the snacks and leftovers put away. “Like, us. Being back together, doing all of this. It’s weird, right?”

Peter laughs, shutting off the sink and grabbing an extra towel to dry off the rest of the dishes with her. “It is weird,” He agrees, chewing on the inside of his lip. “But it’s a good weird. I’ve missed you, Covey.”

“I missed you too,” She smiles, and when he kisses her on the way to put some things away she smiles wider, ducking her head to hide the blush that’s creeping up on her face.

“Wish you didn’t have to leave tonight.”

“We can’t… Emmi…” She trails off, but Peter nods. Because of course he knows that, he’s the one that wants to take things slow and it hasn’t even been a week yet since they’ve been back together and they just can’t risk it.

“I know,” He nods, vocalizing what was already obvious. “I get it. But we’ll see you tomorrow maybe?”

“You just keep pressing your luck, Kavinsky,” Lara Jean smiles, handing him the last of the dishes to put away. “But I’d love to see you two tomorrow. And we can have a date night soon?”

“Of course,” Peter nods, following her to the front door and helping her slip on her jacket. “We’ll go somewhere really nice.”

Lara Jean nods, turning back to face him as she pulls himself close. “Perfect. I can’t wait.”

She steals a few more kisses before finally forcing herself to leave, and Peter cleans up the rest of the living room, crawling into bed just as Lara Jean texts him.

_Home now :) thank you for tonight, Peter. I can’t wait to see where this year takes us. See you soon <3_

If falling asleep with a smile on his face is completely cliche, Peter doesn’t think he’d even be able to try to hide it. He’s in so deep that it should terrify him, but right now all he can think about is how he’s glad the person he’s in so deep for is the girl he once thought he’d spend the rest of his life with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title of the chapter is from Is This Love? By James Arthur :)
> 
> hope everyone had a good holiday if you celebrate! 
> 
> thank you so much for reading/commenting/leaving kudos <3 i'm so glad you guys are enjoying this story as much as i'm enjoying writing it! 
> 
> more soon!! <3


	11. I still want you the same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they fall into a routine, Peter and Lara Jean talk about the past, and things start falling into place.

Emmi returns to school, Lara Jean is back at the bakery full-time, Peter is back at work, and slowly but surely they fall into a routine. Peter goes back to rushing out of work to pick Emmi up from the after school club, he tries new recipes for dinner from a cookbook Owen got him for Christmas, and sometimes Lara Jean joins them and gives her honest reviews alongside Emmi (Emmi is firmly against any recipe that has too many vegetables; Lara Jean always prefers the recipes that involve chicken).

Peter and Emmi visit the bakery a few times a week, where Emmi sits in the same seat at one of the tables in the corner and snacks on a cookie or a cupcake, occasionally trying a new recipe Lara Jean had been fooling around with and thinking about adding to the menu. She was brutally honest, giving reviews on each recipe and if she thinks they should be added for everyone.

Maybe more than anything, Peter finds himself falling in love. He finds it happens more in the little moments, like when Lara Jean says she has a few minutes and pulls a chair up to their table in the bakery, watching with hopeful yet cautiously optimistic eyes as Emmi tries a new flavor of cupcake. He falls in love with the way she carves out a few minutes to spend with them, icing stuck to the side of her face and flour in her hair while she sits and listens to their days.

He falls in love with the way Lara Jean has slotted herself into their little family unit so seamlessly it’s as if she had been there all along. Or how his daughter seems to love having her there, constantly telling her about her friends and everything going on as if Lara Jean had been there since she was born.

Lara Jean didn’t have to work at earning Emmi’s trust or getting her to like her, it just happened. And somehow that makes Peter fall for her harder, even though he knew Lara Jean was easy to love and had this magnetic energy he found himself pushing to keep up with on a constant basis.

It’s only been a little over a month, Peter hasn’t dated in years, but he has a feeling that it’s entirely too soon for all of this and so he keeps quiet. There’s a lot left unsaid between them, a lot that they’ve neglected to discuss what happened between them all those years ago, but for the first time in a long time Peter finds hat he doesn’t care. That conversation will happen when it happens, but for now he just wants to live in every single moment long after they pull apart.

Gabe offers to take Emmi for a few hours so they can go on a real date again, Lara Jean immediately agreeing as she promises that she’ll clean up the bakery as fast as she can. Peter spends his time after he picks Emmi up from school getting her fed and picking out his outfit, which Emmi of course helps with with her commentary and brutal honesty filling the room.

“Can you give this to Lara Jean?” Emmi asks while Peter sits on the sofa and pulls on his shoes, watching as Emmi runs to her backpack and digs through, pulling out a picture. “We had to draw a picture with me and a friend in art class today.”

“And you drew Lara Jean?” Peter asks, holding out his hands to take the drawing from her.

Emmi nods, bouncing on her feet just in front of her father. “Lila got mad I wasn’t drawing her, but I really wanted to draw me and Lara Jean,” She shrugs, a smile spreading across her face.

“She’s going to love it, baby,” Peter smiles, reaching out to pull Emmi closer to him to press a kiss to the side of her head. “You’re going to be good for Gabe?”

Emmi rolls her eyes, her head falling back. “I always am, Daddy,” She reminds him, which makes Peter laugh despite knowing that it’s the truth.

“Good girl. I’ll come in and say goodnight when I’m home,” He promises, and Emmi nods before she wriggles free from his grasp and goes back to playing with her toys.

Peter leaves not long after Gabe arrives, one last kiss goodbye to Emmi before he’s walking down to his car embracing those familiar feelings of nerves before a date.

_______________________________

Lara Jean changes in Chris’ office, slipping on a sweater dress and stocking and boots and redoing her hair to make it look a little more presentable. Chris helps her with her makeup, wiping off the smudges of melted chocolate and flour that always seem to be lingering after a long day of baking, carefully putting on eye makeup and foundation and making sure she looked absolutely perfect for the rare date they were getting to have.

“God, I would be so sick about all of this and how giddy you are about a date if it wasn’t with Kavinsky,” Chris teases, capping the lip gloss and tossing it back into her bag. “So, is your goal to make him fall in love immediately so you can just get this show on the road and live happily ever after? Or are we taking a different approach.”

“Chris,” Lara Jean hisses, but the smile she’s desperately trying to bite back tells a different story as she shakes her head. “It’s not like that and you know it.”

“It is sort of like that," Chris retorts, standing back to take a look at Lara Jean. “You’d love to have your fairytale ending. Face it, LJ. You’ve always been like that. You’ve always thought love was like a fairytale and you’d find your prince charming and live happily ever after.”

“I never said I thought Peter was that person.”

Chris looks over her shoulder, narrowing her eyes. “Come on, LJ, give me a break,” She sighs, sliding into her seat. “You looked at Peter like he hung the moon. He could’ve told you he was going to jump off a cliff and you would’ve rationalized going with him.”

“Not towards the end.”

“Okay, well a lot happened towards the end for you not to feel that way,” Chris counters, sitting back down at her desk. “But you know you’re going to feel like he hung the moon again and I think it’s really cute. And very cliche.”

Lara Jean rolls her eyes, smoothing out her dress in the mirror before turning back to Chris. “I look fine?”

“You look perfect,” Chris smiles, and although there’s a hint of sarcasm behind it Lara Jean knows she really does mean what she says.

She doesn’t have time to reply before Jenna pokes her head in the back room, letting her know Peter is there.

“Go,” Chris smiles. “I’ll make sure we clean everything up perfectly for tomorrow morning. You just go be in love with your man.”

Lara Jean swats at Chris before grabbing her bag and walking through the bakery, her smile growing when she finds Peter lingering around the front of the shop waiting.

“Hey,” He smiles when he sees her, bending down to kiss her quickly before taking her hand, leading her out of the bakery when she says her goodbyes to everyone.

“You look gorgeous,” He says once they’re back at his car, opening his passenger door for her to slide in before he climbs in the drivers seat himself. Just like he had when they were dating before he reaches over for her hand, interlacing their fingers as he drove down the crowded city streets.

“You clean up really nicely,” She replies easily, smiling when Peter laughs, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth.

“You’re too kind, Covey,” He smirks, and for a moment they fall into a comfortable silence, their fingers intertwined and Lara Jean trying not to think about what Chris said.

“Oh,” Peter says when he stops at a light, reaching into the back seat and pulling out a piece of paper. “Emmi has requested that I give this to you.”

Lara Jean takes the paper from his hands, resting it on her lap and studying it for a moment.

“She drew it in class. Apparently the assignment was to draw her and a friend, and…” He trails off, nodding towards the photo.

Lara Jean realizes immediately that Emmi chose her. She feels these odd emotions about it all, like maybe she should cry or say something funny, but she’s mostly speechless. When agreeing to give Peter a chance it meant bringing Emmi into her life, and it’s like every reservation she had about it just melted away when she realized how well they got along with each other. How they just seemed to… fit.

“Tell her that I’m going to hang this up on my fridge to look at all the time,” She says quietly, carefully folding along the lines Peter had already made, placing it in her bag.

“You don’t have to do that,” Peter replies, shaking his head. “I mean I’ll tell her, but you don’t… it can be a little white lie.”

“Peter,” Lara Jean says, smiling when Peter glances over at her. “Emmi picked me to be the friend that she drew. I’m absolutely hanging this up on the fridge and gladly explaining it to any friend that comes over to my place.”

Peter smiles at that, shaking his head as he drives around looking for a spot. “Thank you,” He mumbles, pulling into a spot easily and shutting off the car. “For being so good to her.”

Lara Jean wants to say that loving Emmi has been the easiest thing for her, but it doesn’t feel right to say quite yet. So instead she whispers an “always” and nods and kisses his knuckles softly, watching the smile spread across his face.

They arrive at the restaurant and things fall together so easily that Lara Jean almost feels like they have been together years, holding his hand as they walk down the snowy streets and the last of the holiday decorations waiting to be taken down. It’s so easy being with Peter that sometimes she forgets they’ve known each other for years. That they have this history between each other, and not all good memories come from it.

She forgets that she used to know exactly how to calm him down, his telltale signs that things were bothering him more than he would let on, the way that he would bite his lip when he wasn’t sure he wanted to speak up and say what was on his mind.

And then he sits down across from her after holding her chair out and she’s transported back to being 17 and sitting across from him at the Corner Cafe with a Cherry Coke and his chocolate milkshake with a tray of fries between them, where they spent hours talking about how their experiences are not the same, but just because Peter didn’t want to talk about his dad didn’t mean that it wasn’t a big deal.

They fall into a conversation about work and all the new menu changes that were coming to the bakery thanks to Emmi’s help, and Peter laughs around a forkful of rice, his smile as wide as it could possibly be without being impolite. Lara Jean’s missed this, missed his little nuances and traits and sometimes the way his laugh would send butterflies straight to her stomach so many times.

But it’s happening again and it’s sitting here in this restaurant across from him she _knows_ that she’s so in love it’s terrifying. And normally she’d push these feelings away, telling herself that she just opened the bakery and she’s entering this new stage of life and she doesn’t have time for a boyfriend right now.

But it’s Peter. And even if she did think all of that, if she did believe that maybe right now wasn’t the right time to get into all of this, she can’t say no to him. She never could. And that never changed.

Peter pays for the bill when they finish, and as they walk back out onto the chilly brick sidewalk and back down the streets that are now busier, she squeezes his hand. “Come back to my place,” She says quietly while they’re waiting to cross the street.

Peter raises his eyebrows, leaning down to press his lips to hers. “Of course,” He mumbles, the two of them walking back to the car a little faster now that they have plans.

Lara Jean’s apartment is spotless. There’s a blanket folded over the back of the sofa like a show home, she doesn't have any dishes out drying, there’s no toy box in the corner. It’s everything that Peter expected from her apartment, but he can’t help but laugh at how drastically different their lives look at this point in time.

“Are you laughing because you’re surprised I can keep a place clean?” She asks, pulling off her jacket and turning back to smile at him. “Because half the time I surprise myself with how clean I keep this based on what my room used to look like.”

“I mean,” Peter shrugs, hanging up his jacket next to Lara Jean’s, “I was more laughing about the fact that you have this super put together show home apartment, and when I had you over there were sweatshirts hanging on the back of my sofa and toys spilling out of a toy chest.”

Lara Jean laughs. “It suited you. The organized chaos,” She explains as she walks over to the sofa, patting the spot next to her. Peter follows suit, sitting down close to her. There’s a pause before she’s leaning over, her lips pressing to his as she climbs to straddle his lap.

Her hands are in his hair before she realizes what she’s doing, Peter’s hands move to rest against her back and pull her closer, and for a moment they both forget they’re adults who just reconnected in the last few months. Peter has never wanted to be with someone so badly, never wanted to spend the night with Lara Jean and kiss the back of her neck and hold her until they were forced to get out of bed the following morning.

He tugs at the end of her dress, and after a slight pause she lets him pull it off, resting her forehead against his.

“This is totally going to ruin the mood,” She whispers, their breathing heavy in the otherwise silent apartment, “but we can’t go further than this.”

Peter nods, stealing a kiss quickly. “I know,” He replies, but there’s a small part of him that wishes he could just… be with her. Without worrying about anything else.

“You know I trust you. More than anything,” She says quickly, kissing him again. Peter kind of thinks it’s just for good measure. “But right now I think we just need to take our time. It hasn’t been that long.”

“I know,” Peter repeats, but he goes back to kissing her without saying anything else and Lara Jean pulls away again, her hands resting against his chest.

“Do you hate me?”

“I hate that you keep stopping me from kissing you,” He smiles, his cool fingers running along her sides. “I don’t hate you. I get it, we need to take it slow. No further than this, promise,” He says.

And Lara Jean just smiles, pulling off his shirt and going back to kissing him as if they hadn’t discussed anything at all.

—

Lara Jean tosses Peter’s shirt back at him, grabbing the blanket from the back of the sofa and pulling it over them. She feels wildly like she’s 17 again, the two of them desperately trying to hide the fact that they just made out on her sofa for an hour.

Her skin is slightly sticky with sweat and she tosses her hair up into a bun, her head falling onto Peter’s now clothed shoulder. He takes her hand into his lap, playing with her rings and bringing it up to kiss her knuckles.

“Do you ever wonder what would’ve happened to us if we didn’t break up?” Peter asks after a few minutes of comfortable silence, his finger tracing patterns along her upper arm.

Lara Jean sighs. “I think about it a lot. Especially watching Margot and Ravi. I… I don’t know.”

Peter nods, humming a response when he doesn’t know exactly what to say. It feels like the worst time to discuss all this, where they just spent the last hour making out like teenagers who had never broken up, but there’s a lot left unsaid and Lara Jean doesn’t know that she wants to prolong it any further.

“I didn’t want to break up with you,” She says after a moment. Her voice is quiet, just barely cutting through the noise of the traffic outside. “I tried to think of ways to fix it… I tried to find ways to just make it all work.”

“You had every right to break up with me,” Peter mumbles. There’s no malice behind his words, no regret or anger, it’s just logical. Like he understands and he has all these years and that almost makes Lara Jean feel worse about the whole thing. “I was a dick towards the end. Pushing you away, being rude, picking fights when I was tired.”

“I just,” She pauses, chewing on the inside of her lip. “You and I were growing apart. We were fighting way more than we ever have about stupid stuff, every conversation was tense and not great because we didn’t want to talk about things that we’re changing. And I thought that maybe we would fix it all when we were home from break, but judging by your texts and Snapchats and when we would FaceTime I felt like you needed more that I couldn’t give you.”

“I never meant to make you feel like that. I didn’t — I knew I needed to be better.”

“No, I know,” She immediately replies, turning her neck so she could look at him. “It’s just that you had just broken your leg, you were told you probably weren’t going to play lacrosse ever again, and there was nothing that I could do to make that better. We were fighting more, you were frustrated. I could tell that you needed something or someone to help you work through it, and I was so far away. I just thought that maybe if I let you go you would find someone who could be with you more often and help you work through everything. Like a break, I guess. To see if maybe you wanted someone that was there with you all the time. Like Hayley or Jess,” She shrugs, referring to two of his best friends, friends who Lara Jean got along with.

“I wish you would’ve told me this before you broke up with me,” He says quietly. Lara Jean knows him, knows his little habits and traits and she knows that he’s trying not to get emotional right now, but she doesn’t bring it up. “You… I would’ve worked harder. I would’ve made sure I didn’t make you feel like that. I would’ve fixed things and worked harder on not taking all my anger out on you.”

Lara Jean lets her head fall to rest on his shoulder again, interlacing their fingers and squeezing gently. “I didn’t think you deserved to have me so far away when you needed someone to be right there with you. Going to physical therapy, helping you around the apartment or around campus.”

“I only ever wanted you,” He whispers. “There was never anyone else. That’s not — my anger and frustration was never because I wanted to be with someone else who was closer. It was _always_ you I wanted to be with.”

Lara Jean’s heart squeezes, she feels horrible and wishes she could somehow go back to junior year of college and fix all of this, but she knows she can’t.

“I only really wanted you, too,” She confesses. “I just. I did what I thought was right. What I thought we both needed.”

She can feel Peter nod, his cheek resting against the top of her head as he sighs. “I get it. I hate that I let it get that far, but you were doing what you thought was the right thing.”

Lara Jean relaxes against his side. “But it’s all in the past. We’re back together, and I want to take things slow so we don’t ever have to lose each other again. I want this to be a thing for a very long time.”

Peter lifts his head. “Good thing, Covey. Because I want this to be a thing for a very long time, too.”

He smiles so wide Lara Jean feels like she just fell even harder for him.

“Now, make out with me again before I have to go home?”

She laughs loudly, moving to straddle his lap again, her lips pressing to his so feverishly it was like it had been days.

_______________________________

“You got home very late last night.”

Emmi had been sitting at the table for what felt like hours eating her oatmeal, her eyes following Peter around the kitchen as he made himself coffee and got himself breakfast.

She’s not wrong — Peter had gotten home just before midnight, relieving Gabe of his babysitting duties and promising him that he’s not going to do this every single time they go on a date. But when he checked on Emmi before he went to bed himself she was tucked into her bed, her stuffed otter tucked under her arm and her light snores filling the room.

“How do you know that?” He asks, sliding into his seat beside her with his bowl of cereal, which she promptly asks for a bite of.

“I had to go to the bathroom. Gabe heard me,” She shrugs, moving back to eat her oatmeal. “It was 9:45, Daddy. And you still weren’t home!”

Peter hides his smile behind his spoon, taking a bite. “I know, baby. I stayed out a little later. I was with Lara Jean, remember?”

Emmi looks like she’s thinking about it for a moment, pushing her hair away from her face and taking another bite of her oatmeal. “Did you give her my picture?”

“Of course,” Peter nods. “She loves it. Said she’s going to hang it up on her fridge and everything,” He smiles, reaching for his coffee.

“Really? I tried really hard on it.”

“And it was perfect,” Peter smiles. “What did you and Gabe do last night?”

“Watched a movie,” Emmi shrugs. “He played princesses with me for a while and then he read me three stories and told me I had to sleep.”

“But you had fun?”

Emmi nods, shoving another bite of oatmeal into her mouth.

“Good,” He smiles, nudging her bowl a little closer to her. “Now finish up so you and I can go find something fun to do today. Just you and me, kiddo.”

“Can we make cupcakes?” Emmi asks, and there’s a brief moment where Peter thinks about saying no because making cupcakes will mean hours of him having to hear that they’re nowhere near as good as Lara Jean’s.

“Promise not to tell me Lara Jean’s are better?”

Emmi rolls her eyes, handing her bowl over to him. “Fine. Whatever. But Lara Jean’s probably will be better.”

Peter laughs, shaking his head. “Go get dressed. And save the sass for when you’re a teenager please.”  
Emmi doesn’t reply, running down the hall to get dressed before she returns moments later, miraculously matching and ready to go to the store.

—

With all the ingredients set out on the counter — boxed cupcake mix, Peter isn’t that adventurous — he snaps a picture before following the directions, using a free second to text Lara Jean.

_Emmi has decided she wants to make cupcakes today. I’ve already told her that she’s not allowed to say yours are better._

_Also she’s mad about the box mix. Lectured me through the whole store about how you would make them from “the very beginning”_

He helps Emmi with pouring out the ingredients, takes over putting the batter into the cupcake tins while she moves over to the sink to wash her hands.

His phone buzzes against the counter.

_Boxed isn’t the worst thing in the world ;) I’m sure they’ll be fine. I’ve never known Peter Kavinsky to mess up a box mix._

_Yeah, well, you’ve corrupted my daughter to only liking made from scratch cupcakes :)_

He hits send quickly, placing the cupcakes in the oven when Lara Jean texts back.

_What can I say, she’s going to have high standards like her dad :) sorry about that for real, though. I’ll teach you easy from scratch cupcakes she can do with you and without me there :)_

_A true lifesaver, Covey._

He sets his phone down and lets Emmi help with cleaning everything up, and for as much as Peter loved his night with just Lara Jean, there’s little moments like these where he knows if things did end up going wrong, he and Emmi would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellooooo! sorry it's been a week since the last update, but i hope you all had a nice holiday break and a good start to the new year!
> 
> so they finally addressed why they broke up and what led to it all so they can move forward! :)
> 
> thank you so much for reading/commenting/leaving kudos! i genuinely don't think i'll ever stop being shocked at how much you guys are liking this story as much as i'm loving writing it! so thank youuu :)
> 
> the title of the chapter is from Want You The Same by Sean Grandillo :)
> 
> i'll update soon! :) <3


	12. this isn't your fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean saves the day, Emmi catches them both off-guard, and Peter finally opens up.

Peter knows he has two choices.

He can skip out of the late meeting his boss scheduled for his group, saying that he didn’t arrange for anyone to pick his daughter up and after school care will be over by the time they’re done, or he can text Gabe ask for help.

Considering they’re coming up on their busy season at work and he’s not looking to lose more responsibilities or have his job diminished he steps out into the hall and dials Gabe’s number, already planning what bribes he can use to make this up to him for calling on such late notice.

And then Gabe doesn’t answer. He tries again, pacing the hallway and running his fingers through his hair, his tie feeling more and more like it’s suffocating him the longer this goes on.

He glances back into the office, checking the time and realizing that he only has a few minutes until his meeting starts.

Sighing, Peter scrolls through his phone and calls the only other person he can think of that would be able to get there in time.

“Peter? What are you doing calling me so early?” Lara Jean’s voice fills the line, he can hear commotion in the background, and he almost comes up with some lie on the spot because he doesn’t want to bother her when it’s obvious she’s busy.

“I’m stuck at work,” He says quickly, leaning against the wall. “Emmi’s after school club ends in 20 minutes and I have a meeting that starts in 5 minutes. There’s no way I’m going to be able to get there in time and I really don’t know what to do. But you’re busy and it’s fine I’ll figure it out, I just —“

“Peter,” Lara Jean says softly, cutting off his rambling. He can hear her walking. Then silence. “I can go get her.”

“I can’t ask you to do that,” Peter says quietly. “You’re obviously busy.”

“I’ll bring her back here,” Lara Jean says quickly as if it’s the most obvious proposal. “Peter, I don’t want her at school any longer than she has to be and you can’t leave work. She won’t be in the way here, we’re just baking for tomorrow so she can help out. She’ll be fine, I promise you.”

“Lara Jean,” Peter sighs, glancing back into the office as some of his coworkers file into the conference room. “I owe you. Big time. I’ll text you her schools address and how to get to where her after school club is and I’ll call her school to let them know it’ll be you and not me. I’ll be at the bakery as soon as I can.”

“Take your time,” She replies softly, the smile evident through her voice. “Good luck in your meeting.”

“Thanks,” He smiles, hanging up with Lara Jean and texting her the directions as he walks into the conference room, suddenly feeling a lot better about everything now that it was all ironed out.

_______________________________

Lara Jean leaves the bakery in capable hands for a few minutes, grabbing her coat and reading over Peter’s directions a few times before walking the few short blocks to Emmi’s school. She’s passed it a million times, made deliveries of her baked goods to the front office for office parties a few times, but this is obviously different and she can feel it the second she steps inside, walking down the long hallway.

“Lara Jean!” Emmi’s voice cuts through the room before Lara Jean sees her, Emmi running over and hugging her. “Are you picking me up today instead of Daddy? Cause he isn’t here yet.”

Lara Jean smiles. “I am. Your dad is stuck at work for a little bit, so you’re going to come back to the bakery with me.”

Emmi’s smile somehow gets wider, running over to where her backpack is and shrugging on her jacket before reappearing by Lara Jean’s side. Lara Jean signs her out, taking her hand and walking back out onto the busy streets of the city while they made their way back to the bakery.

Emmi talks about school the whole way there, swinging their arms in between them as they made their way through the crowds and slipping back through the back door of the bakery, shrugging off their coats and hanging them up.

“Want to help me with some cupcakes? We can ice them and stick some decorations in them,” Lara Jean says once they’re settled, lifting Emmi up onto a stool beside her.

She grabs the cupcakes and sets them out in front of the two of them, beginning to ice them. “You’re going to stick one cherry on top of this one, like this,” She says carefully, showing Emmi how it’s done before leaning over to pull up Emmi’s sleeves.

“Just one?” Emmi asks, smiling when Lara Jean nods, continuing to ice the cupcakes while making sure Emmi was putting the cherries on correctly without making too much of a mess.

They’re working so quietly together that neither of them realize Peter has arrived, breathless and looking a little disheveled as he digs for his phone in his pocket to take a picture of the two of them. Emmi hears him and looks up, a smile spreading across her face.

“We can't leave yet, Daddy,” She says quietly, plucking a cherry from the bowl set out in front of her. “I’m helping Lara Jean with the decorations.”

“You’re doing a really good job, baby,” He smiles, walking over to kiss the top of her head, leaning down to kiss Lara Jean quickly.

“Thank you,” He mumbles, rubbing her back when she finishes icing the last of the cupcakes.

“She’s been great, Peter,” Lara Jean smiles, wiping her hands off on her apron. “Been helping me this whole time. And she was excited to see me instead of you picking her up,” She teases, Peter rolling his eyes as Emmi finishes the last of the decorations.

“Kiddo, don’t touch anything with those hands,” Peter says, Lara Jean reaching for a paper towel to give to Peter to clean her hands off.

“Come to dinner with us,” Peter says when Emmi runs over to get her jacket, sensing they’re about to leave. “I don’t have anything to make at home and obviously didn’t have time to food shop. But please come, let me say thank you for getting her.”

Lara Jean chews the inside of her lip, handing the tray of cupcakes over to Jenna to put out on display. “You don’t have to thank me, Peter. It really wasn’t a big deal.”

“Lara Jean,” Peter sighs, helping Emmi pull her jacket on, “you went and got my kid from school while I was stuck at work. And then you let her come back to work with you and help. That’s not… that’s way above anything I should ask you to do. You’re not her mom, Lara Jean. You shouldn’t have to leave your work to pick her up because I couldn’t.”

“I never said I was her mom,” She challenges, but stops herself before she says anything else she knows she’ll regret. “You need to learn how to accept help from people. You’re not superhuman, Peter. You can’t do it all yourself.”

Peter looks like he’s going to say something, but he shuts his mouth shut and shakes his head, sighing. “I’m sorry,” He says quietly, thankful that Jenna called Emmi over to help her with counting the cookies to be set out for the following day. “I’ve just — it’s always been just me and her. I’ve never had anyone else to rely on except Gabe. And if he couldn’t help I just. I figured it out.”

“I know,” Lara Jean mumbles, reaching out for his hand. “But you need to let me help. I really don’t mind helping you, and that doesn’t mean that I’m trying to be her mom.”

Peter nods, the smile tugging at his lips. “I know you’re not,” He nods, running his free hand through his hair.

“Give me 20 minutes and we can go to dinner,” She smiles, standing on her tip toes to kiss his cheek. “Em is fine with Jenna, you just go relax for a minute. My bottle of lemonade from lunch is in the fridge in Chris’ office if you want it.”

And so Peter goes, spending a spare few moments and the first break he’s had all day in the corner of the bakery, watching how Emmi just seemed to seamlessly fit in with Lara Jean’s life. And while he wasn’t totally ready to embrace all the extra help that dating Lara Jean came with, he watches his daughter and realizes that even if it has always been just them, embracing the extra help is more than okay.

_______________________________

The restaurant is crowded when the three of them file in, Emmi climbing up into Peter’s lap when they sit down to wait for a table. Lara Jean sends a text quickly, leaning back and smiling when Peter reaches over to take her hand.

Things are a little tense between them, but Peter knows it’s his fault and he really doesn’t want to get into it further in the middle of a restaurant with Emmi sitting with them. He tries to think of something to say that isn’t an apology but is saved when Emmi leans over, talking about what she did with Jenna at the bakery.

They’re seated and Emmi immediately begins drawing on her menu and suddenly Peter finds himself staring at his girlfriend and just wishing he could take everything back that he said that afternoon when the stress was still more than prevalent in his mind.

“Thank you again,” He says quietly, shaking his head and sighing. “I know I need to ask for help. I know I need to let it happen. It’s just hard.”

“I get it,” Lara Jean says quietly, setting her menu down on the table. “I know it’s only been you and her. I’m not trying to get in the middle of that.”

“I don’t think you are.”

“I know,” Lara Jean sighs, running her fingers through her hair as she glances at Emmi. “But just for the record, helping you with whatever you need isn’t this big chore for me like you might think it is. Stopping at work for a few minutes to run and get her from school when you can’t isn’t the end of the world.”

Peter nods, reaching over the table to take Lara Jean’s hand in his. “I’m working on it, I promise.”

There’s a smile that spreads over Lara Jean’s face, one that makes Peter’s heart flutter and his breathing quicken, and he know he’s falling in love even more. “I love you,” She whispers, so quiet that it’s almost impossible to hear over the chatter of the diners next to them. “And I love her, and I will spend the rest of our time together convincing you that you two are not an inconvenience in my life.”

“I love you, too,” He mumbles, the smile on his face feeling like it’s never going to leave. “We both do. And I will spend the rest of my life showing you that if it’s the last thing I do.”

Peter’s really not trying to cry in the middle of the restaurant. It’s been a long day, one filled with meetings and deadlines and stress from the minute he woke up, and so he mostly blames his emotions on all of that. But it doesn’t go unnoticed that she loves him in ways he loves her, in those little moments and experiences.

And although it had been years since Peter felt like this about anyone, let alone Lara Jean, this felt different. Because this time when he looks across the table he doesn’t see this girl he recently started dating, he doesn’t see the high school and early college girl he fell so hard for.

He sees a girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

It’s early, he knows, and he doesn’t plan on taking that any further for at least a little while. Until he knows that Emmi is totally on board with his and they don’t have any doubts that this is end goal, that this is what they both want for the rest of their lives. But his feelings have shifted and now he knows he needs to work on letting her in, accepting the help that she desperately wants to give him.

And then maybe he’ll feel more sure about all of this.

“Lara Jean,” Emmi’s voice cuts through their conversation, and just as if they’d been caught by their parents making out Peter withdraws his hand from Lara Jean’s.

“What’s up, Em?” Lara Jean asks, giving Peter the smallest of smiles before she shifts her attention to Emmi, who’d been sat on the other side of the table. “Did you need help working on the games on your menu?”

Emmi looks up, eyebrows furrowed as she shakes her head. “I have a question for you,” She says, pushing stray hairs from her ponytail away from her face. “We have a special friends day at school next week. Will you come be my special friend?”

The question lingers in the air for a minute, hanging between the three of them. Lara Jean hesitates for a moment, glancing at Peter who just shrugs because no, he didn’t know that there even _was_ a special friends day at school the following week or that Emmi was planning on asking Lara Jean.

He realizes that’s probably like, a questionable parenting moment, but at this point it’s just his life.

“I’ll come if you want me to,” She smiles. “Just tell your dad to let me know when it is so I can make sure I can leave the bakery.”

Emmi smiles at that, nodding furiously before turning back to her menu and coloring in the pictures while they waited for their food.

Peter and Lara Jean fall into a conversation about work and friends and plans for the upcoming week, but the entire dinner Peter’s mind falls back to Emmi’s question and how Lara Jean said yes so easily it was as if it was a no-brainer, and her really just needs all of this to stay this blissful perfect for the rest of their lives.

—

Getting Emmi to bed when Lara Jean is sitting in their living room proves to be an almost impossible task, one that Peter almost gives up on until Lara Jean leans forward, taking Emmi’s hands in hers.

“You really need to listen to your dad and go to bed, Emmi. I’m going home soon anyway, I have to go to the bakery early in the morning,” Lara Jean says softly, carefully wading between Emmi understanding and having her throw herself on the floor and cry that it wasn’t fair she had to go to bed and they got to stay up and hang out.

Her bottom lip juts out, her head falling to face the ground, but she sighs and nods. “Will you be here tomorrow?”

Peter watches carefully from the corner, thinks about butting in and reminding Emmi that Lara Jean has her own house and the bakery that she needs to be at, but there’s a moment in his mind where he wants to see the two of them interact, wants to watch their relationship blossom.

“Well, I won’t be here in the morning,” Lara Jean begins, a smile making her eyes crinkle as she squeezes Emmi’s hands. “But after I work maybe I can stop by. If it’s okay with your dad.”

“It’ll be fine!” Emmi nods quickly, a smile spreading on her face. “Daddy loves when you come over,” She smiles, making Lara Jean laugh as she reaches forward to hug Emmi.

“Night, Emmi. I’ll hopefully see you tomorrow,” She smiles, feeling Emmi’s arms squeeze around her neck as she hugs her back.

“Night, Lara Jean,” She says, pulling away and walking in front of Peter, down the hall towards her room.

Peter mouths a thank you to Lara Jean, following his daughter down the hallway to get her to bed. Lara Jean takes the opportunity to clean up a little bit after dinner, putting some of Emmi’s toys away and taking their cups to the kitchen to place in the dishwasher. She just sits back down when Peter reappears in the hallway, collapsing onto the sofa beside Lara Jean, his arm wrapping around her shoulders and pulling her close.

“There is nothing more exhausting than putting a 5 year old to bed when she wants to do anything but sleep,” He smiles, his voice humming against the top of her head as his lips press into her hair.

“Well, I think you’re a really good dad,” Lara Jean replies quietly, burying her head against his shoulder as Peter hums softly. “She loves you more than anyone else in the world, you know. Even when she’s being difficult.”

Peter nods, letting the silence fill the room as his hand aimlessly runs against her arm.

“Juliet left a note on her pillow,” Peter says after a few minutes of silence. His fingers move to play with the bracelet on Lara Jean’s wrists, his voice quiet in the silence of his living room. “I woke up, saw the note, and read it four times before it even registered what it said.”

“She said that while she loved me and she loved Emmi, she couldn’t be a mom anymore. It was too much, she was too young. Emmi was learning more and becoming this little person, and she felt like she was ruining things for her. That her continuing to be a mom and be this presence in Emmi’s life was for the worse. She’d be better off with me, where I could provide for her and nurture her and just… figure it all out.”

Lara Jean doesn’t know what to say at first, her voice paralyzed as Peter stops talking. “Did you… did you try to call her?” She asks, but it sounds like the worst question in the world that’s going to come with the most obvious answer.

Peter huffs out a laugh, shifting underneath Lara Jean’s head. “I mean, yeah,” He says quietly, but somehow his answer doesn’t make her feel stupid. “I called her the first few weeks. Incessantly. She never answered, so I left voicemails. And then one time I called and it said the number was no longer in use. So I stopped. Her parents weren’t in our lives after she got pregnant, so calling them wouldn’t have helped.”

“And her friends?”

“Covered for her,” Peter laughs sadly. Lara Jean feels his head shake against hers. “They said that I really needed to let it go. That she wanted the relationship to be over, and even if they knew where she was — which they swore they didn’t — it wasn’t my place to go back and try to win her back.”

“But Emmi…” Lara Jean’s voice trails off, asking the question without having to say anything.

“I know,” Peter nods. His free hand reaches up, rubbing his face in a lame attempt to not cry. “I’ll probably never know how she could just up and leave her. How she could look at her sweet face and not want to be there for every little moment in her life. It wasn’t easy,” Peter sighs, shaking his head. “It was really fucking hard and she and I worked a lot and barely made ends meet sometimes, but I would come home from the longest day and the most boring day at work and Emmi would have learned something new or she’d be running towards me and falling into my legs and I’d just hold her and everything would feel okay. How could she not want that in her life? How could she take one look at Emmi and think that she’d be better off just leaving us?” His voice breaks. Lara Jean wraps her arm around his torso, squeezing a little tighter.

“She’s missing out. On all these beautiful moments and the most amazing little girl,” Lara Jean says quietly. Selfishly, she’s glad Peter and Juliet didn’t work out. Peter is back in her life in the best of ways, and she’s happy about that. But she’s not happy that Emmi has to grow up without her mother in her life, just as she did with her own mother and Peter did without his own father.

“Does Emmi… does she remember her?”

Peter sighs, chewing on the inside of his lip while he thinks about an answer. “She remembers little things. I don’t — I think some of the memories are made up in her head,” He confesses. “Sometimes she’ll ask about her. Normal things — if she looks like her, if she was beautiful, was she funny. She never really asks if we’re going to see her or where she is, but I know it’s probably only a matter of time. Especially now with school. She’s already noticed her friends parents are together.”

“You’re doing amazing raising her, Peter.”

Peter shrugs uncomfortably under Lara Jean’s touch, struggling with accepting the compliment. “I always said that I never wanted my kids life to be like mine. I wanted them to have both parents active in their lives, always there for their sports or concerts or activities. I didn’t want anyone to have to feel the way that I did when my dad left, let alone my own kids.”

“It’s not your fault she left.”

Peter sighs. “I know it’s not, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t feel guilty about Emmi having to grow up with one parent in her life. I don’t think Juliet will ever return, ever even try to see how Emmi is or what she’s doing. Which is probably better, but I just can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if she would’ve at least stayed in Emmi’s life. Even if she and I didn’t work out.”

Lara Jean nods, the silence filling the room once more. There’s a hockey game playing on TV, but it’s been a long time since either of them had paid attention to it, the commentary the only source of sound in the room.

“I have to be everything for Emmi now. Her mom _and_ her dad. And I watched my mom have to take this on when my dad left. How she just stepped into both roles for me and Owen and she struggled and was exhausted all the time, and now I have to do that. I have to step into that role that I watched my mom be in and I know I’m not going to be as good at it as she was,” He pauses, taking a deep breath.

“I think that’s why I’m so hesitant to accept help or let people be there. Because I watched my mom just fall into this role and even though she struggled, she didn’t really ask for help from anyone. She just… did it. Probably because she felt like if she asked for help right after her husband walked out on her she’d feel like she was suddenly imposing, and I don’t — I don’t want to push everything that happened onto someone else.”

Lara Jean understands the struggles of being raised by a single parent. Her trauma was so different to Peter’s that she never tried to compare it, never tried to show that she understood even the slightest bits of what he was going through when they were in high school and the pain of his dad leaving them and starting a new life was so prominent and fresh that he tried to just push it away.

She tried not to think about how her dad did it most times. Margot was always there, seeming to take over the roles their mom once filled seamlessly, as if she had been expecting this tragedy to occur. Their dad worked at the hospital, came home as fast as he could, and Margot filled in the cracks that needed to be filled.

Lara Jean took that role over when Margot left, and then Trina joined their family and her dad found this love Lara Jean only remembered him having when her mom was live.

“I think my dad did the best he could,” She says after a moment. Peter’s fingers, which had been trailing up and down her arm stop, his breathing slowing. “After my mom died, he was left with these three little girls and his job at the hospital. He had help, but a lot of the time he fumbled through, trying to make sure that we were doing okay and getting through losing her while still needing to work full time and raise us alone.”

“I didn’t mean to make it feel like a pity party that Emmi and I are turning out like my mom and I did,” Peter says quickly.

Lara Jean smiles, shaking her head. “No, I know. I just… I think maybe you’re being too hard on yourself.” It’s brutally honest, straight to the point with no sugarcoating she often used when it came to talking about serious things with Peter. “It’s okay to need help, Peter. It’s okay to ask for it and to let people in and give you the help that you clearly need. You let Gabe in.”

“Gabe’s different," Peter counters, this quiet edge in his voice. “He was there when Juliet told me she was pregnant, he was there at the hospital when Emmi was just born. He was there when Juliet left. You… you weren’t. Obviously,” He sighs, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth. “That’s why it’s easy for me to ask Gabe for help. Because he's been there and he got me through those nights where I didn’t know how I was going to wake up in the morning and survive. How I was going to be able to keep being a dad without Juliet there.”

Lara Jean nods, reaching out to take Peter’s hand in hers. It’s warm, the rough calluses feeling so familiar against her hands. She squeezes gently, shifting so she’s able to look at him. “Will you let me be there now? For you and Emmi?” She asks quietly.  
And she moves impossibly closer to him, resting her other hand on his cheek, rubbing her thumb against his stubble. He blinks softly, lets out the smallest of sighs, and lets the smile spread across his face after a moment.

“I think I can,” He whispers, ducking his head enough to gently press his lips against hers. They’re soft, her lips taste like vanilla chapstick, and Peter really thinks he could just keep making out with her like this if it meant not having to talk about any of this anymore. “I don’t want to ruin any of this,” He mumbles against her lips.

“Jump with me,” She replies, pushing her forehead against his. “Take this leap of faith, just like you made me do in high school. Trust me. We will not ruin this if you just let me help,” She says. Her words are firm, filling the room with confidence that Peter rarely remembers her having.

And so he nods, his hand reaching up to run through her hair. “Okay,” He nods, and before she has a chance to reply his lips are against hers again, and for a moment he really can envision all the fairytale endings he had been so hesitant to dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title of the chapter is from Honest by Shawn Mendes :) (just maybe like, take this lyric out of context because the rest of the song definitely does NOT go with peter and lara jean haha)
> 
> you guys...i am DYING at how many of you loved the last chapter?!? like i don't deserve all of you you're too nice to me what the HECK. i'm so glad you're enjoying this story, hopefully that continues as we go along! 
> 
> also sorry about the two serious talks in a row, but ya know that's life! next chapter is much happier, promise :)
> 
> more soon, promise! <3 <3 <3


	13. we've come so far my dear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean goes to Emmi's special friends day, Peter talks with his friends at work, and Lara Jean and Peter go on a date

“It’s only for a few hours, Emmi knows that you really can’t hang around after, and I promise I’m going to take you on the most amazing date for leaving work for a few hours to go and do this,” Peter rattles off, sinking into a seat in the nearly empty bakery after dropping Emmi off at school.

Lara Jean peers at him over his shoulder, eyebrows raised as she stirs his to-go cup of coffee, walking over to him. “Did you ever think that maybe I’m really looking forward to going to her special friends day? And I’m excited to spend a few hours away from the bakery?”

Peter thanks her, taking a sip of his coffee as he rests his elbows on the table. “You’re excited to go spend two hours in a classroom full of 5 year olds?”

Lara Jean shrugs, loosely pulling her hair into a braid. “I hadn’t thought about it that way,” She confirms, but her smile doesn’t falter. “But it could be fun! Emmi is a lot of fun, I think we’ll have a good time.”

“Well, I like your optimism.”

She laughs, pulling his coffee cup in front of her to take a sip for herself. “If you’re offering up the most amazing date, I will accept it. Regardless on the outcome of this special friends day.”

Peter laughs, glancing at his phone at the time as he stands up. “I need to get to work,” He sighs, grabbing his jacket and sliding it on, his coffee still in Lara Jean’s hands. “Promise you’ll tell me how this all goes? You can call me on your way back, or I’ll talk to you tonight?”

Lara Jean nods immediately, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him quickly as she hands him back his coffee. “I’ll call you when I have time. But don’t worry about it, we’re going to have the best time.”

That earns her a smile from him, and he kisses her back once more before grabbing his things, making his way to work.

_______________________________

“Lara Jean, you made it!”

Emmi stands up from her seat in her classroom, bouncing on her feet as Lara Jean makes her way through the classroom, lifting Emmi up in a hug.

“I told you I’d be here, didn’t I?” She smiles, sinking into the chair beside Emmi’s desk, setting her things down. “I wouldn’t miss this, you know that.”

Emmi nods, her eyes darting from Lara Jean back to her friend Lila, her smile growing wider. “Lila look! Lara Jean came!” She smiles excitedly, and Lara Jean smiles at the woman who follows Lila to the table. “This is my daddy’s girlfriend, Lara Jean,” Emmi says proudly, to which Lara Jean feels her face flush as she sticks her hand out.

“I’m Nora. Lila’s aunt,” She smiles, shaking her hand quickly and sitting down at the seat beside Lila.

They spend the first chunk of time doing an art project, where Lara Jean mostly sits back and offers color options to Emmi while she draws a picture. It takes Lara Jean a moment, but she quickly realizes what’s coming to life before her on the page.

“Are you drawing me and you and your dad?” Lara Jean asks after a moment.

Emmi turns, her tongue poking between her lips as she brushes her hair away from her face. “Uh huh,” She nods, “Do you think Daddy will like it?”

It’s a moment that Lara Jean doesn’t need to hesitate in — of course Peter will love it — but she finds herself looking down at Emmi, the smile on her face only getting her wider. “I think he’s going to absolutely love it.”

She watches for a while, studying Emmi’s face as she finishes drawing her picture, listening to her teacher as they moved onto another activity. Lara Jean had always thought Emmi looked just like Peter, but sitting here taking a moment to study her features she’s never been more positive. The way she seems so focused on her work, hunching over the desk and writing slowly and carefully the same way her dad did when they were in high school taking notes in science class.

The way she pulls her bottom lip in between her teeth, or how her tongue pokes out of her mouth when she’s focusing really hard on staying in the lines in her coloring so she doesn’t mess anything up. There’s so many little things, so many little moments that Lara Jean finds she doesn’t want to miss, and she doesn’t know how she’s supposed to just say that to someone who she never thought she’d see again in her life when it comes to talking about his child.

“Lara Jean,” Emmi begins on a quick break while her teacher sets up the new activity, “are you going to come over for dinner tonight?”

Brushing her fingers over the braids that Peter undoubtedly did that morning, Lara Jean smiles. “I don’t know, Em. I have to get back to the bakery, and I think you and your dad were going to have a special night alone.”

Emmi’s smile falters for a moment, but she nods and swings her legs back around to rest underneath her desk, staring at her friends in front of her. “But I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Sure,” Lara Jean nods. Which isn’t entirely true — she’s not sure what she’s doing tomorrow or if they’ll see each other. But looking at Emmi and how disappointed she seemed that Lara Jean wasn’t going over that night Lara Jean couldn’t bring herself to disappoint herself further.

Emmi perks up after that, spending the rest of the time Lara Jean has with her telling her stories, showing off her work, and working on a special project with her before it’s time for her to leave along with everyone else.

“I had a really fun time today, Ems,” Lara Jean says, standing up from the chair she spent the last few hours in to pull on her jacket. “Your daddy is going to be so proud of you for how well you’re doing in school.”

Emmi nods, standing up and watching Lara Jean put her jacket on before she hugs her around her middle. “Thank you for coming, Lara Jean. I love you.”

Lara Jean tenses up, her arms frozen around Emmi when she hears those words. It’s unexpected, a shock, and definitely not at all what she thought was going to happen when she said her goodbyes that morning after a day that she desperately needed away from the bakery.

But then she relaxes, smooths her hand over Emmi’s hair, and lifts her up into her arms. “I’ll always come to whatever you want,” She promises, leaning back so Emmi can look at her. “I love you too, Emmi.”

Emmi’s face turns up into a smile, her arms wrapping around Lara Jean’s neck and her head falling to rest against her shoulder.

There had been plenty of times where Peter talked about how much he loved when Emmi would hug him like this. How she’d melt into his body, rest her head against his shoulder, falling asleep listening to the sound of his breathing. Lara Jean always assumed that it was one of those things she wouldn’t understand until she had kids of her own, until she was able to experience those little moments when she had a family that was just hers, but now she gets it.

Because as she holds Emmi in her arms in the middle of her kindergarten classroom, she understands everything that Peter has talked about, and she knows that she never wants to let this feeling go.

Eventually she does, slowly lowering Emmi back to the ground and smoothing out her skirt and brushing a wisp of hair from Emmi’s eye, bending over to kiss the top of Emmi’s head. “I’ll see you soon, okay Ems?” She says quietly, smiling when Emmi nods.

She leaves the room after saying goodbye to some of the other parents or special friends that came, taking one look back at Emmi when she reaches the doorway. Emmi’s already engrossed in conversations with her classmates again, snack resting on her desk as she covers her mouth and giggles loudly at a joke one of the boys told.

She doesn’t know where the future is going to take her, or if Emmi will always feel this way about her, but standing there looking back at this little girl who entered her life in the most unexpected of ways, Lara Jean knows she wants to be there to find out. Through the good and the bad.

_______________________________

Peter checks his phone 14 times in the span of an hour, and by the time he joins his friends in the break room to eat lunch, he’s checked another 4 times.

“You know phones did come with ringers,” Jake smirks, sinking into the chair beside Peter, his lunch in front of him. “What’s got you so on edge today anyway? Did you send Emmi to school sick or something?”

Peter rolls his eyes at the comment, thinking back to the one time last year when Emmi complained of a stomachache. Peter naturally thought she was faking it (she had been complaining that school was boring the few days prior), dressed her, and sent her to school. The nurse called halfway through a meeting with a huge client explaining that Emmi was sick and needed to be picked up, and Peter spent the next two days hearing it from his coworkers about how he’s already starting off the fake sick thing on the wrong track and Emmi was probably miserable because of him.

It did annoy him, even if it was completely a joke.

“Lara Jean is at Emmi’s special friends day at school,” He says quietly. His fork stabs a piece of lettuce a little too forcefully. “I’m not like, _worried_ about it or anything. I just didn’t know if I’d hear how it was going.”

“So you and Lara Jean? That’s a definite, permanent thing?” Carlos asks, his eyebrows raised. He doesn’t sound amused or teasing, more just… curious. Peter had mentioned her a few times, talked about how they had dated in high school and reconnected, but as much as his coworkers were his friends he still tried to keep it all separate.

“I mean, yeah,” Peter shrugs. “We’ve been dating a few months. I’m not… we’re taking things slow. But I don’t want her to like, go anywhere.”

“And Emmi loves her?”

Peter nods without hesitation. If there’s been one thing he knows in this whole relationship, it’s that Emmi is totally, without question, on board with it all. She enjoys Lara Jean’s company, enjoys that she’s there more often than not, filling this void in her life that maybe Peter wasn’t able to fill for his daughter.

“Pretty sure she almost loves her more than me,” He confirms, confidence in his voice.

Aaron, jumping into the conversation halfway through, smiles. “You’ve got a good one there, Kavinsky. Don’t mess this up.”

Peter smiles, ignoring the fact that he wants to vent and say it’s the one thing he’s been worried about. He hardly finds it appropriate to sit there and talk about how he messed it up when they were in college, and there’s absolutely no reason as to why he couldn’t ruin it this time. He doesn’t say how sometimes he lays in his bed at night and thinks about if he were to mess this up he’d be heartbroken, but Emmi would be distraught.

“This time feels different,” He says quietly, which isn’t necessarily a lie. It _does_ feel different, but more in the way that it would feel different if you had just reconnected with someone from high school. Like there’s that familiarity there, but you’re both in different places and so there’s a different kind of maturity between the two fo you.

“How did you know that Dana was the one?” Peter asks, shifting his attention up to Aaron. “Like when you first met her, did you just know?”

Aaron smiles, sinking into the seat at the head of the table. “It took a few dates. But I started thinking about being with her all the time. Having her spend the night, then eventually moving in together, and then being her wife and her having my kids. It happened pretty early,” He shrugs. “But I also didn’t meet her in high school or date her before. So it’s probably different for you.”

Peter laughs softly at that, shaking his head and trying to think of a funny comeback to that joke, but before he can think of anything Jake speaks up.

“So you see yourself being with her for a long time?” Jake asks. The air in the break room has stilled, the conversation going from playful to a little more serious, a little more inquiring than it had been before.

Peter feels like maybe it’s silly saying that he sees this being a forever thing. That he’s had dreams about proposing and marrying her and having a family together in addition to Emmi. He’s thought about what it would be like to have her move in and give Emmi that mother figure she hasn’t had most of her life, how he’d wake up in the morning and she’d be laying next to him, hair splayed across the pillow and her lips slightly parted as she sleeps soundly.

“I want to be with her forever,” He finally says, ignoring how silly he feels and how he’s opening himself up to being teased. But instead of being met with jabs about how it’s only been a few months, how he should take his time and make sure that this is all exactly what he wants, he’s met with smiles from his coworkers.

“Then don’t mess this up,” Carlos smiles, clapping Peter on the back as he stands up to grab himself a drink.

Peter lets the conversation change to their weekend plans and movies that are coming out, but when he finishes his lunch and resigns himself to the fact that he’ll hear from Lara Jean whenever, his phone vibrates on the way back to his desk.

_Your kid is genuinely one of the best kids, Peter. And maybe I’m biased at this point, but I believe that. This morning was perfect._

_Also she told me she loved me. Unexpectedly. Out of nowhere. And I loved it :)_

Peter smiles, sinking back into his chair at his desk and staring at the texts, suddenly feeling like maybe he should just be honest about how he’s feeling as well, just like Emmi had been.

_______________________________

Peter stays true to his promises, making reservations for a Thai place downtown his friends at work had been talking about for he and Lara Jean that weekend. He texts her to tell her, receiving three heart eye emojis back in response and a text that says Chris raves about that place all the time and so she’s excited to try it.

He bribes Owen with beer to come spend the night at his place so Gabe can have a weekend off, which he accepts and doesn’t ask questions about where they’re going or when they’ll be home, which is a relief.

Emmi is excited at the prospect of having someone other than Gabe there, immediately rattling off activities that Peter knows Owen will hate, but won’t have the heart to tell his niece no. And so he sneakily records Emmi discussing over dinner how Uncle Owen would look really pretty with her new jewelry set Grandma gave her for Christmas, and maybe they could paint each other’s nails if he wanted to because she also got new nail polish from Santa.

Owen sends back the middle finger emoji, and then replies again five minutes later to ask if he has nail polish remover or if he should pick some up on the way over because he’s _not_ leaving Peter’s apartment Sunday morning with bright yellow nails like he knows his niece is going to request.

_I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist her requests :) we have nail polish remover, you’re saved_

He finishes out the work week with texts peppered here and there with Lara Jean, who spends most of the week working on orders for birthdays and work parties for Valentine’s Day and so she can’t see Peter as much as she normally would.

There’s a million reasons why he’s fallen for Lara Jean all over again, but when he looks through his texts on his quick break at work and sees how things just seem to flow, he thinks it’s been so easy to love because it’s all so fluid. Like they understand each other, get that they’re in different places, and it’s all going to be okay.

And so he settles back into his desk for the last few hours of work before he gets to go get Emmi from school with a stupid smile on his face and this feeling that his life that he thought he’d never get was falling into his lap, and with time everything he ever thought would happen when he was in high school and dreaming far too big could still come true.

_______________________________

The Thai restaurant is elegant and fancy and everyone around them looks far more successful than either of them are at this point in their lives, so naturally they feel way out of their league and it’s totally exhilarating as they sit in their seats with the dim lighting casting shadows on their menus.

“Is it wrong for me to wonder why Chris loves it here so much?” Peter asks after their waiter takes their orders, to which Lara Jean laughs around her glass of wine.

“If it’s wrong then we’re both in trouble because the second we walked in I thought it felt like the total opposite of anything Chris would want.”

Peter laughs, shaking his head and looking around the room at the adults there that he realizes aren't all that much older than them, but he suspects have their lives together. Good jobs, a stable house, an apartment that doesn’t consistently look like a tornado went through it.

“So Emmi’s special friends day,” Lara Jean says after a beat of silence, pulling Peter from his trance as he turns back to look at her. “I know 5 year olds can be exhausting, but you may have the cutest one in existence.”

“Oh, don’t be won over by her extreme charm and adorableness,” Peter retorts, swirling his wine glass in his hand. “The other morning when I told her she had to brush her teeth before we left for school she rolled her eyes and flipped her hair over he shoulder while telling me that I was the most impatient person because I didn’t even give her a chance to go brush them. Mind you she was putting her shoes on when I reminded her.”

Lara Jean laughs, the sounds bubbling around their table as she shakes her head. “You know she’s a lot like you, right?” She smiles, reaching out for her wine glass. “Like down to the mannerisms. I was watching her when we were coloring. She bites her lip when she’s concentrating, her eyebrows furrow when she’s doing something that’s difficult. And when she’s done and she’s satisfied she gets this look of pride on her face,” She pauses, taking a sip of her wine. “Just like you always did.”

Peter does know this, at least to a degree. He’s spent most of the last five years hearing that his daughter is his mini-me, his clone, and that it’s uncanny how much she acts like him. He’s always thought it was because he was a single dad. He brushed it off, saying how it was cute and she’s probably in for a rough ride if she inherits too many of his mannerisms, and people would laugh and change the subject.

Hearing Lara Jean say it is different. For most of the four years they were together Lara Jean used to always say she could watch him work for hours. The weekends that she would come visit him were spent with her sitting at his desk pretending to be writing her term paper while she really watched him work on math homework. She’d come curl up beside him, whisper that watching him in such deep concentration was definitely turning her on, and he’d laugh and pull her on top of him, their work being long forgotten about.

He doesn’t know if she remembers all of that, doesn’t know if she even wants to talk about all that (he’s kind of hoping she doesn’t), but now she sees all those little quirks in his daughter and it fills him with this sense of pride that yes, she’s just like him and yes, she can get through anything. Just like he managed to when things were coming apart at the seams.

“So, she told you she loved you?” He asks, his voice gruff as he clears it, trying not to throw off Lara Jean that he was getting oddly emotional about the weirdest compliment. “How?”

Lara Jean’s smile grows wider. “At the end of the whole thing,” She says, setting her wine back down on the table. “I was getting ready to leave, pulling my jacket on while Emmi cleaned up her desk. She turned to give me a hug, and when I picked her up to hold her for a second she thanked me for coming and told me she loved me.”

“Peter, I didn’t mind that she said it, you know,” Lara Jean says after a moment, quickly realizing that Peter wasn’t going to say anything. “In fact, it kind of made me a little more sure about all of this. Like she’s accepting me.”

Peter nods, chewing on his lip for a second before he smiles. “Oh, I’m really happy she’s accepting you because I don’t think I can part with you at this point. I guess I just thought she’d tell me that she loved you first,” He smirks, which makes Lara Jean’s laugh float through the restaurant again, and suddenly he feels a little more at ease about all of this.

They catch up on their weeks over dinner, Peter letting Lara Jean rant about unruly customers and the last minute order demands she had gotten over the week, her stress practically melting off her body right in front of him.

She takes a break from her own ranting to let Peter talk about his projects at work and how they all seem to be mounting, and how he feels like he’s a failure parent because most nights all he can manage to do is watch Emmi play with her toys or put on fashion shows and he’s not participating at all because there’s just so much going on at work.

“That doesn’t make you a bad parent, you know,” Lara Jean assures him, taking the last bite of her dinner. “My dad used to watch us put on fashion shows most nights and it was a highlight of my childhood. He used to give his comments and pick his favorite outfits the three of us would put on. I’m sure Emmi loves that you’re willing to watch.”

“Still feel bad,” Peter mumbles, reaching for his wine to finish it off. “It’s like she’s at school all day, and then after school club, and then when I get home all I can manage to do is make her dinner and watch her.”

Lara Jean smiles which somehow instantly calms Peter down. “I really think you need to stop being so hard on yourself. We’re going to work on it,” She beams, and Peter finds he can only nod because he wants nothing more than to have her there to help him not be so hard on himself.

He takes her hand once they paid for the bill and walks back out onto the streets, the last of the snow and ice lingering despite the warming temperatures and the seasons slowly inching towards Spring. Peter has had this odd feeling in his chest, like he knows he needs to just say something and it’ll go away, but he isn’t sure how to say it.

The walk back to Lara Jean’s is quick, and as much as Peter would love to follow her upstairs and make out with her for the rest of the night, he promised Owen that he’d be back in time for Owen to go out with his friend. The setting isn’t romantic in the slightest — the grey snow at their feet is less than ideal, but Peter tugs at Lara Jean’s hand so she faces him, her head tilting to lock eyes.

“I love you,” Peter says, sucking his lip between his teeth. “And I don’t say it enough because I’m afraid it would be too much, but I’m so glad that you’re back in my life and I can stand here on this street with you and tell you that I love you because you’re you and because somehow you manage to bring out the best in me even when I don’t think it’s possible for _anyone_ to do that.”

Lara Jean smiles, pulling herself impossibly closer and wrapping her arms around his torso. “I love you too,” She smiles, leaning up to kiss him. “And you bring out the best in me too, you know? Everyone at work keeps saying how much happier I am since you and I got back together.”

Peter can’t help but laugh at that, shaking his head and trying to savor the moment of just the two of them without anyone interrupting. “So what they’re saying is that we’re both horrible people without each other?” He teases, which has Lara Jean tipping her head back in laughter, shaking her head.

“No, I don’t think that’s quite what they meant,” She shrugs, her head resting against his chest. “But for what it’s worth, I do think I’m better with you,” She whispers, and Peter has to agree, his lips pressing to the top of her head as he rests his chin there for a moment, trying to take all of this in while never wanting to let go.

“So from here on out we say that we love each other more and don’t hold back even though it felt like the right thing to do at the time?” Lara Jean proposes, pulling away and reaching out for his hand.

“Sounds oddly like a contract, Covey.”

“Don’t even start, Kavinsky,” She says, but she’s laughing and Peter is kissing her again and Lara Jean never wants to let this moment end.

“Well, I agree to that rule then,” He says, but there’s laughter still hidden behind his words which has her laughing again, her cheeks red from the wind pressing against her face while they stand in the doorway of her apartment building savoring the moment.

Eventually he does let go, and they say goodbye and that they love each other like they’re immature middle schoolers who just said it for the first time purely because they’re giddy about having a significant other. He leaves her with one more soft kiss, waiting until she disappears into the elevator in her building before he walks back to his car and drives back to his apartment.

By the time he arrives back to his building and checks his phone in the elevator he notices that Lara Jean texted him, his mood only improving.

_Had a good time tonight :) I love you <3_

Peter stares at the text, rereads until until the elevator pings and opens on his floor, and then sends a text back that makes him feel a little bit like he’s in high school.

_Love you, Covey. Thank you for tonight <3_

He pockets his phone, unlocking his front door and enters the chaos of his apartment he had been able to forget for a few hours. But the text stays etched in his mind, and as he finally climbs into bed that night he lives in the blissful perfect moments of his life, cherishing each second in fear that one day he’ll wake up and it’ll all be gone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title of the chapter is from Say You Won't Let Go by James Arthur :)
> 
> sorry for making you wait almost a week (which i know isn't long, but it's long based on how i've been posting haha)! time slipped by last week and so here we are! 
> 
> also we got to 10,000 reads which? i have NEVER had happen ever and i'm kind of blown away by how much you guys like this story and like? thank you so much i can't stop smiling like an idio THANK YOU SO MUCH
> 
> tried to have more one on one time with lara jean and peter, which will continue happening! also their families will be back soon, i know i've kind of been neglecting them but! they're coming!
> 
> i'll update later this week! thank you so much for reading! <3


	14. and I never wanna leave this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmi and Peter include Lara Jean in their Valentine's Day traditions

Peter’s kitchen table is covered in Disney Princess Valentine’s Day cards, those awful candy hearts that are standard on the holiday, and his brain is swimming trying to remember everyone on the class list while Emmi’s insists on picking out a card for each individual person.

“It’s important, Daddy!” She argues, shoving a candy heart into her mouth when the bag had ‘accidentally’ split open. “Lila’s favorite princess is Jasmine, which means she needs to get a Jasmine Valentine’s Day card. And then Noelle loves Merida, so she needs a _Brave_ one.”

Peter isn’t really one to refute with logic, and so instead of picking a fight or growing frustrated at the fact that this is taking about three hours longer than he initially thought it would he counts to 10, sitting at the table going over the class list and making sure that everyone got one.

Valentine’s Day was kind of a non-event in Peter’s life the last six years. Juliet was never one for romantic holidays — she called Valentine’s Day a Hallmark holiday and insisted that Peter _not_ do anything for her — and so they mostly spent the day forgetting it was a thing at all.

Emmi was born, Juliet left, and Peter decided to dedicate the holiday to his daughter. He always let Emmi pick out their dinner, which normally consisted of chicken nuggets and tater tots, and they would watch a movie together. He always stopped and picked up flowers and her favorite ice cream for dessert and they’d lay on the sofa together and it was kind of this perfect little scenario that he found worked for them.

“Is Lara Jean going to come over for Valentine’s Day this year?” Emmi asks, her tongue poking out the side of her mouth as she carefully writes her name on each card.

Peter hadn’t given it much thought. Lara Jean was a hopeless romantic, loved those romantic movies and people falling in love and doing all those cliche things that he never thought he’d love as much as he really did, but now their lives were different. And he still wants to let Lara Jean know that he loves her, he wants to make her feel special and show her that he’s in this for the long run and he’s still a romantic like she remembers him.

But he can’t abandon Emmi or their traditions. And so he sits at the kitchen table dumbfounded by the question his 5 year old just asked him, the chaos of the kitchen table accurately displaying what it’s like to live in his brain in that moment.

“Would you want her to?” He asks, as if this is an adult he’s talking to and it’s completely normal to involve his daughter in his relationships this much. “I know it’s kind of our thing to eat dinner and ice cream and watch a movie together on Valentine’s Day.”

Emmi nods, shrugs, and then looks up at him. “Yeah, but Lara Jean is your girlfriend,” She says simply. As if she’s 15 and Peter is somehow raising this mini teenager. “You’re supposed to be in love on Valentine’s Day.”

Peter stifles his laugh, covering his mouth with the sleeve of his sweatshirt at Emmi’s words before he nods. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“‘Sides, I love Lara Jean,” Emmi shrugs, thoughtfully looking over the stickers before choosing one for the card. “I want her to come over with us. Can you ask her?”

“Sure, baby,” Peter nods, and somewhere along the way he wonders how he got so lucky to have the two most important people in his life love each other as much as they do.

Emmi finally finishes her Valentine's Day cards, stuffing them into her box with care as she slides off the chair at the kitchen table, walking down to the bathroom to get ready for bed without Peter needing to remind her a million times. He gives her a few minutes to herself, struggling in this weird limbo of Emmi still needing him but wanting to give her some space and independence, listening with intent ears as he quietly cleans up the craft explosion that’s happened in his kitchen.

Emmi’s changed into her pajamas by the time he walks down the hall, her eyes flicking through her bookshelf in search for the perfect bedtime book. Peter hovers in the doorway for a moment, snapping a photo on his phone so he never forgets this moment in time, this flash where she was this tiny and perfect and all those moments he agonized over when Juliet had first left suddenly feel insignificant.

And when she finally does decide on a book she curls up against Peter’s side and reads the book with him, her head drooping against his shoulder halfway through as her yawns turn into even breathing and drifting off to sleep.

Peter lays there for a little while and listens to Emmi’s breathing, warm against his shoulder. He lets himself live in the moment for a minute, where nothing else matters and Emmi is right there and she’s safe and healthy, and he knows that no matter what happens in his life, this is always going to be his home, and that’s more than okay.

_______________________________

“I know tonight isn’t romantic in the slightest, but Emmi and I have always had this thing and I don’t really think it’s one of those things I can just give up now that we’re back together,” Peter shrugs, sinking into a chair at the bakery after dropping Emmi off at school. “We can go out another night just the two of us. And consider it Valentine’s Day.”

“You know I really don’t mind having a low-key Valentine’s Day, right?” Lara Jean smiles, sliding a mug of coffee in front of him while she sits down across from him.

She had agreed to their Valentine’s Day plans the minute Peter had suggested them a few days before, smiling brightly and saying that it sounded perfect and she completely understood why Peter wasn’t ready to give up that tradition between the two of them.

“Really? Cause the hopeless romantic Lara Jean I know would want to have a proper and very romantic Valentine’s Day.”

“Yeah, well,” Lara Jean shrugs, rolling her eyes. “The bakery has completely exhausted me, especially after the holiday orders and now special orders for Valentine’s Day. And romantic dates are great, obviously I want to go on them with you, but a low-key Valentine’s Day with Em is kind of a dream for me right now.”

Peter raises his eyebrows, smiling. “Well,” He smiles, taking a sip of his coffee, “prepare to be wined and dined by the glorious feast that is dino chicken nuggets and some sort of french fries. Because Emmi chooses the menu, and she _always_ , without fail, chooses both of those things.”

Lara Jean laughs, resting her elbows on the table. “You really know how to charm a girl, Kavinsky.”

“I do my best,” He smirks, finishing the last of his coffee as he stands up. “So you can come over tonight? When you're done work?” He asks, reaching out to pull her closer.

Lara Jean nods, rests her free hand against his chest, and smiles up at him. “Sounds perfect,” She confirms, reaching up to kiss him softly. “Happy Valentine’s Day. Love you.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day. Love you,” Peter smiles, kissing her one more time before grabbing his things to get to work on time.

_______________________________

Lara Jean spends most of the day filling special orders, finishing off the last of the last-minute cupcake orders, filling and refilling the display case full of Valentine’s Day treats, and peppering in texts to Peter whenever humanly possible in a lame attempt to feel even slightly romantic.

With a little extra time after finishing off the last of the special orders Lara Jean oversees the baking for the following day, pulls a container of leftover strawberries from the fridge and warms up the stove to melt chocolate to bring chocolate covered strawberries to Peter’s tonight.

She really _was_ excited for a low-key Valentine’s Day. Lara Jean, who had once been a hopeless romantic that often dreamed about those romantic Valentine’s Day dates she saw in countless movies, was looking forward to the simplicity of spending this day with a 5 year old and her father she was hopelessly in love with.

The thing is, Lara Jean _had_ had those romantic Valentine’s Days. A few with Peter, actually, where they spent their high school budgets on the fanciest dinner (so not takeout) and sat at his house watching romantic comedies because Peter decided it was the one appropriate day where he could be subjected to more than one of them.

Then there was the one Valentine’s Day with Dave, who had a lot of savings from a good job at his dad’s work, and he treated her to a fancy steakhouse in the city where she felt wildly uncomfortable the whole night and found herself dreaming about curling up on the sofa with a tub of ice cream and romcoms on a loop, and Dave would be there enjoying it just as much as she would be.

Her thoughts about previous dates are distracted by her phone vibrating across the counter, Peter’s name lighting up the screen while she waits for the chocolate to melt.

_Is your favorite Ben and Jerry’s still Half Baked? Or have we moved onto more sophisticated tastes?_

_Not judging, by the way. I’m still a big fan of the Chocolate Fudge Brownie myself._

_Also these texts are purely coincidental and not at all coming from the ice cream aisle where a 5 year old is intently examining every single flavor as if they're all new and she’s never had ice cream before. Even though her father frequently gives in and lets her have maybe too much ice cream._

Lara Jean laughs, stirring the chocolate aimlessly with one hand while she types and retypes a witty answer.

_Definitely still a big Half Baked fan. No judgment from here, either._

_Also this coincidental 5 year old looking at all the flavors better have good taste or I’d be afraid she’s not a true Kavinsky through and through._

Setting her phone down, Lara Jean goes back to dipping the strawberries methodically and setting them out on a row of parchment paper. Despite her lame attempts, Lara Jean can’t help but think about how Peter just remembered her favorite Ben and Jerry’s flavor as if it’d been weeks since the last time he bought it for her.

There were things she remembered about Peter as well, like how he only likes certain brands of chocolate and his favorite kind of tea when he’s sick is ginger with a little bit of lemon. She remembers how when she plays with his hair he always falls asleep within 5 minutes despite insisting over and over again that he’s not tired. Or how he would always calm down when she would force him to sit, give him a baked good she had been practicing the last few weeks and traces patterns on his arm until his breathing is slightly less erratic and the tension had all but left his body.

But this feels different, like a little fact that he remembered after all these years and she spends the rest of her time dipping strawberries and thinking about how fate brought them back together, and maybe a little bit of her hopeless romantic side did get one of those fairytale moments like she had read in her romance novels so many times before.

She finishes up the strawberries, letting them harden on the parchment paper in the fridge while she cleans her hands and inspects the bake goods ready to go for tomorrow. She finds one last Valentine’s Day box tucked in the corner of the bakery, packages up the chocolate covered strawberries, and shrugs on her jacket.

“Have fun on your date tonight,” Chris teases, packaging up her own leftover cookies to bring the guy she had been casually seeing that Lara Jean was still dying to know about. “I want to hear all about how you guys try to keep it super romantic with a kid there.”

“Shut up,” Lara Jean smiles, rolling her eyes. “You have fun on your date, too. I want to hear all about this guy at some point, Chris.”

“And you will,” She nods, tying the box up perfectly and looking back at her best friend. “Just as soon as I know that he’s here to stay after tonight.”

Lara Jean nods, giving Chris a quick hug and saying goodbye to everyone else still packing up to leave. She grabs the box of strawberries, pulls her phone from the counter, and smiles at the text Peter had sent her.

_She chose Peanut Butter Cup. A little bit plain, but she’s 5 and didn’t choose a simple flavor so I’m giving her a pass. See you soon! :) <3_

—

No one is more excited to see Lara Jean than Emmi herself, who pulls the door open seconds after Lara Jean knocks.

“Daddy! She brought treats with her!” Emmi says excitedly, leaving Lara Jean to shut the door and slip off her shoes before walking into the kitchen.

“She did, didn’t she?” Peter smiles, turning back to kiss Lara Jean. “Spoiling us, are we Covey?”

“Just chocolate covered strawberries,” She shrugs, the grin spreading on her face as she sets them down on the counter. “Still your favorite?”

“God, it’s like we never stopped being together,” He mumbles, kissing her again with a smile on his face.

And it’s so simple, Lara Jean knows, but there’s some sort of comfort in realizing that he notices it, too. That he feels the same way she did. Like so much had happened the last few years and yet it feels like nothing has changed at all between them.

Emmi reappears in the kitchen with a bouquet of flowers that she and Peter picked out at the store that afternoon, Lara Jean thanking her while Peter hides behind a sheepish smile.

“You really didn’t have to do this,” She mumbles, but leans over to kiss him anyway, the flowers preventing them from getting any closer than they already are.

“You didn’t think I’d forget about being at least a little bit romantic, did you?” He smiles, taking the flowers back from her to put in a vase while they’re eating dinner.

“I wasn’t sure. But they’re beautiful, Peter. So thank you,” She smiles, kissing him again before he turns around to finish getting dinner ready.

They sit down at the table with Yankee Candles lit (Peter knows it’s not romantic, and he lets Lara Jean tease him about it) with their dino chicken nuggets and smiley fries, and for a moment Lara Jean wants to laugh at how absurd this all is.

But she loves it all the same, and so she sits quietly and eats her faux-gourmet meal while Emmi talks about her Valentine’s Day party at school and how Violet’s mom brought cupcakes in. And for a moment Lara Jean lets her mind wander to thoughts of this becoming her new reality. Of her having dinner with Emmi and Peter every night, hearing about school and making things as fancy as they could be with a 5 year old around. And maybe she’d be the one to bring cupcakes into Emmi’s class, baking and decorating them with her after the bakery had closed one evening.

She knows she’d like that. Even if it’s in the distant future. Even if it means they have to wait a while for things to fall into place.

She looks around the table, listens to Emmi ramble on and suppresses a laugh when she notices Peter drinking wine with his nuggets, and she knows that no matter how long it takes, she wants this to be end game.

She wants these little moments all the time.

—

They clean up from dinner and protectively Lara Jean stands behind Emmi while she balances on a chair and eats a chocolate covered strawberry over the sink, her eyes widening.

“These are so good, Lara Jean!” She smiles, chocolate falling from her lips and into the sink.

Lara Jean laughs, one hand braced against Emmi’s hip as she nods. “They’re your dad’s favorite. I thought you’d like them just as much as he does.”

“I do,” Emmi nods, reaching into the box for another to hand to Peter, and then grabs another for Lara Jean. And the three of them huddle over the sink eating the strawberries as chocolate shards fall onto the stainless steel beneath them, laughing about how ridiculous it all is.

They eventually move to the living room where Peter turns on _Tangled_ and Lara Jean offers to teach Peter how to braid Emmi’s hair properly, which makes Emmi even more excited.

She sits in between Lara Jean’s legs with her pint of ice cream in her hand — Peter lets her eat out of the carton like they do because it’s a holiday — holding still while Lara Jean pulls out the bun Peter had placed in her hair this morning, brushing out her curls while Peter sits beside her, watching intently as Lara Jean begins expertly French braiding Emmi’s hair.

“We’re going right to the French braids?” He teases, leaning forward on the sofa and actually paying attention. “Seems a bit advanced.”

“Well, I’ve seen your regular braids and they’re not _terrible_ ,” She teases, smiling as she slowly works on the French braid so Peter can see what she’s doing. “Besides, Kitty taught you how to French braid years ago. This should really just be a refresher.”

“Lara Jean,” Peter laughs, pausing from eating his own ice cream to open hers, feeding her a bite. “You saw my attempt at a French braid. Clearly I am _very_ rusty.”

Lara Jean laughs, accepting another bite of ice cream while she shows Peter how to braid a few times. Emmi sits still for the entire time, demands to see the braids in a picture once Lara Jean is finished, and then when she’s satisfied she pulls herself up to sit in between the two of them, her head resting against Lara Jean’s arm while they eat their ice cream.

The movie ends and Peter announces that it’s bedtime, which Emmi doesn’t argue with as she turns to crawl into Lara Jean’s lap, wrapping her arms around her neck. “Goodnight, Lara Jean. Thanks for coming over and for teaching Daddy how to braid. Love you.”

Lara Jean smiles, resting her chin on Emmi’s shoulder and pulling her in tight, giving her a quick squeeze. “I had fun tonight, Em. Happy Valentine’s Day. I love you, too.”

Emmi smiles, sliding off Lara Jean’s lap and following Peter down the hall, giving Lara Jean a few minutes to clean things up and wait for Peter to return.

When he does, he forgoes any sort of conversation or telling her anything that he thinks she’d want to hear in favor of sitting down on the sofa and reaching out to pull her onto his lap. He kisses her roughly, cold hands snaking up the back of her shirt to rest against her skin, goosebumps spreading across her body.

It’s rushed, quiet, feels a little bit like they’re waiting to be caught, but Lara Jean leans forward and rests her hands on the side of his face and deepens the kiss, and suddenly nothing else matters.

“Want you to spend the night,” Peter says quietly, his lips moving to kiss her neck feverishly.

“I can’t,” Lara Jean whispers, her head falling back as she tugs gently at Peter’s hair. “You know I can’t.”

Pulling away, Peter nods. He does know this, actually, he had agreed to the rules that they don’t move too fast months ago when dating each other had quickly become a reality. But right now he wants to throw those rules away, forget that they said they were going to take this slow and they need more time before they start spending the night together and just have her sleep in his bed with him and sneak her out before Emmi is up the next morning.

“You know,” Peter begins after a moment, lazily kissing Lara Jean. “My mom offered to take Emmi this Saturday night. Which means —”

“I’ll spend the night then,” Lara Jean says before Peter even finishes his thought, smiling as her arms rest on his shoulders. “On one condition.”

Sliding off Peter's lap, Lara Jean moves to sit as close to him on the sofa as humanly possible. She’s still facing him, reaching out and interlacing their fingers together when she smiles, and Peter knows that this is a condition he should probably be worried about.

“My dad wants us to come to his place. For lunch with him and Trina, to meet each other again.”

The statement hangs in the air for a moment, where a million thoughts swirl through Peter’s mind and all of them make him feel anxious and a little uneasy about seeing Dr. Covey again.

“Look, Margot and Ravi are going to be there again this weekend, and Kitty is coming home from school for the weekend. It’s _not_ going to be just us,” Lara Jean says quickly when she notices Peter’s look of worry, sighing. “And besides, my dad already knows you. It’s not like you broke up with me or things ended horribly. In fact, it was all my fault we broke up. So there’s no reason for him to have any sort of resentment.”

“Yeah,” Peter shrugged, shifting his hand in hers. “But Em,” He trails off, as if saying her name conveys everything that he’s worried about.

And thankfully, it does. Lara Jean catches on immediately, her face softening as she brushes her free hand against his cheek. “Peter,” She says softly, chewing on the side of her lip. “My dad knows about Emmi. So do my sisters and Trina. They’re going to love her. Like fall head over heels in love. Probably won’t want to give her back, honestly.”

Peter sighs, running his free hand through his hair. “I’m _not_ ashamed of being a single dad. I’m really not," He says quickly. “But I don’t want your dad to think less of me because I went and got a girl pregnant almost immediately after we broke up.”

“Okay, well it wasn’t immediately,” Lara Jean tries to lighten the mood, but Peter clearly isn’t in the mood and so she shifts to rest her head against his shoulder, squeezing their hands together. “Peter, my dad isn’t going to think less of you for getting a girl pregnant. He really likes you. He’s been asking me to bring you guys home for a while now, but this seems like the perfect weekend since Emmi is going to your mom’s anyway.”

Peter’s cheek rests against her head and she can feel him nod.

“Also, my dad is like the most understanding person in the world. And he was a single dad, too, Peter.”

“For a completely different reason.”

“He’s going to be proud of how well you’re doing as a single dad,” Lara Jean says quickly, lifting her head to look at him. “Different circumstances or not, he understands. He was just like you, Peter. Just he was alone with three kids.”

Peter nods, pulling Lara Jean closer and pressing his lips to the top of her head. “Yeah, of course, we’ll come,” He says after a moment. Partially because he knows he can’t say no, he knows they need to do this and it’ll have to happen eventually.

But also because Lara Jean has somehow convinced him that it _will_ be fine. That her dad will understand, he won’t judge him or look down on him because he’s a single dad who made a mistake getting a girl pregnant not long after he and Lara Jean had broken up.

He swears he can feel the smile spread across her face. “Thank you. I promise it’ll be worth it, I promise everything will be fine,” She mumbles, bringing his hand up to kiss it softly.

And for that split second, Peter has all the hope in the world that she’s absolutely right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title of the chapter is from Lights On by Shawn Mendes :)
> 
> you GUYS. i know i say this every time, i'm definitely a broken record at this point, but i cannot believe how much you guys like this story!? like i genuinely never thought this many people would like this story/the way i write haha, but i'm so so so grateful and i love all of you who take the time to read this <3
> 
> everyone will be back next chapter! and they will finally be aloneeee ;) i know a lot of you have been waiting for the next chapter haha
> 
> i'll update soooon! thank you so so so much for reading! :)


	15. I've found my sweet escape when I'm alone with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmi, Peter and Lara Jean go to the Coveys for lunch, they visit Peter's mom, and Lara Jean and Peter spend their first night alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aka the chapter you've all been waiting for ;)

The first 20 minutes of the car ride back home are spent with Emmi and Lara Jean singing along to the radio and Peter tapping his finger against the steering wheel to no particular rhythm, his brain focusing just enough for him to get them home without crashing.

Lara Jean knows he’s nervous. She can tell just by the look on his face, or the way he’s barely said three words since picking her up that morning. She can tell in the way he’s squeezed her hand three times when they're sitting in morning construction traffic, but it’s more of a nervous squeeze than anything else, one that feels like he’s desperate to be grounded to _something_.

She doesn’t know what to say — and she doesn’t want to get into it with Emmi sitting in the back seat — so she’s mostly spent her time holding his hand until he needs it to drive again, which is when she moves to rub his arm a few times in a lame attempt to calm him down.

“So, Daddy,” Emmi begins when a song ends. Lara Jean reflexively reaches forward to turn the radio volume lower. “I’m going to stay at Grandma’s tonight?”

Peter glances back in the rearview mirror. “Yeah, babe. She’s going to take you to a movie, I think,” He smiles.

Emmi perks up, smiling. “And then you’re going to come get me tomorrow?”

“Grandma is going to bring you back to me tomorrow after breakfast.”

Emmi nods, leaning back against her seat. “Okay,” She shrugs, turning her attention to Lara Jean’s. “And we’re going to your daddy’s now?”

Lara Jean smiles, twisting in her seat to look back at the 5 year old. “We are,” She nods. “Kitty will be there, too. And my other sister, Margot.”

“Really?” Emmi asks, her eyebrows raising. “I’m going to get to see Kitty?”

Lara Jean nods, tapping her fingers on the console along to the music. “You sound like you like her more than you like me!”

“She’s really funny, Lara Jean. Sometimes I hang out with her and Uncle Owen when I stay at Grandma’s. But I haven’t seen them for a while.”

“Well, you’re very lucky to be able to hang out with her again.”

“I still love you more, Lara Jean. Don’t worry!”

“I love you too, Em,” Lara Jean laughs, turns back to turn up the music, and sings along obnoxiously with Emmi for the rest of the car ride. Peter pulls off the highway, reaching out for Lara Jean’s hand to hold.

The fact that Emmi has a whole life of knowing Kitty goes unsaid, but it lingers in the air and for a while Peter thinks maybe he should say something. Remind Lara Jean that it was never his intention to hide it from her or have Kitty know before she found out.

He doesn’t want to sour the mood before seeing her family again, and so when they pull into the driveway and Emmi is unbuckling herself and appearing between the two front seats, he just leans over and kisses her, mostly to calm his own nerves.

“We’re going to be fine,” Lara Jean says after a moment when Emmi is already climbing out of the car. She leans over to give him a quick kiss, rubbing his cheek. “I promise.”

“I’m sorry about her saying how much she loves Kitty,” Peter blurts out, unable to hide it despite knowing it might be the absolute worst time to bring all of this up. “I didn’t — I forgot she’d probably bring that up.”

“It’s in the past, Peter,” She reminds him, the smile on her face telling him that she’s completely genuine about it. “I knew about this going in. It’s fine, we’ve moved past it. Stop worrying yourself about everything.”

He wishes it was that simple, but he leans over to kiss her again before he slides out of the car, following Emmi and Lara Jean up the front walk and to the front door.

Dr. Covey _is_ happy to see them, a big smile plastered on his face as he hugs Lara Jean and firmly shakes Peter’s hand before bending down to be eye-level with Emmi, who’s leaning back against Peter’s legs with her hand twisted in her skirt.

“You must be Emmi,” He says, holding his hand out for Emmi to shake. “I’m Dan. Lara Jean’s dad.”

“Em, say hi,” Peter smiles, nudging Emmi with his knee.

“Hi,” Emmi says quietly, smiling.

“I’ve known your dad for a long time. Since he was just a little older than you.”

Emmi furrows her eyebrows, staring. “You have? Like when he was really small?”

“Well,” Dr. Covey smiles, standing up. “He was a little bigger than you. Maybe 9 or 10. But I have known him a very long time. And you look just like him.”

“Everyone says that,” She rolls her eyes, earning laughs from all the adults in the room. Which makes her turn and hide her head in Peter’s legs, but before he has a chance to say anything they’re moving to the living room and Kitty and Emmi are reunited in the most dramatic of ways filled with hugs and giggling and Emmi clinging to Kitty as if she’ll disappear if she doesn’t, the two of them moving and sitting together on the sofa to look through filters on Kitty’s phone.

Peter sits down next to Lara Jean, his arm falling over the back of the sofa behind her as he talk with Trina and Dr. Covey and Ravi and Margot, hearing about their lives and everything that had gone on since Peter hadn’t been around.

He had missed Margot and Ravi’s wedding, which Ravi describes as extravagant and earns a playful slap from his wife. “It was lavish,” She argues, but both she and Lara Jean are laughing and Peter somehow feels like maybe it was a little bit too extravagant than most other weddings. “Lara Jean helped plan, obviously,” Margot says, smiling at Peter.

“And I’m sure you remember how she did planning our wedding,” Trina adds, pulling herself to rest against Dr. Covey. “While it was well-intentioned, she had a thing for… details.”

“I just wanted it to be perfect!” Lara Jean argues, which makes everyone laugh and Peter slowly but surely relaxes, feeling a lot more at ease with the whole arrangement than he had been even an hour ago on the drive here.

Trina made chicken for lunch, which they all sit around and eat and Emmi perks up, talking about school and her friends and how she and Peter live in an apartment right near the bakery so sometimes they walk there.

“So Emmi is following the tradition of Kavinksys to be totally weak for Lara Jean’s baking?” Kitty asks teasingly.

“I’d be a little worried if she wasn’t totally weak for Lara Jean’s baking,” Peter smiles, reaching for his drink. “Might have had to disown her if that had happened. In fact, if she didn’t look so much like me I would argue that she was even mine.”

“What does disown mean?” Emmi asks, looking around the table as she takes another bite of chicken.

“It doesn’t mean anything you need to worry about,” Lara Jean interjects before Peter has a chance to answer. Peter squeezes her hand under the table. Lara Jean squeezes back. “It means that your dad is silly and doesn’t mean anything he just said.”

Emmi looks like she’s going to ask another question, but after a moment she shrugs and goes back to eating her lunch, letting the chatter continue around her while she interjects intermittently.

Peter offers to help Dr. Covey clean up after lunch, Emmi following Lara Jean up to her childhood bedroom to pick out nail polish before they join the Covey girls and Trina in the living room to paint each other’s nails while Ravi goes to get some work done since he took a few days off to come visit. Peter listens to the girls laughing and their conversations for a while, drying the dishes while Dr. Covey washed them.

“Emmi is a really great kid, Peter,” Dr. Covey smiles, handing him another plate. “I’m glad you guys could join us this afternoon.”

“Thank you,” Peter smiles, setting another plate aside as he reaches for the silverware. “I’m doing my best. And thank you for having us. I know it was kind of short notice.”

“I know it’s hard,” Dr. Covey says. There’s this quiet to his voice, one that seems more reflective than anything. “Raising kids alone. I felt totally out of my league raising little girls without their mom around. But it gets easier.”

“I hope it does,” Peter sighs. He doesn’t know how to be honest around Dr. Covey, doesn’t know that confessing every single worry is appropriate in his girlfriend’s father’s kitchen after seeing him for the first time in years, but he nods anyway. “I just want her to see that I’m doing everything I can to make sure that she has the best life that she possibly can. To make sure that she doesn’t feel like she’s missing anything like I felt when my dad left.”

Dr. Covey nods, finishing the last plate before grabbing a towel to help him dry. “If there’s one thing I could tell you, let people help. It’s not easy to admit that you can’t do it all on your own. But the most important thing is that Emmi is happy and taken care of. If that means letting people help you, then so be it. I promise you the most rewarding thing is to see her thriving.”

Peter nods, biting back a smile at his words. It’s exactly the same thing Lara Jean’s been telling him, the same thing he’d been working on for weeks. Peter doesn’t think Lara Jean’s talked about it with her dad — she’s always been great at keeping secrets that she knows Peter doesn't want the world to know — but he sits there and wonders how obvious it is that he’s fiercely independent and struggles with letting _anyone_ in, let alone the girl he loves.

“I’m really happy you and Lara Jean found your ways back to each other. I know it’s been a while, but I think living separate lives was the best thing for the two of you.” Peter nods dumbly. “She’s happy with you, Peter. And while I know there’s a lot that I don’t need to say, I just want you to know that I think you’re perfect for her and I don’t want you to mess this up.”

“I don’t want to mess it up either, Dr. Covey,” He mumbles in reply, setting the last dish on top of the pile for him to put away. “Trust me. She’s the best thing to ever come back into my life.”

He means it, pushes away the slightly awkward feeling he has talking about this with his girlfriend’s father, and finishes putting the silverware away with this stupid smile on his face.

Dr. Covey claps him on the back, his smile broadening. “I trust we’ll be seeing you guys more often? You’re welcome anytime. We could also make a trip into the city.”

“Yeah, of course,” Peter nods. He’s too afraid to say no. “Lara Jean is the busy one, really. Emmi doesn’t start sports again until the spring. So whenever Lara Jean can, we’d love to see you guys.”

Dr. Covey seems satisfied with the answer, nodding as he puts the last of the glasses away. “You guys are always welcome. Even if it’s just for a few minutes.”

Peter nods, trying to think of something to say that doesn’t feel stupid, but Emmi’s feet patter against the hardwood and stop just in front of Peter, where she sticks her hands out. “Look Daddy! Lara Jean had hot pink nail polish here! We don’t have hot pink nail polish at home,” She says quickly.

Peter sees Dr. Covey smile out of the corner of his eye. “You’re right, we don’t! Maybe we’ll have to stop and get some sometime. They’re pretty, babe.”

Emmi nods, turning on her heels and running back to sit with the girls as Peter puts the last of the silverware away, drying his hands off on a towel.

“Like I said, cherish these little moments,” Dr. Covey smiles, squeezing Peter’s shoulder as he walks by, joining the girls in the living room.

Peter watches from afar for a moment, taking a deep breath and reminding himself that he _does_ need to cherish those little moments, especially when these moments aren’t always perfect.

_______________________________

Emmi drags out her goodbyes to the entire Covey family, who she was just shy of when they arrived a few hours before. She gives everyone hugs, promises to everyone who asks that she’ll come back and hang out with them, and by the time she’s slipped her jacket and shoes back on it’s been almost 20 minutes since Peter first said they were leaving.

Mrs. Kavinsky’s house is much more lowkey than lunch at the Coveys. Owen is back at school meaning she’s home alone, where she had been reading by the fire waiting for them to arrive. Peter barely has a chance to open the door before Emmi is sliding under his arm, slipping off her shoes and dropping her jacket to the ground before taking off in search of her grandmother.

“Hey, guys,” His mom smiles, turning back around the corner with Emmi on her hip, letting her back down on the ground as she reaches in to hug Peter and then Lara Jean. “It’s so nice to see you again, Lara Jean,” She smiles, leading them to the kitchen where she grabs three mugs to make them tea.

“You’re sure you don’t mind taking Em tonight?” Peter asks, sliding into a chair at the island. Lara Jean follows suit, thanking Mrs. Kavinsky for the tea when she places it in front of her.

“Peter, honey. You know I love having her here,” She smiles. “Besides, the two of you could use a weekend together. No babe to have to worry about getting home to.”

She doesn’t outright say that Peter and Lara Jean are spending the night together, but it’s obvious and Lara Jean finds herself hiding behind her mug, desperately trying to block out this whole conversation.

“Well, I know. But Owen just went back. I didn’t know if you were savoring your time alone in the house now that he’s gone again,” Peter smiles, taking a sip of his tea. His hand squeezes Lara Jean’s thigh underneath the island.

“Emmi is a welcomed break from being here alone. Like I said, I want you guys to get some alone time, too,” She smiles, turning back to grab some cookies off the island. There’s a faint crashing sound of toys falling in the living room, and Peter moves to go check on Emmi. “Honey, leave her,” His mom says, stopping him in his tracks. “She’s fine. She didn’t cry. A little mess is more than okay.”

“Just make sure she’s the one that cleans it up.”

His mom shakes her head, smile growing. “She will, stop worrying.”

Peter knows she’s lying. He knows his daughter is about to be spoiled for the night. But he doesn’t refute it, doesn’t say anything. He just smiles, reaching for a cookie in the center of the island.

“So, Lara Jean,” His mom begins, breaking Lara Jean from her trance. “I’ve heard all about the bakery from Peter and Emmi. Emmi goes on and on about how amazing everything there is, and how much you let her help,” She smiles.

“Well, she really seems to love being there. She’s become one of my top taste testers,” Lara Jean smiles, sitting up a little straighter. She’s trying to grow a little more confident with talking about the success of the bakery. “Honestly, it’s been really nice having her and Peter come visit sometimes during the week. It gets a little stressful at times.”

His mom nods. “I’m sure it’s amazing having it be as successful as it is. There are a few women at work who have been, they say it’s amazing.”

Lara Jean blushes, ducking her head at the compliment as she takes another sip of her tea. “It’s surprising how well it’s doing so quickly, but I am really proud. That we’ve gotten all of this off the ground and running and successful in such a short amount of time.”

She reaches for Peter’s hand under the island, squeezing it for reassurance for herself like maybe this is some sort of quiz or a reassurance for him that she really doesn’t mind talking about the bakery. Even if she is totally modest and tries not to think about how successful things really had been despite her fully preparing to need to wait a few years before she saw any payoff.

“I’ll have to stop by when I’m in the city one day,” His mom smiles, which Lara Jean just replies quietly that she’d love that, and then lets his mom change the subject to what she’s been doing to occupy her time when she gets home from work in the evening since Owen’s gone back to school.

Peter and Lara Jean stay just over an hour, when Peter checks his phone and says that they should probably want to get going if she really does want to take Emmi to the movies. Emmi hears the chatter, running back into the kitchen and holding her arms up for Peter to pick her up.

“You’re going to be good for Grandma, right?” He asks, poking her shoulder gently. “No fighting bedtime, no being rude?”

“I’m _always_ good for Grandma,” Emmi emphasizes, rolling her eyes.

“Wish you’d always be good for me too, then,” Peter teases, pulling Emmi in for a proper hug. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay kiddo?”

Emmi nods. “Okay, Daddy. Love you,” She says brightly, kissing him before wriggling from his grasp, walking to Lara Jean to hug her. “Bye, Lara Jean. Love you,” She smiles, Lara Jean lifting her up to hug her.

Peter makes eye contact with his mom, who seems caught off guard by the gesture but smiles anyway, mouthing that Peter needs to tell her all about that later.

Peter nods, hugging his mom and thanking her for the millionth time for taking Emmi. Lara Jean hugs her goodbye as well, promising that they would visit more and she was absolutely welcome in the city with them whenever she wanted to, a gesture that his mom insists she’ll take them up on when the weather is warmer and they can be outside longer.

Peter grabs Lara Jean’s hand the second they’re out the door, walking to the car and waving goodbye as they back out of the driveway, the excitement of finally being alone taking over.

_______________________________

Lara Jean has to tell Peter three times not to drive so fast, that they’ll get home when they get home and they have all the time in the world to just be together.

"You don't understand, babe," Peter argues, but he does slow down and Lara Jean relaxes in her seat slightly. “This is the first time we’ve been able to be alone without worrying about Emmi or getting home to relieve the babysitter. And we can spend the night together,” He smirks, earning a slap on the arm from Lara Jean.

“If all you care about is having sex with me then I will definitely go back to my apartment and you can spend the night alone,” She says, but it’s purely just for intimidation because Lara Jean has absolutely been looking forward to this night almost as much as Peter has since they decided on it earlier in the week.

He pulls into the parking garage of his apartment building and parks in his spot without even bothering to fix it, mumbling how it was _fine_ and both cars on either side could get in without having to squeeze and he’ll come fix it in the morning if it’s really going to bother her that much. Lara Jean doesn’t argue, just grabs his hand and slings her bag over her shoulder as they wait impatiently for the elevator to arrive.

Peter suggests taking the stairs, but the elevator doors open and Lara Jean drags him inside, pressing him up against the wall and kissing him forcefully after the doors shut and the elevator begins to move.

“So you _do_ want me just as much as I want you,” He smirks when she pulls away slightly, her hands resting on his shoulders. “I knew you were just faking me out in the car.”

“Just shut up and kiss me again,” She whispers, feeling his hands pull her closer as they kiss again, only breaking apart when the door opens on Peter’s floor.

Peter fumbles with the key to his door for a minute, pushing it open and kicking off his shoes as Lara Jean pulls their jackets off, moving to press him against the wall. It’s feverish, fast-paced and there’s no signs of slowing down. Peter’s head is swimming, intoxicated with thoughts of Lara Jean and how they’re finally alone and he doesn’t have to worry about needing to be home in time or getting Emmi from somewhere.

It’s just the two of them, and suddenly nothing else matters.

Peter rids Lara Jean of her shirt when she does the same time to him, grabbing her to hold her in his arms, her legs wrapping around his waist. “Bedroom,” He mumbles against her skin, kissing along her collarbones and down her chest as he stumbles towards the bedroom, kicking the door shut with his foot and falling onto the bed, Lara Jean underneath him.

“I love you,” Lara Jean whispers against his face, pulling him back to kiss along his jaw and run her fingers through his hair. Her nails snake over his chest and over his abs and she lets her head fall back, Peter kissing along her neck.

“Peter,” She mumbles, hands fumbling with the button of his jeans. She’s desperate now, a kind of desperate she can’t remember having in a long time, and certainly not like this since she had been with Peter all those years ago. “I can’t take it anymore.”

“God, Lara Jean,” He smirks, brushing her hair away from her face. “Here I thought you’d want to take this slow too,” He laughs, kissing her roughly as he toys with the edge of her leggings.

“I just want you,” She says desperately, like if they let this go on any longer the moment will slip them by. Peter laughs against her mouth, kissing her again as he pulls her leggings off, letting them fall to the floor.

Eventually everything is in a pile, Peter has moved them so they’re back on the bed properly, and they move so perfectly in sync that Lara Jean wonders why they had put this off for so long.

—

“Want to order pizza for dinner?” Peter asks, pulling the sheet over top of them. They hadn’t moved, both of them still lying together in his bed. Lara Jean’s head is pushed into the crook of his neck, her face sweaty and her breathing slower after almost 20 minutes.  
She can’t help but laugh at his question, pulling back to kiss him softly. “Pizza his literally never sounded so good in my life,” She agrees, sitting up with the blanket pulled against her chest, her hair falling down her back. She lets the blanket fall, tying her hair up in a loose bun and turning back to look at Peter, who’s ordering the pizza on his phone.

“I love you,” She says, watching as Peter peers over his phone to look at her. He reaches out for her hand, bringing it up to his mouth to kiss it softly. “And I’m not just saying that because we just had sex. Like I genuinely, without question, love you more than anything in my life.”

“Well, Lara Jean Covey,” Peter smiles, setting his phone down on his bedside table. He reaches out, pulling her down against his chest. “I love you, without question, more than anything as well. So it sounds like you’re in luck.”

She laughs, laying on him for a moment before deciding that they’re going to get up and look presentable before the pizza gets there. Lara Jean rolls over, tosses Peter his boxers while she pulls on her underwear, digging through Peter’s dresser to find a t-shirt to slip on.

“You make me want to have sex with you again right now when you put on one of my shirts like that,” He teases, smiling as he pulls his own t-shirt on when Lara Jean turns back to look at him.

“Play your cards right and you could get more tonight, Kavinsky,” Lara Jean smirks, squealing when Peter playfully smacks her ass on the way out of the bedroom.

—

Peter _does_ get more action that night, this time when Lara Jean pulls off his t-shirt and falls into bed beside him. It’s slower this time, more considerate and careful and much more romantic — like the kind of sex Lara Jean read about in the books she would take out of the library. It’s less like the times in college when they would feverishly get together in their dorms or apartments before their roommates would get back, but it was more mature. Like it was evident that time had passed and they didn’t have to worry about making things exciting or labored or feverish all the time.

“When I said you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I wasn’t lying,” Lara Jean whispers when they finish, leaning forward to pull the blankets over them as she lays on his shoulder. He’s breathless, his arm lazily wrapping around Lara Jean as he nods.

“You’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me too, you know,” Peter agrees. “Asking you out that day at the bakery is by far the best thing that I’ve ever done. Giving this all a chance, letting you in my life and introducing you and Emmi and watching the two of you become best friends is the best thing I’ve ever done.”

Lara Jean nods, lazily kisses his sticky skin and pulls herself closer. “I love you,” She whispers, fully aware that she’s said it far too many times that day. But she doesn’t care, because this warmth spreading inside of her is something that she can’t deny, and a feeling she doesn’t want to slip away.

“I love you, too,” He whispers, leaning down to kiss her properly, his fingers tracing patterns along her bare back.

Peter falls asleep first, his breathing even and calming through the otherwise quiet room.

Lara Jean lets the moment fill her mind, thinking about how she’s going to wake up to this boy the next morning and they’re going to make breakfast together while she wears only his t-shirt, and though time is going to keep moving and their routine will be back in place within a matter of hours Lara Jean doesn’t mind. Because things are moving forward and getting better and tonight had felt like it was the beginning of a new step, a step that Lara Jean is more than ready for.

Lara Jean pulls herself impossibly closer to the boy she’s almost positive is her soulmate and savors the moment until her eyes fall heavier and she eventually gives into the sleep she had been desperately hoping for, the smile that’s been on her face all day lingering as she eventually drifts off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully the night alone lived up to everyone's expectations! (writing anything sexy is not my strong suit, gonna be honest haha)
> 
> thank you SO MUCH for loving this story as much as you do, and for taking the time to read it or leave comments or kudos. like genuinely, you guys are the best <3
> 
> more soooon! <3
> 
> the title of the chapter is from Disconnected by 5 Seconds of Summer :)


	16. what drives us crazy draws us closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean is stressed at work, Emmi asks a big question to Peter, and they have a cute family night at Lara Jean's

Not much changes after their weekend together, Lara Jean finds. She and Peter continue going on dates and making out on her sofa before he has to go home and relieve Gabe from his babysitting duties, the three of them make dinner together and spend time at the playground now that the seasons are changing, and she somehow falls more in love with Peter than she had been before.

The bakery orders start picking up with wedding season around the corner, which leaves her swamped with special orders and the general routine of the bakery. Sometimes she goes days without seeing Peter and Emmi, or some days they stop by and Lara Jean talks with them while she finalizes another order that needs to be baked the following day.

Peter enrolls Emmi in a dance class, which Emmi is over the moon about and proceeds to talk to Lara Jean about it for hours. Her best friend Lila from school is doing it with her, and together they’re learning ballet and tap and there’s going to be a recital. Lara Jean says that she’ll be there, doesn’t even think twice about it, and Peter smiles and kisses her in a way that Lara Jean knows is his way of saying thank you for being so good to Emmi. As if it’s not second nature to her at this point.

One particularly big wedding order comes in and forces Lara Jean to stay late at work a few nights, which Jenna offers to stay and help out. Chris stays late on a weeknight she has nothing to do, slipping out to pick up burgers and the greasiest fries she can find in town as a reward for the amount of icing they had been making to get the display done in time to be delivered the following day.

They work in silence for a while, Jenna’s oddly calming playlist floating through the speakers providing the only noise in the bakery. Lara Jean texts Peter and promises she’ll call when she’s home, but she really needs to finish this order and hopes he understands. He does, naturally, texting back that if he doesn’t answer he’ll call her back when Emmi is in bed and they can talk about their days until she showers and goes to bed to get up early the next day.

Lara Jean isn’t totally positive her hand isn’t going to fall off from icing the last cupcakes laid out on trays in front of her, but she finishes another tray and shakes out her hand. She and Jenna spend an embarrassing amount of time creating and recreating a design they were inspired by something they saw on Pinterest and the client’s notes that they took in the consultation together, finally taking a step back to admire the put-together final product that’s ready to be delivered the following afternoon.

Feeling oddly proud she snaps a photo, sending it to Peter with a quick text underneath.

_Finally finished! Just remind me that if I ever say a cupcake tower is a good idea for a party that they’re horrible and make my hand feel like it’s permanently cramped and no other baker should ever be subjected to it ;)_

She begins helping box up the creation and ignores Jenna’s smirk when her phone vibrates, taking a step back to read Peter’s text.

_Your request is noted, but I have to admit that it looks really cool and maybe the hand cramping is worth it if it’s going to turn out that amazing :)_

She bites her lip, types and deletes a million replies, and instead settles on a heart emoji and the kissing emoji, hitting send before getting back to helping.

“Chris always said that you and Peter had this instant connection in high school, but I kind of always thought she was exaggerating,” Jenna says, working on the labels and sticking them to the box. “But Lara Jean, you’re really head over heels for this boy, aren’t you?”

“It’s different with Peter,” She shrugs after a moment, staring at the cupcakes in an effort to not make eye contact with Jenna. “He’s just always gotten me. I was pretty naive in high school. He was way out of my league.”

“But he loved you.”

Lara Jean smiles, nodding. “He did,” She confirms, because it’s the one thing that Lara Jean always knew to be true. That Peter loved her more than anything, would have done anything to make sure she knew that, and there were never any doubts.

“Did you really get together by fake dating?” Jenna asks. Lara Jean blushes, chewing on her lip as she finally looks up.

“How much did Chris tell you?”

Jenna smirks, shrugging. “I mean, we were all curious. He walked in here and saw you again that first day and it was like he had heart eyes for only you. Chris mentioned that your love story is the most insane thing she’s ever heard in her life, like straight out of a movie crazy, and we kind of needed to hear about it then.”

“I used to write letters to boys I liked,” Lara Jean says quietly. She’s acutely aware that the music had been turned down, her cheeks feel like they’re on fire, and she’d almost rather be doing anything than talking about her dumb letters she wrote when she was younger (even if they had brought Peter into her life). “I wrote one to Peter in seventh grade, and when we were juniors in high school my younger sister sent them out because she knew that I never would and she thought Peter liked me.”

“How did that make him fake date you though?”

“He had just broken up with a girl who used to be my best friend. He wanted to make her jealous, and so we agreed to fake date. There’s a super embarrassing contract that you will _not_ be hearing about from me, and we went on with it. Until we accidentally fell in love, and we started dating after the ski trip.”

“You realize you lived an actual real-life fairytale, right? Like a straight to theaters romcom script that so many girls would fall in love with,” Jenna smiles, handing over one last label to put on the final box. “You had a frankly super hot guy fake dating you, and you made him fall in love with you.”

“It wasn’t intentional,” Lara Jean argues, but it’s weak and she shakes her head. “Trust me, I wasn’t looking to get involved with the most popular guy in high school and then end up really dating him. It hadn’t even crossed my mind.”

There’s silence again, but Lara Jean can sense that there’s more to the conversation. She texts Peter again, says that she’d be home soon and she’d call then, and then moves to work on a few other treats to go along with the cupcakes.

“Peter’s a really great guy, Lara Jean,” Jenna smiles after a moment, standing at the stove melting chocolate. “And it’s nice to see you so happy.”

“I was always happy before,” Lara Jean argues.

“Didn’t say you weren’t,” Jenna counters, turning back to look at Lara Jean. “I just… Peter makes you seem like you’re floating on clouds. Like there’s this person in your life that you know no matter what he’s going to be there. And I used to tell you this in college when we’d stay up until the early hours of the morning crying over stupid boys that broke our hearts, but you deserve to have someone in your life that makes you feel this way.”

Lara Jean is furiously blushing now, mumbling some sort of thank you. “You deserve that too, you know,” She manages to stumble out, locking eyes with Jenna. “You’ll find it, I’m sure of it.”

Jenna just nods, begins to say something about how she isn’t sure there are guys quite like Peter, but Chris walks through the door balancing milkshakes and food in her hands.

“Why does it seem eerily quiet in here? And why is your face as red as I’ve ever seen it before?” Chris looks between the two of them, Lara Jean hastily grabs her Oreo milkshake and takes a sip before Chris makes her talk, and then it’s like a lightbulb goes off in Chris’ brain. “Wait, you two were totally talking about Peter, weren’t you?”

“I was just telling Lara Jean here that she really did hit the jackpot," Jenna smiles, plucking a fry from the bag before she hands their dinners out. “Peter’s a great guy. I mean, I always knew it from college when I met him a few times, but god, he’s a —”

“Complete charmer," Chris finishes, sliding into a seat at the counter with Jenna and Lara Jean. “Super romantic. It’s like he takes things from all those romantic comedies Lara Jean used to make him watch when we were in high school and in college and makes them a part of his charming personality.”

Lara Jean’s taking huge bites of her burger now, desperately wishing she could think of _anything_ to change the subject to. Her phone’s vibrated three times in her pocket, she knows it’s Peter talking about his evening or maybe Emmi sending her a picture or something, but pulling it out means opening her up to more lighthearted jabs about how in love she is.

So instead she sits there, listening to them talk about Peter and how amazing he is and how there’s no way he’s real. Lara Jean swallows around a bite, her eyes flicking between Jenna and Chris as they talk about Peter like she’s not even there.

“You know, I can’t really take _all_ the credit for Peter loving romcoms and being super romantic,” She finally speaks up, and both girls look at her like she’s just spoken for the first time. “He was raised by a single mom for most of his teenage years. I’m sure he learned a lot of things from her, too. He’s always been great to her.”

“Oh come _on_ , Lara Jean,” Chris rolls her eyes, picking at a fry. “You know as well as I do that when he was with Gen he wasn’t nearly as romantic. All she asked was that he write her little notes through school and he didn’t even do that!”

“He started writing notes when we were fake dating,” Lara Jean says quietly. Like it mattered. He didn’t stop writing them when they were really dating, anyway, so it doesn’t change the argument. “And that was his idea to put in the contract, not mine. So that wasn’t me showing him something romantic.”

“The argument still stands, LJ,” Chris smiles, and Lara Jean knows Chris realizes it’s just her trying to downplay things. “You have yourself one romantic man, and he’s arguably even better at it now.”

Lara Jean shrugs. “He is pretty great.” She’s blushing furiously, ducking her head and reaching for another fry in the middle of the table. “I’m really lucky to have him.”

Chris’ smile spreads wider while Jenna watches with amusement from across the table, taking a fry and looking back at Lara Jean. “I’m just glad that you two reconnected. It’s been good for you. And for your creativity.”

“Don’t fuck it up,” Chris teases, but it’s out of love and she plants an obnoxious kiss to the top of Lara Jean’s head on her way to throw out their trash, the three of them dissolving into a tired fit of giggles.

Lara Jean washes her hands and moves the cupcake order into the fridge ready to go tomorrow, she and Jenna work together to clean up the last of the dishes, and when Lara Jean finally leaves the bakery just before 9 to make her short walk home her mind is filled with thoughts of Peter and the conversation she had with the girls during dinner.

Because yes, she is lucky. She’s so unbelievably lucky that sometimes she thinks she’s going to wake up and find that this was all a dream.

Most days _do_ feel like a dream, she knows this. Peter is always there, always waiting just when she needs her. He’s seen her at her worst — like when she spent an hour sophomore year when Peter squeezed in a weekend to come down to UNC to visit crying because everything was mounting and she was pretty sure she wanted to change her major but it was too late — and he’s been a huge part in almost everything amazing that’s happened to her.

She has no intentions of letting him go, no intentions of letting this slip away or distancing herself from him when things get difficult like she did when they were juniors (even if she insists she was doing the right thing). She knows there will be tough days, knows that some nights she may go to sleep upset or worried about what’s going on between the two of them, but at the end of the day Peter is back in her life and maybe, just maybe, anything bad that happens will be outweighed so heavily by the good that she can’t imagine her life without a Peter Kavinsky right by her side.

Unlocking her apartment door Lara Jean sheds herself of her heavy jacket and her shoes, moving to her kitchen to warm water for tea. She finally does look at those texts from Peter — two texts from him talking about his day and how much he’s missed her the last few days, one video from Emmi of the dance move she learned that afternoon at ballet — smiling as she replies and then lets him know that she’s home and he can call whenever.

Settling into the sofa she finds that she’s half asleep when Peter calls like he does most nights, his quiet voice floating through the phone line. She listens to him talk about his day, everything that had happened at work and Emmi’s dance class, and while she interjects her comments whenever possible, she’s more than content with just listening to him talk until he has nothing else to say.

And for a moment she lets herself think about laying in bed beside him at night once they live together, Emmi asleep down the hall, talking about their days and listening to stories and showing each other funny videos that come up on their Instagrams when they’re scrolling through.

It’s a reality she really can’t wait to live in.

_______________________________

It was Lila’s mother’s idea for the girls to join ballet.

Peter isn’t against it, not in the slightest. Emmi had been more than excited about it, practically floating through the store while they got her ballet shoes and a leotard. But Peter had grown up with only a brother and the only sort of glimpse he had at what girls did growing up were the Coveys. And none of them had danced, or they didn’t when he knew them.

Peter spends an obscene amount of time on YouTube watching tutorials about how to do a ballet bun. He hardly thinks it’s required for a 5 year old class, but Emmi had been looking at pictures of ballerinas on Google and watching videos of them on her iPad when Peter lets her have it and all she could talk about was how much she loved the hair. More than a few times he thought maybe Lara Jean would know how, but he refused to call her, wanting to do this on his own. He had figured out how to style Emmi’s hair before, he could certainly figure out a ballet bun.

But he doesn’t immediately. The first few weeks he sends Emmi to class with a lopsided bun that falls out by the time she’s done with the class, running out to the waiting area for parents holding the scrunchie he used to hold it in place.

“It’s okay, Daddy,” She’d always say, sitting on the floor to change out her shoes, “I’m sure you’ll be able to do it soon.”

It was oddly inspiring from a 5 year old, but he’d always smile and slip the scrunchie onto his wrist just like he had with Lara Jean’s when they were teenagers, making a mental note to find a new tutorial video.

Ballet class is twice a week, and usually Peter throws something in a Crockpot like he’s an expert father for them to come home to after class. Peter naturally forgets that morning in the haze of getting Emmi out the door and to school on time, and so instead of going home to something he made they’re sitting in a diner because Emmi requested that they have pancakes and frankly he’s too tired to cook them.

“So, you’re liking dance class?” Peter asks once they’ve ordered, nudging Emmi’s chocolate milk towards her when he realizes she’s reaching for it.

She nods, taking a sip before leaning back against the booth. “It’s really fun. I like that I’m doing it with Lila.” She takes another sip, leans up on her heels, and rests her elbows on the table. “Do you think Lara Jean will really come to my recital?”

The recital is a ways away — not until school is almost over and the weather has shifted from those grey, dreary days into bright, sunny ones — but Peter has also thought about Lara Jean being there. “I think she’ll absolutely come. It’s not for a little while, though.”

Emmi nods. “I know,” She says quietly, shifts against the plastic booth seats so she can sit on her knees. “Can she come eat with us right now?”

“She’s working late, baby,” Peter says quickly. He pulls out his phone to make sure that that hasn’t changed, and then sets it on the table just in case she decides to text. “I was thinking maybe tomorrow after school we’d stop by the bakery?”

Emmi smiles, nodding. “I really want to, Daddy,” She confirms, and so Peter makes it a date, texting Lara Jean to make sure it’s fine just as their dinners are brought out to them.

Peter watches with careful eyes as Emmi cuts her pancakes by herself, only restraining himself from reaching out to help a handful of times. “Good job, Em!” He says when she finishes, her face beaming with pride as she reaches for the syrup. “Where did my little baby go? Pretty soon you’re not going to need me for anything!”

“That’s not true,” Emmi laughs, covering her mouth as she pours the syrup all over her chocolate chip pancakes. Peter cringes at how much spills out in one spot, but wanting to savor the moment without her having a fit he doesn’t say anything, letting her navigate her own dinner before she finally begins eating.

“So, Em,” Peter pipes up, looking back at his daughter as she takes another questionably huge bite of pancakes. “Are you really okay with me and Lara Jean? I know we’ve been hanging out more which means you and I haven’t been together as much.”

Peter knows the answer to this. Emmi has never been a kid that keeps her opinions on how she’s feeling to herself. Peter knows in his heart that if she felt different about it she would speak up and say. But now that things are getting more serious, now that Peter feels like maybe this could be a thing that’s forever, he worries that Emmi suddenly won’t be on board with it.

“I love Lara Jean, Daddy,” Emmi says around a mouthful of pancakes. Peter visibly cringes when she moves her sticky fingers through her hair, pushing it out of her face. “I like when she comes and hangs out with us. And I like that you two are boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“Even when we kiss?” Peter laughs, taking another bite of his sandwich.

“Kissing is still gross,” She smiles, takes another bite of pancakes and reaches for her chocolate milk. “Will Lara Jean will live with us one day?”

Peter chokes on his sandwich, reaching for his soda and taking a sip. “I haven’t thought about it,” He says, which is a lie because obviously he’s thought about Lara Jean moving in with them or maybe they’d find a new place where they can make new memories in, but he never thought Emmi would catch on or even have any of that cross her mind for a long time. “Would you — is that something you wanted?”

Emmi shrugs, taking another sip of chocolate milk before moving back to her pancakes. “I don’t know. But Greyson at school? His mommy just moved in with her boyfriend. And he’s really excited about it.”

“I think maybe someday she will,” He smiles, and that seems to be enough for Emmi, who quickly changes the subject to something that happened in gym class that afternoon. Peter has never been so relieved, going back to finishing his dinner while Emmi eats most of her pancakes, letting Peter wipe off her hands when she’s finished.

He gets her home and bathed and into bed, talks with Lara Jean about work and Emmi’s ballet class and their afternoon, but doesn’t mention how Emmi asked if they would ever move in together. He hangs up, watches a movie he doesn’t even realize he’s left on until it’s halfway through, and eventually does go to bed. He moves to his windows to close the blinds, watches for a moment as cars drive by and lights turn on and off in the apartment buildings across the street, and thinks about how so much is going on in his life, but in the end he knows it’s going to be okay.

He and Emmi are always going to have each other, and no matter what happens to he and Lara Jean down the road — which he sincerely hopes does involve spending the rest of their lives together — everything will work out.

He falls asleep that night feeling a little lighter that night, a little more sure about the future and his more concrete plans of having Lara Jean be a part of them.

_______________________________

It’s one of those late winter days that brings an orangey-purple sunset over the city, casting a orange haze on the sidewalks as they walk home from after-school club. The weather is getting warmer, leaving puddles and the last few patches of grey snow from the long winter they survived through.

Lara Jean has been slaving over a new eclair recipe for weeks. Trying it, hating it, tweaking something and retrying. She hasn’t been satisfied with any of them, but finally lands on a flavor combination and a recipe she thinks will work when Peter and Emmi walk in, the tension suddenly leaving her body as she walks over and hugs them both.

“This isn’t a bad time, is it?” Peter asks quietly after he kisses her. Emmi is shrugging off her jacket at one of the tables. “You look stressed. Everything okay?” His thumb brushes against her hip just underneath her apron.

“Yeah, fine,” She nods, ducking her head. “Just been frustrated with this recipe for eclairs. Which you guys can try? Let me know how you feel about it?”

Peter looks skeptical, but agrees anyway and kisses her before she walks back to get the eclair, bringing it back out on a plate. “You need to be super honest with me,” She smiles, grabbing a chair from another table to sit down. “If you hate it, tell me.”

Emmi nods, reaching for a fork and taking a bite of the eclair. Peter does the same, tells her it tastes amazing (he wasn’t lying), but his reaction doesn't feel like enough when Emmi’s face lights up and she reaches to take another bite.

“This is my favorite thing ever, Lara Jean!” She exclaims, and Peter watches as Lara Jean relaxes and a smile spreads across her face.

“Yeah? You think we should add it to the menu?” She asks softly. Emmi nods immediately, reaching for another bite.

“Okay, kid. You’re going to ruin your dinner if you eat any more,” Peter urges, pulling the plate away as Emmi pouts, dropping her fork against the ceramic plate.

Emmi pulls out her homework to finish while she’s waiting for Peter to be ready to go, and so he leaves her at the table in the sightline of Nick, who’s cleaning the front, and follows Lara Jean back to the kitchen.

“Hey, you sure you’re okay?” He asks when he knows they’re alone, following her to the sink.

Lara Jean takes a deep breath, lets her head drop, and then sighs. “It’s just been a stressful week,” She admits quietly, forcing herself to look at him. “I’ve been trying this recipe, we’ve been swamped with special orders, and then one lady said her order needed to be done quickly because there was a scheduling thing with the woman she’s working with and now her event is in like three days and they have no cupcakes or cookies.”

“You should’ve denied the request then. If she didn’t give you enough time then you shouldn’t be obligated to make them.”

“And lose business or risk having her leave a bad review?” Lara Jean asks, eyebrows furrowed. “I can’t risk that, Peter. I mean yeah, the place is doing well. But…”

“Babe, you’re stressing yourself out,” He mumbles. Reaching for her arm he turns her back to him, pushing a stray hair from her braid out of her face. “You can’t keep pushing yourself like this. You’re not — someone once told me that it’s okay to ask for help. That _I’m_ not superhuman. I think you need to hear that right now. That you’re not superhuman either.”

A smile twitches at the corner of Lara Jean’s mouth. “Whoever told you that must’ve been pretty smart,” She mumbles, letting her head fall against his chest and intertwining their fingers. “But I know. I’ll take more breaks. Let more people help with projects. Say no to unrealistic timelines.”

“Okay,” Peter says, kissing the top of her head and resting his chin on her head. “I love you, you know.”

“I love you too,” She whispers back, pulling back to kiss him. Her lips taste like vanilla frosting and Peter is pretty sure he could stay here making out with her for hours.

“Come over for dinner? I can make those dumplings? Do you think Em would like them? I could always make something else.” Pushing away as if they hadn’t just talked about her taking a break, Lara Jean moves to start packing things up, her words coming at a mile a minute.

Peter’s caught off guard for a moment, and then nods. “Yeah, she loves dumplings,” He says, letting his smile grow wider. “Are you sure you want to? Make them tonight I mean.”

Lara Jean nods quickly, walking into Chris' office to grab her things. “I have everything to make them at home. Was gonna make them anyway, but there’s more than enough to make some for the two of you too.”

Peter grabs her elbow, forcing her to stop. “You’re positive you’re okay?” He asks again, mostly because he has it in his mind that she’s mad at him or she’s had a bad day and she’s bottling up like he does, and he’s frustrated. Which is hypocritical because he’s not the best at talking about things, but this is Lara Jean. Who has never really hid her emotions or feelings from him.

“Peter,” She says slowly, but there’s a smile on her face when she pulls her arm from his grasp just so she can take his hand. “I am _fine_. I’ve just had a lot going on and sleep hasn’t been great. I’m sure all I need is to just rest.”

Peter, who's wise enough to know that he just needs to let the subject go, nods, leans down to kiss her, his hands squeezes her side. “Okay, but if you want to talk about anything I’m always ready to listen.”

“I love you," she whispers against his lips, kissing him again quickly before she moves to grab her jacket.

—

Emmi is mesmerized by Lara Jean's clean apartment, the lack of clutter that Peter hasn’t managed to tame in their own place making her eyes go wide as she stands in the doorway letting Peter pull her jacket off.

“Look how neat a place can be when Barbie dolls and princess houses aren't left laying around,” Peter smirks, nudging Emmi.

She turns back, scowls, and rolls her eyes. “I really like it here, Lara Jean,” She says quietly, pulling off her shoes in the doorway and following Lara Jean inside. “It’s pretty.”

“Oh yeah? I’m glad you like it,” Lara Jean smiles, setting off for the kitchen. “Want to watch me make dumplings?”

Emmi nods feverishly, skipping behind Lara Jean towards the kitchen where Lara Jean helps her up onto a chair. Peter watches from behind Emmi, mostly distracted by Lara Jean but also making sure that Emmi doesn’t fall off now that she’s only in socks that are questionable with gripping anything slippery.

Lara Jean works methodically, pulling out the ingredients and browning the meat while working with the dumpling sheets. Emmi asks a million questions, each one answered calmly by Lara Jean as she works. Peter recognizes it immediately while he’s watching, that look of determination on Lara Jean’s face while she folds and prepares the dumplings is the same face that he used to be mesmerized by when he’d sit in her kitchen pretending to study on weekends he would come visit.

Dumplings were his favorite. Lara Jean knew that, made him confess it in high school when she first ventured into trying to make them. It was their tradition, Peter would come visit in college on a free weekend he had, bringing along his work to study while Lara Jean studied alongside him, pausing to make them dumplings as a reward.

She made them for him when she came home for a long weekend three weeks after his leg surgery junior year. Two months before she broke up with him. He can remember things feeling different that weekend. He was frustrated, still unable to walk and needing more help than he would’ve cared to admit. At the advice of his mom he moved home, commuted to school and let her baby him at night when he was in more pain. Lara Jean knew he was upset, said that’s why she came home for the long weekend, and he argued that he didn’t need her to feel bad or go out of her way to do him favors right now.

He didn’t mean it. She knew he didn’t mean it, but she was quiet and nodded and said she was sorry, helping him shift the pillows under his cast and handing him another glass of water when it was obvious he wasn’t going to ask for it himself.

He didn’t watch Lara Jean make the dumplings that night. He sat on his sofa helplessly while his mom did that weird hovering thing she used to do sometimes, and they ate in virtual silence. So maybe the dumplings didn’t have all good memories attached to them, but now he's standing in Lara Jean's kitchen watching Emmi be just as mesmerized by the whole process as he once was, and these new memories are going to outweigh the old ones by far.

Emmi loves the dumplings, just like Peter knew she would. He offers her one off his own plate, which she accepts immediately and doesn’t bother listening to the chatter between Peter and Lara Jean about work and time off coming up and things they could do when they go on dates.

Emmi is half asleep on the sofa by the time they’re done doing the dishes, and Lara Jean can’t resist but to pull Peter down to kiss her. “Thank you for tonight. For taking my mind off things.”

Peter smiles. “Thank you for making dinner for us,” Peter says softly, kissing her again. “We can figure out how to spend the night together soon,” He smirks, which earns a shove in the chest from Lara Jean before she kisses him again.

Peter thinks about calling an Uber when he realizes that they walked from the bakery and his car is back at their place, but he ends up carrying Emmi the entire way home, the fresh air helping him clear his mind and think about just how great things are actually going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i couldn't think of a way to break this up without it being really short, so happy friday here's a 5400 word chapter just because! :)
> 
> thank you as always for all your love on this fic. it honestly blows my mind how much you guys are loving this as much as i love writing it :)
> 
> i will update sooooon :) <3
> 
> title of the chapter is from Villains by Johnnyswim :)


	17. you're everything I want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Owen comes to visit, Emmi gets jealous, and Lara Jean and Peter talk about the future.

Owen declares that he's had enough of his suitemates at school partying all weekend and bringing home girls when he’s trying to study for his chem test later that week and asks Peter if he can come spend the weekend at his place. Peter agrees immediately, although he warns Owen that he’s not sure it’ll be any better at his house with a 5 year old who’s going to be excited about her uncle being there.

Emmi _was_ excited about Owen arriving Friday afternoon after they were home from school, spending the first 20 minutes since his arrival talking about everything she’s doing in her class, her friends birthday party she was invited to at the new trampoline place and her new dance class that she started with Lila, and Owen sits there intently listening while Emmi pulls herself up onto the sofa beside him.

Having Owen there gives Peter a few minutes to sneak away, walking down to his bedroom and changing out of his work clothes and into more comfortable clothes. He briefly thought about what he’d make for dinner for the three of them, resisting the urge to just order out the entire weekend his brother is there.

Lara Jean is having a girls night with some of her friends from work, which she seemed excited for and Peter was really just excited that she was taking a break and doing something fun that didn’t center around the bakery. She texts him when he’s about to walk out of his room and back to save his brother from his daughter’s never-ending stories, pausing to sit down on his bed.

_Sorry I’m not seeing you and Em tonight :( date night tomorrow? With or without Emmi, either works :)_

He listens faintly to the animated stories coming from down the hall, Owen laughing at his niece, and takes his time typing out his reply to Lara Jean.

_You need to have a really good girls night, Em and I will manage one night without you ;) Owen actually came to visit unexpectedly because his suitemates were annoying him, so we have a babysitter for tomorrow :) wanna go to that Thai noodle place on the other side of town?_

The three dots appear on the texts almost immediately, and Peter waits staring at his phone as if he just asked a make or break question.

_Have I mentioned how much I love you? Because I really do. And I’ve been craving those noodles for the last three weeks but couldn’t bring myself to go there by myself. So we are absolutely going there._

_I love you too :) have fun tonight <3_

Peter pockets his phone and walks back into the living room, where Owen is now holding a Rapunzel doll while Emmi rifles through her other dolls and reappears with an Ariel one. “Daddy, you were gone a long time,” She says quickly, tossing him a Moana doll as she moves back over to the coffee table.

“He was probably talking to his lover,” Owen smirks.

“Lara Jean?” Emmi asks, pulling out a brush for her dolls and brushing through Ariel’s hair. “Daddy said one day Lara Jean would move in with us.”

Peter chokes, ignoring his brother’s raised eyebrows as he looks back at his daughter. “Emmi, that is not what I said at all,” He argues, but it’s useless because Emmi is 5 and she isn’t going to care about the little details. “You asked me if she would and I said eventually if she wanted to I’d ask her.”

Emmi looks up at her dad, shrugging. “Well can that be soon? I really want her to live with us. You guys are in love now anyway,” She says quietly before continuing to brush Ariel’s hair while Peter mumbles something about going to make something for dinner for the three of them.

Owen doesn’t follow him, instead staying in the living room to play with his niece who’s over the moon about having someone else other than Peter or Gabe there to play with her, and Peter is able to turn on music and try not to overthink the fact that Emmi is so on board with Lara Jean moving in and becoming a bigger part of their family than she already is.

_______________________________

“So, Emmi’s asked about Lara Jean moving in?” Owen gives Peter all of two minutes since returning to the living room after putting Emmi to bed before he’s asking questions, the smile on his face reminiscent of the ones he’d have when he knew something Peter didn’t.

“She did,” He sighs, falling onto the opposite side of the sofa from his brother. “She asked when I took her to dinner the other night. Said that her friend Greyson at school’s mom just moved in with her boyfriend. I guess it had her thinking about Lara Jean being in our lives more often and then moving in with us.”

“Have you thought about it?”

Peter sighs, thinking about how to answer that. He’s always been honest with Owen — the two of them got closer after their dad left — but this is a huge thing. It’s not something he can just wake up and decide, and he’s afraid that Owen will shoot it down, saying that it’s too soon and they’ve only been together less than a year and things might not always be this good.

“I mean, yeah,” He finally confesses, shifting his attention to a loose string on his sweatpants. “I’ve thought about it a lot. Thought maybe we’d find a new place together, one that’s a little bigger than here and we can grow into. But I don’t know, isn’t it all kind of soon?”

Owen laughs, shifting so he’s facing Peter. “This might sound totally out of character for me, but I don’t think it’s too soon. You and Lara Jean were kind of a match made in heaven in high school and college, you broke up because of a terrible scenario, and now you’re back together. I think that excuses you from having to go along with the whole taking things slow thing.”

Peter shrugs. “Yeah, but moving in together? Should I propose first?”

Owen can’t help but laugh now. “Did you think you’d ever come to your little brother for advice?” He teases, but Peter just stares at him and taps his fingers against his thigh. “You need to do what you think is right. But maybe talk to Lara Jean and see how she is? Make sure you guys are on the same track. And then wait until end of Spring or maybe halfway through the Summer and make your decision on if you want to propose or ask her to move in. You could always have Lara Jean sleep here a few times, tell Emmi it’s a sleepover, and see how things go. Make it a gradual thing so Emmi isn’t overwhelmed by two people suddenly staying the night in her house as opposed to it usually just being you and her. You know Emmi’s on board, and as long as Lara Jean feels the same way there’s really no reason why you _can’t_ move forward at your own pace. Even if it seems faster than most people.”

“How did you get to be so wise?” Peter asks, pulling a pillow onto his lap.

Owen is practically beaming at this point, resting his head in his hands as he looks back at his older brother. “I’ve learned a lot from you, honestly. But I’m also the much smarter sibling in this family and it’s finally coming into the limelight. I knew it would just take time.”

Peter rolls his eyes, throwing the pillow at his brother as he stands up to get them both beers, handing it to Owen as he sits back down. “I messed this all up last time, I don't want that to happen again. Lara Jean deserves more from me than trying to push things along too quickly or make her feel uncomfortable.”

Owen sighs, picking at a loose string on a pillow. “You were going through a lot the last time the two of you broke up,” He counters. Like it’s an excuse, like a way out for Peter to _not_ feel so bad about how treated Lara Jean. “I mean, your whole life had been flipped upside down.”

“Yeah, but I was an ass. She was only trying to help,” He sighs. He and Lara Jean have talked through it, made amends, said they’d move past it. It was no longer this lingering thing in their relationship, it was just a distant memory at this point.

Owen nods. “Okay, but obviously that’s in the past now,” He offers, and his smile seems to calm Peter down only slightly. “You’re not going to mess this up. Okay? You’re just not. Lara Jean would appreciate you being honest about how you’re feeling. Make sure she knows you’re willing to go as slow as she needs, but this is what you think you’re ready for.”

“You’re too smart, kid,” Peter says, but he thanks his brother anyway and lets the silence between them linger for a moment. “So what about you? Any girls up at school you’re seeing? Someone I should know about?”

Owen shrugs. “I mean, there’s one girl. She lives in our building? Her names Hayley.” Owen takes a sip of his beer. “We've been hanging out casually. At parties and stuff. Gotten lunch, walked to class or whatever. I’m not sure if she wants it to be a thing, and it turns out I’m horrible at reading girls."

Peter smiles, his mind drifting back to college and the semester after he and Lara Jean were over, where he made the mistake of thinking one of his best friends, Jess, liked him and wanted to go on a date. He was humiliated when she said she really preferred the arrangement they had now — best friends, nothing more. “I think you’re much better than me. Does she ask you to hang out?”

Owen nods, shifting the bottle in his hands as he stares at the couch cushions. “Yeah, she’s the one who said we should grab lunch in between classes,” He nods. His eyes shift from the couch cushion back up to his brother. “Kitty says to just go for it. Ask her out to dinner or something, make it a date. But I don’t want to fuck it up.”

“The Coveys are usually right about things, you know,” Peter smirks. Owen rolls his eyes. “Seriously though, what do you have to lose? She seems like she’d be pretty into it."

Owen nods. “Yeah, maybe,” Is all he says in reply, sinking further into the couch and resting his feet on the coffee table.

“If she’s not, you could always play it off as a date as friends.”

Owen turns his head, staring at Peter. “You should be so happy you found Lara Jean again. That excuse would never work,” He says, making Peter laugh loudly as he shakes his head.

“Whatever, kid. Just go for it,” He says, and Owen nods, gesturing towards the TV so Peter will find something for them to watch.  
Peter turns on a movie and they spend most of the rest of the evening in silence, but it feels nice to have him there and somehow Peter goes to bed feeling a little bit lighter and little more sure that things will work out the way they’re meant to with Lara Jean.

_______________________________

Owen agrees to babysit Emmi the following night so Lara Jean and Peter can go out, mostly because Peter says he'll leave money for Chinese so Emmi will be excited.

“It’ll be a deserved break from studying,” He says, disappearing down the hall to Peter’s bedroom where Peter has graciously let him study so Emmi isn’t in the way or distracting him.

Peter goes to get money from the bank for their dinner, tells Emmi about his date and how she will be spending a fun night with Uncle Owen, and then finds that Emmi is less than pleased that she’ll be spending another night with Owen this time instead of going on the dates with Peter and Lara Jean.

“Em, you know that Lara Jean and I go on dates together sometimes,” Peter tries, nudging her sandwich she requested for lunch in front of her.

Emmi scowls, pushes the sandwich firmly away from her, and crosses her arms over her chest. “You never take me though! You always leave me with Gabe or Uncle Owen, and it’s not fair! I want to go with you guys!”

“Emmi,” Peter sighs, resorting back to desperate parenting as he reaches for a square of the sandwich, holding it out in front of her. “Sometimes I need to take Lara Jean on dates. I know you like coming, baby, but it’s important that she and I have some time alone as well.”

Emmi stares at him, opening her mouth for a bite before sitting back in her chair. “But you always leave me here,” She argues, and for a moment Peter finds himself counting to 10 in his head, reminding himself that it’s a genuine concern and she really is upset about this so he has no right to be this upset. “I want to come with you guys. Please, Daddy. I’ll be so good.”

He’s always had a hard time saying no to Emmi. Enforcing rules, letting her out of timeout early, not letting her have a treat when she’s been a nightmare most of the day. And while she’s mostly grown out of that stage (there are definitely still timeouts and some deep breathing exercises being done), this is a whole new beast. He’s dating and it’s directly affecting Emmi, and he knows he needs to work through this carefully.

“Well, we’re going to a fancy restaurant tonight, and you won’t like any of the food there,” He begins, which doesn’t please Emmi. “But we’ll plan a date with you soon and I promise that you can come with us.”

“Do they have noodles at this restaurant?”

“Spicy ones. Em, I promise you, you won’t like it,” He says. He’s not lying — she doesn’t like Thai food after trying it one time — but it doesn’t seem like she totally believes him as she sighs.

“You always spend your time with Lara Jean.”

Peter is fairly sure sticking a knife in his heart and twisting would hurt less than that comment, but he manages to hold his composure and nods, setting the sandwich back down on Emmi’s plate. “Emmi, you do know that you’re my absolute favorite person in the world, right?”

Emmi doesn’t answer, and so Peter reaches over, pulling Emmi effortlessly into his lap. “No one is more important in my life than you, kid. Not even Lara Jean. And I mean that,” He says, poking her chest lightly. “And if you don’t want me to go on the date with her, then I won’t. I’ll stay here with you and Uncle Owen. We can do something fun instead.”

“I want you to go,” Emmi sighs after a moment, pulling her lip between her teeth and looking up at him. “I just want to come sometimes. I want to hang out with you and Lara Jean sometimes, Daddy. And go on fancy dates. Not just stay here or go to the bakery.”

Peter can’t help but laugh at that, brushing his lips against her forehead. “We can absolutely all go on a fancy date together. But tonight it’s going to be you and Uncle Owen, and I’ll even leave him extra money so you can order chicken and rice from the Chinese place.”

She perks up at that, nodding as she wiggles off his lap. “Deal! But you have to promise we’ll go on a fancy date all together.”

“You have a deal,” He nods, shaking her hand as she runs off to the other room to turn on cartoons while he cleans up.

Owen makes his way into the kitchen, hair disheveled and looking slightly overwhelmed, shuffling to the Kuerig machine to make himself coffee. “You’re running out of coffee,” He says quietly, voice quiet. Peter knows he’s been studying all morning.

“Wouldn’t be if you didn’t keep drinking them all,” Peter says half-heartedly, putting Emmi’s plate in the dishwasher. “Seriously, dude. You need to sleep at some point. Studying for long hours is going to kill you.”

Owen waves him off, pressing buttons methodically on the Kuerig. “I slept last night. I’ll live. Need a good grade on this,” He mumbles.

Peter says something about how he’ll be fine and Owen’s a genius, but Owen just shrugs and turns back aground to pour sugar into his coffee. “Hey, do you think I’m a bad dad for going on a date tonight even though Emmi says I spend all my time with Lara Jean?”

“I think I’ve been studying too long for you to be asking me these kinds of questions,” Owen says roughly, then turns back to look at his brother. “No, I don’t think you’re a bad dad.”

“Then why do I feel like one?”

“Because your kid, who’s been so easygoing through this whole relationship, is testing the boundaries.” Owen slides to the fridge, grabbing the milk and finishing his coffee before he turns back to lean against the counter. “Look, you’ve included Emmi on a lot of dates. More than most people would with their kids. And now you’ve gone on a few without her and she’s upset. It’s normal. She’ll get over it. I’ll take her to that trampoline place if she really wants to go, make her feel special. She could use some good Uncle Owen time, we haven’t had nearly enough of it lately.”

“How do you know so much about kids? And how are you better at this than me?” Peter chews the inside of his cheek, watching his brother with intent eyes.

Owen just takes a sip of his coffee, shrugging. “I’ve watched you be a dad for 5 years, Peter. You’re not as bad as you think you are. And I’m definitely not better at this than you. I’m just looking at it through different eyes,” He says carefully. “Now, if I’m going to be taking my niece on the most exciting night of her young life, I need to get back to studying. Try not to spiral out of control while I’m gone.”

He disappears from the kitchen and back down the hall, leaving Peter dumbfounded as he stands there thinking about everything his brother just said.

The thought of canceling the date still crosses his mind, but he busies his thoughts by cleaning the kitchen and writing out a list of groceries, praying that maybe he’s doing the right thing in all of this.

_______________________________

Turns out all Emmi needed was the promise of the most fun night she’s ever had from her uncle to be totally on board with Peter going out without her. Peter doesn’t have the heart to tell Owen to reign it in, not completely spoil his child and make things too exciting, mostly because he’s far too aware that she’s upset in the first place because of him.

The noodle place is crowded when Peter and Lara Jean first get there, but they find a small table in the back corner and grab it before anyone else does. There’s chatter all around them, but Peter is more distracted by his own mind than anything else as his fingers tap against the table.

“Hey,” Lara Jean says quietly, peering over her menu and moving her hand to rest on his. “What’s going on?”

There’s so many ways to answer the question that all he can do is breathe out this awkward laugh. Lara Jean’s face scrunches up in concern, the menu once in her hand now resting on the table. “Peter, babe,” She tries again. “Are you okay?”

“‘m fine,” He says, waving her off. He glances down at his menu, then back at her. “Emmi was kind of upset that we were going out on a date. Said that I spend all my time with you, which I don’t, I — I think she’s just jealous.”

Lara Jean’s nodding, her fingers wrapping around his hand. “You could’ve brought her, you know. This isn’t — I don’t want her to be mad at me because I’m taking you away from her.”

“No, I know," Peter nods. “But I um, I kind of wanted a date alone?” He thinks about asking her there, manages to stop himself, and then sighs. “She’s having the night of her life anyway. Owen’s taking her for Chinese, ice cream, and then the trampoline park. Like, she’s totally over not being able to come with us. I guess I just… I feel bad. That I made her feel like that.”

“I think it’s totally normal for kids to get jealous sometimes, Peter,” Lara Jean says. Her hand squeezes his. “Emmi’s been great about all of this. Like so on board I half wondered if you were raising a robot.”

Peter manages a laugh. “I’m definitely not.”

“Let’s enjoy tonight. We can make it up to her another night,” She promises, moving back to look at her menu.

Peter does the same, turning his hand over so he can hold her hand properly while he looks through the menu, and that alone is just enough to calm his nerves about everything else.

—

Lara Jean invites Peter back to her place when they’re done dinner, which she declared the best noodles she’s ever eaten in her life and makes him promise that they’ll make the effort to get there more often.

He agrees, texts Owen to make sure everything is okay, and receives a picture in reply of Emmi with what may be the biggest bowl of ice cream in the world in front of her, giving him a thumbs up. Owen texts before Peter has a chance to reply that Peter isn’t allowed to worry because they’re sharing it, and so he sends back a thumbs up emoji in response and lets his phone fall onto the coffee table in Lara Jean’s place, pulling her close to kiss her.

“I need to talk to you about something,” He says after a few minutes, minutes in which Lara Jean has made her way onto his lap and had already unbuttoned half his shirt. Her face screws up in concern for a moment, sliding off his lap and sitting next to him. “Wait, it’s not a bad thing!” He says when he realizes she’s so worried, and then he practically watches the relief wash over her.

“I just, I’ve been thinking a lot about us. And I don’t know how else to say this, and maybe it’s the wrong time, but I see this as end game,” He says quietly. He stares at his lap in fear that Lara Jean absolutely won’t agree and it’ll be written on her face, and sighs. “I want you to be in my life for the rest of it. I want to move in with you, marry you, take you on vacations, have more kids with you. I want… I don’t see this going any other way. And if you don’t feel the same way, then okay. But I needed to get it out in the open now so that if we’re not on the same page, maybe we figure out our futures now.”

“Peter,” Lara Jean says. She licks her lips, smiles, and shifts so she’s facing him. “There is literally nothing else that I could want but to be with you for the rest of my life,” Her smile grows as she reaches out for his hand. “I mean, maybe not right this instant. Maybe we take it one step at a time, but yes. God, yes. It’s always been you, and maybe I wanted that to change while we were broken up. Maybe I thought it could be someone else, but it’s not. And I know that now.”

“Okay,” Peter nods. Then smiles, his shoulders relaxing. “Yeah, okay.” His smile broadens, he leans over to kiss her, and suddenly he feels whole lot better about all of this. “So, Owen kind of thought that maybe we just tell Emmi we’re having sleepovers? Maybe get her used to the idea of you being in my apartment. Sleeping over and stuff. And that way we don’t have to sneak around.”

“You’re taking Owen’s advice?”

“You take Kitty’s.”

Lara Jean laughs, kissing him roughly. “You’re right,” She murmurs against his lips, kissing him much gentler this time. “I think that’s actually a good idea. Especially if she’s upset about us going on dates without her. Maybe easing her into all of this is the next step for us.”

Peter agrees, pulling Lara Jean back onto his lap and resting his hands on her hips just underneath her shirt. “Just so you know, she’s a really deep sleeper,” He smirks, pressing his forehead to hers. “Which means we could do things and she won’t even know.”

“Slow your roll, Kavinsky,” Lara Jean smirks, unbuttoning the rest of his shirt and pulling it off as hers follows quickly behind. “Let’s just focus on right now,” She whispers, kissing him as he unhooks her bra.

It’s the one comment he doesn’t feel the need to elaborate on all night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii i figured we'd start the week with an update because it was ready and like, why not! 
> 
> thank you so so so much for reading/commenting/leaving kudos/loving this story as much as you do. i KNOW i say it all the time, but i'm literally blown away and i never expected this many people to read this story/like it haha.
> 
> more sometime this week! :) <3
> 
> title of the chapter is from Since We're Alone by Niall Horan :)


	18. we can make it through today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean and Emmi have a day date together :)

Peter, still feeling guilty about Emmi being upset that she was left out of the date, suggests that he and Lara Jean take Emmi for dinner Saturday night when Lara Jean is done with work. Lara Jean immediately agrees, says she’ll take a half day since there isn’t too many special orders to get through, and they can take advantage of the first warm day of the year by walking around the city and looking at the shops like Emmi’s been begging to do before they take her to dinner.

Peter loves the idea, gets Emmi excited for it, and then wakes up that Saturday to find that he has the highest fever he’s had in years, his whole body aches worse than ever before and even doing the simplest of things like moving out of bed feels like a chore.

“I don’t know what to do,” He says hoarsely, gingerly sitting down at a chair in the kitchen when Emmi’s done her breakfast and has moved on to watching cartoons and playing with her toys. “There’s no way I can take her out tonight. I can barely keep up with her now. But canceling on her is going to kill her.”

Lara Jean doesn’t even think twice about it. She just slips into Chris’ office, scrolls through the calendar that’s always pulled up on her computer, and deletes herself off the schedule. “Tell Em to go get dressed. I’ll make sure she matches and I’ll help finish getting her ready when I get there.”

Peter coughs roughly. “What? You’re at work, aren’t you?”

“Babe, don’t take this the wrong way, but you sound horrible,” She says softly, sitting down in Chris’ seat. “I deleted myself off the schedule. Nick and Jenna are both here, there’s a few other people working, the bakery will be fine if I take the day. I’ll take Emmi out so you can rest, and we’ll take her on a date together another day.”

“Lara Jean,” Peter mumbles. She can hear him shift. “I don’t want to ask you to do that. I’ll lay on the couch, Emmi can play with her toys or watch movies or something. We’ve survived days like these before."

"You're not asking me to do this, Peter," Lara Jean says patiently. Like she was expecting this argument. “Remember, you need to let people help. I’m here to help you. To let you get some rest without Em pestering you or needing you for anything.”

“Thank you,” He breathes. Coughs again. “I —“

“You don’t owe me,” Lara Jean smiles, finishing his sentence for him. “We’re going to make this work, and that means you letting me help you.” Peter hums in agreement. “I’ll be there in 20 minutes. Leave your front door unlocked, or tell Emmi I’m on my way so she knows to open the door for me.”

Peter agrees, hanging up and dragging himself through his apartment to make sure she’s ready to go. He sits back down in bed once Emmi is dressed, faintly hearing the knock on the door and Emmi pulling it open.

Lara Jean appears in the doorway of his room, her boots clicking along the hardwood as she walks in to sit next to him. “You look terrible,” She murmurs, pressing her cool hand to his forehead, frowning. “I brought you some ginger tea with lemon.”

“You remembered?” He whispers, laying back down after taking the tea from her hand.

Lara Jean just smiles, shifting her position on his bed. “I did,” She nods. “There’s some soup in the fridge for you. Try to eat it? I’ll check in, but I’ll keep her out of your hair for a while.”

“Thank you,” He says quietly, taking another sip of tea. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” She smiles, and Peter feels the warmth spread through his chest. “Get some rest. Text me if you need anything.”

She kisses his forehead and leaves the room, giving Peter just enough time to get settled under the blankets before Emmi quietly creeps in, peering over the edge of the bed near his face. “I’m going out with Lara Jean,” She whispers, which makes Peter half smile when he realizes Lara Jean probably told her to be quiet. “I love you. Feel better.” Emmi pulls herself up, kissing his cheek.

“Bye, kiddo. Be good for Lara Jean, okay? I love you,” He mumbles, smiling as she nods, walking quietly out of the room and closing the door behind her.

He struggles to fall asleep at first, tossing and turning and half wondering if this sickness could just kill him so he’d be out of his misery. He does eventually drift off, ignoring the urge to text Lara Jean and instead letting himself be grateful that he has someone like her who’s willing to save the day when he needs it the most.

_______________________________

Lara Jean had spent most of the walk to Peter’s apartment figuring out what to do with a 5 year old. She hadn’t hung out with Emmi alone much — mostly just at the bakery — and when Peter would talk about what she loved Lara Jean almost thought that she was stepping on Peter’s toes and little traditions he had with his own daughter if she were to do things that he suggested.

So instead she thinks about what she loved to do with her sisters. Watch silly movies, eat too many snacks, go to wine tastings with Margot or the bars with Kitty now that she was 21 and was able to drink. None of those seemed suitable for a 5 year old, and the thought of watching a movie with her when they could be doing something fun that they don’t normally get to do didn’t sit right with her.

“What do you think about getting our nails done?” Lara Jean asks once they’re out on the busy streets of downtown, Emmi’s hand firmly grasped in hers while they wait to cross the street.

Emmi looks up at her, eyebrows raising as a smile spreads across her face. “Really?” She asks, bouncing on her toes. “Like at a nail place? And not just at your apartment?”

Lara Jean nods, pulling her free hand from her pocket to fix Emmi’s hat. “At a real nail place,” She confirms. “Have you ever been to one before?”

Emmi shakes her head, squeezing Lara Jean’s hand a little tighter as they cross the street. “Daddy always said we would go, but I know he wouldn’t like it there,” She shrugs.

“Well then, let’s get there!” Lara Jean smiles, and somehow they begin moving even faster along with the rest of the people, Emmi’s excitement enough to make Lara Jean feel like maybe she can do this for the whole day.

—

Emmi’s eyes are wide and the smile on her face only grows wider the longer they’re at the nail salon, where she picks the brightest purple she can finds and lets Lara Jean help her up into the chair. She sits down next to her, watches the whole thing unfold, and when there’s a break from the woman doing her own nails she snaps a photo to send to Peter later.

“This is the most fun day ever,” Emmi smiles when her nails are finished, sliding off the chair to follow the woman over to the dryer. Lara Jean watches, joins her at the dryer when her own nails are done, and the two of them talk for a little bit while other customers file in and out and Emmi takes in the whole place as if it’ll be the only time she’ll ever be there.

Lara Jean makes a mental note to bring her here more often.

They finish up, Lara Jean pulls Emmi’s hat back on her head, and the two of them make their way through the streets and down to the pizza place, sliding into a booth among the crowd that were stopping in for lunch.

“This is the best day ever,” Emmi smiles as she reaches forward for her lemonade, the smile that’s been on her face the entire day only growing wider.

Lara Jean can’t help but laugh, leaning her elbows on the table and looking at the little girl across from her. “I’m sorry me and your dad both couldn’t take you out on that fancy date tonight. I promise we’ll make it up to you when your dad is feeling a little better,” Lara Jean says, reaching for her Cherry Coke.

Emmi shrugs, taking another big sip of lemonade as she moves to sit on her knees so she can reach the bread the waitress just set on their table. “It’s okay. I’m glad you came to hang out with me. Daddy is boring when he’s sick.”

“Well, he needs to rest babe,” Lara Jean smiles, pulling her own piece of bread from the basket in between them. Emmi nods, says she understands, and then takes one more piece of bread before Lara Jean cuts her off, saying she needs to eat at least a little bit of pizza before she has any more.

Emmi launches into a story about school, about her friends and the art projects she’s been working on. She talks about ballet a little bit and how they’re beginning to rehearse for the recital, and how she’s excited that soccer is going to start again soon and the weather will be warmer.

She asks Lara Jean about the bakery, innocent eyes staring back at her when she asks when she’ll be able to try new recipes again. “Actually, I’m going to work on some cookie recipes with Zoe this week. So maybe if you’re good your dad will bring you by and you can taste them then.”

Emmi nods, brushing her hair out of her face. “What kind of cookie is it?”

“A butter cookie with some orange flavoring,” Lara Jean smiles. “Do you think you’d like that?”

“I think I’d like any cookie you make,” Emmi smiles.

“And that’s why you’re my favorite,” Lara Jean smiles, moving back for the waitress to set their pizza down in front of them, cutting a slice and putting it on Emmi’s plate.

Emmi goes quiet for a few minutes, eating her pizza and picking off the pepperonis to eat separately the way Peter used to do when they were in high school. Lara Jean watches her for a while, soaks in every moment of this 5 year old who's fiercely independent and so much like her father that it’s terrifying, and then is pulled from her trance when Emmi reaches for her lemonade and clears her throat.

“Lara Jean,” She says quietly, the quiet in her voice suddenly gone. “Can I tell you something?”

Lara Jean raises her eyebrows, wiping her mouth off with a napkin as she hands one to Emmi. “Of course you can, babe. You can always tell me anything.”

“Yesterday at school my teacher passed out a paper and it’s for a crafts nights that you can come to with your moms. All my friends got really excited about it,” Emmi sucks her bottom lip between her teeth, staring down at her plate. “But I don’t have a mom to take me.”

It breaks Lara Jean’s heart hearing Emmi say that. She’d always known that Emmi was aware her mom wasn’t in her life, that Peter had been open and honest about it when Emmi would ask, but Emmi’s never talked about it in front of Lara Jean and so Lara Jean had always just assumed that it wasn’t this big topic in Emmi’s life.

“Em, did you want to go to the crafts night with your friends?” Lara Jean asks carefully. She feels like she’s treading on this thin line of overstepping her role in Emmi’s life without Peter being there, but this isn’t something she feels she should just let slip by without at least talking about it.

Emmi’s eyes drift up from her plate, looking at Lara Jean as she nods quickly. “Yeah, but…” She trails off, her fists scrubbing at her eyes.

In a moment Lara Jean sits on the other side of the booth, pulling Emmi into her lap and running her fingers through her hair. “Hey, don’t cry,” She says softly, but Emmi just buries her head in Lara Jean’s chest, sniffles able to be heard through the commotion of the restaurant. “Em, can you look at me?”

It takes a moment, one that’s filled with Lara Jean rubbing circles on Emmi’s back and scratching at her scalp, their lunch long forgotten about, but Emmi does pull her head from Lara Jean’s chest, her lip quivering.

“What if I took you to the crafts night?”

“Like you’d be my mom?” Emmi asks, eyebrows furrowing. She blinks back tears.

Lara Jean gives her a small smile, using her thumb to brush away a few tears. “Well, sort of,” She says quickly. Treading further onto that line, further into the place where she thought Peter should probably be there for the conversation. “I don’t want you to miss out on things. We could have a girls night together. If you want me to take you, I’d be more than happy to.”

“Do you think Daddy would be mad?”

“I think Daddy would be really happy that you’re getting to do things with your friends. He wants you to be happy, babe.”

“He’s not a girl anyway,” Emmi says, a smile slowly appearing on her face as she laughs. “Will you really take me?”

“Of course. We can look at the paper later,” She promises. Emmi wraps her arms around her shoulders, hugging Lara Jean tightly. “Hey Em, can I tell you something?” She asks quietly.

Emmi pulls her head from her chest for a moment, nodding. “Did you know that I don’t have a mom either?”

Emmi furrows her eyebrows, shaking her head. “You don’t?”

“No,” Lara Jean says softly. Wishing that she brought this up another time. “My mom passed away when I was a little older than you are right now,” She confesses.

Emmi frowns. “Sometimes I miss my mommy. And I wish that I had one. Do you miss your mom?”

“I miss my mom every single day,” Lara Jean says. And it’s honest, her heart breaking a little bit when she talks about her mom. “But you know what? I don’t want you to miss out on anything just because you don’t have a mom either. And I know your dad does a really good job at being your mommy so you don’t miss anything, but if there’s ever anything you want to go to that you need a mom for, I am always happy to take you. All you have to do is ask.”

“You mean it?” Emmi asks cautiously. Like maybe Lara Jean is lying, that she won’t really be there for her through anything.

Lara Jean doesn’t know if she should’ve talked to Peter before this conversation. But there’s something about those little hopeful eyes staring back at her that reminds her so much of her younger self. The same younger self that would’ve longed to have someone in her life like she’s there for Emmi. “Of course I mean it,” She nods, letting Emmi crash back against her chest, hugging her tightly.

She rubs her back, savoring the moment for a minute. “You okay now?”

Emmi nods against Lara Jean’s shoulder, pulling herself closer as Lara Jean hugs her tighter.

“Love you, Em.”

“Love you, Lara Jean,” She says into Lara Jean’s neck, leaning back just enough to kiss her cheek.

She slides off her lap and Lara Jean moves back to the other side of the booth, where the two of them finish eating their lunch and make up silly stories using the game that was on the kids menu, and although the conversation left Lara Jean feeling a little more wary that she’s crossed a line than ever before, things slowly start to feel better.

—

The rest of the day is filled with a trip to the playground where Emmi tires herself out, a stop at the local pharmacy to pick up more medicine and some treats for Peter (some were Peter’s requests, most were Emmi’s), and then a stop to get Chinese food for dinner mostly so Peter will at least eat the soup.

Emmi’s dragging the pharmacy bag through their apartment hallway, following Lara Jean who’s managing to juggle the other pharmacy bag and their dinner in her hands. “Almost there, babe. Almost back to Daddy.”

She unlocks the door using the key Peter told her to grab, not surprised to find the apartment quiet and Peter’s bedroom door partly closed. “Hey, Em, can you put the stuff we bought on the table in the kitchen? I’m going to go get your dad, tell him we brought dinner home.”

Emmi nods, slipping off her shoes and making her way to the kitchen while Lara Jean quietly walks down the hallway, smiling when she pushes the door open and finds Peter asleep.

She walks over to the bed, carefully sitting down on the edge and watches him sleep for a moment. She can hear Emmi in the kitchen, singing to herself while the bags rustle together. Peter stirs when she reaches forward to feel his forehead, parting his eyes just enough to see her.

“You’re back,” He says quietly, and he really doesn’t sound better which he must realize because he clears his throat roughly, pushing himself to sit up a little bit. “What time is it?”

“5:30,” Lara Jean says softly. Her fingers brush through his hair, pushing it away from her forehead. “We brought home Chinese. Feel up to eating some soup?”

Peter nods. “She was okay for you today?”

Lara Jean smiles, nodding. “She’s amazing. Your kid is amazing. I love her more every time I see her.”

Peter smiles for the first time all day, taking Lara Jean’s hand in his. “Thank you. For taking her. For loving her the way that you do.”

Lara Jean nods, moving so that Peter can move his shaky legs over the edge of the bed. He grabs a sweatshirt off the floor, pulling it over his head and ignoring the dizziness as he follows Lara Jean back down the hallway.

They find Emmi in the kitchen, standing on a chair trying to reach the bowls for the soup, which of course makes Lara Jean’s heart stop. “Okay, Em. I’ll get them,” She says quickly, moving to help Emmi off the stool and grabbing the bowls for the three of them.

Peter lets Emmi talk all about her day out with Lara Jean, which consisted of recounting everything they did together. She shows off her nails, tells Peter about how they were going to come home and make homemade soup but Emmi insisted he’d like Chinese better since he wasn’t feeling well, and then when she realized Peter wasn’t eating as much she frowns.

“Do you not like it, Daddy? Was I wrong?” Emmi asks carefully, and she almost seems on the verge of tears so Peter has to quickly shake his head, setting his spoon down in his bowl.

“Baby, of course I like it,” He says, his voice rough. Lara Jean’s eyes flick back and forth between Peter and Emmi, watching the conversation. Trying to pick up little tips. “I’m just not feeling that well, and eating doesn’t sound good. You know how you feel when you’re tummy hurts? And you don’t want to eat?”

Emmi thinks about it for a moment and then nods.

“It feels like that a little bit.”

“But you always make me eat,” She says quietly. She takes another bite of her soup. “You tell me that it’ll make me feel better.”

Peter smiles, taking another bite that Lara Jean suspects is more for show than anything else. “And I am eating, Em. I promise you, I’m eating.”

Emmi seems wary, but she nods and goes back to eating her soup, continuing to talk about her day.

Peter picks at his rice, Lara Jean notices that he spends more time pushing it around his plate rather than actually eating it, but Emmi doesn’t seem to notice and when they all finish Lara Jean tells Peter to just go lay down and she’d bring him some medicine once she’s cleaned up.

It’s the first time he doesn’t protest, the first time he lets her help without a fight, and she finds herself oddly grateful of that as she puts the leftovers in the fridge and puts their plates in the dishwasher. By the time she comes to the living room with medicine for Peter she finds him curled up on the sofa under blankets, Emmi sitting as close as possible to him.

She hands him the pills, watching as he takes it with water and then pats the spot beside him for her to sit down. “Or did you have to go? You’ve already done more than enough today, if you have to go or if you want to go it’s totally fine.”

Lara Jean smiles, squeezing herself into the spot on the sofa on the other side of Peter, his head falling to her lap so she could immediately begin playing with his hair. They stay like that for a while, watching cartoons while Peter drifts in and out, waking up just long enough to notice the time.

“Bed time, my love,” He announces quietly, and is only mildly surprised when Emmi barely puts up a fight, just bargains with him to watch the end of the episode they had on, which he agrees to.

“I’ll put her to bed,” Lara Jean says quietly, because she can feel how Peter is half asleep on her lap and it’s obvious he’s still not feeling well. “Don’t protest. It’s really not a big deal. You don’t feel well.”

Peter turns just enough so he can look up at her, sighing. “I don’t deserve you,” He mumbles, and Lara Jean has to resist the urge to kiss him right then and there.

The show ends, Emmi says goodnight to Peter by kissing his forehead and telling him that she hopes he’s better in the morning, and then Lara Jean follows her down the hallway and into her bedroom she’s only seen a handful of times.

“I can get myself ready,” Emmi declares, yawning as she pulls her pajamas from her bed and goes to get changed. Lara Jean sits down on the bean bag, watching with careful eyes before she follows her to the bathroom, making sure she brushes her teeth correctly.

“Daddy and I read together before I fall asleep. Will you read with me?” Emmi asks, pulling herself up into bed and burying herself under the blankets. Lara Jean nods, laying down beside Emmi while she pulls the book from her nightstand, and the two of them work through reading a chapter of the book together, Lara Jean helping sound out words when Emmi would get stuck.

By the time they get to the end of the chapter Emmi’s voice is thick with sleep and her head is heavy against Lara Jean’s shoulder. She finishes the chapter, bookmarking their place and carefully wiggling out from underneath Emmi. She turns back, tucking her in properly and kissing the top of her head. “Night, Emmi. I had a really fun time today.”

Emmi smiles, yawning. “Night, Lara Jean. Thank you for taking me today. Love you.”

Lara Jean lingers in the doorway for a moment, watching Emmi drift off to sleep before she shuts off the light and partly closes the door, walking back down to the living room.

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want. I don’t want to get you sick,” Peter says quietly, watching Lara Jean move back down to sit next to him.

She smiles, shaking her head. “I can stay a little bit longer,” She promises, doesn’t even bother saying that she could get sick or how maybe she shouldn’t be so close to him. “You feeling any better?”

Peter nods, coughing into his sleeve. “I really do. I don’t sound it, but,” He shrugs, falling back against the pillows. “Em was good for you all day?”

Lara Jean nods, resting her head on Peter’s shoulder. “She uh, she told me something though.”

“Hm,” Peter hums, taking Lara Jean’s hand in his, rubbing his thumb against her skin softly. “Should I be worried?”

Lara Jean laughs. “No, of course not,” She says quietly, but Peter still feels like his heart is racing a little bit while his mind scrambles to think of what Emmi could’ve asked Lara Jean. “She told me about this event at her school. A crafts night that you could come to with your moms?”

Peter sucks in a sharp breath, tensing underneath Lara Jean’s touch. In the back of his mind he knew this day was coming — the day where Emmi would feel the effects of her mom not being there — but he always assumed that he would be the one that would have to answer the questions or deal with the events that inevitably came with all of this.

But it was Lara Jean who got told about it, and Peter doesn’t know whether to apologize or reassure her that he didn’t need her to take on that role if she wasn’t ready in any way. That he had planned things out and knew how he was going to fix it.

“I probably should’ve told you about it, I should’ve just told her we’d talk about it at home, but she looked sad and I didn’t want her to think she had to hide things from me just because you weren’t there,” Lara Jean rambles, taking a deep breath.

Peter seems to relax, looking down at her. “What happened?” He asks, but his voice is soft and Lara Jean doesn’t think he’s mad, and so she takes a deep breath and decides to just keep talking.

“She was pretty upset that her friends were excited about going with their moms. She cried a little, which I know will probably break your heart but like, you needed to know,” Lara Jean pauses, taking a deep breath. “I just held her for a minute, and then I told her that if she wanted to go I’d be more than happy to go with her. And that if there was ever any event that she wanted to go to where she felt like a mommy would be better than a daddy there, I will always be there to take her and all she has to do is ask.”

“Babe, I —“

“Don’t need me to do that, I know,” Lara Jean sighs, waving him off. “You didn’t ask me to do this. But for the record, even if you _had_ asked me to, I would’ve in a heartbeat.”

Peter nods, biting his lip when Lara Jean looks at him. “Thank you,” He breathes. “I always thought I’d be the one to deal with this when it came up. I’m sorry she cried on you. It does break my heart, but I’m glad she has you. To talk to.” He pauses, shifting his attention to her. “I’m not mad at you, by the way. You did the right thing. Talking to her. Letting her get how she’s feeling out. I want her to be able to trust someone other than me, and I couldn’t be happier that it’s you.”

Lara Jean smiles. “I know what it’s like to not have a mom. To have all these events that your friends are excited about and yet you still feel a little excluded. I had aunts to come with me, or Margot came sometimes, but,” Lara Jean shrugs, “I know Emmi doesn’t have that. I told her that I understood, which seemed to make her feel a little better.”

Peter nods. “Are you sure you don’t mind going with her? I could take her out that night instead, make her feel special. Or call her school and see if it’s cool if I go since she doesn’t have a mom, or —“

“Peter,” Lara Jean laughs, cutting him off. “Calm down.”

Peter takes a deep breath, sighing. “I’m sorry. I just… I’m not used to her having someone like you in her life.”

Lara Jean nods, squeezes his hand, and leans forward to kiss his cheek. “I would love to go with her,” She assures him. Words firm and unable to be argued with. “I love you, and I love Emmi, and if I can give her those experiences that she deserves then I’m going to do it.”

“Thank you,” Peter breathes, smiling. “I’m going to kiss you when I’m not at risk of giving you the plague, and when you spend the night again just know I will make all of this up to you.”

“You have nothing to make up to me, not that I would be opposed to it,” Lara Jean smirks. She kisses his cheek. “But next weekend maybe we could try one of those sleepovers you’ve been talking about.”

“Deal,” Peter says the second she’s done talking, and Lara Jean laughs, settling back against him to watch TV for a while, the heaviness leaving her chest and this overwhelming joy filling it.

_______________________________

Lara Jean gets home after making sure Peter is fine and semi-settled into bed, making him promise that he’ll call if he needs her help again the next day. He agrees, but he’s half asleep and so Lara Jean cleans up the kitchen and sends him a text once she leaves to remind him that she doesn’t mind taking the day off the following day if he needs another day to recover.

She glances at the time when she’s back in her own place, and realistically she knows she should go to bed. She’s under the impression she’s going into work the following day, and after missing all of today she figures it’d probably be a good idea to get in early and help out with whatever they didn’t finish.

But there’s a nagging thought in her mind, one she isn’t sure she should sleep on and she _knows_ there’s only one person she could ask about it. So she paces the living room, biting her cuticle as the phone rings, each one feeling longer than the next.

“Not that I don’t love hearing from my sister, but it’s pretty late for her to be calling,” Margot’s voice fills the line, the smile evident as Lara Jean feels herself calm down. “You okay, LJ?”

“Yeah, fine,” Lara Jean says quickly. Forces herself to calm down and sit on the sofa. “I just had a question.”

She pauses, forcing her brain to slow down before she says anything. “How did you know you wanted to marry Ravi?” She finally asks, which still comes out a little off compared to how she envisioned it in her mind, but she prides herself on not stuttering over her words when she asks.

Margot is silent for a moment, and then she laughs quietly. “So you and Peter are pretty serious, huh?”

Lara Jean feels her face go red. “I… don’t know,” She breathes out. Obviously _yes_ they are, but she can’t bring herself to say it. “I’ve just been thinking about it. Peter was sick today and so I took the day off work and got Emmi off his hands, and I just. I thought a lot about Peter and how maybe this whole thing could be my reality.”

Margot hums down the line, going silent again for a moment. “I knew Ravi was the one when I couldn’t stop thinking about the future with him. Getting married, buying a house together, having kids. I just didn’t think there was any other person that I wanted to do that with. Ravi completed me in a way no one else really could.”

It’s the exact answer Lara Jean thought she was going to get from Margot, but somehow it makes her feel a little bit better. A little more sure of how she feels about she and Peter.

“You know,” Margot says after a moment. “If you did think you and Peter were going to get married, it wouldn’t just be marrying him. He has Emmi, which means you’d become this mother figure for her. Are you ready for that?”

Immediately, Lara Jean wants to say yes. She doesn’t even have to think about it, it’s not something she loses sleep over. She sees Emmi as this little addition to her life she didn’t know she needed, and although it was unexpected and not at all how she thought her life would go, she didn’t want to change it.

“I’m more than ready for that,” She says confidently, although she kind of feels like Margot is judging her. “I know it’s unexpected and I didn’t really think I’d be a mom to a kid who wasn’t mine, but Emmi is amazing. And I love Peter, and I know that he comes with Emmi. I can’t see my life without either of them now.”

“As long as you’re sure,” Margot says, but Lara Jean finds herself mostly surprised that there doesn’t seem to be any judging behind her words. “Is that all you wanted? To ask me how I knew I wanted to marry Ravi?”

Lara Jean smiles. “I mean, yeah. But we could catch up if you want?”

And so they do, spending a few minutes talking about their jobs and the bakery and everything going on in their lives. Lara Jean hangs up promising that they’d all find time to come visit for a weekend in North Carolina, and Margot makes her promise to it, even sending a text once they’ve hung up so she’ll remember to ask Peter to come as well.

Lara Jean crawls into bed that night full exhausted from her day out, but suddenly it was like what little doubts were left in her mind about marrying Peter and spending the rest of their lives growing a family together had suddenly disappeared, and somehow that made everything a little better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy thursday this chapter was WAY longer than i remember it being so hope you enjoyed almost 6k words or emmi and lara jean love :) i feel a little bad not every chapter ends up being this long at this point haha
> 
> thank you so so so much for reading/commenting/leaving kudos/JUST BEING SO NICE I SERIOUSLY DON'T DESERVE IT. you guys are seriously the best.
> 
> more soon soon soon! :) <3
> 
> title of the chapter is from Alright by Anthony Ramos :)


	19. I like me better when I'm with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter second guesses himself, Emmi finds out a secret, and Peter talks with Gabe.

Peter is an expert at second guessing himself.

Like really, if there was some sort of award he could be nominated for for running a million different scenarios through his mind and yet still convincing himself that he picked the worst one, he’s pretty sure he’d win it hands down, without much of a fight.

Things with Lara Jean had settled in from that blissful stage where everything is perfect and feverish and amazing and more into those moments that are more mundane. Nothing has changed, in fact things are perfect and he’s still struggling in those moments of wondering how he’s managed to win her back, but it’s not like those days where he would think about her and his heart would pound in his chest and he would feel like he was in so deep it was terrifying.

Which is why he’s sitting at his desk at work trying to work through three deadlines while his brain thinks about how maybe he is moving too fast in this relationship, maybe talking about being with her forever and saying that he sees this as end game has happened too soon. And maybe Lara Jean isn’t totally on board with all of this and she’s just going along with it because she felt like it’d be easier.

He’s almost too afraid to ask her, too afraid to figure out if she doesn’t feel the same way but she’s just trying to keep the peace. And he doesn’t want to start a fight either.

His mom is up in the city for meetings and offers to meet him for lunch despite the fact that they’re all going out for dinner that night, and Peter unloads and rants to her as if he had never ranted before, his fears spilling out in front of him.

“Can I be honest with you?” His mom asks once Peter takes a break, looking at him as she takes another bite of her salad. “I think you’re freaking yourself out over this.”

Peter sighs, twirling his pasta around his plate. “Yeah, I always am,” He says quietly. He refuses to meet her eyes. “But it was my fault Lara Jean broke up with me in college. There’s no reason why she wouldn’t do it again. And if that happens again…”

He doesn’t have to finish the sentence. He looks up at his mom, who’s taking a sip of her iced tea and smiling around the straw. “Peter,” She says carefully. He feels 16 again. “You don’t exactly have the best male role model to look up to about relationships.”

Peter huffs out a laugh. Because, no, he doesn’t think he’s as bad as his dad. Who wasn’t all that invested in the marriage when he was in it, and then left them for a younger woman, started a new family and practically forgot about he and Owen except for the occasional birthday or sports event where he’d show up purely because he knew it’s the only time Peter would give him the time of day.

“You know how I feel about Lara Jean,” His mom begins again, taking another bite of salad. “I think she’s great, and I think she makes you happy. And maybe I thought she was going to distract you when it came to college, but I definitely do not think that now. I think that she has made you the happiest I’ve seen you in years. At least since Em was a baby.”

Peter nods, forcing himself to take another bite of this lunch. “But if this isn’t what she wants…”

“Has she given you and inclination that this isn’t what she wants? That she’s annoyed by you and Emmi or she doesn’t feel that she can continue with this long-term?”

Peter shakes his head. “I mean, no. But what if she’s just telling me that she wants these things but she’s only saying it because she doesn’t want to start a fight?”

“When has Lara Jean ever been like that?” His mom asks, a smirk on her face as she takes another bite of her lunch. “The Lara Jean I’ve always known has always made sure that you knew exactly how she felt. She never hid anything, even if that meant causing a rift between her and a person she really cares about.”

And Peter can only sigh, because he knows she’s right. Lara Jean has never been one to say things just so she doesn’t cause a rift.

“Sweetheart, if you’re this worried about how she’s feeling then just talk to her. Be honest, ask her if she’s really ready for all of this or if she’s just going along with this. Don’t let it be this big miscommunication.”

Peter nods, changes the subject to Emmi’s dance class and pulls out his phone to remind her about the recital so that she’ll know to come down and see it, and when he parts with her to go back to work for a few hours he suddenly feels like he knows exactly what he needs to do.

_______________________________

Emmi has never been more excited than she is when she finds herself sitting at dinner with Lara Jean, Peter and her grandmother, which is evident by the way she’s been talking almost nonstop since they’ve sat down.

“We haven’t been to the bakery in a little while, but sometimes we go and then I get to try different things Lara Jean makes!” Emmi says, letting Peter pull her to sit in her chair normally.

“You’re just like your dad then,” His mom smiles, nudging Emmi’s lemonade towards her. “When he was younger Lara Jean used to bake him things and he loved them all.”

“Lara Jean baked for you?” Emmi asks, eyes narrowing as she stares at Peter, who can only laugh.

He shares a glance with Lara Jean, smiling. “Yeah, babe. When we were in high school,” He shrugs, then taps Emmi’s hand that’s resting on the table. “You know, Lara Jean and I dated in high school and a little in college.”

Emmi looks between the two of them, eyes widening when she realizes what he’s said. “You did?” She asks, leaning forward excitedly. “Really? Grandma, did they really?”

The entire table laughs, and Peter’s mom nods. “Yeah, love. For quite a few years. Well before you were born.”

Peter thinks about correcting her, reminding her that it wasn’t all that long before she was born, but he lets it go and shifts his attention to Lara Jean when she begins to talk.

“You are a much better taste tester than your dad, though,” Lara Jean smiles. “Whenever I’d ask him to try something he would tell me he loved it. He loved everything, which made it much harder to choose which ones to bake more.”

“That’s not how you’re supposed to do it, Daddy,” Emmi says seriously. “Lara Jean says you have to be honest. You can’t tell her you like them all!”

Peter smiles, looking back at Lara Jean before moving his attention back to his daughter. “You’re just way better at it than I am,” He shrugs, tapping her hand. “I could never hate anything.”

“Are there pictures of you two when you were younger?” Emmi asks, looking between both Peter and Lara Jean.

Peter opens his mouth to say that there is but he’s not sure where, but Lara Jean is scrolling through her phone, stopping on a photo from prom and handing her phone across the table to Emmi.

“Woah,” She says quietly, studying the picture for minutes. “You look so different.”

Peter glances at Lara Jean, a smile on his face. He remembers that night perfectly, almost as if it had happened the year before and not 10 years prior. He remembers standing at the bottom of the staircase in her house, watching her walk down and feeling the breath leave his chest. He remembers handing her her flowers, kissing her softly in front of her dad and Trina, and letting them take an obscene amount of photos to remember that night.

He didn’t think she’d keep any of the photos when they broke up. He didn’t — looking at them was too painful — but Lara Jean always was a sentimentalist.

“I’ll find more pictures when we’re back home,” He says quietly when Emmi hands the phone back to Lara Jean, who nods and turns to her grandmother to talk about her friends at school.

Dinner is quiet for the rest of the night, Lara Jean squeezes his leg under the table every so often, and for all the second guessing he’d been doing that evening, he thinks maybe he’s being a little dramatic when he watches moments like these.

_______________________________

“It can just be for a weekend. Leave Friday after work and come home Sunday afternoon? It’s only a three hour drive to where she lives,” Lara Jean curls up on the sofa beside Peter after he returns from putting Emmi to bed, making her case to go to North Carolina. “Margot really wants us to come visit. All of us. And I know Em’s schedule is insane, but I think she’d really enjoy getting away for a weekend.”

“She doesn’t know Margot,” Peter argues weakly, reaching forward for his beer. “Kitty? Absolutely. But she gets shy around people she doesn’t really know. And Margot and Ravi don’t have kids. I don’t want them to think she’s a brat or misbehaved or intruding on their lives at all.”

Lara Jean frowns, moving back to look at Peter. “If you don’t want to go you don’t have to come,” She says quietly, trying to act like it doesn’t feel like someone is stabbing her in the heart.

“It’s not that,” Peter sighs. He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, chewing for a moment. “I just — I always feel like when I visit people who don’t have kids they see Emmi and they think that she’s going to be in the way or she’s going to make a mess. And I _know_ she’s a good kid, but that doesn’t stop people from thinking that.”

“You know Margot isn’t like that,” Lara Jean counters. She’s getting defensive. “They’re trying for kids anyway. Having Emmi there would show them what it’ll be like. Besides, they have a huge backyard. Emmi would have space to run around.”

Peter runs his fingers through his hair. “When did you want to go?” He asks, smiling when Lara Jean seems excited and scrolls through her phone, finding the text from Margot with weekends that would work best for them.

They choose a weekend three weeks in advance, one where Lara Jean knew she could afford to take the weekend and Emmi miraculously had nothing going on, and Lara Jean texted Margot to let her know.

She leaned back on the sofa, fully expecting Peter to turn on a movie or at least some sort of TV show, but he never does. “You okay?” She finally asks, turning her head to find that he’s staring straight at the blank TV screen.

“Did you say that you wanted to be with me for the rest of our lives because you didn’t know what else to say?” He asks quietly. Folding his hands on his lap, he takes a deep breath. “Because if you think we’re moving too fast or we should take our time with things and you’re just not saying, I — I just need you to be honest with me.”

“Why do you think I’m just saying that?” She asks. Peter can hear the hurt in her voice, crushing his own heart in ways he can’t remember happening before. “Peter, do I give off a vibe that I’m not totally invested in this relationship?”

Peter shakes his head. “I just. If you think this is going too fast. If you think that there is even a slim chance that one day you’ll wake up and realize that I’m too much work or you’re not ready to be this role in Emmi’s life that she doesn’t have, then we need to slow down. Because I may be totally in love with you and sure about what I want for the rest of my life, but my kid is even more in love. And her real mom has already walked out on her. I can’t put her through anything like that again.”

Lara Jean sits up. “Where is this coming from?” She asks, and Peter knows she’s upset now. “Peter, I love you and I love Emmi. And it’s always been that way. If you’re scared or you want to slow things down I’m not going to run, okay? I’m not.”

Peter nods, but it’s unconvincing and he moves to stare at his lap, unsure of what to say.

“I think I need to go,” Lara Jean says quietly after a moment. Her sigh is heard without him even needing to look up. She stands up from the sofa, her feed pad along the hardwood, and reluctantly Peter follows her to the door.

“I didn’t mean to make you upset,” He says softly, as if that’ll be the one thing to make her take her coat off and stay longer. “I just. I don’t want you to realize what you got yourself into and then just leave.”

Lara Jean frowns, furrowing her eyebrows before reaching out to take his hand. “We have been back together for months. I knew what I was getting myself into. I _know_ what I’m getting myself into,” She says firmly. There’s no room for negotiation. “You are _not_ too much work, and being that figure in Emmi’s life that she doesn’t have anymore is _not_ a burden. And I know this is how you’ve been for a long time, I know that you think that this is all some big inconvenience, but it’s not. And I need you to try to stop thinking that way.”

Peter nods, ducking his head to stare at the floor. Lara Jean leans up, kisses his cheek and squeezes his hand. “I just need some time. I love you.”

She turns and leaves his apartment, the door clicking quietly behind her as he stands in the entryway for a moment.

He takes a long shower, letting the water turn his skin red and his brain try to make sense of what had just happened. He thinks about texting Gabe, asking if he wanted to come over and drink with him while he talks about how he ruins everything, but then remembers that Gabe had a date that night.

So instead he crawls into bed well before normal, flicks through Netflix and turns on a crime documentary he’s only half-interested in. His thumb lingers above Lara Jean’s contact a handful of times, but he never gives in.

Instead he plugs his phone into charge, buries himself underneath the blankets, and tries not to think about how him being paranoid may have ruined their relationship.

_______________________________

Peter feels like he’s in a weird limbo the next few days. He and Lara Jean don’t see each other, he makes up excuses to Emmi as to why they’re not going to the bakery like they normally would, and it feels wrong.

Lara Jean texts him a few times, he always replies, and she always says she loves him and he always says the same back. He knows things aren’t great, but the little love you’s she sends keeps him sane and hold him over while they figure out what’s going on between them.

“How come Lara Jean hasn’t come to eat with us?” Emmi asks quietly at dinner one night, pushing her vegetables around her plate.

Peter frowns, reaching for his drink to stall time as he stares at his daughter. “She’s just been busy, babe,” He lies, sighing. “I’ll see if we can go see her soon, okay? It’s only been a few days since the last time.”

“Yeah, but we usually see her more,” Emmi shrugs, sighing when Peter urges her to take a bite of her vegetables. “I just miss her, Daddy.”

Peter takes another bite of his dinner. “I know, babe,” He says quietly, reaching out to rub her shoulder. “I do too.”

It’s not a lie.

He feels a little off the rest of the night, nothing life changing, but nothing that he necessarily wants to deal with. Emmi curls up against him on the sofa watching TV, and then he gets her bathed and in bed, spending a little extra time reading books when he can sense she needs it just as much as he does.

He’s thought multiple times about calling Lara Jean in these moments over the last few days. Moments where it’s quiet and the TV or a book doesn’t seem to be able to distract his mind. He knows they need to talk about things, but he can’t help but feel like this isn’t his place to bring it up, that she’s the one who said she needed time.

Today he doesn’t think he can wait for her to call, and so instead of picking up the toys Emmi had left out or finishing cleaning the kitchen after dinner, Peter paces the living room and dials Lara Jean’s number before he has time to back out.

“Hey,” Lara Jean’s voice is quiet on the other line, but it’s familiar and Peter feels a little bit like it’s going to be okay. Like she’s right there and she didn’t deny his call. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m sorry,” He breathes out, falling into a chair. “I’m sorry for ever doubting that you didn’t feel the same way, I’m sorry for thinking that maybe you were just saying you wanted to be with me in the long run because you didn’t want to say how you felt. I’m sorry for saying that I worry you’re going to realize what you’re getting into and leave.”

“Breathe,” Lara Jean says softly. Her voice is calm, even, and exactly what Peter needs right now. “Peter, I was never mad about all of that.”

Peter opens his mouth to protest, to remind her that it’s been days since they’ve seen each other and she left his apartment because he _did_ say all of this. But he stops himself.

“I gave us some space because I felt like you needed it. I never for a second doubted that you felt all those things, but you seemed to be spiraling. Overthinking. And when you used to overthink when we were younger, sometimes you just needed space.”

“Yeah, I — yeah,” Peter breathes out. “But I don’t think I needed space this time.”

“I did,” She replies quietly. “I needed to know that what I was feeling for you _wasn’t_ just agreeing with what you saw for us. I never doubted myself, but then you said you were worrying and I wondered if maybe I did feel that way.”

She pauses, and Peter can hear her shuffling. “Can I come over for a few minutes? I feel like we should talk about this in person.”

“Yes,” Peter agrees immediately, hanging up the phone and frantically cleaning his apartment while he waits for her to arrive.

She’s quiet when she gets there, texting him when she’s outside so he can come open the door. She’s wearing leggings and one of his sweatshirts, a small smile on her face when he ushers her in the door. She quickly toes her shoes off by the front door while Peter stands there impatiently waiting for her to get settled.

And then she looks up at him, and her lips are on hers. Rough at first, then slow, and Peter groans quietly against her.

“For the record, I absolutely feel the same way that you do,” She mumbles against his lips, letting Peter carry her over to the sofa. “I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Your worries and all.”

“I’m working on it,” Peter says quietly, his hands resting on her hips just underneath her shirt. “I’m working on believing what people say. Not second guessing them.”

Lara Jean smiles, kissing him again while running her fingers through his hair. “I get it, okay? I know that you had a lot happen to you and trusting what people say is hard. But I need you to believe me when I say that I am not going anywhere. I promise you.”

Peter nods, leaning up to kiss her again. “I know. And I’m going to stop second guessing things. Letting those negative thoughts get in my head,” He smiles.

Lara Jean nods, pressing her forehead against his. “I love you,” She whispers.

Peter smiles. “I love you too,” He mumbles, and for a moment everything feels perfect.

They make out for a while, Peter gets paranoid on more than one occasion that Emmi is awake, and then Lara Jean settles against him for a moment. “I have to get up early to get to work,” She says idly, but makes no attempt to move.

“I would say stay here, but Emmi is missing you and I think she’d be confused to wake up in the morning and see you here,” He says softly. His fingers trace patterns against her sleeve.

Lara Jean nods, sitting up and pulling her hair up as she moves to get ready to leave. “We can try that sleepover later this week?” She asks, eyebrows raised.

Peter laughs, following her to the door. “Yes, of course,” He says, mostly because he wants nothing more than to spend the night with Lara Jean after the last few days. “I’ll bring Emmi by tomorrow?”

Lara Jean nods, bending over to pull her shoes back on. “Please do. I miss my little nugget. I have some cookies ready for her to try,” She smiles, wrapping her arms around Peter’s waist.

She kisses him slowly, trying to savor the moment between the two of them as if it’ll be days before it happens again. Peter holds onto her, never wanting to let her go when she pulls away to rest her forehead on his forehead. “I love you,” She whispers, lips turning up into a grin.

“I love you, too,” He says quietly, and reluctantly he lets her go, standing in the entryway of his apartment when the door quietly shuts in his face.

He goes to sleep feeling much lighter than before after their talk, and while it’s left him with a million things to work on — and let himself trust — he feels like for the first time maybe he’ll be able to do it.

_______________________________

Emmi spends the entire morning bouncing around the apartment, the only question being asked is when Lara Jean would be there so they could go to the craft fair together.

Peter spends most of the morning counting to 10 in his head, answering the question a few times before trying to distract her, and then feeling this wave of relief when Gabe comes over because it means that Emmi is distracted by someone else.

“Gabe, did you know that Lara Jean is taking me to the craft fair today?” She asks when he walks in, giving him just enough room to take his shoes off in the entryway.

“I’ve heard, love bug,” Gabe smiles, lifting her up to give her a hug. “I’m sure she’ll be here soon, but why don’t we go finish getting dressed?” He offers, which makes Emmi impossibly more excited as she wiggles from his grasp and runs down the hall.

“Thank you,” Peter breathes out, but Gabe just smiles and follows Emmi down the hallway, the two of them reappearing a few minutes later with Emmi dressed and her hair up in a ponytail just as Lara Jean knocks at the door.

“I have never seen her so excited,” Peter mumbles after kissing Lara Jean quickly, letting Lara Jean in the apartment.

Lara jean smiles, but she’s not ready for Emmi to run down the hall and crash into her knees to hug her tightly.

“Can we go? Are you ready to go Lara Jean?” Emmi asks excitedly, running over to pull on her own shoes.

“Emmi, come here,” Peter says, bending down to his daughter’s level. “You need to calm down and be on your best behavior, got it?” He says, but his voice is firm and Emmi calms down, nodding slowly. “Seriously, listen to what Lara Jean says and don’t run off.”

“I won’t, Daddy,” She says quietly, her arms wrapping around his neck. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” He smiles, kissing her cheek before standing up, moving towards Lara Jean.

He pulls her in for a hug, breathing in her shampoo and sighing. “If she’s a brat just threaten to leave,” He mumbles, feeling Lara Jean’s laugh against his shoulder. “Seriously though, she’s super excited. Don’t be afraid to get her to calm down,” He continues, and Lara Jean nods slowly against his shoulder.

“We’ll have a good time, won’t we Em?” Lara Jean smiles, laughing when Emmi just gets excited all over again. Lara Jean leans up, kissing Peter quickly. “Love you. I’ll text you when we’re on our way home,” She smiles, helping Emmi pull her jacket on before taking her hand so the two of them can leave.

Peter turns around, unable to resist rolling his eyes when Gabe is standing there with a knowing smirk on his face, biting back a laugh.

“If I didn’t know any better, I would think you three had become quite the family unit,” Gabe smirks, helping himself to a soda in the fridge. “Seriously, dude. Emmi is in love.”

“I know,” Peter sighs, falling onto the sofa. “And I’m in love watching the two of them fall in love with each other,” Peter admits. He subconsciously runs his fingers through his hair.

“So, is this like — is it a permanent thing?” Gabe asks after a minute. “Please tell me it is. I can’t think about what I would do to you if it wasn’t.”

Peter knows what he means, knows that he’s asking if he has plans to make it a forever thing, but he still finds himself stuttering over the answer he’s never been more sure to give.

“Yeah, it is,” He nods, staring straight at the TV. “We talked about it, and we both want this to be end game,” He says carefully. “I’ve been thinking about making it official soon at least. Like proposing. Maybe after she spends the night a few times, just to make sure Emmi is cool with it.”

“I’m sorry, were we not watching the same child with your girlfriend just now before they left?” Gabe asks, sarcasm dripping through his words.

Peter rolls his eyes. “I _know_ , but you and I both know that Lara Jean spending the night here and Lara Jean coming over a few nights a week and never staying here are two different things.”

“I’m pretty sure Emmi is going to somehow fall even more in love when Lara Jean spends the night,” Gabe counters. “Waking up to Lara Jean being there? Lara Jean being there when she falls asleep? The kid is going to die when that happens, you know.”

And Peter does know that, even if it is hard for him to admit. Even if the fear that this could all go horribly wrong still lingers in the back of his mind, despite the fact that they had talked it through and Lara Jean had assured and reassured him a million times over.

He nods, unable to think of anything to say. Gabe lets the conversation go, flipping through the channels to find something for the two of them to watch. Peter orders them lunch, savors the rare afternoon where he has nothing to do, and when he comes back with their sandwiches there’s a text lighting up his screen from Lara Jean.

_I tell you this all the time, but you have the best kid in the world. Literally. And I’m not biased ;) I love her. See you soon :)_

He smiles, scrolling back up and opening the photo. It’s of Emmi, who’s spent the time at the craft fair painting a picture of the three of them together. Peter on one side, Lara Jean on the other, and she’s standing in between them, holding both of their hands.

Peter doesn’t know why he gets choked up about it. Emmi’s been drawing pictures of them for a while, but there’s something about this one. She’s at a craft fair with her friends and their moms, she brought his girlfriend with her, and she’s there drawing a picture of the three of them together.

Gabe looks over, watching Peter for a moment before Peter wordlessly holds his phone out, showing Gabe the picture Emmi had drawn.

Gabe studies it for a moment, and then his lips spread into a grin when he hands the phone back to Peter. “I told you it’d be fine. Emmi’s ready for this. Trust yourself,” He says quietly.

And so Peter does. He reminds himself to stop second guessing things, that everything will be okay, and he’s more than ready to make this whole thing official. To figure out how to ask Lara Jean to marry him and to begin the rest of their lives in a way they both know they want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so so so much for reading/leaving comments/kudos! this little fic passed 15,000 reads and 600 kudos between the last chapter and now which is...unfathomable to me. like i genuinely never thought anyone would like this as much as you guys do so THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU ALL <3
> 
> originally i was going to break up the little angst in this chapter and spread it across chapters, but it didn't fit anywhere else and truthfully i didn't feel like this was a moment that needed to be spread across, and so that's why it's just all in one chapter haha
> 
> one of my lovely commenters, Tee, had mentioned that Emmi never knew they dated before which? i completely forgot i never put in this story so thank you for reminding me so i could put it in! 
> 
> title of the chapter is from I Like Me Better by Lauv because did you really think i'd get through this fic not using this song? :)
> 
> more soooooon (including the sleepover you've all been waiting for!) :) <3


	20. only you can ease my mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean sleeps over for the first time, they take a trip to Margot's, and Peter has a talk with Margot.

The night before Lara Jean, Peter and Emmi leave for North Carolina to visit Margot and Ravi, Lara Jean plans to spend the night.

Lara Jean spends a lot of time on websites in her free time trying to figure out how to tell Emmi, and then Peter texts her and says that they just need to say it, that they’re focusing too much on it and Emmi isn’t really going to care either way.

She laughs at his text, tells him it’s funny coming from him that they’re overthinking things, but that they can tell her when they come to the bakery that afternoon.

So when Emmi sits down at the table with Peter and her favorite sprinkle cookie in front of her, Lara Jean pauses the new set of treats she had been working on and walks out, kissing Peter and then moving to kiss the top of Emmi’s head, grabbing a chair to sit down with them.

“Hey, Em,” Peter says, instinctively reaching for Lara Jean’s hand under the table. “You know how we’re going to North Carolina this weekend to see Lara Jean’s sister?” He asks. Emmi takes another bite of her cookie, licking her lips and nodding. “Well, how would you feel if Lara Jean spent the night at our house on Friday night?”

Emmi’s eyes light up immediately, swallowing quickly as she looks between the two of them. “Yes! Please Lara Jean! Please will you sleep over?”

Lara Jean laughs, squeezing Peter’s hand as she reaches over to pull Emmi’s braid back over her shoulder. “Of course, love. You’re really okay with me being there with you?” She asks, but Emmi doesn’t hesitate in nodding again, the smile on her face only growing wider.

“Uh huh! And then we’ll spend the whole weekend together too?” She asks, and Peter takes over this time, nodding.

“We will. But you have to be on your best behavior, okay? Margot is Lara Jean’s sister and I know you don’t know her that well, but you’ll love her,” He promises.

Emmi takes another big bite of her cookie, nodding quickly. “I’ll be so good,” She confirms, almost like she believes that if she says she’ll be a horrible kid Lara Jean will no longer sleep over.

It’s not the case, and after they reassure themselves that Emmi is serious and she really doesn’t mind Lara Jean being there when she’s normally not, Emmi talks about her day at school, filling them both in on the new math she’s learning and how they started reading a new book as a class.

Peter doesn’t let go of Lara Jean’s hand, only interlacing their fingers as they listen to Emmi talk for what feels like hours about her day.

It’s the perfect little break from work that Lara Jean had been hoping for.

_______________________________

Peter doesn’t know why he spends the afternoon before Lara Jean comes to spend the night when she’s done work cleaning his apartment. It’s no messier than normal — she’s actually seen it worse — but he feels oddly like he needs to clean it.

So he moves to pick up his work clothes off his bedroom floor, straightens out the comforter after changing the sheets, and although Lara Jean has spent the night in that bed when it wasn’t neatly made, he feel like he needs to make a good impression now.

Emmi hasn’t asked when Lara Jean is coming over incessantly, instead she’s been in her room playing quietly with her dolls until Peter comes in and sits on her bed. “We need to pack some things for you to wear this weekend. Want to pick your outfits?” He asks, which of course Emmi says yes to immediately, standing up and running over to her closet to look through.

She brings three separate outfits out, waiting for approval from Peter, who nods. “Pick a sweatshirt to bring with us, too. And a pair of shoes,” He says, which sends Emmi back into her closet to pick out some more things while Peter fills half the duffel bag he left for her things with the outfits she picked out.

“Daddy,” Emmi says quietly, returning with a sweatshirt and a pair of baby combat boots Peter bought on a whim because it _definitely_ made his daughter look way cooler than he could’ve ever been. “Is Margot nice?”

Peter smiles at the question, opening the bag for Emmi to put the last of her things in. “You’ve met her, baby.”

“I know, but everyone was there,” Emmi shrugs. She pulls at her curls for a moment, and then climbs up into her dad’s lap. “But you know her better, right? Since you and Lara Jean dated before. Is she nice?”

Peter laughs, shuffling back on the bed to lean against the pillows, Emmi’s body resting against his chest. “Margot is very nice. She’s Lara Jean’s big sister, but she likes to be silly and have fun,” He says, his fingers running through her hair. “She used to do Lara Jean’s hair a lot when we were younger. I’m sure if you ask nicely she’d love to do yours.”

“Like Lara Jean does it?” Emmi asks quietly, her voice vibrating against Peter’s chest.

“Yeah,” Peter says quietly. “Or maybe some other ways, too.”

Emmi nods. “I’m really excited about Lara Jean coming tonight, Daddy,” She says quietly. “I really love her.”

“Me too, kiddo. Me too,” Peter smiles, pressing his lips to the top of her head. Instead of getting up and starting dinner like Peter had intended, he lays there for a moment with Emmi resting against his chest.

It had been so long since Emmi had done something like this. From the minute she had really been able to walk, she’s been on the move. Peter relished in moments like this, moments where Emmi would crawl up and just want to lay with him without doing anything else.

He found it hard to fathom how much time had passed since those first few nights alone in their tiny 1 bedroom apartment, where Peter struggled with taking care of her by himself and spent hours up at night after she finally fell asleep on the phone figuring out his next steps.

Now he can’t imagine his life any other way. Being a single dad isn’t easy, he’s not good at asking for help and he still has this awful mentality that it’s he and Emmi against the world, but Lara Jean has begun to change all that.

And now they’re moving forward in their relationship and Peter knows things are going to change the further they move in the relationship, and so maybe he takes a little bit more time savoring those little moments between he and Emmi because he never wants to forget those nights even as hard as they were.

Eventually he does get up to start making dinner, Emmi declares that she’ll help and pulls over a chair to brown the meat for tacos, and Lara Jean arrives bringing treats for dessert. “Hope that’s okay,” She smiles, taking her bag down to his bedroom before returning to the kitchen.

She takes on the role of cutting the vegetables, moving to stand on the other side of Emmi with a cutting board out in front of her. And then there’s music playing in the kitchen and Emmi is laughing at Lara Jean’s dancing and they’re all singing along, and Peter just watches for a moment, deciding that all those rough nights where he struggled to get Emmi to sleep or agonized over what his next step was now that he was all alone were worth it if it meant he would get to see the two of them be this happy.

_______________________________

Nothing really changes that night Lara Jean is there. They eat dinner together and then watch TV while they snack on their treats Lara Jean brought from the bakery until it’s Emmi’s bedtime, which she does lamely protest despite having been yawning for the last hour of the show.

“You have to be well rested for our trip tomorrow!” Lara Jean says with a smile on her face, and that seems to be enough to get Emmi to agree to go to bed.

“You’ll still be here in the morning?” She asks Lara Jean once she crawls across the sofa to say goodnight, pulling herself into Lara Jean’s lap.

“I will. And we’ll make breakfast together before we leave,” Lara Jean promises, which Emmi lights up at and wraps her arms around Lara Jean’s shoulders, hugging tightly.

“Night Lara Jean, I love you.”

“Night, Emmi. Love you, too,” She smiles, kissing her cheek when Emmi pulls away.

Peter follows her down the hall, returning not long after with a smile on his face as he slides down on the sofa beside Lara Jean. “Turns out all I need is you to get her to agree to go to bed without bribing me into reading an extra chapter or letting her stay up a little later.”

“What can I say? I have the magic touch,” Lara Jean teases, kissing Peter.

“For now,” He smirks, pulling himself closer. “Can you believe you don’t have to leave tonight?” Peter murmurs against her lips, kissing her softly again.

Lara Jean smiles, her hands pressing against his chest as she shakes her head. “No, and we get the whole weekend together,” She says quietly, laughing when Peter pulls her closer.

The movie they had planned to watch is long forgotten about, and Lara Jean only feels slightly weird when they creep down the hall and into Peter’s room, crawling into bed beside him.

For as much as Lara Jean has loved living alone — she blames roommates in college for being horrible and making her miss the bliss of her own room — there’s something so perfect about falling asleep next to Peter wearing one of his t-shirts. She rests her head on his chest, heartbeat steady just underneath her ear, and falls asleep to the sound of him breathing and his fingers tracing up and down her back lightly.

It’s a moment she never wants to let go of.

—

Lara Jean wakes up and forgets where she is. The sunlight is streaming through the curtains, and when she goes to turn away, desperate for more sleep, she feels the arms wrapped around her, hand somehow tangled in her hair.

And then she remembers she’s at Peter’s, and suddenly her heart speeds up and there’s this stupid grin on her face like she’s just slept with him for the first time. It’s blissful, the apartment quiet and the birds chirping just outside, and for a moment Lara Jean wants to stay like this forever.

She manages to untangle Peter’s hand from her hair and roll to face him, pressing her head against his chest. He stirs underneath her touch, lips ghosting against her hair as he stretches out. “It’s early,” He mumbles, voice thick with sleep. Lara Jean practically melts, leaning up to kiss his chin quickly.

“The sun woke me up,” She says quietly, moving away slightly as Peter turns back to his phone, checking the time.

“Em’s going to be up soon. It’s 7:30.”

“She gets up that early?” Lara Jean asks. It’s been a while since she’s been a little kid, but she can’t ever remember a time where she actually liked being up and out of bed before 9.

Peter laughs, running his fingers through his hair as he leans down to kiss her. “This is sleeping in. Kids are nuts. I finally got her to sleep till 7 like, last year.”

Lara Jean laughs, kissing him again mostly so she can stop thinking about how horrifying it is that kids get up that early and if her kids will be the same in the future, and as if on cue Peter’s door pushes open just enough to see Emmi’s eye.

“Daddy?” She whispers, and when Peter hums so she knows he’s awake she pushes the door open fully, smiling when she notices Lara Jean on the other side of the bed. “You stayed,” She whispers, rubbing at her eyes as she walks over, allowing Peter to pull her up to lay in between both of them.

“I did,” Lara Jean smiles, glancing at Peter when Emmi curls up against her.

Peter smiles, tracing circles on Emmi's back. "Did you sleep well, kid?”

“Mmhmm,” Emmi mumbles, turning back over to look at her. “Had a dream about princesses,” She smiles, covering her mouth as she yawns.

They stay curled up in bed for a moment, the gesture feeling wildly familiar to Lara Jean despite it being the first time. Emmi is so content between them that Lara Jean wishes this could be every morning for her, waking up to both of their faces.

And then time drags on, Lara Jean knows they need to leave soon, and so she’s the one that breaks the moment.

“Hey Em, want to go make pancakes for breakfast?” Lara Jean asks, smiling when Emmi nods, sitting up in bed and muttering something about how she was going to get a hair tie so Lara Jean could pull her hair out of her face so she could help.

“Pancakes are going to be a mess,” Peter mumbles, reaching out to pull Lara Jean to him.

“I like a challenge,” Lara Jean smiles, craning her neck to kiss him.

“Love you," Peter says, smiling as he holds her for a moment.

“I love you too,” She replies quietly, savoring the moment for a minute before the bowl crashes in the kitchen and Lara Jean goes to investigate.

—

“I told you pancakes would be a mess,” Peter smirks when he walks in the kitchen after his shower to find Emmi and Lara Jean making the batter.

“It’s not a mess,” Lara Jean argues, just as there’s a clatter and Emmi groans.

“I spilled some of the egg,” She mumbles, which makes Peter laugh and Lara Jean roll her eyes, turning back to grab a paper towel to help Emmi clean up the spill.

They do eventually make the pancakes, which are actually good and Peter has to admit definitely hit the spot instead of their usual cereal or oatmeal. Emmi is a sticky mess, which Peter almost admits defeat and throws her in the bath before they leave until he realizes none got in her hair and a few wet paper towels will do the trick.

And then they pack the car and get ready to hit the road, Emmi with her iPad on her lap in her seat, Lara Jean climbing into the passenger seat and plugging in Margot’s address into the GPS.

“Are you ready for the longest three and a half hour car ride of your life?” Peter asks, climbing into the drivers seat. “Because in the back seat is a 5 year old who will have to pee no less than three times. And then we’ll have to eat, because this trip is obviously going to take longer than you could even envision in your head.”

Lara Jean laughs, grabbing his hand as he pulls out of the parking garage of his apartment complex. “Well, then I guess I’ll just have to enjoy the ride,” She smiles, turning up the music as Peter merges onto the highway.

—

Lara Jean’s dozing in and out after their first rest stop of the day, her hand resting on top of his. Emmi’s playing a game on her iPad — Peter’s pretty sure the music from the game is going to haunt his dreams for at least a month — and the music playing from his phone is really the only source of entertainment he has.

He’s spent most of the weekend and the beginning of the ride trying not to think about how he used to drive this route at least once a month when they were in college. Any free weekend he had was usually spent at UNC, which meant a three and a half hour drive alone, playlists Lara Jean would make for him serving as the entertainment.

The last time he drove down to UNC was at the beginning of junior year, two weeks after she left for school. He had hit a roadblock in his physical therapy, which was to be expected, but he still felt out of sorts and had been taking it out on Lara Jean and he felt bad.

It was a weird weekend. They tried to make things feel like they were normal, but they weren’t and things ended more tense than he had intended. And he drove home in almost virtual silence wondering how he was going to fix it.

He didn’t. When she came home two months later she broke it off, saying that it wasn’t working and they needed some space. He couldn’t blame her, but there was a part of him that would never forgive himself for letting her walk away that easily.

Now he glances beside him and Lara Jean is there again, only this time it’s under much better circumstances. Her fingers have been tracing patterns against his free hand for most of the ride, and Emmi is quietly watching her iPad in the back seat, completing this whole scenario.

It’s completely different to what he had envisioned when he was in college. He always thought Lara Jean was his person, the one who he’d eventually marry and they’d probably move to a city together and have kids. But it didn’t pan out that way, and while there were things he wished he’d done differently, finding his way back to this moment right here was the best thing he could’ve ever envisioned after she left him standing on his doorstep that chilly November morning.

“You okay?” Lara Jean asks, breaking him out of his trance.

He glances at the stretch of highway in front of him and then at her, a smile spreading on his face. “I love you,” He mumbles, turning his hand over and taking hers, squeezing gently.

She leans her head against her hand, the smile on her face growing. “I love you too,” She replies, reaching forward to turn up the music.

They don’t say much after that, but they don’t need to. Peter knows that he’s not going to let these moments go, and really that’s all he could ever want.

_______________________________

As if they’re in some weird television family, Margot is waiting on her front step when they pull up out front.

Lara Jean rolls her eyes, but pulls her hand from Peter’s and waves back anyway. “She’s been counting down the hours until we got here since Thursday,” She fills Peter in, which makes him laugh because he knows for a fact Lara Jean texted her when they were leaving, and they took a solid hour longer than most people would take to get there due to their frequent needs to stop for bathroom breaks.

“I’m so glad you guys are finally here!” Margot says, coming quickly down the front walk and wrapping Lara Jean in a hug. Ravi follows behind, shaking Peter’s hand before pulling Lara Jean in for a hug, Margot doing the same with Peter.

Peter watches Emmi open the back door, holding his hand out to help her jump down. “Emmi, you remember my sister Margot?” Lara Jean asks, smiling when Emmi walks over to say hi.

“Hi, Emmi! It’s nice to see you again,” She smiles, and while Margot and Lara Jean take Emmi inside Ravi walks to the back of the car to help Peter with their bags.

By the time they’re inside Emmi is looking through pictures that Margot brought to North Carolina with her of her and her sisters when they were younger, and she turns around, a smirk on her face.

“Daddy, look at this picture!”

Ravi gestures to the front entryway for Peter to set the bags down, and then he walks to where Emmi is sitting in between Margot and Lara Jean, the photo album on the coffee table.

“Margot, do I want to know why you have this picture?” He asks, but he finds himself unable to stop staring at it.

“It was Daddy and Trina’s wedding! You guys looked really cute, and somehow it ended up in the photo album,” Margot shrugs, her eyes flicking between the two of them.

“That’s really you and Daddy?” Emmi asks, eyes shifting from the picture to Lara Jean.

Lara Jean nods, studying the picture just as intently as Peter had been. “It really is.”

“Daddy, you were so young.”

Peter laughs at that, nudging Emmi in the head softly. “You made me old, kid.”

“Did not!” Emmi argues, sticking her tongue out at Peter.

They go back to flipping through photo albums, Peter shows up a handful of other times, and for as much as he doesn’t tell about his life before Emmi he has to admit that it’s nice to know that Margot kept these memories as well, leading to his daughter finding them.

_______________________________

They sit down for lunch and Lara Jean and Margot catch up on everything that they had been missing with each other after being apart. Peter watches Emmi’s eyes flick between the two of them during the conversation, and for a split second Peter lets himself think about what Emmi’s life would be like if she had a sibling that she could be this close to when she grows up.

Margot and Lara Jean offer to take Emmi into town to walk along the rows of stores in town and have the afternoon together, which Emmi is immediately excited for and proceeds to run to the front door to pull her boots back on and stand on her tip toes to reach her jacket hanging on the hook.

“She may be exhausted. She didn’t sleep on the way here,” Peter says quietly as he and Lara Jean help clear the table, bringing everything over to the sink.

Lara Jean rolls her eyes, turning to face Peter. “She’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. Peter, this isn’t my first day with her alone,” She reminds him, resting her hands in his.

“No, but it is Margot’s.”

“Hey, if she wants to have kids, she should probably see what they’re like when they’re older,” Lara Jean argues, standing on her tip toes to kiss Peter quickly. “Just enjoy this vacation. Hang out with Ravi. You two have more in common than you realize.”

Peter nods, following Lara Jean to the front door where Emmi is letting Margot help her pull her jacket on. “Be good, okay? And have fun,” He says, bending down to Emmi’s height so he can fix her jacket.

She nods, leaning forward and hugging him quickly before leaning back to kiss his cheek.

Peter follows them outside, moving Emmi’s car seat into Margot’s car before watching from the front step as they back out and pull down the street.

He and Ravi spend part of their time alone watching soccer for a while, conversation few and far between. It’s fine, Peter thinks. He doesn’t really know Ravi all that well, just knows that he and Margot had been together since college and all of the Coveys thought highly of him, which was good enough for him.

Ravi’s the one who breaks the almost silence first, bringing a beer back for Peter before sitting down in the chair. “So, you and Lara Jean. Pretty serious, huh?” He says, the smile spreading on his face.

Peter takes a sip of his beer smiling. “I’ve uh, been thinking about proposing,” Peter shrugs, trying to act totally cool about it because Ravi would be able to tell if he was totally freaking out about this.

“Yeah?” Ravi asks, raising his eyebrows. “For what it’s worth — not that I think I have any say at all in your relationship — I kind of think the two of you are perfect for each other,” He smiles, taking a sip of his beer. “I’ve thought that since you guys were dating when you were in college. I was pretty bummed to hear that you had broken up.”

Peter shrugs. “The breakup was probably the best thing for us, honestly.”

Ravi nods. “Have you thought about the proposal at all? Do you have a ring?”

Peter shakes his head. “I’ve been trying to find a time to go and look at them at least. Em can’t come with me, mostly because she’s 5 and I can’t trust her to keep a secret,” He smiles. Ravi laughs. “Plus, I want to ask her dad before I do it.”

“Well, if you want some reassurance, asking Dr. Covey for permission to marry his daughter is not nearly as intimidating as you think it might be,” He says. “He was really great about it when I asked him about marrying Margot. And you’ve known him much longer than I have.”

Peter nods, and the conversation fizzles out and they go back to watching soccer, but Peter’s mind is firmly on asking Dr. Covey if he can marry Lara Jean and finding a ring, more than ready to make this all official now more than he ever has been before.

_______________________________

The quaint downtown area of Margot’s town in North Carolina is really everything Lara Jean could ever dream of the longer she’s there. There are times where she wondered what it would’ve been like had she stayed in North Carolina in one of these towns and opened her bakery there. She isn’t sure she’d be doing as well as she is now, but it would’ve been living all of her Pinterest dreams in a setting like this.

But staying in North Carolina would’ve meant never reconnecting with Peter, and the little girl holding her hand walking down the quiet streets would be unknown to her. And that alone is enough for her to know that she absolutely made the right decision moving back to Virginia and opening up her bakery in the city so close to her hometown.

They mostly window shop for the afternoon, Emmi and Lara Jean soaking in the warm sun after the rough winter they had back home, and as the day drags on they stop in a few boutiques. Emmi’s enthralled with it all, carefully pointing to old knick knacks that Lara Jean would die to have in her apartment but somehow resists buying, and by the end of the day when it’s getting closer to dinner time they stop in a small ice cream parlor to treat themselves.

Margot goes to grab them a table, Lara Jean walking up to the counter and lifting Emmi up in her arms so she can see the different flavors of ice cream they have.

Lara Jean orders their ice cream, setting Emmi back down on the ground next to her while they wait.

“I just wanted to say that you and your daughter are adorable,” The older woman behind them smiles, tapping Lara Jean’s shoulder to get her attention.

Lara Jean feels her face flush, glancing down to Emmi who heard the comment and covers her mouth to hide her laughs. Lara Jean smiles, brushing her hand through Emmi’s curls and turning back to the woman. “Thank you,” She smiles, turning back when their ice cream is finished.

“That woman thought Lara Jean was my mommy, Margot!” Emmi says quietly, pulling herself up into the chair.

Margot looks between the two of them, Lara Jean shrugging. “I just went with it. It’s too difficult to explain to a stranger,” She smiles, which makes Margot laugh.

“It’s not the worst thing in the world,” She shrugs, taking a bite of her ice cream.

Emmi’s engrossed in the decor of the ice cream shop, sipping on her milkshake as she looks around. Lara Jean hands her a napkin to wrap around the cup, Margot watching on fondly.

“She’s honestly the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” She says quietly when Lara Jean shifts her attention back to her sister, her smile growing wider. “I know that should be a given considering who her dad is, but I can’t deal with how adorable she is.”

“You and me both,” Lara Jean smirks, reaching forward to brush Emmi’s hair out of her eyes. “I’ve fallen just as in love with her as I have with Peter.”

“She feels the same way,” Margot comments, and Lara Jean feels her face flush when she thinks about their love for each other is so obvious to everyone.

“What are you going to do if Peter proposes soon?” Margot asks after a moment, glancing at Emmi to make sure she hasn’t heard.

Lara Jean narrows her eyes for a moment, setting her ice cream down on the table. “Do you know something I don’t?”

“Definitely not,” Margot says quickly. Lara Jean is hesitant to believe her. “I just thought about how he trusts you with his daughter for full days, how close the two of you are, and how in love you guys are.” She pauses, taking another bite of her ice cream. “I’ve only been with you for a few hours today, and it’s obvious that you two are end game.”

Lara Jean blushes, ducking her head and pushing her spoon through her half melted ice cream. “I’m going to say yes, obviously,” She says quietly. When she looks up Margot’s smiling the widest Lara Jean has seen in years. “He’s perfect, Go-Go. I can’t imagine ever being with anyone else.”

“I’m so glad, Lara Jean,” She says, the fondness filtering through her words. “Because if you were to say you want to wait I think I would’ve smacked you.”

“Don’t smack her, Margot!” Emmi interjects, chocolate covering her teeth when she smiles.

Both girls laugh, Lara Jean cleaning Emmi up before they get ready to make their way home to the boys.

_______________________________

They sit down to dinner as a group and the girls talk about their day out. Emmi declares it the best day of her life, which Peter acts like hurts his feelings but in reality he feels like his heart could burst at how comfortable she is around Lara Jean.

Lara Jean offers to clean up the kitchen, which Emmi declares she also wants to help, Margot helping her carry the dishes over to the sink.

“An older woman told me I had an adorable daughter today at the ice cream shop,” Lara Jean says quietly when she leans over to Peter. “Emmi thought it was the funniest thing.”

Peter bites his lip, smiling as his eyes flick between Lara Jean and his daughter, who’s walking in slow motion across the kitchen with the dinner plate held firmly in her hands. “Did you just go with it?” He asks quietly, finding her hand and squeezing.

Lara Jean’s head falls against her shoulder and he can feel her nod. “I mean, it’s not like I _wouldn’t_ want people to think that for the rest of my life.” She smiles.

Peter squeezes her hand again.

Lara Jean does go to do the dishes, and quietly Peter asks Margot to meet him out on the front porch. He goes to sit out there, scrolling through his phone until the front door opens and she joins him on the sofa.

“I want to ask your sister to marry me,” He says quickly, straight and to the point. He’s too afraid to look at her, worried that she may not agree or that she doesn’t like him as much as he was hoping she does.

Margot had always been the Covey he had the hardest time impressing. She was in Scotland when they first started dating, and when she came home she was less than impressed with him as a person.

He couldn’t really blame her.

“I want nothing more than for you to ask my sister to marry you,” She replies. It catches Peter off guard. “Look, I know you and I haven’t always seen eye to eye. Maybe I was harsh on you, maybe you really just needed to grow up. But you make my little sister happier than I’ve ever seen her, and that includes the grand opening of the bakery.”

Peter nods, folding his hands together.

“I love you for my sister, Peter. And I love the way that you treat her like she’s the most important thing in your life. You and Emmi bring her more happiness than you could ever realize, and I want nothing more than for you to marry her and buy her the most perfect ring and then have the most perfect wedding in the world that I can die over.”

Peter laughs. “I was so worried you were going to object,” He sighs, shaking his head. “You know out of all the Coveys you’re the one that makes me worry the most?” He smirks.

Margot laughs loudly. “I just want someone worthy for my little sister,” She smiles, patting Peter’s leg. “And you’re it. So you don’t have to be worried.”

“Well, thank you,” Peter smiles.

“You are going to ask my dad for permission though, right?”

“I’m not an idiot, Margot,” He smiles, laughing when Margot shoves him in the shoulder.

“Come on, let’s go make sure your kid and my sister haven’t somehow made the kitchen even messier.”

Peter smiles, following her back inside and into the chaos that is the weekend they’re spending together.

Peter doesn’t have any ideas or a timeframe of when he’s going to propose, but there’s something oddly settling about knowing he at least has Margot’s blessing that makes him feel like this is all a little bit more real, like Lara Jean being his fiancé and his wife will happen sooner rather than later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the sleepover finally happened!! hopefully it lived up to all of your expectations haha :)
> 
> UM YOU GUYS WERE TOO NICE TO ME LAST CHAPTER. i'm so glad you guys are enjoying this story i love you all so much bye I DON'T DESERVE ANY OF YOU.
> 
> thank you to Krypsze for suggesting the part where Lara Jean and Emmi are mistaken for mother and daughter! i couldn't resist adding it because their reactions were adorable to think about :)
> 
> i've made the decision to end this after the proposal (is that a spoiler? i feel like we all know it's coming), which is why there's now a last chapter instead of a question mark. BUT! the wedding planning/the wedding itself will ABSOLUTELY be written, and you won't have to wait for it! i'm going to post the same schedule i have been (aiming for twice a week right now, and i'm pretty sure i can stick to that!) so when this ends there won't be a wait to read the wedding, it'll just be a wait the same amount of time you wait between chapters now :) i feel like i'm explaining this horribly, but hopefully you get what i mean! i just feel like it's easier to split them up so that this doesn't end up being a million chapters :)
> 
> now that i've written the most long winded end note in the history of end notes, i will update very very soon! thank you for reading/commenting/leaving kudos i love you all :)
> 
> title of the chapter is from Ease My Mind by Ben Platt :)


	21. they don't make fairytales sweeter than ours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean starts sleeping over more, Peter asks some people a very important question and then enlists Owen and Kitty for help.

“I can’t believe someone really thought you were Emmi's mom.”

“Is it really that unbelievable?” Chris cuts in, swiping at some extra icing. “I mean, Emmi loves her and they act like they’re related all the time. It’s not _that_ far-fetched.”

“Except we don’t look alike. At all,” Lara Jean argues. Jenna points in her direction in agreement, smiling. “But it was whatever. Emmi thought it was hilarious, and I just went along with it because the woman was really nice and I didn’t want her to think I was being rude if I corrected her.”

Chris rolls her eyes, sliding into a chair at the table, watching the two of them work on some general baked goods for the display cases. “Face it, you’d love it if people thought that. It makes it easier on all of you,” She says. “Besides, I’m sure Peter loved it when you told him.”

Lara Jean blushes, ducking her head and focusing on icing the cupcakes in front of her. “He didn’t seem mad about it,” She mumbles.

Chris laughs, taking a tray of cupcakes to put in the fridge for the following day. “Look, the engagement is inevitable at this point. So are you ready for that? Or do you think maybe you two should stay in this weird dating phase for a little while longer.”

Lara Jean shakes out her hand, staring down at the cupcakes in front of her in a lame attempt to buy more time. She can feel Jenna’s eyes on her, and now that Nick’s come over to help she wishes that Chris would just drop it and let her talk about it another time. “I know we’ve only been back together for a few months really, but I’ve kind of never been more sure about wanting to marry him,” She says, forcing herself to look up. “This weekend just solidified it for me.”

“So your weekend away went well then?” Nick asks, reaching for a pastry bag in the middle of the table. “You didn’t long for the bakery the entire time you were in North Carolina?”

Lara Jean rolls her eyes. “I barely even thought about the bakery besides when I was checking in with you guys,” She says, and for the first time in a while it’s not a lie. “I just thought about being with my sister and spending time with Peter and Emmi, and the weekend away was kind of exactly what I needed.”

“You seem really rejuvenated,” Jenna comments, sincerity laced through her words. “I think the weekend away was the perfect timing. And if it brings an engagement…”

“We don’t know that it will bring one,” Lara Jean counters. It’s a desperate attempt to not get her hopes up.

“Lara Jean Song-Covey, if there is one thing I have learned from my far too many years of knowing Peter Kavinsky, it is that boy is head over heels in love with you. And he always has been,” Chris says firmly. “He looks at you so lovingly that it’s almost painful to watch, and somehow he’s even more hopeless now than he was in high school. He wants to marry you, and an engagement is coming sooner rather than later.”

“Did he tell you this?”

“Do you think he would?” She counters quickly.

Lara Jean shakes her head. She knows for a fact Peter wouldn’t — Chris is not great at not letting secrets accidentally slip out — but it has her thinking. Because if Peter is planning something, there’s still a very slim chance he would ask Chris for help.

“Good guess. Peter has learned that if he wants shit done for you, he does not tell me a thing about it. Because I will just tell you."

"Remind me to never tell you anything,” Nick smiles, finishing the last of his tray. “I don’t want you to spoil any surprise I have.”

“It’s a rare gift I’ve been blessed with being able to accidentally ruin people’s surprises,” Chris smiles, standing up to go back to her office.

They talk more about her weekend away and what happened at the bakery that weekend, where Lara Jean loves hearing about all the crazy customers and mishaps as long as they weren’t detrimental to business. And as she gets lost in conversation and talking about everything they did when visiting Margot, she realizes that trips like these are exactly what she wants for the rest of her life.

_______________________________

Lara Jean starts sleeping over during the week.

It’s not all that different from her spending the weekend there, besides the fact that during the week it’s less Lara Jean prolonging going into work and savoring the moment of Emmi curling up in between them in bed and more of them rushing around the kitchen trying to get lunches packed and coffee made and Emmi ready to go to school all without being late themselves.

Emmi adjusts far better than Lara Jean and Peter had prepared for, and they find that she often walks into the kitchen to Lara Jean finishing making her coffee, walking over to hug her legs and lean her weight against Lara Jean. “I didn’t know you were going to be here,” She mumbles, yawning loudly while Lara Jean stirs the cream in.

“I actually have to get to the bakery, babe,” She says, setting the spoon on a paper towel for Peter to use when he’s ready before turning to bend down to Emmi’s height. “I stayed later today so I could see you.”

“You did?” Emmi asks, rubbing her eyes. “Do you have time to do my hair before you leave?”

Lara Jean smiles, glancing at the clock and nodding. “I’ll go get your hair things, you sit at the table so your dad can get you breakfast,” She says quickly, walking down the hall and passing Peter.

“I’m going to do her hair before I leave,” She says quickly, standing up on her tip toes to kiss him.

She returns to the kitchen a minute later, sets Emmi’s hair ties and brush down on the kitchen table, and works expertly on french braids through Emmi’s curly hair while Emmi shovels cereal into her mouth at an alarming pace, Peter mumbling about how they’re _all_ going to be late if they don’t get a move on. Emmi declares she’s done her breakfast and wipes her mouth with her pajama sleeve just as Lara Jean ties off the last of her braids.

“Next time you're done, kid, ask for a napkin,” Peter sighs, Lara Jean stifling her laughs because she knows this is a constant battle between Emmi and Peter and her laughing is only going to egg Emmi on.

Emmi rolls her eyes, sliding off her chair and bringing her bowl to the sink, walking back over to hug Lara Jean. “Thank you for doing my hair, Lara Jean,” She says quickly, moving back to kiss her cheek. “Will I see you later today?”

Lara Jean glances over at Peter, who shrugs and nods. “Sure, as long as you and your dad come by the bakery this afternoon,” She nods, and Emmi seems to perk up at that. “You need to go finish getting ready. I’ll see you later. Have a good day at school, peanut, I love you.”

“Love you, Lara Jean, see you later,” She smiles, taking off down the hall to finish getting ready for school.

Peter takes a moment, pulling Lara Jean against him and kissing her softly. “I needed a moment among the chaos,” He mumbles, kissing her again.

“Your kid is going to have her shirt on backwards the entire day if you don’t go help her,” Lara Jean laughs, but she doesn’t make any attempts to move away.

Peter nods. “I know, but this weekend we’re going to my mom’s on Saturday which means I’m going to have to wait one more day to get a non-chaos type morning. Trying to savor this moment.”

Lara Jean nods, kissing him again. “Then we can look forward to Sunday,” She promises, squeezing his arm. “I’ll see you later today?” She asks.

Peter nods, stealing another kiss. “Have a good day, I love you.”

“Love you too,” Peter smiles, watching her for a moment as she grabs her things, running out the door for work as he goes to help Emmi.

He thinks he could get used to mornings like these.

_______________________________

There’s something about being back in his mom’s home that just feels comforting to Peter. It reminds him so much of those long nights in high school right after his dad had left where he began spending more time with his mom and got closer to his brother.

But it also reminds him of the first few nights after Juliet had left, when he took off work and drove the three hours with a 2 year old who cried the entire three hour drive just so he could be with his mom and she could tell him what he needed to do. He was lost, frantically trying to figure out how to raise a child alone while his now ex-girlfriend left the papers signing over parental rights solely to him.

Emmi arrived at her grandmother’s and immediately set off for the living room where her toys were neatly stacked in the corner, pulling them out one by one. Peter, who would normally tell her to take one thing out at a time, follows his mom to the kitchen and lets her make him a cup of tea.

“You look like you have something on your mind,” She smiles, sitting down at the kitchen table with him when their tea is done.

Peter laughs, taking a sip of his tea to buy time. So many events have happened in this kitchen, so many long nights and deep conversations between he and his mom that he almost feels safe in talking about anything within these four walls.

“I’m going to ask Lara Jean to marry me,” He says. It’s straight to the point, and it hangs in the air for a moment, the kitchen still as his mom digests what he just said.

“You’ve thought about this, haven’t you?” She says, but there’s a small smile on her face and Peter doesn’t think she believes this is the most insane idea he’s ever had.

And so he nods, twisting his mug between his hands. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while. But we went to Margot’s for the weekend a few weeks ago, and it kind of just felt right then. Emmi slots into her life so perfectly, she fits into our lives perfectly, and I know that if I hadn’t messed things up when we were in college I would’ve married her back then.”

His mom nods, taking a sip of her tea. “You know how much I love Lara Jean,” She says quietly. “And more than anything I love how happy you have been since you got back with her. For the last three years you’ve been putting Emmi first, which was the right thing to do, but now she’s older and you deserve to have someone in your life. And while I never thought it’d be Lara Jean, I’m so glad that it is.”

“So you’re saying I’m not totally insane for wanting to marry her after less than a year of dating?” He asks, feeling his shoulders relax when she laughs.

“I’m saying exactly that, Peter,” She nods. “For as protective as I was of you in high school when I thought maybe you’d be better off breaking up with her, Lara Jean is your soulmate if you believe in them. You are meant to be with her, and the universe bringing you back together proves that.”

He nods, but his heart kind of feels like it’s going to fly out of his chest thinking about how his mom — who has been known to be far too critical of his relationships — is totally on board with him proposing to Lara Jean. It’s what he wanted for the trip home, but now that she actually agreed, he feels like maybe this is all going _too_ well, like there’s something that will change all of this at the drop of a hat.

“Would you be able to watch Em for a little bit? I think maybe I should go talk to Dr. Covey,” He smiles. His mom immediately agrees, standing up to get something ready to eat for the three of them as she kisses the top of his head.

Peter scrolls through his phone until he finds Margot’s number, getting Dr. Covey’s number from her. His leg bounces against the hardwood floor when he calls, but he feels a little better knowing this is all a little more solidified than it had been that morning.

—

Standing on the doorstep of the Covey’s house waiting for Dr. Covey to answer makes Peter feel a little sick. Emmi was left in the more than capable hands of his mother, who assured him that everything would be fine and he was worrying for nothing. It didn’t stop him from freaking out, rubbing his hands on his khakis and suddenly realizing that he probably should’ve brought something over to them just to break the ice.

Dr. Covey opens the door, a wide smile on his face as he ushers Peter inside. Peter smiles, shaking his hand and hugging Trina, following them back into the living room he spent so many Friday nights watching movies with Lara Jean in.

“I thought maybe Lara Jean had hid that you guys were in town,” He says, causing Peter to laugh as he relaxes slightly.

“No, she’s at the bakery today. Just Emmi and I are back home for the day,” He says quietly. “Em’s with my mom now.”

“She was more than welcome to come with you! She’s a sweetheart, Peter,” Trina smiles, which makes Peter blush and he ducks his head, smiling.

“Thank you,” He says quietly, forcing himself to look up. “You met her on a good day. You can ask Margot how she was a few weeks ago when we went to visit. Had some less than stellar moments that time,” He smiles, and they both laugh.

There’s a lull in the conversation for a moment, and Peter swallows roughly, forcing the courage in him to just go for it. “I actually came over to ask you something,” He says, folding his hands together.

Dr. Covey and Trina smile at him, which he guesses is supposed to be comforting and help calm him down but it really does nothing to help.

“I wanted to ask your permission to ask Lara Jean to marry me,” He says as confidently as he can, which evidently isn’t as confident as he was hoping it would be. “Your daughter has always been one of the best things in my life, and now that we’re back together and she’s fit into my life and Emmi’s life so perfectly I know there’s nothing more I’d love to do than to spend the rest of my life with her.”

The room goes still for a moment, and for a half second Peter thinks about taking off and running to the bathroom to throw up or maybe just sprinting out the front door and driving away before he can hear the answer. But Dr. Covey and Trina share a glance and smile, and Dr. Covey leans forward, his eyes back on Peter.

“Peter, you know from the day I met you way back when you and Lara Jean were kids I liked you. And when you two started dating in high school, I was over the moon seeing how happy my daughter was,” He begins. Peter nods, forcing himself to keep staring at Dr. Covey. “I know there were a few rough patches, a few moments where you wish you could’ve been better, but you found your way back to each other.”

“Look, the bakery was Lara Jean’s dream. She agonized over it, spent months planning it, and when it opened I wasn’t sure that she’d ever feel this sort of happiness again in her life. And then she met you again,” He smiles, Peter pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and watches Trina take her husband’s hand. “Peter, you make her the happiest I have ever seen her. You always have. And I would love nothing more than for you to ask her to marry you.”

Peter smiles, sitting up a little straighter and feeling a million times better after hearing that. “Thank you so much,” He smiles, reaching forward to shake his hand again.

Dr. Covey smiles, shaking his hand firmly. “You’re welcome, Peter.”

“I personally think you’re perfect for Lara Jean, but I’ll only be fully on board with this engagement when you bring Emmi over more often to hang out. Lara Jean she says she’s hilarious,” Trina smiles.

Peter laughs, nodding immediately. “Of course. I didn’t bring her today because if she knew I was going to ask Lara Jean to marry me she would spoil the surprise, but we’ll be back very soon to see you guys and hang out.”

Dr. Covey and Trina both promise that they’re going to hold him to that, and after sharing a beer with Dr. Covey Peter leaves the house with hugs and handshakes, promising that they’d all be back down soon to hang out with them.

He returns back to his mom’s house just as she and Emmi are getting dinner out on the table, Emmi running over and jumping into his arms. “Grandma and I played CandyLand, Daddy! And I won!”

“You did?” Peter asks, looking over at his mom as she puts the salad out in the middle of the table. “You always win, that’s not fair.”

“Guess I’m just the best,” She shrugs, Peter and his mom both laughing as she slides out of his grasp, walking over to pull herself up into his chair.

“Everything go okay?” His mom asks quietly, hand brushing across his back when she sets his wine glass in front of him.

He turns back, smiling. “He said yes,” He says quietly, his mom squeezing just above his shoulder blades, sitting down to join them at dinner.

He focuses his attention back on Emmi and her stories of her afternoon with his mom, but there’s this constant reminder in the back of his mind that he’s going to ask his best friend to marry him, and that alone makes him more excited than he’s been in years.

_______________________________

The hardest part of deciding to ask Lara Jean to marry him is figuring out how to ask Emmi about it. He feels like he’s treading this thin line of talking to her about it without her spoiling the surprise, and not telling her at all and risk her objecting to the thought of Lara Jean being in their lives so permanently.

So he decides he needs to tell her, and then reads a thousand forums and articles online the night before he decides to talk to her. He brings home Chick Fil A for dinner, which Emmi is of course excited about, and he listens to her talk about her day for a while before plucking up the courage to ask her.

“Emmi, can we talk about something for a few minutes?” He asks when there’s a lull in the conversation. Emmi takes another bite of her chicken, looking over at her dad and nodding.

“So, you know how Lara Jean has been spending more time with us? Sleeping over, coming over for dinner more often?” He begins, his leg shaking under the table. Emmi reaches for a napkin, nodding again. “How would you feel if I asked her to marry me?”

Emmi’s quiet for a moment, taking an agonizingly long time to chew her bite of chicken before she swallows and nods. “Like she’d live with us forever?”

Peter laughs. “Well, yeah,” He says, resting his arms on the table. “But we’d have a wedding and she’d be in our lives forever.”

“Would she be like my new mom?”

Peter bites his lip, unsure how to answer the question. “Emmi, I know your mom hasn’t been in your life, and I know that you don’t really remember her,” He begins, making it up as he goes and praying he’s doing it right. “And if you want Lara Jean to be that mother figure for you, I think that’s something you need to ask her. But your relationship with Lara Jean wouldn’t change from how it is now. She’d just live with us and you’d see her all the time instead of just a few times a week.”

Emmi seems to mull it over for a minute, resting her head in her hand as she looks back at him. “Would you and me still do things alone?” She asks. “Like we do now? Go on dates and stuff?”

Peter’s face spreads into a smile, reaching over to rest his hand on hers. “Of course we’ll still do things alone. I promise you nothing is going to change between us. We can still go on dates and adventures and I’m always going to be here for you, Em. That’s not going to change.”

Emmi nods, taking another bite of chicken as she smiles. “I want you to marry Lara Jean, Daddy,” She says, sliding off her chair to walk over and pull herself up onto Peter’s lap, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “I want her to be with us forever.”

Peter feels his heart swell, squeezing Emmi a little tighter against his chest. “I love you, Emmi, you know that? You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Without a doubt, the _best_ thing.”

Emmi pulls back, her hands resting on his cheeks as she smiles. “I love you too, Daddy,” She says quietly, kissing him before sliding off his lap to go finish her dinner.

Peter sits with her for a while, listening to her talk about her day and how excited she is about her dance recital coming up, and while his mind is racing with thoughts about how his daughter seems to be just as excited as he is, he knows that as long as he has these little moments like these his life is going to be pretty great.

_______________________________

“Owen said that he wants some help with picking out a present for his girlfriend’s birthday,” Peter begins, sitting on the sofa next to Lara Jean to pull on his shoes. “Are you sure you don’t mind staying with her?”

Lara Jean smiles, resting her hand on Peter’s back. “You know there’s nothing else I’d rather do than spend the afternoon with Emmi, right? We’re going to get into so much trouble together and you’re not going to be here to worry about it.”

“Okay, well that _does_ make me worry,” Peter smirks, looking over his shoulder to his girlfriend. “But I’m going to choose to believe that you’ll be a responsible adult taking care of my daughter while I’m gone.”

Lara Jean laughs, leaning forward to kiss Peter. “Of course I will be,” She smiles, squeezing his arm. “Just know that we’re going to have the most fun.”

Peter nods, standing up and walking down the hall to say goodbye to Emmi. “I’ll be back after I’m done helping Uncle Owen, okay?” He says from her doorway. Emmi looks up from her toys, nodding.

“It’s just me and Lara Jean here?”

Peter nods. “Be good, please Em. I’m sure you two will have fun, but I don’t want to hear that you were a brat.”

Emmi rolls her eyes. “I’m always good, Daddy,” She reminds him, and then sits up a little straighter. “Bye, I love you.”

“Love you too, kid,” He laughs, turning back from the doorway and walking back down the hall.

He says goodbye to Lara Jean, kissing her a few times and promising that he’ll be home soon, and then drives immediately to the train station where Kitty and Owen are waiting for him.

He _does_ feel a little bad lying to Emmi and Lara Jean about what he was doing, but he can’t just come out and say that he’s ring shopping without giving the surprise away, and so he figures this instance is fine to tell a little white lie.

“I can’t believe you’ve roped us into helping you ring shop,” Owen says when he slides into the passenger seat, Kitty giving Peter a high five when she slides into the back. “Do you know that both of us have lives at school?”

“You both said yes to coming immediately,” Peter argues. “Besides, I’m paying you in lunch and I’ll give you alcohol next time you both drive to the city.”

“Does Lara Jean know you’re bribing me with alcohol?” Kitty smirks, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Lara Jean obviously doesn’t know about this, and you’re not going to tell her,” Peter replies quickly, glancing back at Kitty in the rearview mirror.

“Relax, Kavinsky. I’m not going to ruin the surprise of my sister’s life,” Kitty rolls her eyes, leaning back in her seat.

Peter nods, lets Owen turns up the music in the car, and drives across town towards the jewelry store hoping that asking Owen and Kitty for help isn’t the worst idea he’s had in years.

—

It turns out that it’s not the worst idea he’s had in years. Owen and Kitty are freakishly knowledgable about engagement rings and what Lara Jean would like, Kitty declares that she has the same size fingers as Lara Jean so they can use her finger for sizing, and although Peter is completely overwhelmed by the amount of engagement rings he had to choose from he finds that it’s a lot easier with their input.

He somehow narrows it down to two options, his eyes flicking back and forth between the two rings sitting in front of him. Owen and Kitty give their opinions, both agreeing on the same ring, and although Peter thinks that one is his favorite he takes a moment, wanting to make sure he made the best decision.

“Peter, I know my sister better than anyone,” Kitty cuts in, standing on one side of him as he stares at the rings. “She’s not going to want anything that’s too huge or flashy. It’s just not her style and you know that. This one is more her. It’s just big enough, but it’s not huge and it’s not going to overpower her finger.”

Peter sighs, tapping his fingers against the glass as he bites on the corner of his lip. “You’re positive this is the one she’d want?” He asks timidly, looking between Kitty and Owen. “Because I want to get this perfect, and I really do like both of them.”

Kitty’s face spreads into a grin, clapping Peter on the back roughly. “I promise you, this one is the one she’ll like more,” She says, and when Peter turns to Owen he smiles.

“Kitty’s right, Peter. This one is much more Lara Jean’s style. You know this, you’re just overthinking it.”

Peter rolls his eyes, but nods anyway and lets the jeweler know which one they chose. The man smiles, getting everything ready to go and congratulating Peter as he hands him the bag that the engagement ring is now in.

He leads Owen and Kitty out of the jeweler, walking down the busy streets and into the diner he’s taken Emmi to so many times before. He figures it’s the least he can do to thank them for coming, but when the slide into the booth and Kitty is smirking at him, he’s immediately regretting this decision.

“Now you just have to figure out how you’re going to propose,” She says, her attention shifting back and forth between staring at him and her menu.

Peter audibly groans, rolling his eyes. It had been the one thing he was agonizing over, the one gesture that he could never figure out what was right. The only thing he was sure about was that Lara Jean wouldn’t want anything public, nothing where strangers to watch. Frankly, he isn’t sure his nerves could take that.

“What if we helped you?” Owen offers, able to tell that his brother was stressed about this. “Like you take her on a date, Kitty and I will stay with Em and we could decorate the living room so when you guys get back you can propose? We would obviously hide so that it’d just be the two of you there.”

“Remember how we hid and filmed my dad and Trina’s engagement?” Kitty says. She’s much more serious now, watching Peter nod. “We could be down the hall filming it for you and Lara Jean, so that she’d always have the memory to watch over and over like you’ll know she want to. I think we could get Em to be quiet and watch along with us.”

“If she says no? Then Em would have to watch,” Peter sighs. He thanks the waitress when she brings them all water.

“Honestly, Peter, if you say she’s going to say no one more time I’m done helping you,” Kitty says. Owen nods in agreement, and Peter apologizes quietly. “She’s going to say yes, and Emmi will be over the moon and it’ll just be the five of us there to celebrate. We can celebrate with the whole family later once it’s died down.”

“You have to FaceTime Margot to watch,” Peter concedes after a minute, looking over at the two of them. “I don’t think she’d forgive us if she missed the moment.”

Kitty smiles widely, nodding immediately. “You have yourself a deal,” She agrees, and suddenly Peter can’t decide if he’s more excited or stressed for all of this to happen.

It was on thing envisioning it, talking about how he was ready and he wanted Lara Jean to be his wife, but now that he bought the ring and he’s sitting in a dingy diner he loves more than anything across from his brother and Lara Jean’s sister planning how he’s going to propose, it all feels real.

He finds he’s far more excited for her to say yes than he is nervous. And maybe that’s enough for him to feel confident it’s all going to be absolutely perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel obligated to tell you guys that the proposal isn't next chapter, so don't get too excited yet! next chapter has some things that i really wanted to add in/some things i felt were necessary before we got to the proposal! but it's coming! 
> 
> thank you all SO MUCH for all your love on last chapter i literally couldn't believe it? i don't deserve any of it? YOU'RE ALL TOO NICE TO ME bye i love you all <3 <3 <3
> 
> more very soooon :) thank you for always being so nice about this fic i'm so glad you guys are loving it as much as i'm loving writing it!
> 
> title of the chapter is from Take The World by Johnnyswim :)


	22. a long way from the playground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean and Mrs. Kavinsky go out for lunch, Emmi has her dance recital, and Owen reassures his brother.

Peter has every intention of proposing as soon as possible.

The ring is hidden deep in the top drawer of his dresser, so far back that there isn’t a chance that Lara Jean would stumble upon it for some reason. He feels like it's burning a hole there, mocking him, waiting for him to pick the perfect weekend to do this, to make this all official.

He’s almost just abandoned his plans plenty of times, pulled it out when Lara Jean is half asleep eating popcorn on his sofa and asking her to marry him right there. He stops himself, tells himself that she’d want the romantic gesture and that he could hold off a little while longer, and always pulled himself closer to her to watch the rest of the movie.

Spring turned into summer, Emmi’s school year was quickly winding down, and Lara Jean was still not his fiancé.

Even Kitty was getting on his case now, constantly sending texts and peppering him with phone calls about how he really needed to get to it soon because it was getting harder to hide the secret about the ring in his top drawer.

He promised he’d do it right after Emmi’s ballet recital and her kindergarten party for the end of the year.

His mom comes to town for the recital on Friday afternoon, but Peter is stuck at work in meetings so Lara Jean offers to meet her for lunch in between orders she had been working on at the bakery. Peter seems excited about it, which in turn makes Lara Jean feel a lot less nervous about a one on one lunch with his mom.

She stops by the bakery, smiling when Lara Jean comes out from the back ready to go. “You’ll have to let me know what is Emmi’s favorite so I can give her one after her recital tonight,” She smiles, hugging Lara Jean.

“She will eat anything you give her from here, but I’ll make sure you get her absolute favorite,” She promises, grabbing her bag to go to the restaurant.

They go to a salad place just down the road, finding a table in the back and ordering drinks. Lara Jean was grateful that she was busy all morning and didn’t have time to think about this lunch, but now that she’s sitting across from her she feels like her heart is going to leap out of her chest.

“Peter seemed pretty happy that we were meeting for lunch,” She smiles, which somehow makes her even more nervous. “He said he thought it’d be good that we spent one on one time together.”

Lara Jean nods, trying to smile without feeling like she’s grimacing. “When I told him about it this morning he seemed really excited, too,” She nods, tapping her fingers against the table. “I’m glad I was able to meet you today. It’s really nice to have some alone time without Peter and Emmi here,” She says, hoping it sounds much more convincing than it feels.

Mrs. Kavinsky smiles. “I’m glad we could have some alone time, too,” She says sincerely, the pause in the conversation not feeling nearly as awkward as it could have been.

“I guess I just wanted to say thank you,” His mom begins again once they’ve ordered, taking a sip of her drink and folding her hands on the table. “I’ve always wanted Peter to have someone like you in his life, and he’s had a really rough few years. I was hoping that someone like you would come around, but you finding him again has been the blessing I was too afraid to hope for.”

Lara Jean smiles, feeling the tension leave her shoulders. “He’s helped me just as much, trust me. I was feeling a little lost moving back up here from North Carolina. I spent a lot of time wondering if I had made the right decision. He and Emmi kind of came into my life at the perfect time.”

“I don’t know how much he told you about Juliet, or if he told you anything, but her leaving the way that she did shook his world,” Mrs. Kavinsky says quietly, twirling the wrapper to her straw between her fingers. “He had had such a hard time with his dad leaving when you guys were in high school, but I don’t think he ever expected someone he had a child with to leave in such a similar way.“

"He and Emmi moved back here to be closer so I could help out a little more, but for a while I worried that I wouldn’t ever get to see my son the way that he was before Juliet left. Things weren’t perfect between the two of them, but,” She pauses, her eyes falling. “He was making it work. For Emmi.”

Lara Jean nods, unsure of what to say or if this was her place to talk.

“Emmi talks about you as if you hung the moon. She doesn’t remember all that much of Juliet, and when she got to school and there were events that her friends would be with their moms it was hard for Peter to watch,” Mrs. Kavinsky sighs. “He’s told me how you take Emmi to things now. And Lara Jean, I can’t tell you how much that means to him to know that Emmi doesn’t have to feel like she’s being left out of these things.”

“I know it’s not my job to be that mother figure for Emmi,” Lara Jean says quietly. “But I don’t mind it. I grew up without my mom, too. I want her to be able to do anything she wants, even if that means I take her because she doesn’t want Peter to. I love both of them, and I would do anything to make sure that they were both happy.”

Mrs. Kavinsky smiles, reaching over to rest her hands on Lara Jean’s. “I can’t thank you enough for that. All he’s ever wanted was for Emmi to be able to do everything that he didn’t get to do when his dad left, but I don’t think he ever thought this would be the outcome he got no matter how hard he dreamed about it,” She smiles, the sincerity visible behind her eyes as she looks at Lara Jean. “I liked Juliet, I really did. And when he told me that they were having a kid together I was caught off guard, but I tried to be happy for them. But she was no you,” She says. “She _is_ no you.”

Lara Jean feels her cheeks flush, shaking her head. “I’m just glad I found him again,” She says truthfully. “I’m glad that we both gave it another chance to work.”

Mrs. Kavinsky squeezes her hands again, pulling away as the waitress brings back their salads. They shift into a conversation about work and their lives, and although Lara Jean feels far more relaxed than she had been when they first sat down, all she can think about is how much she has changed Peter’s life without realizing it.

She’s always known she was lucky to find Peter again and be able to work things out, but there’s something that shifts in her when she talks to Mrs. Kavinsky. She’s never been more sure about things, more content and confident that even on the toughest days, being back with Peter and this involved in his life is absolutely the best decision she could have ever made.

_______________________________

Peter’s oddly proud of the small cheering section that’s piled into the high school auditorium for Emmi’s ballet recital on a Friday night. Gabe canceled his plans to be there, his mom and Owen arrived earlier that afternoon. Lara Jean made sure she was done work in time, Kitty is home from school for the weekend and made a a pitstop to watch the recital with everyone, Dr. Covey and Trina came into the city to see it, and even Chris had come before her date with a guy she met at a bar the weekend before, stating that there was absolutely no way she was missing a bunch of 5 year olds attempt to dance at the same time on a big stage.

He knew Emmi was going to be excited, if not for the fact that she had a small army there to support her, then definitely for the flowers Lara Jean had stopped to get in a mad rush to get to the recital on time.

“You really didn’t have to stop and get her those,” Peter whispers when they’re settled in their seats, leaning over to kiss her. “I figured we’d take her out for ice cream or something after this and after she sees everyone who came for her.”

Lara Jean smiles, reaching her hand over to interlace their fingers. “Who says we can’t do both?” She asks, laughing when Peter rolls his eyes. “Oh come on, babe, it’s not every day she has her very first dance recital.”

“She’s going to come to expect it every dance recital,” Peter argues weakly, squeezing their hands together.

“So then we make it a tradition. The three of us will go for ice cream after every dance recital,” Lara Jean counters, and Peter nods in agreement mostly because he stop thinking about how she made it so obvious that they're just going to be together forever. That they can start new traditions and she’s going to be there for all of them.

The recital starts, and when it’s Emmi’s turn all of the group collectively starts filming it as if one person would miss something if they didn’t all record. Peter watches over his phone, stifling his laughs at the group of beginners who definitely don’t remember their routine and almost all feel more than nervous about being up on stage in front of all the people in the audience.

He looks down the row, finds that they’re all doing the same, and then shifts his attention back to Emmi. Who is eating up the spotlight like he had a feeling she would. She looks at her instructor a few times, but mostly dances to the music without needing any help and for a moment Peter feels like he’s about to just start sobbing in the middle of this auditorium surrounded by a million strangers.

“It’s emotional, huh?” His mom says from the other side of him when the dance is over and their phones are all put away. She squeezes his thigh, giving him a comforting smile that makes him feel a little more reassured that it wasn’t only him feeling like this. “She’s growing up so fast, and she’s a little star. I’m proud of you, my love. You’re doing an amazing job,” She whispers.

Peter spends the next few minutes trying _not_ to sob at his mom’s words, but the sentiment isn’t lost on him and he finds himself just embracing the moment more than anything.

—

“There’s my little ballerina!” Peter smiles as he walks backstage, he, Lara Jean and his mom going to meet her. Emmi turns around and gasps, running towards them and jumping into Peter’s arms, letting him kiss her cheek before she hugs him. “You did amazing, baby girl! We’re all so proud of you!”

“You were so good, peanut! You really did know all your moves, didn’t you?” Lara Jean smiles, handing Emmi the flowers.

“I told you I did, Lara Jean. I was so good, wasn’t I?” She asks, smelling the flowers held firmly in her hands.

“You were, babe.”

“My granddaughter is the best ballerina I’ve ever seen,” Mrs. Kavinsky smiles, laughing when Emmi laughs and nods in agreement, leaning over to hug her.

His mom insists of getting a picture of the three of them together, which Emmi immediately agrees to. “So we can put it in our house, Daddy!” She says, and Peter nods, situating Emmi on his hip as Lara Jean stands on the other side of Emmi, the three of them smiling for the camera while his mom snaps a few photos.

“I want Lara Jean to help me get changed,” Emmi insists once she’s wriggled from Peter’s grasp, still holding onto her flowers.

Peter nods, kissing both Lara Jean and Emmi quickly and letting him know that he’d be out with the group waiting for them.

His mom finds Dr. Covey and Trina and goes to talk to them, and instinctively Peter goes to talk to Gabe and Chris, who had been catching up on everything they had missed in the last few years since they had seen each other.

“Your daughter has the biggest fan section here, and it’s not even close,” Chris smirks when he joins their circle. “I can’t believe a 5 year old can have this many people come see her.”

“What can I say, she’s as popular as her dad,” He smiles, leaning back against the wall. “Thank you guys for coming though, seriously. She’s going to be really happy to see you guys.”

“We wouldn’t have missed it, Kavinsky,” Gabe smiles. “Or at least I wouldn’t have. Em is my favorite Kavinsky, and it’s not even close.”

“Have to say I agree with Gabe on this one,” Chris agrees, smiling. There’s a lull in the conversation, and then Chris looks back at Peter. “So, when are you going to propose to Lara Jean? Or are you just stringing us all along for the torture factor?”

Peter laughs, running his fingers through his hair awkwardly. “Tomorrow,” He says quietly, giving a sheepish smile when both Gabe and Chris stare at him shocked.

“Wait, are you deciding this on a whim? Is this sarcasm? I swear, Kavinsky, you won’t be seeing tomorrow if you’re kidding,” Chris threatens.

“He’s totally serious, look at his face,” Gabe says, promptly punching Peter in the arm. “Peter, what the fuck? How long have you been planning this?”

Peter smiles softly, shoving his hands into the pockets of his pants. “I bought the ring a little while ago,” He confesses, looking around to make sure no one else is listening. He pulls his phone from his pocket, scrolling through his texts with his mom until he finds a picture of the rings show them.

“The ring is so pretty. She’s going to love it,” Chris smiles, and for the first time in a while Peter didn’t detect any sarcasm behind her words.

“Damn, Peter. I didn’t think you’d have this good taste,” Gabe teases, handing him his phone back.

“Owen and Kitty helped me. I kept it a secret because I didn’t want Lara Jean to see me texting about it or Emmi to overhear and say something and ruin everything.”

Chris and Gabe share a glance, both nodding when they understood where he was coming from. “So you’re really doing it tomorrow? You have a plan?” Gabe asks.

Peter nods, eyes flicking between Chris and Gabe and the door that Lara Jean and Emmi are going to becoming out of, sighing. “Yeah. Owen and Kitty are taking Emmi for me, Lara Jean and I are going to dinner and then we’re going to come back to the apartment. They’re going to decorate the living room for me and then hide down the hall and I’m going to propose.”

“Damn, Kavinsky. I didn’t think you had it in you to be that romantic,” Chris smirks. Peter rolls his eyes, thinks about reminding her that he was _very_ romantic in high school, and then decides against it.

“You’re really going to go for it, right?” Gabe asks, and Peter nods immediately. “Because I know you like to second guess things, but this is literally something you’ve been more than ready for. And I want to know immediately after she says yes.”

“I do too. Not that I think Lara Jean will make me wait long.”

Peter rolls his eyes, nodding. “I promise we’ll tell you both right away.” He says, and before they can grill him on not bringing them to pick out the ring Lara Jean and Emmi walk out, Emmi still holding her flowers while Lara Jean carries her bag full of her ballet clothes.

Peter watches as everyone showers her in love and tells her how great she was, Emmi at the middle of all the compliments beaming with pride as she hugs everyone. He looks around at not only his family being there, but Lara Jean’s family and their friends, and he finds it all a little bit overwhelming that somehow, someway, Emmi also benefitted from all of this.  
She was gaining a lot more family than he could’ve ever imagined for her, and it’s in this moment that he really begins to believe all those sleepless nights and hours of anxiety wondering how he was ever going to be able to raise her right were absolutely worth it.

Because it led them right to this moment.

_______________________________

Just like Lara Jean and Peter agreed to, they do take Emmi out for ice cream.

Owen decides he’s going to spend the night in the city, taking Peter’s key off of him while Kitty takes Lara Jean’s, the two of them heading out to dinner with Dr. Covey, Trina, and Mrs. Kavinsky.

Peter orders their ice cream while Lara Jean and Emmi go to sit down at a table, talking about her recital and how excited she is to do more dance classes. “As long as I can keep playing soccer,” She insists, which makes Lara Jean smile.

“I think that’s more than possible, love,” Lara Jean says, and Emmi nods, her eyes widening when Peter sets her ice cream down in front of her.

“I didn’t know so many people were going to come watch me,” Emmi says around a bite of ice cream. “I thought it was just going to be you guys and Uncle Owen and Grandma.”

“Everyone wanted to see you dance!” Lara Jean says, which Emmi laughs at and nods quickly, taking another bite.

“Did you like having everyone there?” Peter asks.

Emmi nods, taking a minute to swallow her bite of ice cream. “I said thank you to everyone, Daddy. And I told them I was really happy that they came.”

Peter smiles, reaching over to push a piece of hair away from Emmi’s face. “I’m so proud of you, kiddo,” He says sincerely, finishing the rest of his ice cream while Emmi talked about the recital.

They drop Lara Jean off at home after, a million goodbyes between the three of them before Peter begins making his way home. Emmi is dozing in and out in her car seat, the music playing quietly as he navigates rush hour traffic while trying to distract his mind from the fact that the following day, his life is going to change forever.

For the first time in a very long time, he’s more excited than nervous.

_______________________________

Emmi doesn’t protest bedtime that evening, letting Peter bathe her and get her changed before she crawls underneath the blankets. She reads the first part of the chapter until her yawns become more frequent than the reading, and Peter finishes off the rest of the chapter as she slumps against his arm, drifting off quietly.

Owen is waiting in the living room for him when he returns, handing him a beer he got from the fridge.

He doesn’t say anything, but Peter isn’t an idiot and so he opens his beer and waits for the conversation he knows his brother can’t wait to have.

“Tonight is the last moment the two of us have together before you’re engaged,” Owen finally says, smile hidden behind his beer.

“She could say no,” Peter counters, but it’s a weak argument and he knows he absolutely deserves the eye rolling he receives from his younger brother who looks far too much like him at this stage in their lives.

“She’s not going to say no, and the pessimistic worrying about it is getting old, bro,” Owen smirks. “You have no reason to be nervous. If anything, this is a slam dunk. Her family came to Em’s recital, Peter. A casual relationship doesn’t have that happen. It just doesn’t.”

Peter nods, making a mental note to thank Dr. Covey and Trina for driving into the city on a Friday to come to a dance recital for a kid that isn’t related to them.

The silence falls over the two of them for a moment, Peter finishes off his beer and looks back at his brother. “You and Kitty know what you’re doing tomorrow once I leave?” He asks, to which Owen nods immediately.

“We’re going to fill Em in on what’s going on, go to the store and buy some flowers that Kitty knows Lara Jean loves, make it look super romantic and put together in this apartment, and then you’re going to tell us when you’re almost home so we can hide.”

“I need you to film it, but I can’t have Emmi making noise. Lara Jean probably wouldn’t want to know you guys are watching.”

“Emmi is very good at staying quiet to surprise someone, I’ll have you know,” Owen reminds his brother. “When we surprised Mom for her birthday when Emmi was 3 she stayed quiet the entire time until it was time to jump out and say happy birthday.”

Peter laughs at the memory, his brain flooding back all these memories of tiny 3 year old Emmi, who’s curls were unruly and she and Peter were still getting used to being alone and in a new city. They had snuck home for the weekend, even took the train so that he didn’t have to worry about his mom seeing his car, and the three of them along with some family members crouched down in the living room, hiding until their aunt had brought their mom home.

She cried a lot, Emmi bounced from family member to family member before finally landing at her grandmother’s feet, smiling as she hugged her tightly and proudly boasted that they had kept this a secret the whole time and she didn’t give it away.

He was more than confident that she could do the same tomorrow.

“Can you believe I’m actually going to do this?” He asks quietly, tapping his fingers against his thigh. “Like somehow Lara Jean is back in my life, and tomorrow I’m going to ask her to marry me.”

He hears Owen laugh quietly beside him, his beer being set down on the end table beside him. “No, I really can’t believe that tomorrow you’re going to ask Lara Jean to marry you,” He confesses. “But I have to be honest, I’m really glad it is her you’re asking and not Juliet.”

Peter thinks he should be a lot more upset about this statement than he is. He thinks maybe he should’ve wanted to marry the mother of his daughter, the girl who he was with for a while in college and after.

But he’s not mad at the statement because he feels the same way. Because although there was a time in his life when he loved Juliet, where he saw himself working it out so that they could be together for Emmi’s sake at the very least, he’s never going to be able to forgive her for what she did to not only him, but mostly to Emmi.

Because the little girl asleep down the hall didn’t deserve to have her mother leave in the middle of the night because things were getting tough. She didn’t deserve to have to miss out on things because her dad wasn't able to take her or they couldn’t swing it the first few years.

They’re in a much better place now, and although he would never get over Juliet leaving without saying a word to Emmi or even making an effort to stay in her life, Lara Jean is there now. And she has stepped into this role of being a mother figure for Lara Jean without Peter asking, and she’s so natural at it that most of the time Peter takes a step back and watches, falling in love with how much they love each other.

“I’m really glad it’s Lara Jean, too,” He says quietly, leaning his head back against the cushions.

He watches a movie with Owen until the younger Kavinsky is dozing in and out on his side of the sofa. Peter wakes him up just enough so he can go get ready for bed, returning to find his makeshift bed on the sofa set up by Peter while he was gone.

They say their goodnights, Peter quietly tip toes down the hall and into his bedroom after checking on Emmi, getting ready for bed himself.

And while sleep doesn’t come immediately, he realizes he’s falling asleep without nerves coursing through his body and his brain not thinking about what could go wrong.

Tomorrow he’s going to ask his best friend to marry him, and there isn’t a doubt in his mind that it’s going to be a moment they're going to want to remember forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is shorter than normal but! NEXT CHAPTER IS PROPOSAL CHAPTER! and i mostly just wanted a little setup before the proposal haha.
> 
> thank you guys so so so much for reading/leaving comments/kudos every single time like i know i say it all the time but?? you guys are seriously the best i don't deserve any of you <3 
> 
> and a thank you to @ownthesunshine, who suggested the conversation between Mrs. K and Lara Jean about Juliet. it was too good not to resist putting in :)
> 
> the final chapter of this fic will be up monday or tuesday, and then i'll start with the engagement/wedding fic a few days after!! 
> 
> title of the chapter is from 18 by One Direction :)


	23. one last ditch a new beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter pops the question :)
> 
> (aka does this chapter even need a summary!?)

The ring is hidden in his pants pocket.

It kind of feels like it’s burning a hole there, but he couldn’t fathom hiding it in the living room and somehow having it go missing between the three hands that would be in his apartment while he was gone. It’s not that he would blame any of them, but on the list of things he wants to have happen when he proposes, he doesn’t think losing the ring is one of those things.

Lara Jean looks gorgeous, wearing a new dress she treated herself to at the insistence of Chris that morning when they snuck away from the bakery for a few hours. He sends Chris a text thanking her when they’re at a red light, and Chris just replies with the winking emoji and a text that read _my girl had to look good for the night she gets engaged!_

He hides his smile, pocketing his phone.

He takes Lara Jean’s hand as they walk down the street towards the restaurant from the parking garage, soaking in the warm early summer air and the gorgeous orange sunset it brought over the horizons. He remembers this always being Lara Jean’s favorite time of year, when the sun hung in the sky a little longer and the crickets would chirp in the evening, cool breezes brushing through after warm afternoons.

She looks gorgeous, her nails freshly painted and the heels she had once been terrible walking in now suddenly seem to be like they’re sneakers to her.

Peter kind of wonders if he should feel more nervous. He doesn’t know many of his friends who’ve proposed yet, but the ones that had all said how nervous they were in the moments leading up to it, how they almost just abandoned their plans and went straight to asking their girlfriends instead. He doesn’t feel like that, at least not right now. Now he walks hand in hand with the girl he’s going to ask to marry him in a few hours, and there aren’t these insane nerves coursing through his body, more just peace that he’s finally doing this.

They’re led to a table, Peter pulling out Lara Jean’s seat for her before sitting on the opposite side from her. “I can’t believe we’re at such a fancy place and we’re not even celebrating anything,” She smiles when she picks up her menu. “Usually we at least come to somewhere like this when we’re celebrating something.”

Peter has half a mind to say that they’re pre-celebrating, but somehow controls himself to not give the surprise away. “We should treat ourselves to nicer dates like this more often,” He declares boldly, looking through the menu himself. “I mean treating ourselves once in a while can’t be bad, right?”

“Like that _Parks and Rec_ episode?” Lara Jean smiles. “Treat yo self.”

Peter laughs, rolling his eyes. He’s seen that episode about a million times, and half of them have been with her. “Yes, exactly like that. Except treating ourselves involves fancy restaurants and not frivolous items we find on Amazon.”

“Ah, yes, we’ve definitely grown from our days of blindly ordering things off Amazon just to see what comes.”

“We did end up with a lot of shit, didn’t we?” Peter smiles, reminded of the time in college when they would send cheap things off Amazon to each other. They were mostly broke, probably should’ve been using their money to buy other things, but it became a game to see who could get the other person something equally as ridiculous as the last thing.

He spent the first few months after the breakup coming across suggested items to send to her on his Amazon, and resisted sending all of them.

They both order their dinners, Peter splurges and gets them both glasses of wine — not enough to make Lara Jean drunk — and he’s so enthralled and in love with being in a fancy restaurant with the most beautiful woman he’s ever been with in his life that he doesn’t have it in him to worry about how Kitty, Owen and Emmi are doing setting everything up in the apartment.

_______________________________

Owen holds his niece’s hand firmly in the middle of the florists shop, the two of them aimlessly following Kitty around. “Her favorite flowers are peonies, so we should get some of them,” She says, which mostly just sounds like gibberish to Owen and he’s fairly sure Emmi isn’t understanding any of it either.

“So Daddy is going to ask Lara Jean to marry him tonight?” Emmi asks, tugging on Owen’s hand to get his attention. “And we’re going to be there?”

Owen nods quickly, eyes moving between her and Kitty, who’s moving at a faster pace now that she’s spotted the flower she needs. “Yes, but when they get home we have to be really quiet. They can’t know that we’re there, okay? Think you can do that?”

“Uh huh!” Emmi nods immediately, attention shifting from her uncle over to Kitty, who was talking with the florist about how many flowers she was going to need. “I’m not going to ruin the surprise Uncle Owen, I promise.”

Owen nods, laughing when he hears Kitty order rose petals as the florist walks away. She turns to him and shrugs. “She said she’d throw them in for free. I think she’s realizing that we’re in way over our heads here,” She insists, waving her hand as she rolls her eyes.

The florist returns with a bag of rose petals and the peonies Kitty had ordered, and Kitty hands over Owen’s debit card that Peter had transferred money over to before they left that afternoon. “He’s paying me back,” He says when Kitty realizes he’s using his own card, not that the flowers were anything that Owen couldn’t handle paying for himself.

They stop by the party store on the way home, standing far too long in the engagement aisle and earning more than a few stares from other people in the store who definitely thought they were there for themselves.

“We can’t be too obvious," Owen insists, glancing down at Emmi, who’s sitting on the floor staring at the decorations while growing more restless by the minute. “He's not going to want to walk in and have it be spelled out that he’s proposing.”

“Not that Lara Jean is the smartest when it comes to stuff about love, but even I don’t think she’s going to look a the flowers and the candles and not realize that this is more than just a date,” Kitty counters.

Owen shrugs, somehow ushering both Kitty and Emmi out of the engagement aisle and down towards the balloons, picking out a few to put in the living room. “Seems a little childish,” Kitty says idly.

Owen gestures towards Emmi, who’s ecstatic about picking two balloons to put in the living room, and Kitty understands why they’re doing it now, nodding.

Owen takes the flowers and balloons back to the apartment while Kitty stops to get candles, returning just in time to help Owen set everything up. They’ve moved the coffee table out of the way in the living room, Emmi is planting rose petals on the floor and around the tables so that it looks pretty, and Owen has placed both balloons in the corner where they’re surprisingly not looking like a sore thumb in an otherwise mostly romantic setting they managed to come up with.

Kitty and Owen argue over if there should be music playing, which Owen firmly wins when he reminds Kitty that music is going to make it too cheesy. “You’re only winning this because I don’t think I want to listen to love songs until they get home,” She concedes, but Owen just does a celebratory dance and goes back to finishing setting everything up.

“Where are we going to hide, Uncle Owen?” Emmi asks, trailing behind him as he lights the last of the candles, checking his phone to see that they’re on their way back.

“In the hallway, babe. Where they can’t see us, but so that we can still film it and Margot can watch on FaceTime.”

Emmi nods, following Owen down the hall as they crouch into position, Kitty declaring that it’s not obvious they’re sitting there watching. She FaceTimes Margot, who quietly waves to both Owen and Emmi as Emmi sits herself in Owen’s lap waiting quietly.

“Daddy is going to propose to Lara Jean, Go Go!” Emmi says excitedly, Kitty smiling at the nickname she’s adopted from Lara Jean.

“I know! Are you ready to be super quiet?” She says, and Emmi nods, mimicking zipping her lips as she leans back against Owen’s chest.

Owen doesn’t know why he feels nervous for his brother, but when Emmi melts against him and he pulls his phone out to get ready to film, he finds himself playing with the ends of Emmi’s curls, twirling them around his finger before releasing.

He glances at Kitty, who’s making small but quiet conversation with Margot, but it’s obvious she feels the same way. She’s tapping her fingers against the rug in the hallway, her knee bouncing as she talks about her classes and how annoying it’s getting now that they’re in the full swing of things.

And that’s when Owen realizes that everything he’s ever known the last few years — Peter being a single dad, the two of them watching Emmi grow up faster than either of them would’ve liked, Lara Jean slowly but surely coming back into their lives — is all about to change.

It’ll come subtly, he knows. Lara Jean has been back in their lives for a while now, easing her way into being more prevalent. But those nights where Owen crashes at Peter’s place are going to turn into crashing at his and Lara Jean’s, Emmi is finally going to have that mother figure in her life that she’s been missing, and maybe most of all, his brother has found his missing piece.

He feels oddly emotional about all the changes coming, but he knows without a doubt there’s nowhere he’d rather be than right here with his niece and best friend, waiting for all of their lives to change.

_______________________________

Peter’s one hand holds Lara Jean’s, the other is firmly placed in his pocket holding onto the ring box in fear that it would slip out and the whole surprise would be ruined.

Dinner had gone well, they laughed and talked about work and the future and what they should do during the summer now that Emmi was going to be out of school. Peter talked about how she goes to an amazing summer camp that teaches her a million things and leaves her exhausted, but he’d been thinking that maybe they could take a vacation this summer to get away from the city and just spend time together without having to worry about anything else.

Normally Lara Jean says she has to worry about the bakery. Finding coverage, making sure they’d be okay without her there for a week. But the prospect of stepping away from work for a short period of time is even enticing to her, and Peter can’t help but smile listening to her talk about how the bakery is in more than capable hands when Jenna and Nick are both there helping run it.

Peter pays for the bill with no resistance from Lara Jean, the two of them walk back to his car, and Lara Jean glances at the time. “Do you think Em will still be up when we get home?” She asks, smiling when Peter glances over at her. “It’s weird that I missed her, right? Like we go on dates all the time without her, but I kind of missed her coming out with us tonight.”

“I don't think it’s weird, no,” Peter smiles, reaching over to take her hand. “I kind of love that you missed her,” He shrugs. Because he _does_ love it. A lot more than he’s making her believe. “But Owen is notorious for giving into the puppy dog eyes of bed time delay, so there is a very good chance you’ll be able to see her tonight.”

He wants to say that she’ll definitely see her. That Emmi is hiding in his apartment right now because she’s going to watch him propose. He bites his tongue.

“I’m putting her to bed,” She declares, and Peter laughs.

“Be my guest. Almost an hour after normal bedtime and she probably didn’t nap since we’ve been gone? You’re in for a rude awakening.”

Lara Jean shrugs, the smile on her face only growing wider as she squeezes his hand, turning to look out the window.

Peter’s heart, which was at one time scarily steady and not at all beating like it was going to fly out of his chest, speeds up when he pulls into the parking garage of his building. He’s finding it hard to find any words in his brain, which worries him because he definitely did _not_ plan how he’s going to ask Lara Jean to marry him.

Lara Jean must not notice because she doesn’t say anything, but instead leads him to the elevators excitedly and kisses him once the doors are shut. “Is Owen spending the night again tonight?” She asks quietly.

Peter shrugs. “Didn’t say. He may go back to my mom’s.”

“Well, Kitty is back at my dad’s,” She says idly, fingers trailing up the sleeve of his shirt. “So if Owen goes home you and I can have some fun?”

Peter smiles, nodding immediately and ducking down to kiss her again, the elevator doors opening.

He feels a little bit like he’s going to throw up or pass out (he hasn’t decided which would be worse), and as he fumbles with the key to his front door he finally unlocks it, opening the door and hearing Lara Jean gasp beside him.

“Peter, what is all this…” She asks, and her hand is no longer in his and Peter is smiling, leading her into the living room and turning back around.

“Lara Jean,” He begins, kissing her just for good measure. “From that very first real date in high school I knew you weren’t just another girl. And while we had some rough moments along the way, break ups and losing each other and unfortunate circumstances, we somehow found our way back to each other.”

Lara Jean is shaking now, hand resting in his as she chews the inside of her lip, her eyes going watery.

“Walking into the bakery that afternoon was fate. Finding you again was fate. And you are without a doubt one of the best things to ever happen to me. You have brought so much joy to mine and Emmi’s lives. You’ve stepped in and accepted her in ways I couldn’t have ever imagined, you’ve been that person that she needs when it’s something that I can’t give her. I don’t think you understand how much I love you for that, for accepting my daughter as if she was your own. For loving her so fiercely, even more than you love me.”

They both laugh, Lara Jean squeezes his hand.

“I know I’m not perfect, I know I have a lot to work on, but there is one thing that I know for sure, and that is that I am in love with you, Lara Jean Song-Covey. And I want to spend the rest of my life showing you that you are the person I am meant to be with. You’re _my_ person.”

“Peter,” Lara Jean whispers, her voice shaking. She smiles, chewing on her lip as she tries desperately not to cry.

Peter kisses her again, letting go of her hand and pulling the ring box from his pocket and carefully opening it as he falls to one knee, feeling himself on the verge of tears.

“Lara Jean Song-Covey, will you marry me?”

“Yes, absolutely,” Lara Jean answers immediately, letting herself cry as Peter slides the ring onto her finger. “Oh my god, Peter. We’re getting married!” She says, letting him stand up before she kisses him again, pulling her hand away to stare at the ring.

“And we just watched you get engaged!” Kitty exclaims, Emmi running ahead of them and jumping into Peter’s arms, Kitty going over to her sister to show Margot on FaceTime.

“Let me see the ring!” Margot exclaims, Lara Jean still attempting to get ahold of her emotions as she holds out her shaky hand for her older sister to see. “Oh my god, LJ, it’s gorgeous.”

“I’m getting married, Go Go! I’m really getting married.”

“I’m so happy for you!” Margot exclaims immediately, laughing about how now _she’s_ crying about all of this. “I’m going to have to come up and visit you so we can start planning everything.”

“I'm going to need all the help I can get,” She laughs, both she and Kitty falling onto the sofa and talking about the proposal.

“You did it,” Owen smiles, clapping Peter on the back as he walks over. Peter leans in, hugging him with one arm as Emmi is situated in his other arm. “You did good, bro. I was real worried you were just going to keep rambling for a minute.”

“Felt like I was going to,” Peter nods, letting out a breath. “I really should’ve planned what I was going to say.”

“Do you like how we decorated, Daddy?” Emmi pipes up, looking around the room. Peter takes in the decorations, noticing the rose petals on the table.

“Kitty told the florist we were setting up for an engagement. She threw them in for free,” Owen shrugs, the smile on his face growing.

Emmi wriggles from Peter’s grasp, going over to inspect the ring before demanding that they take pictures. Peter and Lara Jean take a few alone, manage to only slightly blush at Owen and Kitty’s teasing, and then Emmi is added into the pictures, really becoming center stage of the impromptu photoshoot Lara Jean declares she’s sending to Laura and Nick and most of all, Chris.

“Wait,” Lara Jean says, looking up from her phone and over to where Peter, Kitty and Owen are all looking at the video, Emmi curled up in Peter’s lap. “This is why Chris insisted we go out to get our nails done and get a new dress, isn’t it?” She says slowly, like it’s all clicking. “And you weren’t going home to Daddy and Trina’s, you were coming here to help set up.”

“You really thought I could’ve pulled this all off alone?” Peter asks, smiling. “It takes a village, babe. These two helped the most, but when I told Chris yesterday I was proposing today she insisted that she’d help. I’m surprised you didn’t start catching on.”

Lara Jean rolls her eyes, but the smile that’s been there since Peter got down on one knee isn’t leaving anytime soon as she sends a picture of she and Peter and a closeup of the ring to Chris with the caption _OH MY GOD!!!_

So. She was being really casual about this, obviously.

Chris FaceTimes her immediately, saying hello to everyone and gushing about the ring. “You didn’t tell me it looked even better in person, Kavinsky!” She exclaims, leaving Peter to shrug and blush.

“I thought it was self explanatory! I’m not the best at taking photos,” He insists, but Chris just rolls her eyes.

Peter sends a picture to Gabe with a smiley face, and really isn’t all that surprised when his phone lights up with a phone call a few minutes later.

“So you really did it,” He says when Peter answers.

Peter laughs, shifting Emmi carefully on his lap. “I did. Owen got it all on his phone, I’ll have to send you the video.”

“Talia’s dying to see the video. And the ring,” He says, casually referencing a girl he’d been seeing for a few months now, but Peter never knew was that serious.

“I’m sure Lara Jean will be very into showing it off.”

“I’m proud of you, Kavinsky. Getting your girl back, proposing,” Gabe says idly. Peter traces patterns up Emmi’s arm, listening to her dozing off against his chest. “I’m really, really happy for you. You deserve this more than anyone I know.”

“Thanks, man,” Peter says quietly. He fills him in on the engagement, and when Lara Jean comes over to say hello she shows off the ring, laughing at Gabe’s constant teasing about them finally getting married.

“We should call our parents,” Lara Jean says quietly when he hangs up with Gabe, Kitty and Owen cleaning up the flower petals and putting out the candles once things had settled down.

And so they do, deciding to start with Mrs. Kavinsky, who’s over the moon when she answers the FaceTime to see Lara Jean’s ring first thing. “Oh, I’m so happy for you guys! I trust there’s video of it.”

“I got the video, Mom!” Owen calls from behind the screen, waving sheepishly when Peter turns the camera around.

“We’ll have to celebrate properly, but Lara Jean I cannot wait to have you as a daughter,” She says sincerely. Lara Jean doesn’t hesitate in believing it. “You are everything I could’ve ever hoped for for my baby.”

“Mom,” Peter groans, but there’s a smile on his face and Lara Jean leans her head against his shoulder, smiling.

“Thank you, Mrs. Kavinsky,” Lara Jean smiles. “We’ll come back home to celebrate properly soon.”

Mrs. Kavinsky nods, reminding Peter to get Emmi into bed before she says her goodbyes. They move on to call Dr. Covey and Trina, who both yell in delight when they answer the call to see the ring staring back at them.

Emmi jumps in Peter’s arms, and then settles back down once Peter shifts his arm and kisses the top of her head.

“Oh honey, we’re so happy for you!” Dr. Covey smiles, sitting down on the sofa next to his wife. “Peter, the ring is beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Peter smiles, listening to Trina and Dr. Covey talk for a while.

“Well, I’ll definitely be helping you plan this wedding, Lara Jean. Just as you helped me,” Trina smiles. “We’ll celebrate properly when you’re back home.”

“Definitely,” Lara Jean agrees, her head resting against Peter’s shoulder as they talk for a while before Trina and Dr. Covey let them go to celebrate together.

Peter really thinks he could live in this blissful moment for the rest of his life. His fiancé on the sofa beside him studying her ring, his daughter asleep in his arms.

He tries to soak in the moment, grateful when he hears Kitty’s phone snap to take a picture of the three of them, shrugging when Peter makes eye contact with her.

Besides the day Emmi was born, he’s pretty sure this is the best day of his life.

_______________________________

Owen offers to take care of Emmi for the night so that Peter and Lara Jean can spend the night at her place. Kitty decides to stay with Owen, scrunching up her nose at the thought of being in the same apartment as the two of them.

“We’ll meet you at the diner for breakfast in the morning?” Kitty suggests, and Lara Jean immediately agrees.

Peter puts Emmi to bed, Lara Jean watching from the doorway as he changes her into her pajamas and settling her under the covers, leaning down to kiss her forehead. “We’ll see you in the morning, okay babe? You’ll be okay here with Uncle Owen for the night?” He asks quietly when she wakes up.

Emmi nods, yawning as she rolls onto her side. “Night Daddy. Night Lara Jean. Love you.”

“We love you, princess,” Peter says quietly, kissing her again before creeping out of the room.

Owen and Kitty are wearing smirks that say they know exactly what’s going to happen, but wish them well anyway and make them promise that they won’t be late for breakfast.

And then Peter and Lara Jean make their way to her apartment, immediately running to her bedroom and falling into bed without a second thought, their clothes falling to the floor haphazardly.

“I can’t believe we’re getting married,” Lara Jean says when they’ve finished, pulling the blanket over both of them as she stares at the ring again. “I’m going to be your wife.”

Peter smiles, kissing her head lazily as he holds her hand out to study the ring. “You are,” He whispers. “Soon-to-be Mrs. Kavinsky,” He smiles.

Lara jean laughs, pulling herself into his chest. “I love you,” She whispers, kissing along his collarbones. “I love you, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you,” He mumbles in reply, kissing her again as his fingers trace along her back.

He stares at her ring for a while, Lara Jean’s breathing steadying as she drifts off against him, the room otherwise silent.

It gives him time to think about everything that had happened the last few months and that night. Reuniting with Lara Jean, asking her out, watching her embrace Emmi the way that she has. He can remember wishing for moments like these so often. Praying that he’d find a woman who would not only accept him with all his flaws, but also Emmi, who was the most important person in his life and always would be.

Lara Jean understood. It was easy for her, he thinks, to just trust him and understand that it’s not only her he needs to worry about. She embraced it all so perfectly that some days he wondered if he was all going to wake up and realize that this wasn’t his life. He was just watching someone else.

But it _was_ his life. And tomorrow he was going to wake up in Lara Jean’s bed with her pressed up against him, and they’re going to go to breakfast with their siblings and his daughter and life will keep moving in the sense that nothing else stops, but everything is a little different. A little lighter.

A little easier.

A little happier.

Peter Kavinsky is marrying Lara Jean Song-Covey, and that is all he could’ve ever hoped for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yayayaya he did it!!
> 
> thank you so so so much for reading this fic/leaving comments/kudos/ANYTHING regarding this fic. when i started posting it i thought maybe like...3 people would read it, so to have THIS many of you love this fic has made me so happy and i can't thank you guys enough!
> 
> the engagement/wedding fic will most likely start being posted on friday, so you can look forward to that! posting will most likely be on the same timeline as this fic is :)
> 
>  
> 
> [here](https://www.creditdonkey.com/image/1/james-allen-cushion-outline-halo.png) is a link to the engagement ring i would think he'd get if you wanted to see it :)
> 
>  
> 
> love you guys you're all the best <3 <3 <3
> 
> title of this chapter is from Story of Another Us by 5 Seconds of Summer

**Author's Note:**

> you can follow me on tumblr [here](https://peter-covinskys.tumblr.com/) if you want :) maybe i'll do little blurbs there on the side if people would want that?


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